


Firewater

by pumpkin_latte



Series: that's a long ass ride [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten is Whipped, Confessions, Drinking, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Getting Together, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Mutual Pining, My First Work in This Fandom, Other artists mentioned, Past Abuse, Pick-Up Lines, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Swearing, a lot of fluff, but nothing hard, guessing sexuality, i'm whipped for them, idk how uni works over there so i made it up, insecure Ten, international student Taeyong, like a lot, long fic, my tags are a mess, other members will be added, set in Thailand, sorn is mentioned, taeten - Freeform, taeyong is v soft, they're cheesy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2019-10-23 06:34:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 136,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17678300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkin_latte/pseuds/pumpkin_latte
Summary: Ten, a confident gay.Taeyong, a gay not yet identified.Ten around Taeyong, a panicked gay.





	1. Touching Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeyyyy nctizens! I'll be updating this (hopefully) every week! I hope you guys enjoy my first work in this fandom. Please let me know what y'all think!!

 

"Bisexual," Ten declares, tearing off a piece of beef jerky with his teeth.

Lisa nods in agreement. "Totally bisexual," She props her feet up on his lap as they investigate the horde of international students lining up to get their library sticker, speculating from the comfortable corner-couches in the library lounge which gives them a perfect view of the receptionist desk where Ten has to return to work in a few minutes.

"Pansexual." He points as inconspicuously as possible with his pinky, because the rest of his fingers are too busy holding onto precious jerky. "I bet my left ring finger that she's pan."

"You can keep your finger. I agree with you." She steals the piece of jerky from his hand and earns a glare, but Ten accepts defeat and finds another perfect piece from the bag.

"Blondie is definitely straight."

Lisa's eyes travel to said blondie. "Really? He looks kinda gay or even bi to me."

He points to the man's shoes. "When have you seen a gay man wear shoes that ugly? Those scream _'straight'._ "

She tilts her head, analyzing the man's quite ugly shoes. "Damn, you right"

"Honey, _of course_ I'm right," he grins cheekily.

"We're such bad people to be judging strangers for our own amusement."

"The world judges us, so we judge the world."

The library entrance sounds when a another clueless international student walks inside and waits in line to get his library number. He's tall and skinny with striking features and big doe eyes. His bright red hair accentuates his soft skin but that jaw-line is so sharp it could probably cut a man.

Fire, Ten thinks, is what this guy radiates.

" _Definitely_ gay"

" _Definitely_ straight"

They turn to one another with scrunched noses and pouting lips ready to argue. 

He tilts his head to the side with a knowing look. "You're just saying that because he's your type."

Lisa takes slight offense to that. "As if you're any different?"

No, he's not, but he isn't about to accept defeat and presses his lips into a brittle smile that's almost creepy - his crescent eyes directly challenging hers. "He's gay."

"Straight," she leans in.

He leans in too. _"Gay."_

"I'm telling you he's straight and you know what, I get one of your authentic massages if I'm right - which I am, so you might as well just give me one now."

Ten bursts into laughter, throwing his head back against the sofa. It catches people's attention because they _are_ in a library, and those things _are_ supposed to be  _quiet_.

He composes himself, looking around unapologetically at the varying glares and confused looks until his eyes meet the brown ones of the man who reminds him of fire. It's for less than a second. He isn't sure if they really even made eye contact or if he's just imagined it, but a confident smile paints his face before turning to face Lisa. 

"You ask for too little," he grins, "a month of free food and we'll have ourselves a deal." He pushes her feet off his lap and stands up, stretching his arms above his head because he knows it'll make his sweatshirt ride up and he's always been in favor of standing out.

"Deal," Lisa smiles, extending her hand. He shakes it with a sly look. "Don't have too much fun at work now," she smiles and he leans down to peck her cheek - a small gesture that's become normal between the two.

"I'll try not to."

 

* * *

 

Ten doesn't mind working at the library.

It's definitely better than the rush of students, faculty, and everyone in between at the cafe. Besides, he doesn't fancy the life of making a thousand latte's with half-soy half-skim with a pinch of raw sugar, the blood of a virgin and just a splash of caramel.

It beats working at the bookstore, too. He doesn't particularly enjoy dealing with money and loud people. Financial aid was an okay job, but he felt it was too stressful for the pay.

And so the library it was. Calm and quiet with the perfect flow that just melts perfectly with his personality.

Classes don't start for another week, which allows ample time for Ten to lock himself in a practice room and just meld mind and body with music so he can forget about the entire concept of time. Dancing has always been his passion. It's his drive, something that pushes him beyond physical limits and also past midnight. 

Getting back to the dorms late has never been an issue for him, especially since he's the RA. 

 

The second he steps through the main doors and into the dorm lobby, a voice cuts through the silence of midnight and he jumps back against the heavy wooden doors.

 _"Oh my god,"_  he curses in English, holding his chest and not really looking at where the voice had come from until he does finally look up and - _fuck_.

 _Of course_ , it's _the fire guy_  that he and Lisa have made an entire challenge out of. Ten questions his luck, not really sure if this is what he _should_ call luck.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," says the guy and his voice has Ten blinking dumbly. For one, it's a little deeper than what he'd expected, although he isn't entirely sure _what_ he'd expected to begin with. And second, he's speaking Korean - which Ten had already guessed by his features, back in the library. 

"It's okay, can I help you?"

His eyes light up instantly. "Oh, you speak Korean!"

Ten nods, a smile halfway across his lips because he's endearing to watch. 

"I do need help, actually..." he scratches the back of his head with a lazy smile, bashfully, as if he's embarrassed. And Ten, he kind of dies because it's adorable the way his face dimples. "I don't know where my room is..."

He blinks, again, just _staring_ at him as if he's trying to process the words. "Are you in this building?"

The other nods and he tries to recall if he'd seen him during the tour and orientation, but no, he most definitely did not - he would've remembered that attractive a face. The man, however, seems to read the confusion twisting his face. 

"I wasn't here in the morning because I had issues with my luggage at the airport," he scans Ten, who opens his mouth and let's out a silent ' _ah'_ , "so they told me to wait here so I could find out where my room is when the RA got back, uhm, Ch-Chitta, pon, uh, Lee.. cha-"

"Just call me Ten, I'm the RA," Ten smiles, pointing at himself. The corner of the other's lips lift and he notes what his smile looks like - he's never seen one like it. It's just so... soft. 

"It's nice to meet you," he bows a little and reciprocates the action. 

"Come with me, I'll get you what you need," he instructs, calmly, when on the inside he's actually _screaming_ because wow, taking him to his room on the first day? What a terrific turnout.

 

Ten opens the door to his room, which is on the third floor at the end of the hall. RA's always have their rooms in this location, so they're in the center of the building and beside the stairwell. It's convenient that way in case shit hits the fan, which it _always_ does. 

He walks in, quickly pets a sleek black cat named Hero lounging on his bed and beelines to a thick binder on his desk. "What's your name?" he asks, turning his torso to face the man who is still outside the door. "You can come in you know, unless if you don't like cats or something"

"Oh," the other waves a hand dismissively, taking a single step inside and then stopping there. "I love cats."

 _Cute_ , Ten thinks, staring at him a second longer before returning his focus to the binder. 

"Should I close the door?"

"No, she never leaves my room without me," he looks at him again, but decides it isn't safe for his heart so he shifts his eyes back to the binder. "What's your name?" 

"It's Lee Taeyong."

"Pretty name," he says with a quick glance just long enough to see Taeyong's expression. A blush, a slight widening of the eyes and a cute smile.

"T - thanks."

Ten easily finds it in the large binder of names because it's the only one that isn't signed. Bringing the binder over to Taeyong and standing directly in front of him, Ten notices another thing.

He's taller than he thought. Maybe it's the hood on his head or how skinny the guy is, but he feels uneasy around him - not in a bad way, but in the sense that he doesn't quite know how to carry himself in front of someone like Taeyong - _whoever_ Taeyong is.

"Sign here," he points, flipping the binder towards Taeyong and handing him a pen. Taeyong signs and Ten takes the opportunity to just stare at him.

It's hard not to, honestly, because there's something breathtakingly ethereal radiating from him, as if he's an exotic, beautiful flower that leaves you with a nasty burn if you get too close.

Which is what Ten's body is feeling at the moment, It's burning everywhere. _Especially_ his face.

Their eyes meet for a moment too short when Taeyong is done with the signing.

Ten sighs. He's doomed. _Really fucking doomed_. He sighs again then places the binder on his desk, draws out a lanyard from the drawer and crouches to unlock a small safe beside a mini-fridge. He pulls out a key and walks past Taeyong. 

"I'll show you around."

 

 

Taeyong keeps his distance and Ten honestly isn't sure if it's a good or bad thing.

"Here's the kitchen," he says after smiling briefly to some student rummaging for a midnight snack while sleepwalking, probably. Lucas, if he remembers the name correctly, which he almost always does.

"There's the fire extinguisher because _trust me_ , you will burn something - but _please_ try not to," he turns to Taeyong with that same somewhat creepy smile and killer-crescent eyes. "I suggest not even bothering to use this thing," he points at the coffee maker. "It's got a higher chance of giving you an infection than waking you up."

Taeyong visibly shivers and Ten gets a terrible idea.

He takes two steps closer to Taeyong, almost invading his space but still far enough. He speaks in a low voice, implying that what he's about to say is only for Taeyong's ears to hear.

"If you really want some coffee, though, I'll let you use the one in my room. It'll be our little secret." Ten winks, lips curling just a little. He fights the urge to step even a centimeter closer, forcing himself to step back and continues the tour before he does something he's sure to regret. 

"Here's your room, you're on the same floor as me which is cool," he says, although the second half was an afterthought meant to stay in his mind. They stop in front of a door, just a few doors down from his own, nearly in the center of the hallway. He hands Taeyong a single key. "Your things should already be inside, along with your roommate."

"Thanks."

"If you need anything, feel free to stop by my room or call me if it's an emergency."

"I - I don't have your number."

"It should have been in the welcoming email, but..." he gets a thought, not yet sure if it's a good or bad one but decides to go with it because it's almost one in the morning and tired Ten is flirty Ten so _why the hell not_.

He fishes out a small pen from his pocket and uncaps it with his teeth, leaving the cap there between his lips as he puts his palm out.

Taeyong, visibly confused, looks at his palm, then back at him and finally places his own palm face up for Ten to scribble numbers on.

"Now you do," he smiles from eyes and lips and turns to make his leave - not that he's going very far since his room is just down the hall. "Sweet dreams," he waves, walking away because he doesn't really have the courage to turn back.

Not when he can _feel_ it happening already.

His heart beating a _little_ faster and his sense of logic turning to mush because Taeyong's the things his dreams are made of.

He hears a small _"you too"_ from behind and grins from ear to ear with his head hanging low and ears turning red.


	2. Break the Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got like ten chapters done so I guess I'll update more often? 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read this! I've been working on it daily since taeten made my inspiration spark out of control lmao

"I brought him to my room last night," Ten smirks as they make their way to the dessert stand. Lisa shoots him a look.

 _"Bitch,"_ she gasps, not meaning it as an insult. It's more of a nickname than anything. "You have no shame."

He chuckles, proudly. He grabs a slice of chocolate cake from the cafeteria, trying really hard to balance a large iced matcha latte on top of the cake's plastic lid. "Have I ever had shame?"

"It's something you should invest in."

Ten shrugs. "Shame is overrated."

"Let me guess, he's in your building and probably missed orientation and didn't know where his room is?"

Ten is the one to gasp this time. "You doubt my abilities? How _dare_ you not believe that I stole his heart with my angelic charms until he begged for my breath on his lips as I shadowed over him with pure unwavering lust?"

"The only person you'll ever shadow over is a prepubescent child - " Lisa throws herself into a fit of laughter, elbowing someone's spine. "I'm so sorry!"

The person whose back she elbowed shifts, face just slightly hidden under the hood and red fringe, but Ten's heart stops just after cursing his so-called luck.

Lisa had elbowed _Taeyong_. 

"It's okay," Taeyong says, without having fully turned around to face Ten - that is, until he does and his pretty lips curve into a toothy grin as Ten's trembling eyes meet his. "Oh hey! Thank you for showing me around yesterday."

Ten gulps. If he wasn't so panicked right now he'd realize that's an _odd_ way to greet someone.

"D - don't thank me, uh," he breathes out with an awkward laugh that he's sure Lisa noticed. He resorts to scratching his nape, not knowing what to do with his fidgeting hands, his voice _very_ timid as he speaks. "It's my job to help you guys."

They stare at each other for a moment, Lisa just kind of letting everything sink in awkwardly between the two until she comprehends the situation with darting eyes.

"I - I still have your number on my hand," Taeyong shows his palm with a cute chuckle and the sound is music to Ten's ears. "I saved it on my phone but totally forgot to wipe it off."

Ten tries hard not to smile and Lisa rolls her eyes. "I'm Lisa, by the way in case anyone was wondering!"

Taeyong finally looks at her and bows apologetically. "I'm Taeyong, It's nice to meet you. He's my RA," he explains as if trying to provide a valid excuse for him to be talking to Ten.

"I figured." She flashes one of her cute smiles that can get almost anyone to fall for her. He returns the gesture, then looks at Ten and Ten looks back at him and holds back a squeak, _which of course_ Lisa notices.

"I'll see you around," Taeyong says, his voice so full of warmth that Ten could just melt right there and be totally content with his new physical form. He turns to Lisa before leaving their company, "it was nice meeting you."

Once Taeyong has blended among the crowds of lunchtime, Lisa turns to him with a raised brow and a knowing look on her face that sees right through him. "What was _that?"_

He stammers. "W - what was what?"

"You, the all mighty confident gay, is actually...  _panicked?_ "

"Shut up, I am not a panicked gay, I am not a panicked anything," he retorts but the blush growing on his cheeks gives him away.

"I still say he's straight."

" _Trust me_ he's gay."

"Straight."

"Panicked gay, he is a panicked gay."

"The only panicked gay I see right now is you, Ten."

He hits her on the arm, then promptly marches off to pay for his chocolate cake and latte.

 

* * *

 

There aren't that many moments where he curses his height, but when there are, he really fucking curses it.

There's an overflow of new books that need to be shelved and to stay on time, he has to carry twice the load in the cart so he can leave by dinnertime.

The pile is a foot higher than he is, leaving a massive blindspot in his frontal view. He hopes and prays he doesn't run someone over because he isn't planning to stop and help if he does.

Turning the corner between towering bookshelves, Ten realizes he must have not prayed hard enough because the cart rams into someone and half the books fall over. A pained  _ow_ is heard from the other side and he immediately falls back on his words.

He peeks over and scolds himself, recognizing that hood from earlier.

"Shit, I'm so sorry Taeyong, I didn't see you at all," he crouches next to the man holding his ankle, expecting to be yelled at because _he did just run the guy over_.

But Taeyong smiles, waving his free hand in dismissal. "It's okay, don't worry about it."

"It's not okay, it looks like I hit you pretty hard."

Taeyong just shakes his head. "I should've been paying attention to where I was going, It's not your fault so please don't worry," he smiles reassuringly before moving to get back on his feet, but staggers, nearly falling over. Thankfully, Ten's reflexes are faster than his (still panicked) brain and his arm fastens around Taeyong's body, steadying him.

"Okay, maybe I underestimated the pain," Taeyong grunts and Ten feels a hand on his waist as Taeyong leans into his side. "I'm sorry, I feel so stupid right now for putting you through this."

"I'm literally the one who ran you over, you have no reason to apologize for my stupidity."

He plants a hand on Taeyong's chest for added support.

He's losing his fucking mind.

This is far too much information for his brain to process in a situation like this - Taeyong's rosy aroma, his right pec under Ten's hand, the fingers curling into his shirt and of course the sheer length that seems to double from this proximity.

"Let's sit you down somewhere."

Ten helps Taeyong, who is clutching onto his arm, limp to the closest seat available. Ten lowers him onto the chair, a grunt of pain escaping Taeyong's lips as he relaxes into the seat.

"Stay here, I'll be right back," Ten instructs before running off, realizing a second later that Taeyong can't really go anywhere anyway. He doesn't leave for long, though, and returns after just five minutes with a bag of ice, a cup of water and a first aid kit.

"You didn't have to do all this." Taeyong takes the cup of water from Ten's hand, who is kneeling on the floor while rummaging through the small first aid kit.

Tearing open a single-serving packet of painkillers, Ten shakes his head. "It's the least I can do."

A calm silence falls between them - Ten focusing on wrapping Taeyong's ankle, while Taeyong watches with a certain keenness in his eyes that Ten urges himself not to fall into.

"Your name is Ten, right?" Taeyong asks and Ten almost chokes on spit, because did he really not recognize him or remember his name when he, Ten, couldn't stop reciting his? He slumps his head with a small snort, making his thoughts a little too obvious.

"I mean, I know your name is Ten, that came out wrong, I'm sorry - I meant, your name is like, the _number_ , right? In spelling?"

Ten holds in a cry but it results in a really weird steaming-kettle-like whine exiting his mouth. "Yup, just like the number," he laughs nervously, still not looking up at Taeyong.

"Is it - is it because you're a ten out of ten?"

Ten stops breathing and almost drops the bandage wrapping. 

He finally lifts his head, slowly because _what the actual fuck?_

He expects to see a joking smile on Taeyong's face or some sign of teasing, but instead, his expression is soft yet serious and Ten finds everything in this moment so fucking cheesy and perfect.

A shy grin is plastered on Taeyong's face and Ten is pretty sure he's hallucinating a blush on his cheeks. "You know, because you're really sweet and friendly, and probably the prettiest person I've ever seen."

Ten smiles wider than he probably should, but he doesn't give a shit right now.

Avoiding Taeyong's soft eyes, he hides his face between his knees with a soft squeal - unable to do anything else.

It _can't_ be.

Lee Taeyong _might_ actually be a _confident_ gay.

 

* * *

 

"If the ice melts then just have your roommate get a new one. There are ice machines on the opposite end of the hall from my room, beside the elevator" Ten explains, setting Taeyong's bag beside his bed.

"Thanks for helping me, Ten."

"Pleeease don't thank me," he sighs, carding a hand through his hair. "I literally took away your ability to walk. You have no reason to thank me unless you've secretly been wanting a reason to stay in bed all day and if that was the case then,  _you're_ _welcome,_ " he laughs. Taeyong laughs too and it's comfortable like this, being with him. Despite barely even _knowing_ him

"If you need anything just call me," Ten says, "and don't forget to take another dose of painkillers in four hours."

Taeyong nods, taking the small medicine bottle from Ten and placing it on his desk. Ten looks around the room to stall leaving. One side, Taeyong's side, is spotless. Everything is orderly and there's a large container of antibacterial wipes beside his bed.

The other half of the room is the total opposite. Clothes and wrappers everywhere, wrappers coming out from the pockets of clothes - basically a mess.

"Do you need anything before I go?"

Taeyong shakes his head, "I don't think so."

Ten nods, his hand already twisting the door open. "Rest up. I'll bring you something to eat later."

"You really don't have to - "

"Well, I am. It'll be home cooked and delicious. My way of saying sorry, so just accept it," Ten declares as he walks to the door. 

"Wait," Taeyong says and Ten turns around. "Take the key with you."

"Oh," he sighs, unsure of what else to say but it makes sense - it wouldn't  be safe  for Taeyong to walk around with an ankle so swollen.

With that in mind, Ten accepts the key and finally walks out, waving goodbye and almost falls to his knees the moment he shuts the door.

 

* * *

 

"You _what_?!" Lisa practically screams, smacking her book on the table and scaring the shit out of Ten. "My bitch, how the fuck did you even manage to run him over?!?" 

Ten honestly isn't sure if she's laughing or crying at this point, but it's slightly annoying to watch and so he rolls his eyes hoping they'll go back far enough that he'll black out.

It doesn't work.

"With the stupid library cart, I didn't see him _at all._ "

At this point, Lisa is shamelessly laughing her ass off and Ten is glaring, his arms crossed over his chest as he sinks further into her soft satin sheets.

"He's a confident gay," he finally mumbles, not wanting to wait until she stops wheezing. She swivels in her chair to face him, wiping her tears with the back of her pen.

"Oh really? And what makes you say that?"

He looks her dead in the eyes, almost emotionless. "He asked if my name is Ten  because I'm a ten out of ten."

She stops, her face scrunching up as if she's just smelled bad milk. "That - that's the cheesiest fucking thing anyone can say though."

"He said that I am, I quote, the prettiest person he's probably ever seen and that I'm friendly and sweet, which makes me a ten."

"He clearly doesn't know you well enough if he thinks you're sweet," Lisa tries to suppress a grin, but it shines through anyway. She leans into her chair. "And if I wasn't trying to score the same man, I would be squealing for your happiness right now. But because I happen to like him too, I will just simply say that he clearly hasn't properly seen me in all my glory."

"Good luck to you then, because I don't even know what the fuck is happening myself."

"I'll tell you what's happening," she whispers, leaning forward so that she's just inches away from his face. He glares sideways at her, out of a narrow corner of his eye. "You're a panicked gay, Ten. That's what's happening."

He slides off the bed, arms still crossed, and marches for the door.

"Where are you going??" she wines from behind.

"I promised Taeyong a home cooked meal to apologize for murdering his ankle."

"Wow, took him home on the first night and now he's getting home cooked meals - and it hasn't even been a whole day," she strides to his side, leaning her weight against him as he slips into his shoes.

"He even gave me his keys," Ten grins, fishing the keychain out from his pocket and dangling it on a finger. It's small, simple. There's a tiny charm hanging off of it of a brown, fluffy dog and only one key. 

"Well that escalated fast," she chuckles. "Don't have too much fun now."

She pecks his cheek and he bids farewell with a kiss to her cheek  too. "I'll try not to."

 


	3. Just a Little Spark

Ten, carrying a tray, is pacing in front of Taeyong's door.

It's nearly eight at night, which means there aren't quite as many students around since most of them enjoy nightlife too much to stay cooped up in a small dorm room. Which is excellent for Ten, because he doesn't have to explain himself for creepily lurking outside _someone else's_ room.

"Confident, confident gay, I am Ten, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul and I am a proud, confident gay," he huffs out a breath of air that's meant to be empowering and knocks on the door.

"Taeyong? It's Ten, can I come in?"

He hears a soft _'mhmm'_ from the other end and unlocks the door with his free hand, using his body to push it open.

The room is mostly dark, save for the subtle shine of moonlight spilling inside from between the curtains.

"How're you feeling?" Ten whispers, placing the tray of food on Taeyong's desk, followed by his keychain. 

He hears some shuffling in the bed beside him, followed by a lengthy yawn. "A little better, thanks."

A scalding blush dances up Ten's face then. Taeyong's voice, it's  _thick_ with sleep.

Deep _,_ raspy _, sexy._ Ten gulps as a shiver snakes up his spine because a voice like that is his weakness.

 _A kink_ , if you will.

"Did you take medicine? It's been like five hours now," he manages to mutter after somewhat recovering from Taeyong's voice.

Taeyong mumbles a soft no, yawning again before propping himself on his elbows. He switches on a small lamp, immediately squinting his eyes at the invading brightness and Ten squints a little too, his eyes adjusting to the light until he can clearly see Taeyong in all his glory.

Face scrunched up, one eye screwed shut while the other is just barely open. His hair is disheveled, flying in every direction and his body is swimming in a loose white tank top that's trying to run away from his shoulder. _Oh._

 _Confident gay, Ten, keep it confident!_ he tells himself but unfortunately, he lacks an important thing called self-control and seeing the extra bit of skin and those toned muscles whip Ten up like cream.

Taeyong sits up a little more, not really paying attention to the fact that Ten is gawking with wide eyes - and has maybe stopped breathing.

"This smells amazing," Taeyong sighs, properly sitting up now and slides the runaway cloth back to his shoulder. "Looks amazing too. What is it?"

"Thanks," Ten smiles, the corners of his crescent eyes wrinkling as he brings the tray of things closer to Taeyong. "It's Pad Ka Prao."

Ten practically sees the way Taeyong tries to pronounce it in his head and deems it adorable.

Waiting for Taeyong to start eating, Ten shifts his weight from one leg to the other as he finds a spot to stand, unsure if he should leave Taeyong to enjoy his food or give him company. Taeyong, however, seems to be a step ahead - _thank god_ because Ten is still panicking.

"Please sit down, you can use the chair." 

Ten carefully pulls out the swivel chair with a quiet thanks, then places his butt on it ever so cautiously because Taeyong's sweet eyes are trained on him. Staring, even. Not in a way that invokes discomfort, but rather with a certain fondness that Ten can't really describe.

"Will you eat some with me?"

Ten waves a hand in dismissal. "I already ate, this is especially for you."

"Thank you, Ten, but you really didn't have to go through all the trouble." The sincerity is obvious in Taeyong's voice, but Ten can't think of the right words to say and hopes the smile on his face will do the talking.

It does. 

Scooting closer to the tray, Taeyong lets his legs dangle off the edge of his bed. He takes a small bite and Ten bites his lip. "Whoa, this is really, really good!"

Ten wouldn't have been able to wipe that proud smirk off his face even if he wanted to. "I'm glad you like it." 

As Taeyong eats, Ten lets his eyes wander the room - from a small picture frame on Taeyong's desk to the simple design of his comforter, the color of his hair, which he realizes is a much brighter red than he'd initially thought, more of a crimson than anything. Until finally, they stop at Taeyong's swollen ankle. 

Oh, _fuck_.

He curses under his breath because Ten, having lost count of the times he's sprained his ankle(s), has become an expert at identifying one. He scolds his impatient nature which he holds responsible for Taeyong's fall upon impact with that cart because that _most definitely_ was _not_ way Ten had _wanted_ Taeyong to fall.

"Hm?" Taeyong looks up from the steaming plate, having heard his (almost) silent curse. 

"I'm really sorry," he puffs, folding himself until his head is dipped between knees. "Your ankle is really swollen and I think you might have twisted it when you fell."

Taeyong glances at his swollen ankle, then shrugs nonchalantly. "I don't mind. It gives me a reason to sleep in, which is fine since classes don't start for another four days and I've got nowhere else to go, really. And besides, this did get me an amazing home-cooked meal so it's totally worth it." 

Ten laughs timidly, lowering his head again because he's sure he's blushing - _again_. "I would've cooked you a homemade meal without running you over with a library cart." 

They dissolve into comfortable chuckles and Ten feels his nervousness fade by a fraction. 

"The residents of this building are very lucky to have an RA as kind as you," Taeyong finally says after a couple of moments.

Ten has to use every muscle in his body to not snort at that, because had it been anyone else, he would've made them eat shit, not a delicious home-cooked meal. He instead decides to coo at the compliment, because Ten's mouth has a habit of betraying him sometimes.

 _Confident, Ten, confident gay, be the confident gay you are_ , he tells himself to boost his esteem. 

"Is this your favorite food?" Taeyong asks, nearly done with the meal. 

Ten shakes his head. "Nope, it's just the only one I can actually cook because it's my best friend, Lisa, you met her today," he pauses for a second, continuing after Taeyong's cute little nod confirms that he remembers their encounter in the cafeteria. "It's her favorite, so that's why."

_Confident_

"Then, what's your favorite thing to eat?" 

_Confident!_

"Anything chocolate, really. Chocolate cake especially, green tea," he pauses, biting his lip. "I like things that are soft and sticky in my mouth..." 

Taeyong chokes. 

 _Too confident._

_Abort!_

Taeyong coughs violently, smacking his own chest and Ten has to rub circles on his back so the guy doesn't die. He pushes a cup of water towards him and it takes another minute for Taeyong to stop coughing. 

"L- like, apple sauce?" 

"Yeah, I guess... like, baby food," Ten uses every cell in his body to resist the urge to smirk. 

_Confident, but maybe subtle enough_

Taeyong almost chokes again, but this time on air.  

_Not subtle enough at all_

"Where's your roommate?" Ten quickly changes the subject before causing Taeyong another injury. 

"He had to fly to Chicago for the weekend for some family thing." 

Ten nods. Something he does a lot without really realizing it. "Since you'll be alone, I'll check up on you and get you new ice or anything else you need, if that's okay with you."

He fully expects Taeyong to decline the offer, or protest in some form but instead, the corners of Taeyong's lips curve and his eyes gleam. "I'd appreciate that, thank you." 

 _Definitely_ a confident gay. 

 

* * *

 

Two days of nursing Taeyong back to a walking condition go _totally_ fine.

Ten learns to place a filter on his gay mouth, while realizing and slowly coming to accept that maybe, _just maybe_ around Taeyong, he _might_ be a bit of a panicked gay. 

Ten has spent a considerable amount of time in Taeyong's room to at least know the basics. He's got an older sister, loves sweets, is probably a much better cook than Ten will ever be and is a slight germophobe since he _hates_ dust the way Ten hates fruit.  

"I'll cook something for you one day," Taeyong says on a late Sunday morning. 

"If you run me over with something or hurt me, then sure." 

Taeyong's chuckle is no short of angelic and Ten hides his curling lips as he wraps the now-slightly-less-swollen-ankle with new bindings. Taeyong can walk again, in short distances, although he still can't place his entire body weight onto that foot either, but... baby steps, Ten decides.

In the very least, he can limp his way to the bathroom and Ten is thankful because he isn't prepared for that type of shit. 

That same night Ten learns a little more about Taeyong and their dangling status between ' _strangers_ ' and ' _acquaintances_ ' upgrades to _'friends'_.

Ten is studying the neat pile of textbooks on Taeyong's table as Taeyong eats dinner - takeout, this time. Ten had finished eating first because he'd inhaled all the French toast in his dish and passed on the assortment of fruits to Taeyong, claiming he's healing and therefore needs more nutrition. 

He hides a smile when he realizes that Taeyong doesn't mind sharing food. That is, in fact, something important to Ten, since he's made a habit out of it. Sharing meals adds a level of closeness that can't be achieved otherwise and Ten _lives_ for closeness.

Having finished eating much faster, Ten is left to analyze anything he can. His eyes linger on the perfectly lined textbooks, his head tilting just faintly to the side because the way to tell someone's major is by their required texts. But Ten cannot for the life of him decipher what Taeyong could be studying.

"I'm undecided," he says as if reading Ten's mind.

"Wow, am I that obvious?"

Taeyong shrugs, shoving an entire strawberry in his mouth. "I'm just good at reading expressions."

"You should consider psychology."

Taeyong nods as if he's already thought about it, which Ten discovers he has. "I've considered it, actually. But I'm still not sure." He pauses to finish chewing. "What are you majoring in?"

"Art," he replies without even a beat in between.

"Ahh, I see. You can draw, then?"

"Yeah, but I'm more into performing arts. Dance, singing, composing. Drawing is more of a hobby than a career goal."

There's  something in Taeyong's expression, then. Something fond. "Dancing is my getaway," Taeyong says, his face shining brighter than the stars and Ten feels the heat radiate into his chest. "I feel like we're going to be great friends."

"I feel that too."

Ten also feels his heart trying to run the marathon.

 

* * *

 

Classes start in just one day and Ten has barely had time to focus on himself. Taeyong's roommate returned the morning before and with just a glint of sadness hidden behind his eyes, Ten handed over caretaking responsibilities to the tall man known as Johnny with a lengthy list.

_A dose of medicine every four to six hours depending on pain. Take with food._

_Give him food._

_Do not let him walk unless if it's for bathroom business._

_I will find out if you do._

_Change his ice pack after two hours. Give his leg a four-hour break, then put on a new one._

_Don't leave it there and forget._

_I will find out if you do._

_Keep his ankle cushioned. Use towels, roll them up on either side and under._

_Clean your half of the room._

Johnny had given Ten a look with that last one, but Ten _insisted_ it was necessary. 

The caretaking responsibilities were passed on with a heavy heart - no matter how shitty or busy his day would go, being surrounded by Taeyong's blazing aura lifted his mind to a different place.

Not necessarily a calm one, because his heart wouldn't calm the fuck down around the guy - but it was nice. Comfortable, like the steady flame of a midnight scented candle. It left Ten smiling with his entire face and a warmth blooming in his chest that burned his stresses to soot as they drift to a faraway place with the wind. 

Ten thinks of this as he hoses down a student's butt with a fire extinguisher, an icy look in his eyes as he stares another frightened student in the face.

Apparently, he and his girlfriend thought it would be sexy to do the dirty surrounded by candles as if they're trying to summon a damn demon. Well, a demon was summoned; out of her ass, causing her panties to light on fire. 

Just everyday shit as an RA, because fire extinguishing someone's behind is _totally_ on the job description. 

"I - I think she's good now," the guy stammers, the girls bottom half covered in dry foam. 

Ten cocks his head to the side. "Is she?" It's not a question. 

"W - we promise we won't do anything like this again - please!" 

Ten stops extinguishing. He gives a stern look to the two and exits the room.

Why candles are even allowed in dorms full of stupid immature students, he has no fucking idea. 


	4. Water Surface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh thank you so much to all the comments and everyone reading this! It's seriously so encouraging! 
> 
> Things finally start getting somewhere in this chapter, but there's a lot more to come because I keep thinking of things and adding them, someone help me, im spent for taeten

Classes start and it only adds to the stress of things.

Being a third year means sacrificing personal time because education is a leech - a horrendous, time and energy sucking thing. Ten shakes his head as he hears the freshman and sophomores in his dorm partying, blasting music and drinking without knowing what's going to hit them in the next year or two. 

He shoves his ear-buds deeper, startling the cat sprawled on his lap as he turns up the music's volume and tries his best to read the last chapter of a really boring book about art history.

He's just a page away from completing the chapter when a faint knocking makes its way through the door and through his headphones. He removes his buds, holds Hero against his chest and opens the door. 

"Hey," says the man he hasn't seen for almost a week but still thinks of daily and smiles foolishly. 

"Hey! Come in."

He feels a little less panicked around Taeyong because _god_ he missed him.

"Thanks."

He closes the door behind Taeyong, who takes a few small steps inside. 

"It's pretty loud out there huh?" 

"Yeah," Taeyong says, almost exasperated, "there are parties going on both sides of my room, and upstairs too, I think."

Ten nods, plopping himself back into the chair for Hero to jump into his lap and kneed away. "So, what can I do for you?"

Taeyong pauses, taking his lip between teeth for a short moment. "I wanted... to take you up on that coffee offer."

Something explodes in Ten's chest and he thinks it's happiness since he's smiling like an idiot.

"You can sit on my bed." He points with his chin and Taeyong perches himself on the edge of the bed.

Quickly jumping off, Hero inspects the newcomer's leg with an excited tail. Taeyong extends his hand for her to sniff but instead, she nuzzles comfortably into it and a cute giggle escapes Taeyong's mouth. 

Watching this, Ten finds it hard not to gawk because never has she warmed up to anyone this fast. It took her a few months to get used to Lisa, even, yet here she is - rubbing her face against Taeyong's stomach as he pets her silky fur like she's known him since she was a tiny kitten.

"She..." Ten exhales, surprised. "She literally never gets used to anyone this fast, wow..."

Taeyong glances at him with a surprised grin of his own. "Really? I'm honored."

Ten watches for a moment longer, then pushes himself off the chair to brew coffee.  

"What's her name?"

"Hero, because she's my little hero."

Taeyong hums. "That's really cute." 

Ten doesn't reply to that because he's smiling too hard. "How do you like your coffee?" 

"Strong, please. I'm gonna need enough caffeine to get me through the chaos outside." 

Ten sets the coffee to brew and leans against the small appliance table with his hands shoved in his pockets.

Hero is purring on Taeyong's lap.

Taeyong is smoothing out the fur of her paws, watching admirably as she closes her eyes in satisfaction.

It has a smile creeping on his lips. This is something he can get used to, if given the chance. 

"Do you wanna go someplace else?" Ten blurts before the thought is even given a chance to process inside his brain.

Taeyong's big eyes look up at him, clearly surprised but not appalled.  

"To get away from the noise. I swear I won't try and lure you into a trap and murder you," Ten laughs, hoping to every god that he doesn't sound like a total creep. Just two bros hanging out after dark in a secluded place. _Totally_ normal. 

He doesn't expect Taeyong to agree. He's ready to laugh awkwardly and put this whole thing off as a joke before Taeyong decides to leave the room.

But Taeyong's face has an expression that one would wear while admiring the vibrant blending of colors when the sun sets before the arrival of a new dawn and Ten's heart skips a few beats.

"At this point," Taeyong smiles, "anything to get some quiet time." 

Absolutely normal. 

 

* * *

 

Usually, the seven-minute walk to his secret spot feels like hours - even with Hero prancing at everything that breathes. But with Taeyong by his side, surrounded by soft conversations and chuckles while sipping hot coffee, the distance doesn't seem long enough.

"It's my secret spot, so don't tell anyone about it," Ten winks, ducking under some foliage as Hero easily cuts through tangled branches. He holds the thick wall of shrubbery in place, creating an entrance for Taeyong to dip under. 

When Taeyong steps to the other side of the natural barrier, Ten grins, proudly. Taeyong's entire face lights up to an intensity far brighter than a thousand Christmas trees, indulging the painting-like beauty - a vast lake with the twinkling sky spilling onto its surface, surrounded by rings of striking flora and a sweet breeze like no other.

"I don't think I've ever seen a place more beautiful."

"Yeah, I haven't either." Ten walks forward, picking up Hero with his free hand and cuddling her against his chest, then climbs onto a particularly large boulder. Reaching his hand down for Taeyong to grab, he pulls him up to the peak of his haven. 

They stay like this, in a passive quiet with nothing besides the sound of the lake against its waves as some leaves ruffle to the dancing wind. 

"How did you find this place?" 

Ten throws a quick sideways glance before answering. "I - I didn't have the easiest of freshman days here," he pauses, contemplating if it's even okay to begin opening up his thickly guarded walls.

If he's being honest with himself, though, his walls aren't really putting up a fight. They're coming undone themselves, brick by brick with every word that leaves Taeyong's mouth.

And it's only been a little over a week. 

"I found places to escape to. I happened to find this lake when I was trying to hide from... something, and I've been coming here ever since," he shrugs, scrunching his brows at himself because this could be dangerous, he thinks. After all, despite everything, the truth still stands that he barely knows Taeyong.

It's a sudden urge, but he wants to put the fallen bricks back, secure them all over again because he knows this is just a honeymoon period that will end in hellfire. He knows something will happen because something _always_ happens.

"I have a place like that in my hometown too." 

But then again, maybe this is okay. Maybe he can enjoy these harmless moments, for now.

Because maybe Taeyong is different.

Just _maybe_. 

And so Ten lets himself go for the moment before doubt shells him up again. Before he misses the chance for something he isn't even sure of himself and decides to keep these fleeting moments going.

"You know what the best part about this place is?" He asks, the corner of his mouth quirking somewhere between a smile and a smirk. Taeyong slightly turns his head towards him with an engrossed look on his moonlit face. "The water."

With that, Ten is on his feet in a second. He balances on the large boulder and pulls his hoodie over his head, kicks his shoes off to the blanket of grass below and strips down to his underwear as Taeyong watches in slight horror. 

Ten jumps off the boulder, gesturing with an arm for Taeyong to follow. "Come on!" 

He doesn't wait to see if Taeyong does.

Instead, he pads into the natural pool with his back facing the boulder because he's testing the water -  testing _Taeyong_.

Clenching his eyes shut, he submerges himself until the lake sits just below his nose, and waits.

It doesn't take long, though. 

There's some shuffling of clothes, followed by careful wadding of feet. He hears some water splash behind him and has to bite down his lip to keep himself from smiling so hard.

"You're right," he hears from beside him. "This is the best part." 

No, Ten thinks.

 _This_ is even better.

Being exactly like this, with the moonlight blanketing their fully exposed skin, with a man who is, so far, everything he could ever ask for. Ten glances at the said man that's only an arm's length away and rolls his head back, blinking at the night sky. "It really is."

Ten could stay like this for the rest of his life, he decides.

He doesn't care if their skin prunes up, becoming a bloodless pale as the lake-water sucks the heat out of them - actually, now that he thinks about it maybe that would be horrible to experience but he still doesn't care because the warmth fizzing in his heart is enough to supply heat to his body for a lifetime. 

At some point Taeyong dares himself to go further into the lake, but Ten doesn't tell him they're already at maximum depth - it provides an excuse to see those cute reactions.

Ten learns that despite Taeyong's serious facial expressions, he's _incredibly_ childish.

It's cheesy, really; splashing each other, Ten wailing like a siren while Taeyong pretends he's a damn boat. They cheer Hero when she decides to take interest in what they're doing, carefully poking the lake with a single paw and a stern look of concentration on her face. They soon realize it's not them she's interested in but a small fish which she eventually catches and keeps in her mouth to give Ten later.

They begin withdrawing from the lake when Hero's persistent meows demand she wants to go home, cutting their lighthearted chatter short.

"Okay okay!" Ten cries playfully and Hero seems to stay quiet for another thirty seconds, occupying herself by nudging the now-breathless fish between her paws.

"I feel like I've been baptized."

Taeyong's face is hilariously serious and Ten throws his head back with a roaring laugh, clapping his hands on the surface of the water and splashing Taeyong in the face.

Ten almost chokes on his own laugh and holds his stomach, his face just centimeters away from the surface because the look on Taeyong's face is fucking comical with those wide eyes and open mouth. Laughing too, Taeyong's palm hits his bare shoulder with a wet smack, which elicits a whine from his mouth. He tries to stand properly, but his knees are weak because he's wheezing and he, in the most cliché way ever, loses his balance and slips backward on the lake bed.

He knows he's falling, that something happened and he's making a fool of himself but he's still kinda laughing and kinda screeching on his way down until his back meets a slap from the lake surface. He thinks he sees Taeyong reach for him, thinks he feels his fingers on his arm, but the moment his head dives underwater, time slows down.

_Just let me fall_

Ten lets himself sink as deep as the lake will allow. He forces his eyes apart only when he feels something on him. Something like the soft tickle of velvety seaweed against his face, except it's crimson and looks like a beautiful underwater fire. It's Taeyong, he realizes, sinking down with him, his hands grasping his sides and his hair blazing with the lazy current.

_We can get lost together if you let me fall_

Ten cuts his hand through the sapphire between them, palm cupping Taeyong's cheek as he feels his body rise to some new high. Taeyong is close - only a few inches away and he exudes luminance as the gentle moonlight splashes around them beneath the safe surface of the lake.

It's as if everything has stopped. Ten feels everything, sees everything with Taeyong's eyes locked onto his own as if time doesn't even exist and this is all a dream he'll gasp awake from.

But Ten is being pulled to the sky, the moonlight close enough for him to touch until he resurfaces with a sharp inhale, coughing violently. Taeyong leaves his hands on his shoulders, face still too close and Ten can't handle this on the surface because underwater, he could convince himself it's just a dream.

"Are you okay?" Taeyong's voice is laced with worry, his fingertips soothing circles onto his back.

Ten nods with his head hung low, wiping droplets from his eyes and cards a hand through his drenched hair to get it off his face.

Slowly, Ten lifts his head.

Taeyong's eyes are fixated on his own and he wants to throw himself in the lake again. He isn't strong enough for this - he knows that and he fears Taeyong will be able to hear his heart rampaging in his chest if he steps any closer. Instead, he takes a single step back and gets misplaced in Taeyong's eyes for a passing second.

Taeyong looks best like this, Ten thinks. Without anything covering his face, without anything hiding his body. Skin glistening wet as if he were made of diamonds and eyes reflecting the universe back at him.

"You're beautiful," Ten blurts, still swimming in Taeyong's chocolate eyes. He doesn't realize what he's said until Taeyong's face turns several shades pinker with a smile that could melt steel.

That night Ten learns two things: he might actually have a serious crush on Taeyong; and Taeyong does not like getting _any_ of his clothes wet. Not even his underwear.

He nearly _died_ seeing Taeyong in all, and I do mean _all_ his glory because there was not a single piece of clothing on his body when his waist made it out of the lake.

And he'd tried to look away, he _really_ did but with Taeyong naked, wet and right in front of him, he couldn't help but stare just a little, which had surely made Taeyong at least a little uncomfortable. 

Ten is forever thankful that the night was dark enough, but he doesn't care at this point either way because he feels _good_.

Because he feels himself floating in the embrace of that lake with Taeyong's bright eyes drowning in his, arms around his body and his thumb caressing Taeyong's cheek. He feels himself fall, being lifted and taken higher and never wanting to come down. He never wants to stop falling, because being with Taeyong is like living a dream in a dream.

That night, inspiration strikes Ten.


	5. Fuming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments! I haven't had time to reply to all of them, but I read through each one and I hold all comments very dear to me, and I'll go back and read them over and over for motivation when I'm feeling insecure about my writing. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm beta-ing the chapters over and over, which is why it's taking me a while to update, but I'm getting through it.

Thank goodness it's Friday.

He survives one fairly sufferable class at the prime hour of nine in the morning, then shuffles straight to a different building to bury his nose in countless music programs before the inspiration twists into an aching need.

He's been in the studio for five hours now, switching between scribbling words on a notepad, mixing some instruments into something pleasing and then crossing off some things he's already written just to jot down some more.

By the sixth hour, he's going in circles - literally.

With a heavy sigh, he resigns from doing anything productive and stares blankly at a new vine compilation on YouTube when his phone dings.

"Goddammit," Ten kneads his forehead, forgetting about his nauseating RA duties. He quickly packs up and trudges to the dorm to handle a somewhat sticky situation in the kitchen. His dorm building isn't too far away from the academic buildings, which is both good and bad.

Good, since he can get in bed much faster when he wants to and bad, because it means he's got nothing to stall between dealing with the idiocy of the human race.

At this point in his life, he isn't even surprised when the full view of the ensuing chaos meets his vision. 

Expressionless, he passes the blender that's running wild, spewing what looks like clumps of milk and apples onto three students, the wall and ceiling.

He slides past a built girl with a tall guy balancing on her shoulders as he tries to scrape burnt pancake off the ceiling. The microwave is beeping angrily, the kettle is screaming, there is peanut butter on the floor that someone has stepped in and there's a small, but containable fire in the toaster. Someone is trying to marry the ketchup bottle to the mustard bottle and a guy is kneeling, crying in front of a girl (he recognizes them as the couple trying to get it on with the candles).

Ten, going unnoticed, calmly opens a cabinet, grabs two frying pans and faces the mess. Sighing, his eyes incredibly stoic, he slams the two pans together and watches the way the entire kitchen freezes - save for the strained whir of the blender.

"Everyone who is not a resident of this building, leave now or else my foot goes up your ass."

He waits a couple seconds, scanning through the faces as at least one-fourth of the crowd scurries away. 

"Lucas," Ten says and the man trying to slide away hunches at the steely voice. "This is your dorm building."

The man, Lucas,  resorts to smiling innocently, scratching his nape and stuttering between his grin. "O - Oh, is it? I thought I was somewhere else - haha," he fake laughs but Ten's face is un-amused.

"Everyone line up," Ten demands with an unavoidable edge that has everyone tumbling.

Ten likes being in control like this. It gets him going the same way chocolate does, but running on just a few hours of sleep after an exhausting day, he's not up for this shit.

Setting one pan aside, he clasps his hands behind him, leaving the smaller pan in his fist - as if his expression isn't intimidating enough. A few of the students jump when his strolling comes to an abrupt halt.  

"Clean the marshmallow off the counter." The commanded student is quick to follow.

"You're tall," he says to Johnny, "clean the ceiling. Lucas, you too."

He keeps walking down the line. "Wash all the dishes," he says to a man just a hair taller than him. Taeil, is his name, if Ten recalls correctly, which he always does.

"Put out the fire in the toaster," he says to a girl named Sorn who is quick to do exactly that. He keeps going down the line until he reaches someone he hasn't seen before.

"You're not from this dorm," Ten eyes the unfamiliar, tall, skinny boy.

"No, but I was involved with the burnt pancake on the ceiling and would like to help," he admits innocently.

"What's your name?"

"BamBam," the boy says and Ten almost laughs. He turns to Lucas.

"You clean the peanut butter, Barney's son will clean the mess he made with Johnny."

  

It takes two whole hours of Ten's life to finally make for his room because having to supervise a whole bunch of morons takes time and energy he didn't necessarily have.

His legs hurt from being on his feet all day, head throbbing because of all the noise and at this point, Ten wants nothing more than to sink into the comforts of his bed. He thinks, as he takes the two-floor ride up on the elevator, that this would've been less torturous had Taeyong been there too.

Yes, he's biased, but that wouldn't have mattered because seeing that smile would've made all this bullshit worth it.

He walks out of the elevator wearily, each step seeming heavier than the last. About to pass Taeyong's room, he hears a familiar laugh from behind the door that slow his steps a little. The sound is unmistakable, but before he can do anything Taeyong's room door swings open.

"Oh, hey Ten!" Lisa smiles from inside Taeyong's room. 

He can't help it, really. He's tired - exhausted to the bone and it's too difficult to keep the upset off his face when he's already gritting his teeth. 

It's just his best friend, with the guy he _might_ like.

And if Ten wasn't so beat, he wouldn't have thought anything of it but -

Lisa likes him too.

Ten is sure Taeyong's said some form of a greeting but he doesn't hear it. His ears are already ringing from his headache and seeing this isn't helping.

"Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine."

He isn't fine.

His voice was far too cold for him to be _fine_. The hollowness swirling in his eyes is much too profoundly empty for him to just be _fine_. 

Before he realizes it himself, he's already walking away, avoiding Lisa sharp voice and Taeyong's confused remarks. He tries to lock himself in the safety of his room but Lisa has always been a little quicker than Ten and she keeps the door from closing.

There is no point in fighting it. He easily gives in. It's not worth it to make a scene, especially not in front of Taeyong - if that even matters anymore.

"Ten what the hell?" she pants, softly clicking the door behind her. He kicks off his shoes and throws the blankets over him as he curls up beside himself.

Ten has never been good with jealousy. And has never dealt with these things maturely. 

He decides that one day he will, but he's too tired to try today and continues to pout.

There's a lengthy sigh, followed by the dip in the bed and a back being pressed against his own.

"We happened to run into each other in the cafeteria today and he asked if I wanted to have lunch with him so _of course_ I said yes and we talked and he wanted help on his Thai homework that's due tonight but didn't have it on him so I just came up to his room and helped him and we talked and that was literally it Ten," she word vomits, but Ten remains quiet, which entices her to roll over, laying flat on top of his side, squishing the air out of his lungs until she's nestled between his cocooned body and the wall.

"You know, he can't really go five minutes without bringing you up."

He shifts a little under the covers.

"He said you took him to your secret spot last night."

At this, he pokes out from under the blanket, careful to leave the bottom half of his face covered.

"He also said that you're a really good cook and that he's very happy that you're the RA," she continues, choosing her words carefully because if Ten is anything, he is painfully stubborn.

Silence falls for a few moments until Lisa opens her mouth to speak again. "Ten, you know I wouldn't hide anything from you."

Ten knows that.

He knows he's being an immature dickhead.

To his _best friend_ , nonetheless.

Hero jumps onto the bed then, kneading his side as if she can sense his tension. "I know," he whispers quietly, uncovering most of his face now because it's too hot and he nearly can't breathe.

"I will still be hanging out with him though. After today, even though he brought you up more than he asked about me, I still really like him and I'm going to at least _try_ ," she shrugs.

Ten finally sits up at this, the jealous wave transforming into protectiveness, _because_ that's his best friend.

"Lisa," he sighs, mussing his hair before trying to form his thoughts into words. "I don't mind you hanging out with him. Even if he does end up liking you then I'll be happy for you... but, I'm telling you that he's gay. I _know_ it."

But Lisa only shrugs and it hits a nerve on Ten. "Then I'll confirm that for myself but I'm _not_ going to _not_ try, Ten."

He'd expected as much, but that doesn't stop the frustrated scoff that leaves his lips. "Why can't you just listen to me?"

"Because," she snaps back, but falls silent just as quick.

"Because _what?_ "

"I like him."

He finds a glint of unwavering determination in her eyes that he knows is unbeatable. "I know, but you're going to end up getting hurt."

She's the one to scoff this time. "Wow, you're already so confident that he likes you, huh. How about you just go ask him out right now?"

 _That_ hit the spot.

And her ice-cold voice doesn't help to make the words sound any nicer. But he deserves it, he guesses.

" _Don't_ do this right now, Lisa," he breathes, trying so hard to contain the flood of words wanting to rush through his lips. "You _know_ I'm not even five percent sure _what_ he feels towards me if anything and you know what, Li, I don't fucking know if he likes me, I don't know if he's even single, I don't know what his type is, I don't know if he's just like this with everyone but for _fucks sake_ Lisa I do know that the man is gay and when you fall for him harder than you're prepared to handle you're going to get hurt the same way I hurt you,"  he inhales, sharp, nearly screaming by the last word.

It's impossible to miss, the slow well of tears blurring her eyes, the way her lips twitch into a faded smile.

"Then just let me get hurt Ten. You know you can't protect me from everything and that's fucking okay because you can't _always_ keep me from getting hurt, so just let it happen and fucking be there for me when it all blows to shit in my face, but I won't give up because you should know better than anyone that I have a thing for gay guys."

_Fuck -_

The words haven't even fully sunk in, but she's already slipping past him. He tries to grab her wrist but she's gone with the slam of the door faster than he can react.

His knees are suddenly so weak, the room becoming one giant blur, his entire body prickling with the dread that he's fucked up. Collapsing hard on his knees, fingers claw feverishly at his scalp with silent cries.

Hero paws his side, letting him know that he's not alone.

Because Ten has never been good with raw emotions when they explode.

He's never been good at forgetting the pain he's caused.

 

* * *

 

_Impenetrable darkness is looming in the air, the air thick with cigarette smoke. Ten just barely sees a half-burnt stick between his fingers. He tries to get it away, to throw it as far from him as possible but his limbs feel like cement and he can't move even a finger._

_He realizes he's inside a room, although he can't see anything besides a dull flame that's dancing on the ceiling as if there's a wavering plane there with a flow akin to the surface of water. He lets his eyes fall because his brain is burdened with sleep and it's difficult to use his sight. His lids close and he feels the chair push backward with no resistance. It's languid, as if he isn't even falling and is instead floating in place._

_His eyes reopen to the flame being much closer. It's then that Ten realizes that the ceiling is caving in and that it's water that's above him, filling the room an inch a second. He feels wet warmth stain his cheeks as fear squeezes his heart, yet still, he cannot move even when the cigarette between his fingers burns his skin._

_The water just barely touches his knees when a pale arm stretches out from the surface, and Ten realizes the fire is Taeyong, face smiling down just beyond the surface. It's as if everything is happening too fast and too slow at the same time, the way the cigarette falls to the floor, Taeyong's fingers crossing between his own as he's pulled up and Ten fully submerges in the warm pool. Taeyong says something, but the water soaks in the sound and Ten can't understand him. He lets go of Ten's hand, face turning dark and frightening as Ten is pushed back down, the water receding and leaving him in a flaming room, until Taeyong's voice is inside his head, clear and vibrant as if he's speaking directly into Ten's ear._

_"I'm too good for you, Ten"_

_He can't see him. He's surrounded by a thick black burning and the plumes of smoke are suffocating him._

_The voice churns, repeating the words over and over until it sounds like his past and Ten can't breathe, can't feel his heart in his chest or the blood in his veins and everything becomes painfully still -_

Gasping violently for air, Ten wakes, his hands clutched around his heart.

_"Fuck."_

His fingers tremble as they comb through greasy hair, breathing still shallow as he winds into reality. Hero is kneading his stomach, something she does whenever a bad dream is encountered. He smoothes her fur with a shaking hand. "Thank you, my Hero."

 

* * *

 

"Lisa," Ten knocks for the nth time. "I know you're in there, I can practically hear you breathing against the door." 

The door creaks open. She doesn't as much as spare him a smile as she lets him in with crossed arms - she's still upset.

"I made you your favorite," Ten says, placing a neatly packed lunch bag on her desk as she investigates half-curiously from behind.

"If you think making home cooked meals is gonna get you out of everything - " she pauses, but a sigh of defeat leaves her mouth when he uncovers the lid to set free the inviting aroma. "Then keep cooking because _it works_."

Ten side hugs her, not caring that she's gently nudging him away.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he mumbles into her shoulder, which she shakes like she's experiencing an earthquake, leaving him no other option than to lift his head off. She shoves a huge piece of bread in his mouth - which isn't even part of the dish but adds anyways because to Ten, everything is better with bread.

"Stop apologizing for things you have no control over." 

He would smile if bread wasn't occupying his entire mouth, so he just smacks a loud kiss on her head instead, leaving some crumbs that he brushes off before sprawling across the bed. He grabs the closest notebook, Chemistry, apparently, to occupy himself in the fun of doodling for the sake of his sanity while she eats.

"I haven't fully forgiven you yet, you know, for thinking I'd hide stuff from you," she says between bites some moments later.

"What can I do to earn your full forgiveness?"   

"There's a party tonig - " 

"No."

She shrugs, with a tragic sigh that Ten knows will make him bend. "I guess I'll never forgive you then." 

"Fiiiiiine," he cries. Ten knew he'd give in and judging by the cheeky grin on her lips, she knew it too.

"I'll text you the place. Go get ready pretty boy, you smell like shit."  


	6. Firewater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyy finally some action in this chapter!! 
> 
> The dance bit is referring to the dance cover Ten did of Taki Taki, so if y'all haven't seen that masterpiece yet, i suggest you watch it first so this makes more sense xD the next chapter will be coming soon too!

The instruction is simple: Meet Lisa at the front gates of her dorm at 10 PM because showing up anytime less than two hours late is ' _unacceptable_ ' in her mind. This left Ten with just over two hours to plan, prepare, and pamper.

"Shower. Done." He steps out into a steaming bathroom, the air swirling with the thick scent of his honey shampoo. After wrapping a towel far too loose and far too low on his hips, Ten scans through the closet for an outfit suited for the occasion at hand. 

He picks out an old hoodie and some simple black jeans when his phone vibrates from under Hero, making her purr and roll over, rather than run. Sometimes, Ten thinks she sits on his phone on purpose just for that few second long massage. 

 _< Johnny is dragging me to some party, help_> 

Easily smitten, he smiles foolishly. 

_< I would, except Lisa is dragging me to some party too. Let's hope it's the same one. I'll look for you> _

"I am totally a confident gay," he announces to Hero before grabbing a much nicer set of clothes to wear for the night. 

 

* * *

 

"Aayyyyyy!"

Ten twirls on his heel, breaking into a smooth as fuck dance move as Lisa joins him to the music in his head despite being a few meters away.

"Ay, ayy, let's get it," she attempts to beatbox as Ten dances across the open space until he's an arm's length away from her. 

"Ay, aren't you the white night," she says with eyes traveling approvingly from head to toe - a white Boonie hat sitting just above his brows, a perfectly loose long-sleeve knit sweater with rip-like holes on the shoulders and slits on the sides that run up just past his navel, meaning that even a slight raise of the arms exposes some skin. His white skinny jeans are nearly skin tight, hugging him in all the right places. He's wearing matching white shoes, topping it off with multiple black earrings and rings that tie the whole outfit together.

Tonight, Ten is dressed to kill. 

"Taeyang is the white knight," he points out, striking a classic Taeyang-style dance move. "I'm merely his soldier."

Lisa giggles more than she should at this until the giggling becomes a lengthy wheeze where she's bending over backward. "Can you tell I'm already kinda drunk?" 

"Anyone with eyes can tell that you're already drunk." 

 

It's a wonder how a thick slab of wood can manage to muffle such extraordinarily booming sounds from its flip side. Ten wonders how the fuck they didn't hear this from _outside_ the building, which is one of the farther-away dorms known for their classic college-type-of-crazy parties.

In a way, each dorm is branded by their RA. The air, the mood, the general vibe. It's marked, so to speak. Even the occupants of their respective dorms seem to fit the personality of the RA, the administrators finding perfect fits based on quick evaluations of applications. 

And for this dorm the RA is famous for their over-the-top, crazy parties.

"Wow," Ten instinctively brings his palms to his ears, his ears sensitive from the lack of partying over the past year. "Have parties always been this loud or are they just getting louder," he nearly screams, looking over to Lisa but she doesn't hear a single word. Instead, she's shakes his arm like a noodle, jumping in her spot as if her feet are pogo-sticks.

"Tenten there's a fondue machiiine!!!!" 

He isn't exactly paying attention to her, because _priorities_ \- which is really saying something because that's a _chocolate_ fondue machine and he would sell a kidney for chocolate. Instead, he squints out into the crowd, scanning past faces he recognizes and ones he's never seen, hoping he'll find the one he _wants_ to see. When he finally turns back to Lisa, she's already disappeared among drunk bodies. 

He's careful to avoid limbs and drinks because he's not about the life of getting a stain on his all-white, on-point attire. His eyeballs dart around as if he's trying to win the most difficult game of ' _where's Waldo'_ , except he can't find Waldo and it starts to dawn on him that _maybe_ there's another party going on somewhere else right now where his Waldo is having fun. The pout is about half-way formed when his name is sung in the most adorably slurred voice ever. 

"Tennieeeee!" 

His vision narrows in the direction of the voice, standing on his tippy toes to see over the heads but _finally_ he finds his Waldo and chuckles in relief.

Rosy-cheeked and big-eyed, Taeyong is waving with the biggest grin he has ever seen.

He takes a long second, letting the breathtaking sight of Taeyong settle deep in his mind - a deep magenta hoodie, a black, three-ringed choker snug around his neck and by the bright twinkle on his earlobe, a rose gold earring that hangs down mid-neck.

His scarlet hair is styled back, sleek and sexy, exposing the sharp line of his forehead but the black, _tight_ , ripped skinny jeans has Ten _salivating_.

Before Ten even finds a moment to gather himself, Taeyong is just feet away, arms outstretched on either side and pulling him into a tight hug that has him stiffening into a rigid stick.

He _definitely_ isn't drunk enough for this.

It doesn't help that Taeyong smells so _good._ He can't pinpoint what the scent is but it reminds him of his childhood, lingering somewhere between the elegance of rose and the carefree vibe of spring break.

He could lose himself in this scent, if given the chance.

"I missed youuu Tennie, I was afraid you were at some other party when I couldn't find you and I've been looking for you for like two hours now?" Taeyong slurs, lips brushing against his neck. He manages to giggle a little at the new nickname because _by god_ his heart is going insane.

"Tennie?" He muses, not really questioning the name but rather processing the fact that drunk Taeyong... is _affectionate_ Taeyong. Drunk Taeyong pulls away, hands planted firmly on his shoulders, face scrunching in worry.

_Fucking adorable_

"You don't like it?" 

Ten panics. "No - "

_confident gay_

"I mean, that's not what I meant, I mean - it's not like that," he trips over words, then sighs heavily under Taeyong's drunk puppy-dog eyes. If Lisa's pout had him caving, Taeyong's was a force to be reckoned with. "I love it. It's cute, just like you," Ten smiles, edging on flirtatiousness and Taeyong reciprocates with the brightest smile he's ever seen.

"Can I get you a drink?" Taeyong asks, seeming to concentrate a little more on his words and not jumbling them. 

"You can, but once you've told me how much you've had to drink because I think you need some water." 

Taeyong stills, forehead creasing in thought as he quite obviously tries to remember how much he's had. "I had one drink so far and no water" 

Ten blinks dumbfoundedly, because _wow_  he's a fucking lightweight. "Please drink some water." 

Taeyong leans in, the chatter of people being too loud to speak over and Ten is positive he felt a wet brush against his ear that only lips can offer. "I will but what would you like?"

 _You_ , is what Ten wants to say but decides to save it for when he's had at least five more drinks. "Surprise me, but nothing fruity." 

Taeyong nods with the excitement of a boy scout on a mission to earn his first badge. "Wait here!" 

And that's exactly what he does, eyes following Taeyong zigzag across the room until he's too short to see over the crowds.

Waiting, he studies the room for faces he might know. He finds Johnny first - being a presence not to be ignored, which lead him to Taeil and Lucas, as the three of them compete over beer pong with a few faces he's never seen before. To the right of them is a girl, with another girl, who's head looks oddly familiar from the back and they're definitely flirting. It takes a second for Ten to realize it's Lisa and he smiles to himself.

Beyond them is a man who is blindfolded in the center of a crowd. They are playing marco-polo without the buffer of water and Ten rolls his eyes because that's a disaster waiting to happen.

Scanning further, he finds a set of eyes smiling at him. He looks around himself, unsure if they're intended for him.

They are, because the boy is waving a second later.

It's BamBam, he recognizes.

Ten waves back with a friendly smile, fully expecting no further progression to the greeting but BamBam is already cutting through the mass of people.

_Great_

He's seen enough of this to know what's going on. The look in those eyes is too obvious and Ten already has a keen sense for _these_ things. 

"Heeey, I didn't know you'd be here," BamBam says, placing a heavy hand on his shoulder.

"Why, were you expecting me?"

BamBam shrugs, "maybe, I was hoping you'd be here."

"Really?" Ten replies, half-heartedly because his eyes are still darting around for Taeyong. "I think you should go find someone else's company."

The grin on BamBam's face is soft and baby-like and if Ten was a different person, he would've let the guilt change his mind. But he isn't a different person and he's never been one to lead people into something inevitably one-sided.

BamBam's lip twitches, as if he's about to say something, when his eyes glance behind Ten.

"Tennie I drank water - " Taeyong stops, eyes ping-ponging between him and BamBam, too drunk to hide the sudden upset on his face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you came with someone," BamBam says, his voice quiet as Taeyong rests an arm around Ten's shoulders - not meaning anything, no, but purely because he's buzzed and needs support and Ten knows that, but blushes anyways. The innocent gesture... suddenly assumed _possessive_ given the situation. 

"It's okay," Ten smiles, gently patting BamBam's arm before BamBam takes his leave. There's something about BamBam that reminds Ten so much of the person he was in his teens. Naive, confident, innocent yet flirty. 

Not to say he isn't confident _now_. He is, just not in the matters of the heart. 

"Did I interrupt something?" Taeyong's gentle tone is mixed with worry and Ten really tries not to panic - again.

" _No_ , no. He got burnt pancake stuck on the kitchen ceiling of our dorm yesterday, even though he isn't from our building, so he stayed to clean it up. I don't even really know him," he quickly explains as if he's defending himself against a jealous boyfriend -

He stops that thought right there because he isn't drunk enough to associate Taeyong with _that_ word sober. 

"He seems nice."

Ten wonders if he's imagining the glint of sadness in Taeyong's eyes or the way that bright smile frowns a little - although, he _knows_ it's not his imagination but he isn't ready to look into it, either.

"What'd you get me to drink?" Ten quickly asks with the brightest smile he has to offer. Thankfully, the smile works because Taeyong is perked up in an instant.

"It's a Thai tea with rum."

Ten takes the cup, "you're perfect," he blurts.

"W - what?"

The wideness in Taeyong's eyes scream that he's _definitely_ heard him but Ten helplessly saves his ass anyways. "It's perfect," he changes, taking a sip and giving Taeyong a thumbs up.

After a few more drinks and a few more shots per the two of them, Ten feels loose enough to melt under Taeyong's touch. He's grabbing Taeyong's hand in the space between them, telling some extravagant story of a time he'd tried to sneak out of high school for the sake of filling his tummy with cake. He throws his head back with a hearty laugh at one particularly funny bit, tightening his fingers around Taeyong's, who is laughing too.

To anyone who doesn't know them, it would be easy to mistake them for best friends. Lifelong friends, even, with the comfort and closeness between them. 

It doesn't take long for Lisa to eventually find him and for Johnny to find Taeyong. It's amazing, really, how effortlessly the four of them meld together as if they've all known each other since birth.

There are no awkward restraints, no holding-back in their conversations, no filtering of words despite Johnny and Taeyong being new additions to his and Lisa's duo. Maybe it's because Lisa's presence brings the comfort of home, or Johnny's radiant energy that so easily draws people closer. Or, maybe, it's Taeyong - observant, affectionate... _binding_.

Now that Ten thinks about it, it might be a combination of the three.  

And it's bringing back a part of him that he'd lost three ex-boyfriends ago.

The bubbly, cheerful Ten, carefully peeking out from the shadows of his past.

Clanking their glasses together for another round of shots, Taeyong's hand finds Ten's hip, pressing their sides close as the firewater burns their throats.

But Ten is drunk. His brain is already too hazy to fight with his heart and he leans in with half his weight, indulging in the way Taeyong's fingers dig into his sweater, his hand so low that his thumb sits just above Ten's hip bone.

When Taeyong says something to Lisa, the honey of his voice reverberates deeply into Ten's ear and its pure pleasure. He's thirsting to clutch onto Taeyong's side, pull him a little closer and press their chests together but the mere thought of it has his cheeks burning a bright red and eyes staring blankly at the empty shot glass between his fingers.

"Hey, are you okay?" asks Taeyong, leaning so close that his wet lips brush against his helix piercing. Ten stiffens again, losing himself in the press of Taeyong's fingers on his hip, his lips against his earring and the steady, intoxicated breathing tickling his skin. He can't help but lean into it, the motion forcing Taeyong's lips to kiss the curve of his ear.

Taeyong doesn't seem to mind, too drunk to really process anything and Ten prays Taeyong won't still remember this tomorrow.

Unable to manage anything else, Ten nods weakly. He opens his mouth to try and say something to save his ass, but the back of Taeyong's hand is against his cheek and he can't help but hide a little under his hat.

"You're really warm, do you want some water?"

Ten shakes his head, smiling as if he's _totally_ _not_ dying right now. "I'm just buzzed, I get like this when drunk, don't worry Yongie - "

The nickname, it slips carelessly from his tongue and he isn't even sure what fucking part of his brain that came from. With the beaming smile on Taeyong's face, however, he decides it's worth it. 

They rejoin the conversation with more people than before, Taeyong's arm now permanently around his lower back, a finger hooked in his belt buckle but the closeness lasts only a few minutes.

Lisa and a few others are chanting Ten's name, confusing the shit out of him until _finally_ he hears the song that's being played on the booming speakers.

Ten smirks, threading his fingers with Taeyong's, then leads him to an empty spot on the sofa in the center of the room. He pushes Taeyong down with a hand on his chest, forcing him onto the sofa with a _thump_. 

Lisa and Johnny follow quickly behind, taking a seat on the floor beside Taeyong's feet and Lisa rolls her head back to face Taeyong. 

"He did a cover to this song a few months ago and it went viral," she almost yells over the cheering and music, until the room falls into pin-drop silence, every set of eyes fixed on Ten.

The crowd clears its way for him, pushing themselves back as far against the walls as they can reach. Ten leans against the wall opposite Taeyong, eyes locked onto him with the unwavering gaze of a wolf. He slides his back down against the wall until he's sitting on the floor, crossing one bent leg over his stretched one, arms folded over his knee.

Ten holds their gaze steady, breaking it only when it's time to switch into his proudest persona - fiercely confident, fluid, _powerful_. Doubly so now that Taeyong's watching.

Ten drops his head low, eyes hidden behind the rim of his Boonie when he twirls a finger in the air. The song restarts on that command.

The energy coursing through him is rapid, slightly different from the usual rush dancing provides because he _feels_ Taeyong's fixated eyes anticipating.

A steady breath, then a few beats in and his upper body undulates ever subtly before he pushes himself off the floor in one fluid motion. There's an edge to the narrowness of his eyes, something profoundly seductive in his expression and Ten ensures hid gaze remains heavily locked with Taeyong's. 

He brings a finger to the rim of his hat, striding across the room with a peculiar flow coursing through his body with every step. He mouths the words, almost growling out the word _rumba_ and taking in the way Taeyong's body visibly shudders.

Every move is fueled with power, no matter how tiny, pushing the air as each muscle melds with the beat. Ten doesn't even have to think to try and remember the choreo because it's become muscle memory and it blooms naturally inside him.

And perhaps, Taeyong's presence is testing him - encouraging him to perform his absolute best.

His shirt rides up ever so slightly, the slits parting as he twirls with his hands on either side of him and doesn't miss the way Taeyong's throat bobs with a heavy gulp. The drums cue and Ten's magnetic gaze breaks from Taeyong's, teasingly, the choreo calling for much stronger, sharper movements than before. Yet the heat of Taeyong's eyes on his body continues burning his skin, following as he flows across the room with the precision of an expert.

It's easy for Ten. Occupying seemingly empty space is his forte. The effortless rolls and sensual thrusts. Every move his hands and legs make are absolutely in sync as if the music was made for this dance, not the other way around.

He meets Taeyong's eyes halfway, merely glancing every so often for the sake of indulgence. His movements are sharp, sinfully sensual the way his body sings with the beat. His clothes accentuate the leanness of his body, his shirt hugs his chest every time he rolls his body back, stretching his neck and swaying his arms as the side of his shirt rides up.

That alone has the ability to get anyone's heart racing and Ten knows that. But for Taeyong, he's willing to take the extra step, through his expressions, eyes, lips - every cell of his body.

He rounds back in front of Taeyong, winking at Lisa, then quickly pecking her cheek before popping to the beat of the drums, ending with his palm outstretched towards Taeyong and a heaving chest.

The room erupts in a cocktail of sounds.

Cheering, screaming, chanting his name, whistling. He takes a deep bow in all four directions of the room with a huge smile plastered on his face but when his eyes are met with Taeyong's, his body turns the switch on the fierce persona he'd worn just a second ago and melts into his usual relaxed, soft self.

"That's my Tenten!" announces Lisa from behind, squeezing him in a quick hug before Johnny, some new guy and the girl from earlier whisk her away for more shots. He feels a pull on his sleeve, assuming she's trying to get him to join whatever mess they're about to throw themselves into but it's useless for them to try because... _Taeyong._  

Ten is nervous, expectant, _excited_ \- itching to hear what Taeyong has to say, what he _felt_.

After all, dancing is not merely from the body. It's derived from the unity of heart and soul, of fears and desires. It's vulnerable, incredibly powerful yet entirely invigorating. It's pleasantly frightening, the exposure, especially so when the beholder is the one who makes your heart race.

Ten plops himself on the floor, legs folded under him, fitting himself between Taeyong's long legs. He's still trying to catch his breath and it doesn't help that the absolutely _taken_ look on Taeyong's face is only making him even more breathless. Ten folds his arms over Taeyong's bent knees and hides his face between them, his hat and the sofa.

"T - that was..." Taeyong starts, sounding as breathless as Ten feels even though he's been seated the entire performance. The pause has him peeking from between Taeyong's knees, using a finger to lift the flap of his hat just enough to see him but still hide the ever-growing smile behind his arms. "The _best_ fucking work of art I've ever had the pleasure of seeing."

Ten decides that Taeyong swearing is one of the sexiest things his ears have ever had the pleasure of hearing.

A laugh, is how Ten replies. A squealing, high-pitched kind of laugh with his nose scrunched up and a toothy grin that reaches all the way to his barely-open eyes. He shoves his head between Taeyong's knees again, the tips of his fingers trying to slip themselves under Taeyong's thighs. They clench for a moment against his fingers before relaxing again.

It's a new warmth Ten didn't know he needed.

The nuzzling against the inside of Taeyong's thigh has Ten's hat slipping off but he's too embarrassed to fetch it. He doesn't have to, though, because it's already back on his head and if he isn't mistaken, Taeyong's lips are against the fabric on the crown of his head, whispering something.

"I mean it," he hears, lifting his face to see Taeyong folded over his lap, their faces only a few inches away. "You're more beautiful than anything I've ever seen."

Ten hopes he'll still remember _this_ when he wakes up.

This feeling, this blaze that's setting wildfires in his chest him even from such little meaningless touches and words he's heard before. Coming out of Taeyong's lips, though, it's incomparable to anything else. 

The words still flowing around in his mind, Ten doesn't realize he's leaned forward so slightly that it wouldn't be unnoticeable to anyone who isn't a few inches away from his face. He realizes it when Taeyong's eyes settle on his lips, leaning in as well until their noses brush and Ten can taste the vodka from Taeyong's breath on his lips.

 _Fuck_ -

He wants this.

Oh _god_ , he really fucking wants this and if he wasn't chained by doubts and insecurities he'd close the gap and kiss him silly until neither of them can breathe.

But Ten has doubts. He's scared, fucking _frightened._

Ten backs away. "L - let's get another drink, I think I need more to drink," he quickly sputters before pushing himself off the floor and finds the closest bathroom he can lock himself inside of.  

Breathing jagged, knees on the cold tiles, Ten tries so hard to collect the pieces of his shattering walls.

_"What the fuck is wrong with me.."_

 


	7. Splash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reread this chapter so many times i literally had to take a break from this fic, but here it is! I really hope y'all like this chapter, I think it's better than the previous ones as my writing is slowly improving. Anyways, things finally start picking up from here!

Ten knows  _exactly_  what the fuck is wrong with him.  
  
But it's also something he isn't quite willing to accept.  
  
If he was sober he would've tried to find Taeyong. He'd have sat him down and explained that he isn't ready for  _that_  type of thing - not yet.  
  
But Ten is drunk. So  _incredibly_  drunk. His mind is racing a mile a minute, thoughts jumbling into one giant mess that he can't comprehend without giving himself a headache.

And he's  _hot_.

So very, very hot. Not the type of hot he usually is, no. But the type where every bit of body heat rises up into your head. The dizzying, nauseous type of hot.  
  
A few ice cold splashes of water does the trick, finally forcing his body heat to trickle down from the ridiculous feverish high. He stalls, a hand stilled on the silver knob for a few seconds because maybe he can stay here until the party's over, or crawl through the tiny window above the sink. He shakes his head at the alternative solutions and finally twists the door open and bee-lines straight to the kitchen.  
  
Sparing a quick glance towards the couch he notices Taeyong's not where he left him and wonders, quite dreadfully, if he's left the party altogether. He wills himself to suck the tears trying to escape back into his eyes, the thought being too tragic for him to bear since drunk Ten is  _emotional_  Ten.  
  
Just in case, he grabs two red cups and embarks on creating some god awful concoction of things he's never even heard of. There's some pink liquid that seems to smell like roses, so he throws a bit of that and a bit of this and some more of something else until it looks like a unicorn vomited inside a cup.  
  
In one, giant gulp, he downs the whole thing, slamming the cup down against the counter with vigor and startling the four other occupants of the kitchen.  
  
Intently eyeing the full cup of unicorn vomit meant for Taeyong, he gulps that too and squints his entire face at the euphoric sting that burns down his throat with wonderful, magical goodness. He mixes two more drinks, except this time he discovers some edible glitter and throws that in there too so now it  _really_  fucking looks like a unicorn threw up. He must be really fucking drunk, he thinks, if he's finding this shit amusing enough to chuckle to himself.  
  
He doesn't find it in himself to venture back out into a possibly Taeyong-less party. He thinks it's the ache in his chest or the fact that his heart is still beating out of control, but the booming music and loud voices just... aren't worth it anymore, so he climbs up onto the counter, swinging his legs as he sips his happy potion.  
  
Maybe ten minutes pass, or twenty. Maybe it's only been two awfully long minutes, Ten really doesn't know but finally he hears a soft ' _hey_ ' from somewhere next to him.  
  
Lifting his head to meet the owner of the voice - although he already knows who it belongs to, Ten doesn't suppress the smile reaching all the way up to his eyes. He sighs.  _Relief_.  
  
Taeyong's leaning against the counter with a set smile, seeming a little serious and a little drunker but Ten is too drunk himself to process this as anything significant.  
  
And too happy, because Taeyong  _didn't_  leave.  
  
"Yongieee," he sings, quickly grabbing the unicorn vomit he'd made for the guy and hands it to him. "I made this for you, I call it the  _Unicorn Vomit_ ," he giggles, emphasizing the words  _Unicorn Vomit_ by drawing a rainbow in the air with his palms.  
  
"Wow, that's uh, a really fitting name," Taeyong chuckles briefly, inspecting the contents. "Is, is that,  _glitter_?"  
  
"Yeah don't worry I'm like seventy percent sure it's edible." Ten waves a carefree hand, taking a long swig from his own cup. The heels of his shoes bang against the counter with every swing of the leg, his vision already forecasting clouds. There's amusement in his eyes as he watches Taeyong, who sips carefully, eyes flying wildly open and indicating the very second the liquid reaches his taste buds.  
  
" _Fuck_ ," Taeyong coughs, "that's - that's  _really_  strong but also like,  _really_  good, what the hell is in this?"  
  
Ten shrugs, "I don't really know," he leans his weight back on a palm, setting his hat aside and combs his fingers through his damp hair. "I saw pretty colors and threw them together to make a prettier color."  
  
"It's like - like tasting the rainbow," Taeyong slurs, sipping carefully but almost chokes because Ten is, quite shamelessly, staring. He chuckles when Taeyong pretends to look out the window at something suddenly  _very_  interesting, too obviously trying to hide the heat creeping up on his face.  
  
There's a fondness in Ten's smile, his eyes warming at the adorable sight.  _Taeyong_  is adorable and the urge to test just how much that blush can spread tickles Ten.  
  
"Help me down?" He stretches his arms in front of him, hands grabbing at the air like a baby wanting to be held. The intense buzz reaches his sense of logic and Taeyong, too drunk to realize the counter isn't even that high, complies. Taeyong sets his cup aside and steps within reach of Ten's hands.  
  
Ten is quick to fold his arms over Taeyong's shoulders, keeping a distance between them but close enough for him to see himself in Taeyong's eyes, albeit blurry because he is very drunk.  
  
Even after a few seconds pass, Ten doesn't pull Taeyong any closer.  
  
There is no reason to.  
  
This distance right here is exactly what he needs to drown himself in the chocolate of Taeyong's eyes, the glittery, baby pink flesh of his lips, the creaminess of that supple skin.  
  
Taeyong's hands secure themselves under Ten's thighs, then swiftly slide him forward, propping him on the edge of the counter.

Ten  _knows_  he's drunk enough for this. He knows neither will remember anything come morning but still, he is undeniably panicked around Taeyong and regardless of how dream-like any of this feels... it's still a reality he'll have to face the consequences of once the fog clears.  
  
That, and the Unicorn Vomit has yet to reach his bloodstream.  
  
Which means he's not shitfaced - yet.  
  
He opts for hiding his face in the curve of Taeyong's neck, letting the heat of his forehead melt with Taeyong's warm skin as he's pulled off the counter. Taeyong's fingers dig into his thighs, their bodies pressing flush against each other and instinctively, Ten wraps his legs around Taeyong's waist.  
  
There's a small ' _ah_ ' against the side of his head where Taeyong's lips are and Ten smiles into his shoulder. This isn't exactly ' _helping him down_ ', he realizes. He doesn't care, though. The safety and warmth from being encased in Taeyong's arms is perfectly overpowering.  
  
Even if the hands clutching his butt and the sweet bite of alcohol from Taeyong's breath are driving a potent heat past his stomach.  
  
"I'm too drunk to walk," Ten finally murmurs, pressing himself close enough to count Taeyong's pulse.  
  
It's not a lie, either. He really isn't suited to manage something so exhausting such as walking. After all, the world is spinning faster than it should, threatening to break off its axis and spiral into the mystery of the final frontier.  
  
"I got you."  
  
It's too close, yet not nearly close enough. Taeyong's voice vibrates against his chest and Ten would have come undone if it wasn't for the arms holding him together.  
  
He lets his eyes fall shut and focuses solely on the rosy scent of Taeyong's skin, breathing him in until roses bloom in his chest.    
  
The blare of music is suddenly full, mixed with some passing conversations until the music quiets, becoming a gentle muffle once the cool night brushes against his neck. Ten stays like this, not caring where in the clouds Taeyong's carrying him to because it's comfortable in his arms. It's safe, and Ten almost gives in to the temptations of asleep when a hushed voice reels him out.  
  
"Where are your room keys?"  
  
"Left ass pocket," he slurs without even trying to peel his eyes apart or unearth his head from Taeyong's shoulder. The darkness of his lids quite wonderfully heightens his senses, causing even the simplest of touches to ignite wildfires on his skin.  
  
He swallows gasp when Taeyong's fingers slip into the back pocket of his jeans and it doesn't help that they're already tight against his skin.  
  
He bites his lip, but a soft moan escapes his throat and he tightens his arms around Taeyong's shoulders, afraid he might fall apart. Taeyong grabs the keys with his entire palm, squeezing the plump flesh of his cheek and dragging dug fingers back up in an intentionally slow pace.  
  
Oh _fuck_  
  
Taeyong isn't giving him a chance. Ten tightens his legs around his waist, sinking into the firm hand pressing under him  _for_ _more_.  
  
If Ten was sober, he would have pretended to be asleep. If he was sober, he would've just let Taeyong drop him off and take his leave. But Ten is anything  _but_  sober right now - he's absolutely shitfaced.  
  
The door softly clicks to a close and Ten lifts his head, grabbing onto the doorknob so the momentum tugs Taeyong back just slightly.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Ten stays quiet, his heart beating too fast and vision too unpredictable to focus on words right now. His breath is shaky,  _needy,_ and he curls a hand around Taeyong's neck, brushing his forehead against the heat of Taeyong's cheek. He drags his head back up and falls into the prison of those pretty eyes.  
  
Exhaling, he releases the doorknob and replaces the cold metal with the warmth of Taeyong's nape, gently grazing the tip of his nose against Taeyong's cheek - a little unsure, a little scared.  
  
But the way Taeyong's eyes darken, breathing shallow and fingers digging into Ten's jeans, it's suddenly very easy to just  _give in_.  
  
And Ten thinks that time has surely stopped. The universe has surely stilled, settling in their eyes alone.  
  
Nothing exists besides the flame burning in Taeyong's orbs, leaving his senses at the mercy of his desires.  
  
It's slow, agonizingly slow, the way Ten closes the gap, breathing him in through parted lips.  
  
Taeyong's breath is intoxicating. It's got Ten impossibly drunk in a way alcohol could never offer. He bites Taeyong's bottom lip and tugs as he pulls away, just to press the ghost of a kiss on Taeyong's moist lips.  
  
It's teasing, Ten knows that. It's an invitation, asking for the main thing - and Taeyong is quick to accept.  
  
Ten inhales, sharp and quick in both pain and pleasure when his back slams against the door. His legs tighten around Taeyong's waist, crossing over his ass and pushing their bodies closer, silently begging -  _wanting_. And Taeyong gives, catching his lips in the most languid, messy,  _hungry_  way possible.  
  
It's too hot, far too much to handle under the alcoholic haze submerging them underwater, awakening the seventh sense - a fervent urgency Ten didn't know he needed.  
  
He moans into Taeyong's lips, his fingers digging into Taeyong's shoulders and he etches the sweet sting of those soft lips until the taste sinks into his buds.  
  
It's been too long since he's been kissed, since he's been held. It's been years since his heart has raced like this but never has anyone sent chills of pleasure up his spine the way Taeyong does. Never has anyone touched him with such perfect balance between gentle and rough the way Taeyong is _right now_ - fingers clawing into his hair, pulling his head back and stretching his neck, his fingertips carefully stroking up, then back down and over the dip of his throat.  
  
He can't stop himself from falling.   
  
Fuck, he knows that already. He knows it so well.   
  
Losing his sense of self-control, Ten bites Taeyong's swollen lips with a roughness that elicits a groan from Taeyong. Ten uses the chance to slide a tongue across the seam of Taeyong's lips, deliberate and slow, his dark eyes penetrative.   
  
Their hands are restless, breathing choppy and hearts loud enough to feel against the other's chest while their lips sing in a drunken melody - this might as well be a dream. A wet dream.  
  
Ten sneaks a hand up Taeyong's neck and shoves a finger underneath the thick black choker, then two. He slidws them over the bulge of Taeyong's neck with slight pressure, but enough to feel him shiver helplessly.   
  
Control has always been a kink, for Ten. He lives for being the cause of someone's pleasure, but when Taeyong's hand reaches down his side and kneads his ass, giving just as much as Ten, it fucking  _exhilarates_  him.  
  
Sliding his fingers out from under the choker, Ten hooks them around one of the larger rings and almost aggressively pulls, deepening their kiss to unimaginable depths. He uses every sober cell left in his body to prevent himself from grinding against Taeyong's stomach but -  _fuck_  he really wants to.

He tangles both his hands in the scarlet of Taeyong's hair, resting his elbows on his shoulders and  _almost_  succeeds but the way Taeyong sucks his lip, drawing out his tongue just to bite the tip, Ten falls over the edge and lets the ache in his pants grind against Taeyong's hard abs.  
  
The relief is euphoric, the satisfying friction of his jeans against those muscles, even through the thick cloth, has Ten discarding the tiny self-control that he'd managed to preserve.  
  
For the first time tonight, he let's himself go _entirely_ \- lets his fingers push past the hem of Taeyong's hoodie and drag across the soft flesh of his hips, tracing up the dips of his spine, ghosting back down and pressing firmly into the dimples just above his jeans.  
  
Ten savors the touch, the bliss and privilege of being able to feel Taeyong so intimately - to buck his hips so ravenously. To produce such a deep moan from Taeyong's throat.  
  
Ten smirks into Taeyong's wet, raw lips until a quick, drowning kiss is pressed onto his own. Then the corner of his mouth. Then his cheek. Followed by teeth grazing against his earrings and a tongue flicking over one of the hoops that makes Ten hold back a sound too lewd for the world to hear.  
  
The scarlet strands are breezy between Ten's fingers compared to the growing heat between their bodies. The silk of his hair grounds him and he fists into the locks to keep himself from floating away.  
  
Moans roll off Ten's tongue, one after the other, breathier and heavier as Taeyong's lips trail a line of wet, open-mouth kisses from under his ear, across his jaw and down the lean curve of his throat. Taeyong's thumb gently strokes over his jaw, contrasting the fire those lips are leaving on his skin.  
  
There's desperation in Taeyong's lips and Ten feels the way they leave something unsaid against his skin.  
  
" _Taeyong_ \- " he moans breathily, afraid he'll reach his breaking point. But Taeyong's thumb on the curve of his jaw is tilting his head to the side, skin scalding under Taeyong's lips as they suck the sensitive skin under his jaw right where his mole sits.  
  
But Ten wants more. He's greedy, drunk, aroused enough that his dick is already aching. These excuses provide a valid enough reason to push his fingers under Taeyong's tight jeans, begging to feel more but Taeyong is quick to pull away, forcing the heated moment to a screeching halt.  
  
A whine is about halfway between Ten's lips when Taeyong presses their foreheads together, their breathing too heavy to manage anything else.  
  
"I wanna do this when we can both remember it," Taeyong breathes and Ten shivers a little from the sweetness in Taeyong's voice against his lips.  
  
"Rain check for when we're not drunk?" Ten smiles lazily, sleep already tugging on his eyelids and from the looks of it, its tugging on Taeyong's too.   
  
"Sounds good. Bed?"  
  
Ten hums, pressing a petal-soft kiss against Taeyong's lips. Unrushed and soothing, flourishing deep in his chest. A fond smile finds his lips just as he pulls away and he burrows his face in the crook of Taeyong's neck. "Bed," he mumbles, the warmth of gentle lips tingling on his temple before everything turns black.  
  
 

* * *

  
  
Ten wakes up to the sound of his name blending with the placid ocean waves of his dream. He regains consciousness from his slumber to find Taeyong gently shaking him awake and Ten hopes to god he's still drunk.  
  
He is.   
  
"Hm?" Ten manages from deep in his throat. He tries to keep his eyelids apart for more than a few seconds, but it's a challenge he isn't willing to win at this point and leaves them closed. The bed dips a little as Taeyong shifts beside him, and everything seems wonderfully domesticated in Ten's sleepy, drunk brain.   
  
"You have to drink water and eat some food, or you'll feel sick tomorrow."   
  
Smiling foolishly, he forces himself awake just to revel in the image of a half-asleep Taeyong in _his_  bed. His face is so close and the softness of those chocolate eyes is radiant enough to be seen in the dark and Ten begs the heavens for the ability to freeze time. If he wasn't still drunk, he'd realize he finds himself wishing this quite frequently since he's met Taeyong.  
  
"You need to drink water and eat food too," Ten finally replies, smushing his face into the pillow a little more.   
  
"I will if you do," is all Taeyong had to say for to Ten push himself straight up too fast.  _Way too fucking fast_. Clutching his forehead at the throbbing pain, Ten whimpers, cursing himself but Taeyong's fingers rubbing circles in his temples quickly has him forgetting what he was cursing about.  
  
"I'm still super drunk," Ten half-groans half-chuckles, automatically leaning into Taeyong's chest. He's falling asleep again, vision already shifting between dream and reality and Taeyong's warm arms holding him, rubbing his back, has him half-way asleep again.   
  
"You can sleep once you eat."  
  
It's melodious, Taeyong's voice. Lulling. And Ten could fall asleep to his voice every night if he could but tries a second time to pry his eyes apart. He gazes up at Taeyong with hunched shoulders and a childish pout, too drunk to notice the blush grazing Taeyong's face, especially in the dark.    
  
"I have to pee so bad I feel like my bladder will burst," he whines. Chuckling, Taeyong lends an arm to help Ten off the bed and into the bathroom.   
  
   
  
Softly closing the door, Ten doesn't bother himself to switch on the bathroom light. Bright things are his worst enemy when shitfaced - with the exception of Taeyong, of course.

Slumping onto the toilet seat, too sleepy and drunk to try standing and aiming at this point, he nearly falls asleep on the toilet. And he almost does, until an aggressive meowing is suddenly yelling at him from somewhere and startles the crap out of him (not literally, don't worry.) He switches on one of the dimmer lights and finds Hero in the bathtub - the curtain and almost every bottle a mess in the tub. Ten sighs.   
  
  
  
"Look who I found," Ten shuffles out a while later, holding Hero against his chest.   
  
"Ah, I was wondering where she was." Taeyong walks up to them from his spot on the bed and pets her smooth fur, but Ten pushes her into Taeyong's arms instead. He points with his chin to a cup of water on Ten's appliance desk, since Hero is occupying his entire top half. "Do you have anything to eat?"   
  
Without looking, Ten lifts a finger in the direction of his mini-fridge as he inhales the ice cold water. It feels amazing, cooling his throat and his burning insides. He can't exactly recall why they're burning in the first place, his memories already become a smudged painting.   
  
Taeyong is beside him four seconds later with two yogurts. "Is it okay if I have one too?" He asks, handing one to Ten. But Ten is still too drunk to filter his mouth or to stop himself from being embarrassingly extra.    
  
"You're welcome to have anything of mine you'd like Yongie, please don't ask, it hurts my feelings," he says with a dramatic pout.  
  
  
Twenty minutes later they're both back in the warmth and comforts of Ten's queen bed. Ten, wanting to enjoy this for as long as his drunk self can, stretches his arm over Taeyong's middle and pulls him just a bit closer until their knees are touching. He's just about to let himself melt into Taeyong when he remembers something that's... missing.    
  
"My hat!" He cries, nearly sitting up at the sudden realization that his precious hat is gone. "Did I leave my hat at the party?"

Taeyong laughs, wrapping his arms around Ten and bringing them  _even closer._ "I grabbed it before we left, don't worry, it's on your desk."

There's short pause, then, occupying a meaningful silence that has Ten smiling wider than he should.   
  
"Thank you Taeyong," he finally whispers, eyes threatening to fall shut any moment but can't will himself to look away from Taeyong either. He's beautiful like this, with the crimson fringe falling over his eyes, lips just a little parted, the skin of his hips peeking from underneath his shirt because Ten's clothes aren't quite long enough for Taeyong's tall physique.  
  
Even the moonlight seems to agree that this moment is indeed perfect - shining directly onto Taeyong's soft features and highlighting the fiery bangs against his tone. He's truly a work of art. Someone so intricately designed. A wonderful masterpiece in Ten's mind. He reaches up, taking the silken strands between his fingertips and brushes the back of his hand down the side of Taeyong's face, tracing a finger across his jaw with the fondness of an artist appreciating an exquisite sculpture.   
  
Taeyong shifts, pressing their lips together with a gentleness that breaks Ten's heart. A softness reserved for only the most precious things in the universe, but he doesn't read into that right now - rather, he  _can't_  because his brain is still foggy and the warmth of those lips is enough to melt thoughts into insignificance.  
  
They pull away together, Ten's eyes falling into Taeyong's without even having to try and his lips instantly curve into a lazy smile. 

Taeyong hums, playfully. "You're staring."  
  
"So are you," Ten whispers, eyelids too heavy to fight sleep even a second more. He quickly kisses the corner of Taeyong's mouth before his lids close and this becomes nothing more than a pleasant dream. "I really like you, Yongie."


	8. Blazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a while to edit this but here it finally is! Lemme know what y'all think in the comments! Also, I'll be opening an open-prompt thing soon for a bunch of fandoms and ships so look out for that if you'd like to suggest something~

_Ten dreams of purple._

_A supple, warm splash of hues as the sunset melts into the cerulean expanse of water._ _He's floating, head just above the surface as he gazes up into the sky - a beautiful painting of the galaxy and all the stars it contains looking back at him in a breathtaking splatter. The moon is several hues of a gentle red and Ten thinks that if he stretches his arm just enough, his fingertips could graze its cratered surface._

_He hears only the low hum of the moon as it drags slowly in its axis. He feels nothing besides the warm embrace of water surrounding his body. Reaching his hand towards the sky, a breeze gently cards between his stretched fingers and he leans into it, grabbing a little tighter at the light wind._

_It's comfortably hazy, but the hum of the moon suddenly sounds like a low moan and -_

Eyes flying wide open, Ten would scream if he wasn't already falling off the bed with a loud thud and one hand in the air, because why the fuck he's waking up _on top_ of Taeyong, he has no fucking idea.

In a fraction of a second he realizes it was _Taeyong's_ hair between his fingers,  _not the wind_  and ensues freaking out even further.

"Are you okay?"

 _God_  Taeyong's voice is thick with sleep. If Ten wasn't already panicking, he sure as fuck would be now.

Taeyong is leaning over the edge of the bed, his eyes half-opened and hair incredibly messy just like the day he'd sprained his ankle.

"Y - yeah, uhm -" Ten stutters, scrambling to sit up because his limbs are _everywhere_. "D - did we," he coughs, unsure how to even say what he's trying to say without sounding extremely obvious. "Did I do something to you that I shouldn't have?" he finally manages, but his voice pitches a little.

Taeyong moves to sit on the edge of the bed and there's something in his eyes then, Ten notices. A sudden wave of sadness, perhaps, or disappointment, deep in the chocolate of his eyes. 

"We didn't do anything, I was just too tired to make it to the other side of the hall..." he pauses, chewing his lip for a moment. "How much do you remember?"

Ten stills, his eyes darting around in space as he tries to recall last night's events. "I... danced to Taki Taki and sometime after I rounded the corner everything just went really dark and hazy? Like... I have a vague memory of making some really shitty drink,"

"Unicorn Vomit."

His mouth pinches in both disgust and surprise.  "Really? Wow, yeah, that sounds like something I'd come up with..."

"It was good, don't worry."

_Oh..._

"So... you remember everything?"

Taeyong nods, a small smile on his lips as he does. "I do, but nothing bad happened, trust me."

Well, that Ten had not expected. He's sure his drunk self probably thought they'd both forget everything come morning - especially considering how _lightweight_ Taeyong is. 

"I didn't take advantage of you... did I? I get touchy as fuck when I'm drunk and if I did something to make you uncomfortable you can have my first born I promise - " Ten heaves in one fast breath but Taeyong's laugh is enough to calm his nerves, although just slightly. It sounds different from before, Ten thinks. Less restrained, as if something's opened up between the two of them.

"You did no such thing, don't worry Tennie. "

" _That_ nickname I remember, at least."

"Well, you were fully sober when I said it."

Ten nods with his entire upper half, trying hard to hide the smile pulling at his lips. "Breakfast?"

 

Sporting a surprisingly mild hangover, they order in and finish eating with soft conversations bouncing in between every so often and Hero occasionally trying to steal a bite.

"What made you wanna study in Thailand?" Ten asks, scraping off as much leftover maple syrup from the sides of his take-out box as he can. He glances up at Taeyong, whose sitting across from him, cross-legged and done eating about five minutes ago.

Taeyong shrugs, "I guess I needed to get away," he says, crossing his arms over his stomach. "I wanted to find myself, experience something new. Thailand seemed like the right place to go I guess."

Ten can't argue with that. It's perfectly understandable. The beauty, the peace that this place offers is... invigorating and Ten knows that better than anyone.

"You came to the right place, then. Thailand is really beautiful, you know especially it's nature and diversity - god, it's revitalizing, really, the beauty of it especially in the less populated areas," Ten can't help but smile, because Thailand is a part of _him_. A beautiful piece of him.

He looks up at Taeyong then, his excited smile softening under Taeyong's sunlit gaze. 

"I know," Taeyong says and there's something in his expression. Something... _deeper_ , implying this isn't just about Thailand and its beauty. That the warmth in his eyes isn't _just_ for the country, but for the beauty he's looking at right now - for _Ten_.

And Ten doesn't realize he's stopped breathing.

He also doesn't realize he's _staring_ until Taeyong seems to have moved closer, leaning over the space between them, balancing on a knee and a palm and Ten flinches when the weight of Taeyong's hand finds his own, shifting his senses to overdrive.

Quickly, he glances down at their hands, then back at Taeyong with impossibly wide eyes. And they grow wider still, even when the rest of him is frozen. He wants to move back, but Taeyong's face is close enough to shadow his own and Ten only manages to squeeze his eyes shut and hold his breath.

A pleasant heat spreads across his body the moment Taeyong's lips press against his cheek, fleeting and soft - nothing more than a peck. A gesture that could mean anything.

 _"Absolutely beautiful,"_ Taeyong whispers, the heat of his breath sending a shiver down his body.

Just a peck, Ten tells himself. Nothing but a peck.

Taeyong's already backed up before Ten can even process it but -  _but, oh god_.

It's just a harmless kiss. A peck, a small, barely there touch that's common between friends... right? That's what Ten fucking hopes.

"I'll return these to you after I wash them," Taeyong says casually, pointing at the clothes on his body with an amused smile. Ten nods, short and rapid because what the fuck else can he even say? He can't manage a proper thought, let alone a whole sentence that he's sure would come out in an incoherent stutter because _Lee fucking Taeyong_ just kissed him on the cheek.

A confident gay indeed.

And Ten? A panicked gay, indeed.

 

* * *

 

Almost every student is on the verge of a mental breakdown and Ten is no exception. Exams have always been particularly brutal for third years, after all.

He's been getting home past midnight all week because balancing studying, RA duties, work, and time in the studio is leaving him with just barely enough time to deal with basic necessities for survival. Sleep has become a distant friend that he rarely meets, if at all,  and at this point he's running purely on caffeine, chocolate, and Hero's constant attention.

And maybe _, maybe_ a little on the lingering rush of that peck from almost a week ago.

Six days and Ten has only met Taeyong in passing - in the kitchen, their dorm hallway, in the hallways of the academic buildings. And every time he'd see him, without fail, the blaze of Taeyong's lips against his cheek would burn his skin as if he was being kissed right at that moment.

Taeyong, on the other hand, seemed unperturbed.

So maybe the peck was exactly that - a peck.

Meaningless. A friendly gesture. But _why_. Why at that moment? Ten doesn't understand it.

Or rather he doesn't want to, because if that kiss meant anything more... he wouldn't know what to do. Kiss him back? Maybe.

 

* * *

 

 

It's late Friday night and his brain finally fries to a crisp. He's been in the studio trying to birth something for his performance class, but his attention keeps floating to the fact things are very, _very_ different.

Peck aside - without a doubt something _definitely_ changed in the way Taeyong held himself the morning after the party. Something in the way his eyes lingered a little longer with a gaze as delicate as dried petals. The way his texts got just a little longer, a little more frequent than before feels like it _means_ _something._ And fancying the thought of that peck meaning something more as well, it suddenly doesn't seem so absurd.   

He saw it in Lisa too, the way her eyes had a glint of something on Wednesday afternoon. Ten couldn't read what it was but he also wasn't sure if he should've asked, either.

It's obvious that something shifted.  _Particularly_ in the way his own heart has settled with something that he doesn't remember.

Ten twirls in the slightly broken studio chair with his head thrown back, staring blankly at the ceiling. Sighing rather heavily, he pulls his hood over his eyes with the intent that maybe some good old darkness can jog his memory. It doesn't and eventually, he gives up and heads back to his dorm because Hero is probably meowing up a storm since she's a needy little shit just like him.

 

The stairs have never seemed so long as they do right now. He forces himself up even though his legs are screaming, but he's got to keep himself awake or else he'll flop forward and fall asleep wherever his body lands. He knows it as a fact because it's happened once or twice in the elevator.

Thank god there's only a few steps left... four, three, _two..._ until he's finally pushing open the stairwell door to his floor and -

Oh

The burn of that peck is warm on his cheek again.

Sitting cross-legged outside his room, is Taeyong - a finger poking inside from the thin space between the door and the floor. Taeyong's head had turned at the sound of the opening door, his eyes smiling at Ten.

"She was meowing really loud, so I just kinda sat here playing with her," he explains and Ten's eyes follow Taeyong's arm below the door where he can see Hero's paw poking out in search for the finger. Ten huffs out a chuckle.

"Thanks," he giggles tiredly, "she's really needy, like, always."

Taeyong giggles too. "It's cute," he says, lifting himself off the floor as Ten unlocks the door.

"Come in." He offers the invitation without really thinking because he's really fucking tired. That and he missed Taeyong to such an intensity that he's prepared to seize any given opportunity to spend time with the guy. Even if his presence _does things_ to him.

Throwing his bag to the side, Ten drops himself onto the swivel chair as Taeyong closes the door behind them.

In less than a second Hero is meowing loudly at Taeyong's feet and Ten thinks she's become just as attached to Taeyong as she is with him.

Not that he minds, of course. Taeyong's hard _not_ to become attached to.

Fondly, Ten watches Taeyong pick her up and cradle her with nothing but unbridled affection. He notices the bag in Taeyong's hand - a small white tote bag.

"You look really sleepy," Taeyong says.

"So do you."

"I am," he smiles, then hands the contents inside the tote back to Ten. "Thank you for letting me borrow your clothes."

"I don't even remember when I gave them to you."

There's an awful lot more he doesn't remember. It's annoying him, not knowing what happened, but he takes the neatly folded pile of clothes with the most natural expression he has to offer. "How did exams go?"

Taeyong shrugs, the entirety of his attention focused on Hero pawing the drawstrings of his hoodie with the fondest smile Ten has ever seen. "I'm not really worried. The perfectionist side of me has kept me from sleeping more than two hours a night. I can practically recite the chapters word for word. I hate it."

" _Wow_ - I'd be lucky if I can even remember the name of the textbook, let alone what's inside. The second I hand in the exam my brain flushes out everything I'd studied."

"I do that after the semester ends," Taeyong smiles lazily, his eyes settling in Ten's sleep-deprived ones. "What about yours?"

It takes a second for Ten to figure out _what_ Taeyong is talking about, but he lets out a small _'ah'_ when he does.

"Honestly, I don't even wanna think about it. I'm sure I got a few ulcers stressing over them," he says with an over-exaggerated snort that results in Taeyong laughing _adorably_. Ten can't help but laugh too. Taeyong is, after all, beautifully contagious.

Getting up, Ten trudges to his appliance table and pulls out two teacups. "You want some tea? I've got a whole collection of them. I usually drink some herbal passionflower tea with honey at night, it works like a charm."

Taeyong hums and Ten doesn't have to turn around to know he's nodding. "Tea sounds nice."

 

Ten had expected Taeyong to leave himself.

He'd expected Taeyong to just get up and bid him goodnight after half an hour, or even an hour.

But three hours in at three in the morning, Taeyong and Ten are both hunched over on the bed, cackling and wheezing at every little fucking thing because when you're sleep deprived and exhausted, _everything_ is absolutely hilarious.

Not surprisingly, he's laughed enough to form tears in his eyes. His stomach and cheeks are sore from the laughing and Hero is looking at them with slight horror because they probably look maniacal to her. And Taeyong's slapping  _his_ knee with emphasis, a touch that has about five percent of Ten hyper aware.

A terribly horrible pun is made by Taeyong and Ten loses his shit. He throws his head back too far and bangs it against the wall behind him - which is apparently _hysterical_.

Ten finally understands why pain is such a crowd-pleaser in comedies.

"Be careful!" Taeyong scolds between chuckles and Ten feels his hand rubbing the spot where he'd hit his head. He leans into the touch despite him half-crying half-cackling, a sound no short of a dying donkey. It's unattractive, really. But Ten doesn't care. It's easy to be himself around Taeyong. It comes naturally. 

"Ah, seriously," Ten manages, finally able to breathe. "I don't know what hurts more, my cheeks or my head."

They stay like this for a few short moments, in soft giggles and quick glances.

"I'm surprised you haven't yet kicked me out," Taeyong says so quietly that Ten almost misses it. Honestly, Ten is surprised at himself for not kicking Taeyong out, especially considering how sleepy he is. He's also surprised at Taeyong inability to stay still, the way he keeps glancing shyly between his twiddling thumbs and Ten.

He tilts his head with intrigue and hums, curiously. "I like spending time with you."

There's a noticeable shift in Taeyong. The slow, drawn-out breathing as if he's contemplating,   _struggling_ , with himself to find something that's invisible to Ten. His face is scrunched in concentration and Ten is afraid he'll fall asleep right there if the silence persists a second more.

"What're you thinking?"

He doesn't miss the subtle twitch of Taeyong's lips, the pinkish blush on the tips of his ears or the way his fingers seem more restless than they were a minute before.

"Can I redeem our rain check from the party?"

Ten blurts out a snort, his face contorting in pure disbelief because _what the actual_ _hell_  even happened that night, he thinks.

"We have a rain check?"

Taeyong nods, a cute smile on his lips as he does.

"About what?" Ten asks with the highest amount of amusement.

"I'd rather just show you... if that's okay." It's more of a question than anything.

And if Ten isn't mistaken, Taeyong seems... nervous. A part of him thinks he should feel nervous too but he's _tired_ and doesn't want to deal with such complicated emotions at past three in the fucking morning.

"Whatever you'd like," he smiles, sitting up a little more so he can observe Taeyong. And he does. His tired eyes don't leave Taeyong for even half a second.

With a heavy, almost defeated sigh Taeyong drops his head between them and leans on his palms.

"C - can you close your eyes?" He whispers, head still dropped between his shoulders.

Ten is quick to do as he's told. "They're closed."

He hears some gentle shuffling, some nervous sighing as the bed shifts under him. A few seconds pass and Taeyong's heat is surrounding him.

He's _close_ \- Ten can tell as much. Close enough that he can taste the passionflower from Taeyong's breath. Close enough that he feels Taeyong's soft fringe against his forehead, close enough that -

_Oh_

Close enough for Taeyong to be kissing him.

Fuck

He wasn't ready. 

 _Fuck fuck fuck_ - 

And Taeyong's lips are so soft, so warm that Ten's body could explode with fireworks from the touch but... 

_It's too much_

Ten gasps into it, his breath catching in his throat when Taeyong's hand slides onto his own.

Oh how _badly_ he wants to keep falling.

Every part of his heart and body is telling him to press back because this is everything he's been _yearning_ for, forthe past month and a half and now it's _finally_ happening and feels even better than anything his imagination could ever produce.

Which is why he surprises himself. Maybe it's the thing he's held locked up all these years. Maybe it's something else entirely, but he pushes Taeyong away and wipes his lips with his sleeve, running out of his room before his heart has a chance to catch up and change his mind.


	9. Sinking, not Drowning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW, Y'ALL HAD A FIELD DAY WITH THE LAST CHAPTER IN THE COMMENTS - y'all made my week, really, bc those comments were exactly what I was hoping for with that chapter. 
> 
> Of course with a cliffhanger like that I couldn't leave y'all hanging too long, so here's the next one! I'll probably update anywhere between once or twice a week since I have already written a pretty decent amount.

The time doesn't matter and Ten doesn't give a fuck that people are sleeping and that he's probably waking some of them up. 

He's trying to hold it together. Trying to keep himself intact for just a while longer, covering his eyes with his sleeve so the pesky tears that had managed to escape will soak, while the other hand knocks frantically, erratically,  _desperately_ at Lisa's door.

She doesn't take long to open, half asleep and fully alarmed and Ten lets himself fall apart.

But it's okay - with Lisa, he can fall apart as much as he wants.

She gathers him in her arms and it's a warmth of comfort. A warmth he knows will keep him intact no matter how hard he breaks or how small the shattered pieces are.

There's unbound sincerity in her eyes that's laced with worry. "Ten what happened?"

Words don't seem to come to him, getting lost between hitched breathing and choked sobs. Ten feels her hand rubbing up and down his back, whispering soft reassurances as she does and it helps, a little bit, to calm his emotions.

She sits him down, keeping an arm around his shoulder while the other holds his hand.

 _This_ is why he needs her. Every crevice of Ten's mind she knows like the back of her hand. She knows exactly what he needs to hear and feel and right now, he needs to be _close_ \- to keep himself from going insane, to keep him grounded. Lisa knows that better than anyone.

"He - " he tries, but his voice cracks. After taking a steadying breath, he tries again. "T - Taeyong, he, I'm sorry Lisa - "

"It's okay."

"He kissed me, I - "

Ten feels Lisa pause, then she pulls him away just enough to look at him.

What he'd expected to see was sadness. A frown, or anything on the spectrum of disappointment but instead he's met with a genuine grin and a radiance in her eyes as she lifts up his head by the chin and wipes some tears away.

"W - why aren't you upset?"

"The real question is, why are _you_ so upset? You've been crushing on him since day one, so why are you freaking out?"

That's what he's wondering, himself.

"Because," he starts and his voice is incredibly fragile - something he allows only a select few hear; Lisa, his mother, sister, and their neighbor's son. A very small circle, if he says so himself. "You also like him and I - it doesn't feel right and I just - "

"Ten, I confessed to him at the party."

It's silent, suddenly.

Everything is silent and he blinks, trying to make sense of the words that she's just said.

" _What..._ " he whispers under his breath, almost inaudibly.

"Yeah. I was drunk so you know, I thought why not. He rejected me, of course. I already knew he would - "

"Why didn't you say something earlier?" 

She shrugs nonchalantly. "I tried but every time I'd bring it up, you'd tell me to just tell you later because of exams and the one time I did explicitly say I needed to tell you something important, that aggravatingly bright Japanese kid interrupted us at the worst time and wouldn't fucking leave even after you left for work." 

It's so clear now - the undeniable change in the atmosphere this past week, in Lisa and Taeyong. Ten wonders how he missed it when it should have been nothing but obvious.

The peck, the stolen glances, the flicker in Lisa's eyes on Wednesday. It's been laid out in front of him this entire time.

He should have seen it coming.

He should have _known_ better.

"I'm sorry," he says, his voice hoarse. "I'm really sorry," he repeats, his head sinking deeper and deeper and he's crying again. Apology after apology keeps rolling out of his mouth until his voice breaks and can only manage short whimpers.

He doesn't know why he's apologizing. Hell, he doesn't even know why _he's crying_ , when he should be celebrating but something inside him... _hurts_.

" _Please_ stop apologizing," she sighs, but Ten doesn't seem to hear it. "If you're really sorry then go collect your man, Ten." 

No, he couldn't do that, not now. How could he possibly?

He shakes his head furiously, an almost fearful look deep in his eyes when he finally looks up. "No, I can't, I literally pushed him away and ran out and, and I don't know, it just doesn't feel right-" 

"Ten." 

The rambling stops rolling off his lips. He blinks, suddenly very... calm. Numb, almost.

"What else is bothering you? I know it's not _just_  because I liked him. It's obvious that there's something else and I think you and I both know what it is." 

He knows.

Yet nothing, absolutely nothing comes out when he opens his mouth. He presses his lips back together because _yes_ , he does know what else is at play - but he isn't ready to admit it, not right now.

Yet somehow, Lisa's knowing look pulls it through his reluctant lips.

"I - " he breathes out, wiping the crusted tears off his face. "I keep having these dreams, nightmares, actually, where Taeyong is saying... saying these things, to me and... I guess I'm scared, that something will happen because for fuck's sake something _always_ happens - " he scoffs, stopping because its suddenly very hard to breathe. 

The walls of his throat are inundating. His body is heating up with a prickly sensation and nothing seems real anymore.

An anxiety attack, he realizes, is what he's feeling right now. Remembering _those_ things, from his darkest memories, it does that to him. Although this one isn't nearly as bad as his last attack from a year ago.  

The attack doesn't go unnoticed. Lisa rubs long circles on his back and takes a moment before saying anything.

"At the party, after Taki Taki," she pauses, presumably to study the confusion growing on his face because of the abrupt change of subject. "Taeyong tried to kiss you..." she says carefully as if she's waiting for the words to sink in Ten's thoughts - and they do. In a bright red flush spreading across his face, widening his eyes.

She continues before he can reply to that,  not that he was planning on it anyway. "But when he was about to kiss you, you totally freaked out and locked yourself in the bathroom. That's when I asked him to come with me and I told him I liked him." 

Oh, It's purely _annoying_ , not being able to remember that.

It's even more annoying that the only thing he _does_ remember is that godforsaken Unicorn Vomit.

"We talked for a little while after that but he was feeling really bad and I practically had to force the guy to go find you because he was so embarrassed and scared that he'd fucked up, so I make him take a shot to loosen his nerves right, and like a few minutes later I see you asleep on the guy, latched onto him like a big koala while he just carries you out like you're this precious thing. And, he told me, like, a few days ago because we ran into each other in the cafe and the boy still _won't. fucking. stop. apologizing - "_

Ten would giggle at the theatrics Lisa is providing, but the words haven't quite sunk yet for him to manage that.

"So I tell him _it's fine_ and that he shouldn't feel bad, blah blah basically what I told you eons ago, so I stay with him and we just talked, for like... two hours? About you, about what happened that night, how you kissed him back in your room but Taeyong said he wanted to do it when you two are sober so it can be remembered and you were like ' _how about a rain check'_ or something," she imitates his voice quite horribly, which finally cracks a smile on his chapped lips.

" _Anyways_ , what I'm getting at is that you and Taeyong are like... _meant_ for each other, and you know that if it's coming from _me_ \- the one who always rejects your shitty boyfriends, then it's fucking saying something Ten," she pauses, intently staring at him for some kind of reassurance that he understands. He manages only a short nod, but it's enough to let her continue.

"Think of it this way, if you still need affirmation. Taeyong is like, _like fire_ , right, and you, you're fluid like water and together, you two are firewater, like alcohol," she nods rather proudly, a pronouncement to her analogy.

Ten can't say it doesn't make sense. In some inane way, it does.

"So you're saying that Taeyong and I... make _alcohol_?"

Groaning, she rubs her face and Ten knows she's annoyed by the simplicity of his answer. "No, I'm saying that _like_ alcohol, you two are a powerful bond. You two are a fucking covalent bond, Ten."

Oddly, that _also_ makes sense. Maybe it's the time, the raw hour that's providing sense to every piece of supposed encouragement Lisa is providing, but he's also too tired to think further into anything right now.

"I see that what you studied for chem is still ripe in your brain."

A vertical line forms between her brows at the reply and she narrows her eyes in his. There isn't even a drop of drowsiness on her face. 

"I am _trying_ to help you and all you can manage is _that_?! I really thought about that analogy, you know, because it isn't even an analogy Ten, it's _true_. You two have this undeniable chemistry and even if I decided to ignore it for nearly a month, it's there," she says, her voice a crescendo, each word louder, more excited than the previous one and Ten can't help but feel a bit overwhelmed. "Johnny sees it, I see it, everyone at that party saw it because you danced to Taki Taki as if it was fucking _meant_ for Taeyong's eyes to see and he fucking _saw it_  and didn't take his eyes off for even a nanosecond because he couldn't and if that isn't a big fucking neon sign that you two are meant to be something, then I don't know what is!" 

It's in her eyes, the unwavering sincerity, the genuineness of her voice. He releases a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding as the newfound information marinates even the deepest crevices of his too-sleepy brain. 

But he's sleep deprived beyond human capacity and only manages to reply with a soft ' _huh'_. 

His lids are too heavy to fight with and he stays awake just long enough to notice the way Lisa's lip protrudes in an annoyed pout. He sees her mouth move, hears her say a little something and slap his arm but it's been twenty-nine hours since he'd last closed his eyes and the slight bliss from Lisa's words are enough to calm his nerves. They're enough to let him flop forward on his stomach, let the words and the linger of Taeyong's lips sink in deep as he falls into an even deeper sleep.

 

* * *

 

Ten almost _always_ dreams.

For as long as he can remember, he has dreamt. Whether it's a dream that edges on the definition of a nightmare, or something insignificant, or profound. Even if the entire dream consists of him trying to find a working toilet, he still _dreams_. 

But this time, Ten dreams of nothing. When he wakes up just seven minutes before noon, he thinks only a minute had passed since he closed his eyes to sleep. His body is bitching and aching and his eyes are sporting the darkest bags he's had all year, so naturally, his first instinct after waking up is to curse himself for waking up so soon - until he realizes that the shorthand is about to strike noon. 

Momentarily, he panics because his mind and body had become horribly trained to the stress of exams that he assumes he's got to be late for _something_. That is, until he realizes its Saturday and flops back over to sleep some more. 

This time, Ten does dream. Lisa's words had seasoned even the deepest folds of Ten's brain, allowing them to manifest his subconscious, into what he _thinks_ happened at the party. 

 

_A starry spark in Taeyong's eyes as he leans in, a gentle brush of the nose before their lips touch._

_There's fireworks - actual fireworks, somewhere in the distance. Taeyong's hands are under his thighs, sliding him off a smooth surface. He's being carried, arms crossed around broad shoulders as he hangs off Taeyong's back -_ because that's the logical way to carry someone, although the warmth grazing across the front of Ten's hips suggests otherwise.

_They're walking across a dark twinkling plane, surrounded by burning stars. It's as if the sky isn't up there anymore. That space isn't someplace unreachable. The sky has fallen, blending with the undulation of oceans and estuaries until it's become one with life underwater. It's a place undiscovered yet everything looks vaguely familiar._

_Ten mumbles something and Taeyong grasps his ass and they're no longer in an illusion, but in Ten's room. He tugs Taeyong's lip with his teeth and the four walls surrounding them burn to stardust. When his back is pushed against something hard, they're sinking through the depths of a lake - Ten's back flush against the silken lake bed. Their lips dance with the rhythm of the current, the water scalding but Ten's body can't seem to feel anything besides Taeyong's touch on his skin and lips speaking into his own. And he feels it, for a moment, in the real world. A warm tingle where Taeyong is kissing him in his dream - his lips, cheek, forehead, neck._

Still asleep, Ten's hand makes its way to the side of his neck, where something had left a pleasant sensation.

 _"Ten!"_ he hears and suddenly Taeyong is looking at him wide-eyed. _"Ten, wake up,"_ he repeats, voice sounding a little higher, until the resonation blends into something that sounds an awful lot like Lisa and - _Oh_

Ten, his face scrunched up because he knows _exactly_ what just happened, curses a fuck under his breath. After a second he peeks from the slit of his right eyelid and sees Lisa staring at him from the table with hamster cheeks.

"Can you _not_ have wet dreams about Taeyong _on my bed?_ "

He chokes on a yawn before he's able to reply to that. "How dare you have breakfast without me?"

Ten doesn't have to see her to know she's rolling her eyes. He pushes himself off the satin sheets and trudges into the bathroom.

Disgusting. He feels absolutely _disgusting_ \- tear stained cheeks, greasy hair, sweat clogged pores. He doesn't dare look in the mirror while brushing his teeth because he _feels_ how bad he looks and decides it's for the best that he showers.

It was stupid of him to think taking a shower would be peaceful. Just four minutes in and the hot stream is already mixing with his tears.

He doesn't realize he's crying until a sob leaves his throat and immediately, he covers his mouth, frozen in place.

 _Why?_ Why cry now, after everything Lisa told him? He should be happy, he thinks. Ecstatic, is what he should be feeling because Taeyong fucking _kissed him_ and yet here he is, losing control of his emotions as if the world is coming to an end.

Leaning against the shower tiles, Ten lets himself sink, knees pressed to his chest. He's surprised at himself, yet he should've expected this. Having shoved years and years of pain and insecurities inside a box that's far too tiny and has no outlet, the pressure was bound to build beyond capacity. A fool-proof recipe for a ticking time bomb.

A bomb Taeyong has set off.

 

"You took a while." Lisa announces the obvious without looking up from her phone as she lounges on her bed.

Ten shrugs, rubbing a small towel through his hair while a larger one sits on his hips. "Your shampoo smelled too good, I didn't have the heart to wash it off so I just basked in the breezy scent."  

Lisa eyes him and he knows she isn't falling for it. He opens the closet doors and searches for a second before finding his stash of clothes folded messily inside a black storage box.

"Ten," he hears, his head still shoved half-way inside the closet but he knows what _that_ tone means and decides to ignore it.

He continues rummaging and hears a soft grunt, then pulls out a tee-shirt and sweatpants before looking at Lisa, who sighs.

He knows what she's thinking. He knows she heard him crying through the pattering of the shower. The way her head is tilted and the softness in her eyes give it away.

" _TenTen,_ "

"I'll be fine," Ten smiles but he knows Lisa sees through it.

"Warm up your French toast," she says instead, picking up a notebook from her bag to presumably begin homework. "You took so long it got cold."

Ten salivates at the sound of bread - sweet, slathered in maple syrup bread - but he wraps Lisa up in a tight hug before giving into his stomach.

 

* * *

 

A little hesitant to venture back to his dorm building, Ten walks very, _very_ slowly on the short trek there. A million scenarios are coursing through his head, a million voices cascading over each other and Ten can't hear anything else.

Every step he takes seems heavier than the last. Each breath shallower than the one before but to his surprise, he makes it to the third floor without any signs of _him_. When he pushes open the stairwell door to his floor, Ten comes to a standstill.

Sitting comfortably outside his room door is a cardboard box. Simple, neat, and adorned with a contrasting bright red ribbon. Bending down to pick it up, Ten notices a little folded piece of paper tucked comfortably under the ribbon on the lid. A bloom warms his aching chest as he reads _'from Taeyong'_ on the top fold.

He startles by the door that clicks open down the hall and glances behind him to see Johnny walking in the opposite direction, to either the elevator or the ice machine. He exhales a thankful breath because he is _not_ ready to face Taeyong right now.

Stepping inside his room Ten is immediately greeted with Hero rubbing against him with a continuous purr. He lets a toothy smile tug his lips as he sets down the box and gathers her in his arms.

For nearly twenty minutes, he lets the box live a lonely life on his appliance table - unattended, but not unnoticed. He's a little afraid to step near it, as if the thing is Taeyong himself.

Stalling, he paces back and forth, a few steps to the left, then a few to the right until finally landing directly in front of the box. Carefully, he picks up the small note and his hand trembles just slightly. He takes his time unfolding it, afraid that if he rips it or deepens the wrinkles, Taeyong will be able to feel it.

Then finally, he reads it and his body evaporates into the air for a few seconds as his eyes take in the words scribbled onto the note. He reads it once, then twice, and finally he's provided with a valid reason to _indulge_ his heart - a direct confirmation, yet still, something decides that he should lock those feelings away.

_I'm sorry I hurt you, but I really like you._

Taeyong is definitely a confident gay, Ten confirms, and he reads the words over once again before bringing his attention to whatever is inside the box. He carefully slides off the scarlet ribbon holding the lid in place and lifts it open to find a small chocolate cake sitting inside.

It looks nothing short of expensive. 

It's simple in design and entirely professional - minimalistic yet strikingly aesthetic and it's exactly representative of Taeyong. The cake is neatly frosted with chocolate ganache so rich he can smell the cocoa. The peaks of the green-colored crème make a contrasting border around the cake and Ten hopes to god its green tea flavored. In the center is a dollop of that same green cream, topped with a hard chocolate decoration that reads _'For Ten'_ in pretty cursive.

He wouldn't be able to control the way his eyes widen and his nose goes into overdrive even if he wanted to - no different from a Great White Shark that's just smelled freshly spilled blood - already salivating at the orgasmic aroma of the cake.

This is something that needs to be preserved, he thinks. It's too beautiful to eat yet the aroma is enticing him and he decides to hold the memory with a few (read: thirteen) photos before taking a rather large spoonful into his mouth.

Oh dear _god_ -

He holds onto the table for support and nearly _moans_ because it's the best thing to ever bless his taste buds. It's delicately rich - the perfect balance of chocolate to green tea and _pleasantly_ creamy. It's absolutely fresh and Ten realizes then that this is homemade and _just recently_ made at that. He chuckles to himself, mouth still full of cake because he remembers now, what Taeyong had said god-knows how long ago, and what Ten had replied.

_If you run me over with something or hurt me, then sure_

This _most definitely_  is not how Ten was expecting to get hurt.


	10. Burn me Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited to hear what y'all think of this chapter! Thank you to everyone who has been looking forward to these updates and to everyone who comments- y'all keep me going. 
> 
> A short disclaimer that this chapter is like, really long, but I couldn't find a good cut off point so I guess 4K words it is?

Days pass into a week and if avoiding Taeyong was a game, Ten would be winning first place.

On Monday, Ten managed to dodge right past Taeyong while en route to his renaissance art class by going up an extra floor and circling around the entirety of the building _just_ to get back to his classroom. In the cafeteria on a Wednesday, he'd swiftly slipped past Taeyong by sliding behind the coffee station - a space meant _only_ for employees, which _he_ most definitely was _not_.

Keeping count of the number of times he's avoided him in their own dorm is impossible, let alone the stretch of the hallway they share. The kitchen and common room are places he hasn't stepped inside since _that_ day and at this point he's grown accustomed to this lifestyle of hiding by living off of takeout, coffee, tea, and chocolate hoarded from the convenience store until today, a Thursday, he remembers the godforsaken deal which initiated this mess. 

 _< You owe me a month of food> _he quickly types, a pout already growing on his lips from the rage of hunger in his stomach.

It doesn't even take a full minute for Lisa to reply back.

_< GOD DAMMIT MY MASSAGE>_

Ten smiles. _ <Get me food and I'll give you a massage>_

_< IM CLIMBING >_

_< aren't you in class? >_

_< I DONT CARE I ALREADY STARTED IT'LL BE AWKWARD IF I GO BACK AFTER CARTWHEELING OVER TWO DESKS>_

He cackles for the first time in what feels like... _days_ \- the visualization being too amusing _not_ to laugh at.

He's seen her do it, after all - climb across desks, chairs and people just to bolt out of a classroom because someplace was giving free stuff for an hour, or because some celebrity was spotted outside. Or, because of Ten.

Freshman year wasn't the easiest, or the _healthiest_ , for him. Shitty eating habits and a debilitating addiction to cigarettes and caffeine nearly killed him once or twice. To starve for an entire day without even a crumb of anything vaguely nutritious had become... _normal_ for Ten.

As a dancer, his body was _begging_ , yet he would ignore its desperate pleas over and over, and _over_ again until one day in class his body finally gave in. His vision blurred, the classroom suddenly had spun and his body felt pricked by hot and cold needles all at once.

He couldn't breathe.

Lisa knew exactly what was happening before Ten even did. She'd seen all the signs even when he would hide them under weak smiles. Ten's head had dropped to the cold surface of his desk and Lisa practically flew out of the room to get him something to eat.

That was the last time Ten starved himself. 

The nicotine addiction, however, took another year to counter.

 

Twenty minutes later Lisa is at his door - _heaving_ \- with two large take-out bags clasped in her hands. 

"This is literally enough to last you three days, a week if you freeze some," she wheezes, trying to catch her breath.

Ten grins, taking the bag and putting it aside before wrapping his arms around Lisa. "Thank you."

She pauses in his arms, perplexed because this isn't very _characteristic_ of how he usually is - sassy, savage, and highly inappropriate at almost all times. This isn't a side he slips out very often. "Please eat, you're not yourself when you're hungry and it's creeping me out," she says despite the growing smile on her face. 

 

* * *

 

On a bright and sunny Tuesday, Ten is on his way from dorm to practice rooms, but it proves to be far more _difficult_ than usual.

Johnny has been trailing him for the past eleven minutes, despite the walk to the art building being only a short four-minute walk.

Ten has made a random turn here, another turn there, hoping Johnny would divert his direction elsewhere but even after completing a full fucking circle, Johnny is _still_ behind him and it's testing what little patience he has left.

Abruptly, Ten turns sharp and swift on his heels. " _What_ could you _possibly_ want from me?" 

Just as abruptly, Johnny stops, nearly tripping over himself in the process. He carefully eyes Ten, then opens his mouth. "I, uh, have to ask you something? It's a request, actually." 

Ten raises a suspicious brow. "Okay?" 

Taking three long steps closer, Johnny clasps his hands together and suddenly drops down until he's kneeling on both knees.

"Aren't you dramatic," Ten almost snorts - he'd meant it to be a thought but he doesn't have time for whatever is happening and therefore doesn't really care.

Johnny seems to ignore the comment. "Please, I am _begging_ you with every fiber in my body, _please_ just talk to Taeyong," he cries but Ten transfixes at the mere mention of _his_ name. "His eyes have permanently become that of a sad puppy and he sighs like, _all the fucking time_ and, and he just mopes around all day, staring blankly at some corner of the ceiling like a cat and to be honest its freaking me out and as his roommate, I have some say in this thing you guys have and I say you talk to him so he stops acting like an abandoned puppy-cat!" 

Well, _that_ is something Ten had not expected.

Of course, he knew his actions would have hurt Taeyong to a degree, but _this_? No one had ever cared enough for _this_. Ten was used to running away from an interest only to see him with someone new the next day. It was _normal_.

This, was _not_ \- for him, at least.

He blinks a few times to regain himself and does an excellent job of keeping his emotions hidden from both his flat voice and face.

"If he wants to talk to me he can," he shrugs before walking away. He hears Johnny say something behind him but Ten doesn't hear it. His heart is beating too loud and it's drowning out the world. 

 

That night Ten gets a text.

 

He's been doing a marvelous job of staring at it for half an hour now, thumbs twiddling around the keys without the intention of typing anything. 

_Hey_

An incredibly simple approach, just three letters that are used by anyone and everyone. It's nothing special, yet Ten feels an indescribable weight between them. It's the first direct form of communication Taeyong has attempted all week and Ten doesn't know if he was prepared, despite it being just three letters.

Ten does not reply. 

 

* * *

 

After two weeks on a Friday, Ten's exhaustion level is ticking in the red.

He'd locked himself in the studio the moment his morning class dismissed for the purpose of escaping reality. Today, he'd planned to lose himself in the depths of a rather _personal_ project. He skipped dinner, barely had lunch and now when the clock is edging on midnight he's finally on the doorsteps of his dorm building. 

It reminds him of the first night he'd met Taeyong. The clock had struck midnight, the crisp night breeze cooled his skin, relaxed his sore muscles and worn out brain. Yes, tonight is _almost exactly_ like that night. 

A tiny part of him muses a scenario where Taeyong will be on the other side of that door, waiting for him with his doe eyes and soft smile. The thought has him hoping a little harder, a bit stronger.

The closer Ten gets to pushing open the main door, the more he pleads to the _possibility_ becoming a reality and holds a breath before stepping inside. 

But there no one is waiting for him.

His heart drops and it's then that Ten realizes just how badly he's wanted, no -  _needed,_ Taeyong to be here right now.

Yet, how _stupid_ it is for him to think Taeyong would actually wait for him.

 

* * *

 

At 3 am Ten is still trying to force sleep on himself. 

It's tiring - thinking of things he shouldn't be thinking of at such an ungodly hour. It's incredibly loud in his mind, too. He should be sleeping but he _can't_ , which feeds into him thinking _even more_ and it's gotten to the point where he's stuck in a toxic positive feedback loop. 

He forces his eyes shut one last time, repeatedly chanting " _fall asleep, please for fuck's sake fall asleep_ " in his head but after some large chunk of minutes he finds himself to be anything _but_ asleep. 

"Fuck everything," he groans, flopping over to his side with strained eyes. He pushes himself off the bed, slips into his slippers and makes for the kitchen because _who the fuck else_ will be up at this time? 

No one, he tells himself.

The stairs seem to be the proper choice of transport, with the hope that some physical activity will push him to the brink or that he'll fall, hit his head and pass out because at this point he's fucking _desperate_. 

He practically hears Lisa's voice scold him, lecturing on how _'blacking out isn't the same as sleeping you idiot,'_ or something.

 _God_ , he's really fucking sleepy. It's unfathomable how absolutely tired he is. His brain is functioning so slowly that Ten is convinced he's running purely on energy produced by a very lazy hamster on a wheel somewhere inside his skull.

Sleepy Ten, however, is dumb Ten and the lack of common sense has him strolling confidently into the kitchen with the thought that 3 am _guarantees_ an empty kitchen. 

He is wrong.

 _So terribly wrong_ because there's a dim phone light being shined on his face and it takes a second for his sleep-deprived brain to process _what_ is happening. 

_"Ten?"_

There's surprised urgency in the voice and Ten turns to stone, an ogre in sunlight as the world just stops entirely.

The hamster in his brain isn't running fast enough.

Wide-eyed, he stares dumbly and takes in every detail in a split second - Taeyong's in front of the stove, doe eyes large, lips parted and stirring something in a steaming pot. It smells nice - a useless piece of information to register given the situation.

Ten's pupils adjust a little more and he finds Taeyong looking at him as if he'll disappear, as if Ten being in front of him is somehow too good to be true.

And Ten, he admits it now, that he's _undeniably panicked_. That his hopeless heart is terrified of falling harder than it's cushioned to handle.

 _Fuck -_ he can't do this.

He realizes that in a fleeting moment, that he isn't strong enough and turns on a heel in an attempt to walk away from this sleep-induced mirage hoping he'll wake up in his bed.  

But the tenderness from Taeyong's fingers grabbing at his wrist, that desperate voice calling his name and those wide eyes are too vivid for it to be another indistinct dream. 

_"Wait - "_

Despite the urgency in Taeyong's voice, Ten easily breaks out of the gentle hold with the intent of walking away.

Whatever is choking in his throat is suffocating and he gulps it down, unable to speak or think with Taeyong looking him in the face.

"I can't - " he croaks out so quietly that he's certain Taeyong didn't hear him, but he doesn't care. He shuffles backward a few steps, turning his back to the rising panic in Taeyong's pleading eyes but his feet are too slow, brain too sleepy and heart beating too fast for his dexterity to comply. 

"Ten, please just talk to me," he hears Taeyong somewhere close behind and it's then that Ten realizes that his body made the decision to run before his mind could catch up.

Ten makes it four steps towards the hallway but before he can escape the kitchen he's being yanked back with Taeyong's arm around his waist, pulling him with a force he's too tired to fight with. He realizes, a second later, that he's trapped with Taeyong's body crowding him against the counter in frantic haste.

"Please," he sighs and Ten doesn't miss the shake in his voice. " _Please_ just talk to me." 

 _No_ -

Ten shakes his head in denial, hoping that maybe if he prays hard enough the room will become dust and this will all just have been a dream. He tries to think of a way to escape this, but Taeyong's long arms are on either side of his body with _his_ body only a few inches away and he knows he can't run away. This seems familiar, somehow, but Ten doesn't remember why. The counter, the closeness, Taeyong's expectant eyes. It's paralyzing him in the most contradicting of ways. 

"Ten," Taeyong whispers and Ten feels him shift a little when a barely there light invades their space. "At least look at me." 

And Ten almost gives in because Taeyong's voice is so... _vulnerable_ \- as if he's shattered into a thousand pieces of glass that he's lost amongst himself. It moves Ten, forcing him to just _look_ at Taeyong. Slowly.

 _Very_ slowly - the way Ten lifts his head, the way his lips go dry and a tinge of guilt pierces through his chest when their eyes meet. 

 _Shit_.

Red, puffy eyes that probably haven't seen sleep in days. Pink, swollen tip of the nose that's been rubbed with too many tissues. Dark bags reaching his sharp cheekbones and tear crusted cheeks. Taeyong _is a mess_ and Ten urges himself to gather him up and piece him back together, but he can't and knows that as a fact in his mind, but not his heart. 

"Ten," Taeyong starts again and Ten begs himself to look away but he's stuck in the whirlpool of Taeyong's eyes and he _can't_. "Please stop ignoring me." 

Ten keeps silent for a moment longer as the words sink because maybe a small part of him had hoped Taeyong _hadn't_ noticed that he was ignoring him - A stupid, _stupid_ thought on Ten's part.

Yet he says something even stupider.

"Why won't you just give up?" Ten's voice cracks. This isn't what he wanted to say. 

Taeyong moves back slightly, eyes scanning his with something absolute and Ten feels his walls crashing down around him in waves.

"Do you really want me to give up?"

It's not a question. Ten can tell as much from the solid tone of his voice and he shivers at the challenging fire in Taeyong's eyes that has his breath hitching in his throat. He _knows_ the answer. It's at the tip of his tongue but -

Ten breaks their gaze. He knows his eyes will give him away, although his silence already has. His fingers clutch tightly onto the counter behind him and he's sure his knuckles are turning white. There isn't enough space behind him and he's already pressed entirely against the counter because Taeyong is leaning closer. And closer still, enough for Ten to feel uneven breathing against his heated cheek. 

Ten holds his breath.

Taeyong pauses just a few centimeters away from his face and Ten screws his eyes shut - _maybe_ this is just a dream, _maybe_ he'll wake up in his bed and all of this would've just been a pleasant thought. But the chill from the cold tip of Taeyong's nose as it ghosts against his warm cheek, his voice as quiet as a breeze - "Do you really not want this?"

Ten _knows_ this isn't a dream.

He's losing his mind and Taeyong's minty breath on his trembling lips is tempting him beyond logical reason and Ten, without really thinking, turns his head away just barely. 

There's a lengthy sigh against Ten's cheek that's laced with hurt, with a hint of disappointment.

Ten knows he needs to get his shit together. He knows he needs to fix this - fix Taeyong and himself and stop feeding into the doubt plaguing his mind. He wants to kiss him, hold him, tell him he wants him more than anything but -

 _But_...

The ache pounding deep inside the walls of his chest is too profound and he only manages a delicate nudge of the head against Taeyong's cheek like a kitten.

Taeyong is the first to cut through the seconds-long silence. "I'm sorry if I misunderstood, but after what you said that night..." Taeyong stops and Ten breathes out a shaky puff of air he'd been holding that's tied with a mixture of confusion and fear.

Unwavering, he looks Taeyong straight in the eyes, _"what?"_

"Y - you," Taeyong pauses, again, then chuckles under his breath after a second. "I forgot that you don't remember that night." 

"What did I say?" 

Taeyong takes a long second before saying anything and the silence is deafening Ten. He's fighting for air.

"You confessed," Taeyong says, but Ten can't breathe. 

Something spreads across Ten's body, the words ringing hot in his eardrums as he vaguely registers everything at once; the words easily rolled off Taeyong's tongue, followed by a relieved smile blooming on his lips and a sparkle in his right eye but Ten - his entire body is frozen.

How much sense this all makes now. Taeyong's confidence, the obvious change since the party, the thing his heart has settled with. Ten had thought he'd figured it out before, but now? _Now_ he's sure. He sees it, understands it all _yet still -_

"I was drunk-" he spouts out an excuse.

"And that makes it invalid?" Taeyong asks, a smile still on his lips.

"No, I - " he quickly swallows another excuse. Taeyong's knowing eyes are penetrating through his lies and Ten can't bring himself to pile on another lame defense to his already leaning tower of excuses.

"We barely know each other, Taeyong - how can I let _this_ happen when I don't even know you," he pushes out in one, solid breath.

Taeyong opens his mouth but Ten is quick to speak before he can.

"I do like you - " he chuckles, the thing spreading across his body burning now. An unbearable weight seems to lift off his shoulders and he notices that the words spilled so effortlessly from his lips, as if they've been waiting to be said aloud.

His chest is springing with emotions he hasn't felt in years and as he brings his eyes into Taeyong's wide ones, Ten breaks every brick trying to contain him. " _Fuck_ , I really like you Taeyong, but I'm scared and I'm not ready to throw myself into something so fast, so...," he leaves the words hanging with a shrug, searching Taeyong's wide eyes instead. 

Taeyong doesn't say anything. He falls forward, wrapping his arms around Ten either in an embrace or because he can't hold himself up - Ten isn't sure which. Taeyong's pressing his face in the darkness of Ten's shoulder and he feels his shirt soak up hot tears, fingers dig into his back with this... _anxiety_.

It's in the way Taeyong's breath shallows, as if desperation is driving him to the edge as he cries harder. Ten's entire body stills, taking in everything in a split second but he can't fight this anymore. He's tired, depressed, fucking exhausted and he _just can't_ -

With slight hesitance, Ten pulls Taeyong closer and sighs immediately, instantaneously melting into Taeyong. He feels Taeyong mutter something into the curve of his neck, but it's muffled and Ten can't understand it. Then Taeyong shifts slightly, enough to look Ten right in the eyes and cup both his cheeks.

"I'll wait," he says, trying to steady his voice. "I'll wait until you're ready, even if it's months or years, I'll wait for you Ten."

 _Oh,_ Ten's sure he's drowning right now. His heart is on fire and if it weren't for Taeyong's arm tight around his body, he would have collapsed to the ground as his knees give in.

The expectation was to be left alone, for Taeyong to give up and realize that Ten isn't worth it but _this_ , this is what movies are made of. It _can't_ be real, he tells himself. Taeyong couldn't have said the one thing no one has ever said -

 _Just let me fall with him, let me flow..._  

He's numb and doesn't even feel the tears streaming down his cheeks until Taeyong swipes some away with a thumb.

Slowly, a centimeter at a time, the world begins to regain its orbit as Ten's heart swells, bursting open with everything he thought he couldn't feel. Taeyong is keeping him intact, taking care to keep Ten from shattering into a million pieces when just a few minutes ago, _he_ was the one breaking.

Taeyong pulls him close - the type of close Ten needs to feel grounded, the type of close he's only ever received from Lisa or his mother.  Yet here is Taeyong, pressing their bodies entirely against the other, arms locked around Ten's shoulders and he _finally_ lets it happen. He lets himself unwind, and as they melt into this new position, Ten lets Taeyong find a small place somewhere in his heart.

Moments pass and Ten tries to move away, but Taeyong tightens his grip. "Please, just a little longer," he whispers into his hair.

Ten hears the tremble, feels the need burning in Taeyong's chest and he stays in place until something dawns on him - until he notices, _smells_ , something and he pushes Taeyong away.

Taeyong looks like he's about to cry and Ten panics.

"No, it's not that - " Ten explains quickly and turns to the stove with a pointed finger, Taeyong following the motion with his eyes. "Whatever that is, is burning."

"Shit - " Taeyong cries, turning off the stove with haste before inspecting the now-black contents inside the pot.

"I told you you'd burn something," Ten giggles, but the softness of the moment lasts just a second before he hears something, the presence of someone padding down the hall and into the kitchen.

It's dark enough to hide, even with the dim microwave light and Ten pulls Taeyong down to the side of the island until they're both on the floor, leaning against the wood.

Peeking over, Ten sees that it's just Lucas sleepwalking, rummaging through the kitchen with still-closed eyes as if he's on autopilot. He turns back to Taeyong and they both hold back a laugh, the air suddenly very light and comfortable as if they both hadn't been crying just a moment ago.

Ten sighs, amused by the situation, feeling light enough that he could probably float off into the stars. He lets his hands rest on either side of him and unknowingly finds Taeyong's, who laces their fingers. 

It's perfectly dark enough.

The light from the microwave is _just_ enough to highlight Taeyong's breathtaking features - the sparkle in his eyes and the part of his lips, the dim blue light contouring down the side of his cheekbone to his jawline. Ten's heart misses a few beats and he looks back to the fridge where Lucas is chugging straight out of a bottle of something.

_I don't wanna come down from this_

For once, he doesn't let himself think.

He leans close with a hand on the side of Taeyong's face and pulls him close enough to inhale the fruity scent of his chap-stick.

_I'm staying up_

And Ten doesn't miss the way a sharp breath of relief leaves Taeyong's mouth when their lips touch. He doesn't miss the way Taeyong's entire body freezes in an instant just before pressing back and everything around them seems to bloom into the most delicate of flowers.

It's _everything_ Ten could have ever imagined and everything he could never even dream of imagining all at once. This warmth that drips through his lips and into his chest, the way his toes curl in his slippers and his chest explodes, sparking and fluttering. It's perfectly as it should be, with Taeyong leaning his body against Ten, shy fingers sliding into his platinum hair as their lips dance to the rhythm of their hearts.

This is Ten's reply.

It's his way of saying everything he wants to say without having to speak a word and he hopes Taeyong understands.

When they pull apart to breathe, Ten's lips curl into a bright smile - probably the brightest smile he's ever smiled because the softness in Taeyong's eyes say that he felt every word Ten's lips had spoken into his own.

_Don't ever let me come down_

And finally, Ten lets himself fall, let's himself succumb to the encapsulating aroma of Taeyong's body as he melts between dream and reality. Taeyong whispers something in his ear and it feels nice - this familiar closeness. Ten could get used to this, he thinks, as he feels himself being cradled up into the clouds.

This feeling that's sprouting in his chest, it's as if he's swimming in a déjà vu. It's in the way his body seems to be floating between the very fabrics of space and time because everything feels... oddly _familiar_ , yet entirely foreign.

It's a familiarity that Ten cannot recall and for a moment he wonders if he's dreamt all of this.

He panics when he feels himself depart from the surrounding blaze, his back against the cold sheets of what feels like his bed. It's a struggle to open his eyes - he's so tired that it's a challenge but he's desperate to know if any of this was real or just a cruel, vivid hallucination. He pulls his eyes apart and lets out a small sigh of relief. 

"Taeyong - " Ten calls and Taeyong turns around, retreating his hand from the doorknob with a smile that could make the world sing. 

Ten stretches his hand towards the man of fire, anxious to feel him, to confirm this is real. He laces their fingers once Taeyong is within reach and pulls him until he can press a warm kiss on Taeyong's knuckles.

It's then that Ten realizes this _is_ real. So very, very real.

"Thank you for the cake," he grins, unable to find anything better to say and because he's just a wee bit hungry.

Taeyong chuckles and it's become Ten's favorite sound. He leans down with a gaze akin to the setting summer sun.

Momentarily, Ten forgets to breathe as Taeyong presses a lasting kiss to his forehead. "I'll make it for you as often as you'd like," Taeyong whispers into his skin.

But Ten is half asleep and his unreliable brain decides it's a fantastic idea to grab his shirt collar, yank him down and smack their lips together in a loud, breathless kiss. 

Satisfied with the confirmation, Ten hums after pulling away, eyes just barely open. "Tomorrow?" 

Taeyong breathes out a soft chuckle. "Tomorrow."

"Goodnight Yongie." 

"Goodnight Ten." 

"I'll text you," Ten says just as Taeyong exits the room. He leaves his eyes open just long enough to see an adorable grin paint Taeyong's face before everything fades to black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY AM I RIGHT? Anyways, things finally start to get spicy after this one~


	11. Fire Underwater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL FOR THE LOVE Y'ALL HAVE BEEN GIVING THIS FIC!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> I will get around to replying to comments soon. 
> 
> So, an important update since y'all have been so supportive of this story and are motivating me so much with all the comments, I would like to give back to y'all a little something, SO!
> 
> Since taeten are finally together, what would you guys like to see them do? Would you guys wanna see them go on a specific date, or have a specific thing of skinship between them or a special moment? Be as specific as you guys want, tell me what you'd like to see in the comments, and I'll put them in the story! 
> 
> If you request something I've already put in the story (I do have like 20 chapters written already so I mean, that might be a possibility?) I'll let you know and you can give me a different thing or specify it more? Idk, but hopefully this works and gives you guys a chance to see things between taeten that y'all really wanna see, so lemme know! 
> 
> Thank you all again~ 
> 
> p.s. if 6k words for a single chapter is too long, please let me know and I'll go back to shorter chapters! I usually prefer chapters being between 3k-4k words, but I couldn't find a proper cut-off point anywhere in the middle *cries*

_The moon is closer than the last time Ten was here._

_Cross-legged, he's sitting on the surface of an endless cerulean lake, his thighs just barely submerged._

_It's snowing. A quiet, hushed whisper. High up in the reddened sky the sun has painted the horizon such a vast plum that it's impossible to tell where the water ends and the sky begins._

_His head lolls back and white flakes dance silently on his lashes, skin, lips. It's a pleasant cool. A direct contrast to the warmth of the waves under him. He lets himself drop backward and succumb to the warmth as his body cuts through the lake. There's heat around him, calm and comforting - it reminds him of something, something like the embrace of fire._

_It doesn't burn, no. It's a tickle in his chest that has him flowering into a gust of scarlet butterflies. A subtle flame, flickering to the fall of the snow. He opens his eyes to see the bright red sky blending with the platinum blue lake as if they belong together._

_As if they were never two separate bodies, but always one._

_Inhaling a deep, fresh breath, he feels as if he's floating on a field of roses and lilacs and spring. It's familiar, like everything else about this place. There's a caress on his cheek. Soft, sweet... a touch as gentle as fire._

_It's a familiarity he can't remember, but something he can't forget, either._

_The purple from the horizon dips into the clouds, floating by him and Ten lets himself sink deeper until the sun itself is submerged under the depths of the lake, never faltering, burning just as bright as it would in the sky._

_It seems to have fallen in place._

_It seems to belong._

 

 

Yawning loudly, Ten curses himself for waking up at nearly one in the afternoon - that is, until he remembers that sleep hadn't blessed him until four in the morning. He lazes in bed for another few minutes, eyes closed and calm when everything rushes to him like a rogue wave and his eyes shoot wide open.

 _God_ , Ten doesn't know what to do with himself. Happy, excited, terrified, thrilled - he's feeling so many things at once it's nearly hard to contain himself.

He chews on his bottom lip to keep the growing smile from breaking his face in half and dissolves into a giddy mess. He rolls around squealing, probably becoming a tangled mess in the sheets but Ten really doesn't care.

He's fucking _happy_. Hell, even happy is too small a word to describe the actual extent of what he's feeling in his chest.

Hero's confused meows from beside him prompt him to stop flailing for a short moment (read: one second), but he continues right after picking her up and coos into her fur as she tries to scramble away.

Last night is fresh in his mind, still dancing on his skin and his ears and he closes his eyes to relive the touch, savor the flavor when -

Abruptly, he stops, freezing in place for a moment that Hero uses as a chance to escape, then grabs his phone.

_< meet me by the main door at 4? I'll bring coffee> _

He doesn't wait for a reply. He knows Taeyong is still asleep.

Taeyong's sleeping habits had come as a surprise, the second day after Ten had run him over with the cart.

He'd left Taeyong's room particularly late because learning about each other for the first time is like reading the first chapter of a really good book that's become too exciting to put away. Ten had left at one in the morning and returned at noon to bring Taeyong breakfast.

That's when he realized that Lee Taeyong _loves_ sleeping in. 

Ten thinks of those days as he lets the shower rain down on him. The soft days where everything was simple. The stolen glances and meaningless touches. The fireworks in his chest and the subtle ache that followed thereafter. _This_ \- knowing how Taeyong feels, is complicated. Yet Ten can't find it in himself to deny euphoria.

He isn't _that_ stupid, after all. Broken, yes, but not stupid.

 

* * *

 

"We confessed," Ten blurts the moment Lisa swings her door open. There's a sharp gasp, her eyes widening so far they might as well rip off. Hugging him (read: suffocating) she squeezes the life out of Ten, screeching. 

"It's about fucking time!" She exclaims, picking him up and twirls them around for five seconds before her limbs give in. Ten screams playfully, pulling himself away when his feet touch the floor because he can't breathe - Lisa being too strong for _his_ good. 

He shakes his head in disbelief but there's a fond smile on his lips. "I still can't believe it, I don't even know what to do because - well, _you know_ ," he shrugs.

Lisa throws herself on her bed and Ten follows.

"You enjoy it," she says as if that's the only obvious answer. "He's good for you and you know my taste in people is always spot on so just go for it and _besides_ , you have _my_ approval. The ultimate seal. So go mate, mingle, do whatever you kids wanna do but don't fucking let him go because of shit that happened over a year ago."

God knows he wants to. He's _begging_ himself to believe it and would fall to his knees and face heavenwards just to convince himself.

"I don't know, I don't know him," he shrugs. "What if he's a creep? What if, I don't know, he hurts me or something? What if he's just messing with me?" 

Oh, yes that would be absolutely _terrible_ if Ten let himself fall only to have history repeat itself. The thought sends a shiver down his spine.

"What if - "

She shushes him, pressing a finger to his lips. "Then I will be the first to beat him into a fucking pulp but you can't assume this before even giving him a chance," she pauses, scanning his stiffened face.

He _knows_ she sees pieces of him that he can't see himself.

"Just _believe_ me, TenTen. You know I've got like this seventh sense for telling people's true personality so, like, don't let your past fuck up your future, okay?" 

"I'll try, but I have to be honest... I'm _terrified_." 

"Love is a beautifully terrifying thing. You'll get used to it." 

_Love._

It's far-fetched, something so deep and exposing as love. He wouldn't dare think of it now, but maybe...

_Maybe_

He decides to pack the thought away in the back corner of his mind for now. 

 

 

_< I'll bring cake>_

 

 

Ten, having exhausted his precious supply of sugar during his Avoid Taeyong Mission, ventures to the kitchen to restock - because yes, he is the type of person to keep a jar full of sugar in his dorm room. 

Stepping onto the first floor, his eyes roll to the back of his head with a low moan as a wonderful gust of cocoa aromatics dance up his flared nostrils. 

It's chocolate.

Beautiful, _rich_ chocolate and Ten's pace unconsciously quickens so he can bask in the addicting aroma that's controlling his every sense like the shark he is.

When he's just a few steps away from the kitchen, he hears a spring breeze in the form of a light, carefree melody.

It's Taeyong, Ten realizes once he steps into the kitchen.

Even better - it's Taeyong in a _baby pink apron_ tied neatly around his waist, leaning into something on the counter, humming some tune Ten has never heard.  

His first instinct is to turn on a heel and bolt, his body having accustomed itself to their unannounced game of hide and seek.

But Ten turns back as he realizes two things in this order; he needs sugar for _their_ coffee, and that for now there is no reason to run from Taeyong.

With a determined huff, he tip-toes over to Taeyong and peeks over his shoulder.

He's piping a small green rose in the center of a chocolate cake with his pretty face scrunched in utmost concentration. Ten holds back a giggle, not wanting to startle him when he's working on something so intricate, so he waits until Taeyong sets the piping bag on the counter with a satisfied sigh.

"That's beautiful - "

A leaf in a tornado, is what Ten thinks of as Taeyong shakes from the fine strands on the crown of his head down to cells of this toenails.

Taeyong breathes out a barely audible _'oh my god'_ with a hand on his chest, his eyes blown wide. "Stop laughing, I nearly lost a life."

But Ten _cannot_ stop laughing and he doesn't, and soon there's a bony - _but Jesus it's fucking strong_ \- hand playfully smacking his arm. He rubs the place of contact to soothe the sudden sting.

"Good to know you get scared easily," Ten giggles, his laugh simmering down to soft chuckles and he wonders why he's avoided this for so long - avoided _Taeyong_ for so long.

A huff of feigned annoyance leaves Taeyong's mouth, his bottom lip sticking out in a cute pout and Ten's gaze travels there, to his coral lips and he remembers the taste and the tingle. That  _lingering_ _blaze_.

"I most certainly _do not_ get scared easily." Taeyong shifts his attention to a box much like the one Ten had received his apology cake in. The box is homemade, he realizes. "You just walk like a cat."

Ten snorts out a laugh. It's the first time he's hearing _that_ and he's pleasantly amused, so he decides to poke further.

"I guess I've spent so much time with Hero that I've adopted cat abilities... for example, purring," he ends with a low purr, trained eyes watching the way Taeyong swallows thickly at the sound.

"Cat's also claw at things, though," Taeyong counters, his lips pressed into a small smile and Ten begs himself not to malfunction because this can mean one of two things:

Taeyong is purely innocent.

Or he knows exactly what he's playing at.

Ten decides to find out. "I claw at what I like," he says, his voice low, almost suggestive. A smirk quirks on his lips and it's slightly challenging.  

Taeyong's lips go dry and Ten licks his own, unable to break away from his gaze.

"And what is it that you like?" Taeyong asks, matching Ten's tone and smirk.

"You," Ten says too quickly.

It takes a moment to register how heavy his breathing is, how fast his heart is beating, quickening still when Taeyong takes just one, tiny step closer with dark eyes burning into his barely parted lips. The room is suddenly so hot and heavy that it's hard to believe just a few exchange of _words_ caused such an atmosphere.

"Can I kiss you?"

A beautiful contradiction - that's what Taeyong is.

Always contrasting the heat of his eyes with the gentle warmth in his voice.

Taeyong takes another step closer, leaning until his face is just close enough for Ten to taste the chocolate from his breath. He doesn't let himself think and quickly nods, too intoxicated from the sweet heat from Taeyong's mouth begging to dance on his lips.

In the fleeting moment before Taeyong leans in, Ten sees a smile flicker on his lips. He inhales a sharp breath, squeezing his eyes shut as Taeyong's face shadows his own, the mist of breath from his parted lips enticing just before they meet his.

This kiss is unlike last night's. 

Last night was too short and shallow. But this? This is a real kiss - a _proper_ kiss.

This is sweeter and not just in the sense that Ten can actually _taste_ the chocolate ganache from Taeyong's mouth.

It's so much deeper, not just from the feverish press of Taeyong's lips or the tongue creeping into his mouth, but with a sentiment. The silent whispers, the raw emotion as Taeyong's hand pushes at the small of his back.

It's his walls surrendering, breaking apart to create a vast entrance.

It's his box coming undone.

Ten brings his hand up to cup Taeyong's cheek, holding it for a moment before he's tangling his fingers in the soft, rouge hair as if he's desperate. As if this kiss means everything to him.

If words made the room hot and heavy, the kiss has it _scalding_.

They pull away together, still holding each other, eyes still closed. And for a few heartbeats, they stay just like that, tangled in each other's arms with their foreheads pressed against the other. The moment, it's suddenly so gentle and precious and nothing like the wildfire of the kiss. It's a gentle flame. That warm blaze.

Ten opens his eyes and smiles - Taeyong is stunning like this; breathless, blushing, raw.

Reluctantly, Ten is the one who backs away first but he swipes a thumb across Taeyong's cheek before stepping out of his reach.

"I can already tell that cake tastes amazing," he says and there's a playful smirk tugging on his lips, still trying to act confident despite his face being a tomato.

Taeyong hums softly, as if he can't speak, as if Ten's lips snatched the energy right out of him. Ten forces himself to peel his eyes away, turning away from Taeyong and crossing the kitchen to the cabinet to grab the item he'd come for. "I'll be down in about five minutes."

Taeyong nods, still leaning against the counter. His eyes are incredibly tender, full of unbridled affection and Ten can't help but smile wider. He runs his eyes down Taeyong's body, then up, then to the counter he's leaning on.

Wait.

 _The counter_ \- Ten hadn't noticed last night.

It was too dark, but... that counter looks different. The stove, the cabinets, the kitchen as a whole, actually. His brows draw together, darting a skeptical eye around the room. 

He circles a finger in the air. "Someone... cleaned this."

"Ah," Taeyong brightens, almost _excitedly_ if Ten isn't mistaken. "I cleaned it. I spent a lot of time down here the past two weeks and the mess was really bothering me."

Ten blinks. Once, then twice, almost three times. He doesn't understand why anyone would _willingly_ want to clean anything to such spotless perfection - especially considering the disaster it had been before.

"This," Ten gestures around kitchen with a finger, "is literally the cleanest it's ever been and I've been living in this building for four years."

Taeyong grins at that, proudly and very adorably. Ten wants to coo, but stops himself. He decides to save it for when they're something more than a dangling grey area of uncertainty.

For when his mind can accept the thing in his heart.

Until Taeyong breaks his walls.

 

* * *

 

Ten leads Taeyong to his paradise and it's nearly identical to the first time, but with three differences. 

Hero is not with them. 

They are walking _much_ closer to each other than the first time. 

It's daytime. 

And there's food. 

Four, Ten corrects himself mentally, four things are different. 

Generic chatter, occasional laughs, comfortable silences - it's exactly the same yet _completely_ different.

Ten isn't oblivious.

He's keen to notice the _little things_ in Taeyong's subtle gestures. Like his gaze lingering a heartbeat longer than usual, hiding a smile when their shoulders bump or their pinkies brush. The way Taeyong's fingers search for his, holding the touch, curling into his own just barely before they're pulling away.

It's not obvious, no. No one would think to bat an eye. To bystanders, this exhibits as perfectly normal _'bro'_ behavior. 

Not that Ten gives a shit about that.

Never has he allowed himself to be shadowed by societies flawed norms. It's a feat he's proud of. His strength, if you will. But Taeyong? Taeyong is a different case. He's still uncharted territory that Ten has only begun to trek the edges of and for that reason, he decides, he will not cave to those tempting touches and inviting eyes. 

For now. 

Climbing up onto the boulder, Ten takes the box from Taeyong as he jumps up to join him. 

"Let's eat first," Ten says, his tone somewhat commanding despite the underlying softness. It's not intentional.

He's panicking.

Taeyong does as he's told and begins un-boxing the cake, unaware of Ten's careful eyes watching him.

 _Careful_ not to expose himself.

 _Careful_ not to be obvious that he's staring.

 _Careful_ to dart his eyes away just a hair when Taeyong looks up. 

The piece Taeyong gives him is far too large but Ten doesn't mind. He could devour the entire cake if given the chance, because fuck sugar levels.

"When did you learn to bake?" 

Taeyong licks his spoon clean and Ten finds it hard to tear his eyes in another direction, having completely forgotten what he'd even asked. 

His staring goes unnoticed,  _thank god,_ and Taeyong just hums.

"Could you tell the first one was homemade," Taeyong starts, a playful smile on his lips as he does, "or did you find out when you saw me making it earlier?"

Ten chuckles at the anticipation in Taeyong's voice. "I could tell it was homemade from the first one," he smiles, tilting his head to the side with amusement because his reply has Taeyong pouting.

 _Full on_ pouting, with his eyes becoming that of a sad puppy dog and he finally sees a hint of what Johnny had been referring to that day he'd been stalked.

"That upsets me," Taeyong sighs tragically. "I was hoping it would be good enough that you wouldn't be able to tell."

Laughing too hard, Ten nearly chokes on the cake in his mouth. Taeyong is too adorable, he can't fucking handle it.

"I wouldn't have been able to tell, honestly," he says, coughing in between to get the piece of cake unstuck from his throat. He drinks some coffee to get it down. "I could only tell because I've literally had cake from every place in this city and no one makes cake like this. Trust me, I've tried finding chocolate and green tea cake before and the only one I found tasted so processed."

"In that case I'm glad," Taeyong smiles and if Ten isn't mistaken, there's a blush rising on the tip of his ears. Adorable.

"So, when did you start baking?"

Taeyong hums in thought. "Young? I don't remember exactly when, but one day I just really wanted cake and my parents wouldn't let me buy one, so I made one and it turned out like a sponge. It was horrible, but I kept trying." Taeyong shrugs, as if any other kid craving sweets would have done exactly the same.

If it was baby Ten, he would have snuck out and just bought a damn cake - he has, once or twice or a dozen times, but never would he have _baked_ one. Most kids wouldn't think of putting in the extra work, yet here was Taeyong. _Little_ Taeyong. Small and cute in Ten's imagination, in an oversized apron and batter on his cheek, on a stool to reach the counter.

The thought, regardless of however inaccurate it is, has Ten's wearing an expression of admiration that he isn't yet aware of himself.  

"You must have practiced a lot." 

Taeyong's eyes brighten far more than the sun's rays ever could and Ten melts a little.

But he isn't here to dissolve into a puddle. Not now. So Ten does what he does best whenever he starts to melt: exude sexual confidence.

"I mean it," he says, voice low as his lips brush against the cake on the spoon in front of his mouth. He keeps his half-lidded gaze steady on Taeyong, and slowly drags the spoon across his tongue, closing his lips around the metal, then pulling it out with a pop.

It's deliberate.

The flicker in his eyes is intentionally suggestive - the flick of the tip of his tongue on the spoon to get that last bit of frosting, eyes narrowing just slightly into Taeyong's. "This cake is better than anything I've ever had. It's sweet," he says, his voice dripping lower. "Soft," he licks the spoon again, his tongue lingering, watching as the hollow of Taeyong's neck bobs. "Perfectly _sticky_."

A beautiful hue of crimson creeps up Taeyong's face, and Ten hides a smirk under a smile. 

He knows what he's doing, and _what_ it's doing to Taeyong. But this sudden confidence is merely a veil over his anxious heart. A cloth to mute the burning question pounding at his brain.

That familiar bloom that he can't recall.

Ten is fucking nervous, and his way of dealing with that has always been to cover it with his best mask. 

It also gives him a reason to stall.

Taeyong sips his coffee. Ten shoves more cake into his mouth. A gentle gust of wind walks across the surface of the lake. A few flowers rustle nearby. And Taeyong's thumb is on the corner of Ten's mouth, swiping across his lip.

Ten's eyes go wide, his lungs stop and the only thing he hears is his heart furiously punching at his chest as every ounce of confidence from a moment ago oozes out of him - from _such a simple_ touch! 

How wonderfully cliché this is, Ten thinks, suddenly understanding why this gesture is so popular in romantic movies. Taeyong's thumb departs from his mouth, and Ten's gawking eyes look up to see the thumb being licked clean.

And it isn't _dirty_.

Not even the _slightest_ bit sexual. The innocence is perfectly bright in Taeyong's big eyes.

"You had some frosting there."

Ten thinks that's a very obvious thing to say, because _why else_ would anyone randomly run a thumb across _someone else's_ mouth?

He can think of a few reasons but decides to banish those unholy thoughts immediately.

Ten only manages a small _'ah'_. 

Moments pass and the lack of conversation is deafening. The air between them is so thick that Ten could cut it with a knife, and for a second he's tempted to pick up the cake knife and just slash at the suffocating space in the middle.

After some time, he opens his mouth with the intent to clear the tension in his head - but nothing comes out.

He tries again but covers up his second attempt with an exceptionally fake yawn. The third time he parts his lips, he hesitates again, his lips moving like that of a fish on land and huffs out a frustrated sigh.

"If you wanna ask me something, you can."

Taeyong's voice is soft, but Ten startles anyway. He was too focused on his dilemma to realize Taeyong had probably been studying him the entire time. "You should really be a psychology major."

Taeyong responds with a chuckle, settling his eyes in Ten's - a subtle gesture Ten understands, that he's waiting for him to say whatever he can't get past his lips.

He takes a _very_ deep inhale, and spills.

"I need you to tell me," he pauses, gulping so hard it hurts the back of his throat. Taeyong nods, indicating for Ten to go on, and he pushes it out in one quick breath. "I need you to tell me exactly what happened at the party."

 _Wide_ would be the correct word of choice to describe the size of Taeyong's eyes. His pupils shake, indirectly asking Ten if he's heard correctly.

" _H-how_ exactly?" he stutters out, the tips of his ears turning a few shades pinker.

" _Exactly_ exactly," Ten emphasizes, leaning in a little. "In as much detail, I need to know what happened. I keep getting these feelings and it's confusing the fuck out of me so I need you to tell me what happened, _exactly_ as it happened."

A breeze swings past them, carrying with it the weight of the request. It's spilling from Ten's eyes, and Taeyong's breathing shallows.

Taeyong sits up and Ten does the same. He knows this will change whatever it is _they_ have, that shift that hit Ten like a bus the morning after the party. He has to clear the fog blurring the line between dream and reality, but Taeyong is hesitant and Ten is dying to hear words pour from his mouth.

"Start just before Taki Taki. That's where it starts to get hazy."

Taeyong slides a tongue over his drying lips, and Ten focuses every sense on the beauty before him.

"We were with Lisa and Johnny, taking shots, and I asked you if you were okay because you were spacing out and leaning on me." He draws out the sentence, speaking slowly and Ten can see that the memories are playing in his eyeballs.

"Then everyone was chanting your name and you lead me to the couch, pushed me down and went to the opposite wall, where you began dancing and it was like, _amazing_ , I could _feel_ you dance, it's like you could you command air and - " he stops, lips curling at the sides as he breathes out a chuckle. "It's like you embodied music itself. I couldn't take my eyes off you, I could barely breathe and then you turned the corner and you looked at me with this - this _intensity_ that I can't even describe."

It feels nice, the praise. He could get used to it - the compliments and the excitement in Taeyong's voice as he explains it. He leans in further, his elbows on his knees, completely engrossed.

"You finished the dance with your hand towards me and I'm pretty sure I totally forgot how to use my lungs at that point," Taeyong breathes out a light laugh, and Ten notices the way his eyes twinkle when his pretty face lights up like this. The way Taeyong's voice electrifies him from his fingertips up to the ends of his platinum hair.

"What happened after I finished?"

"You sat down," Taeyong blushes, lowering his head between shoulders and fiddling with his shoelace. Ten whispers the word _'details'_ before Taeyong can continue. And details he does tell.

"Between my legs, on the floor, you put your arms up on my knees and hid your head between them and it was honestly adorable." Taeyong's hands slide under his thighs, Ten's eyes following them.

He pushes the words out quickly this time. "You slid your hands under my thighs and then your hat fell because you were rubbing against me like a kitten and, and I put it back and whispered into it, told you that you're fucking beautiful and - " Taeyong's breath hitches, glancing into Ten's steady gaze for a second, then looks away.

Ten decides that Taeyong swearing is one of the sexiest things ever, although the decision vaguely feels like déjà-vu.

"...And?"

"I - I leaned in, wanting to kiss you so bad but you said you needed more to drink and ran away."

There's a pang of guilt in Ten's chest at that. Taeyong's voice sounds so small, and he opens his mouth to apologize, but Taeyong is quick to continue.

"Lisa found me after that. She told me she liked me but, I couldn't return the feeling and I felt terrible because she's adorable and your best friend but I like _you_ and I just, I don't know, she made me take a few shots and go find you because at that point I was freaking out and honestly almost left the party, thinking I'd fucked up." Taeyong intakes a deep breath, having word vomited that in one exhale. Ten takes the second-long silence to process this, letting Taeyong's words play out in his eyeballs like a movie.

"I found you in the kitchen, sitting on the counter and that's when you gave me the Unicorn Vomit. _God_ , it was so strong I can still taste it. I found glitter in my teeth for like four days straight but anyways..., you couldn't walk, being too drunk and all so I carried you,"

"How?"

Taeyong gulps, _hard_. And Ten doesn't miss the tremble in Taeyong's chocolate eyes - his gaze _is_ intentionally strong, after all. Taeyong darts his tongue across, again, his lips too dry, and Ten does the same, anticipating the answer.

"Uhm, from the front."

Ten nods, slowly. He moves the cake that's in between them to the side and crawls closer on hands and knees, until he's in front of Taeyong. He grips onto his shoulders, lifting himself up and positioning himself on his lap, legs on either side of his hips.

Ten feels the shudder that runs up Taeyong's spine, feels the way his breathing slows, jolting back just a centimeter.

He is so fucking close, and sitting on him like this - he feels every subtle move Taeyong makes.

Ten breathes out, using every cell to steady his voice. "Like this?"

To even muster the courage to do this when he's usually so panicked around Taeyong, he must be out of his fucking mind.

Taeyong doesn't speak. Instead, he frantically nods a yes and Ten decides to keep this position for now. He likes it, this closeness, because there's no need to speak any louder than a whisper with their bodies just inches away like this.

"What happened after that?"

Ten's voice is surprisingly steady.

Taeyong's - not so much.

"I - I took out your keys - "

"From my left ass pocket."

"Y - you remember?" Taeyong suddenly looks up at that, almost bumping noses.

Ten shakes his head. "No, I just have a vague feeling that something squeezed that cheek."

Taeyong inhales sharply, and Ten feels the shudder of nervousness from him when unsure fingers grasp onto his sides.

"What happened next?"

"We - " Taeyong exhales the held breath, and it's shaky.

 _Incredibly_ shaky.

Ten feels it against his neck, finding it hard to breathe himself.

When Taeyong draws his bottom lip between teeth, Ten prepares himself. "We get inside your room, and you, like, kept me from going further inside and - "

Taeyong's heart is pounding. Ten is close enough to feel it, especially when Taeyong drops his head between their bodies, a nervous breath leaving his lips.

Cupping Taeyong's face in his palms, Ten forces their eyes to meet. "I need to know."

"How much detail?"

 _Oh god_ \- his voice is hoarse. Deep, and rhythmically low. Ten tries to keep himself steady.

"Explicit. Every touch, every word. Everything. Word vomit if you have to."

And word vomit is exactly what Taeyong does.

"Okay," he nods, then: "you pressed your head against my cheek just before looking right into my eyes with this, this hunger, with your hand on the back of my neck and our noses brushed and I couldn't breathe," Taeyong brings a finger to his lip and it's as if he isn't here anymore, but back in Ten's room in that very moment.

"You bit my lip, tugging it and then you kissed me too quickly and I couldn't control myself, I pushed you against the door and we just... _kissed_ , for a really long time and it was _amazing_ , I can still feel it," Taeyong pauses, and for a split second Ten wants to disappear.

This is not what he expected. But his body is frozen and he couldn't blink even if he needed to.

"You made these beautiful sounds and..." Taeyong's eyes flutter shut. "And..."

"Say it." Ten manages, his voice extremely low - strained - but with an edge. 

"You were pushing against me, _grinding_ into me and I gave in, your hand went up my shirt and I almost left a mark on your neck but I pulled away and that's when I said I wanted to do that when we can both remember it, and you asked for a rain check."

There's a protruding silence that lasts a few seconds too long. Taeyong doesn't know what to do with himself and Ten is lost.

He leans back a little, still straddling Taeyong's lap, but takes his hands back beside himself.

"I thought you said I didn't take advantage of you. That I didn't do anything to you..." there's a bite in his voice that he can't control, and he feels Taeyong stiffen.

"That's because you didn't."

Taeyong's gaze is strong. So strong that Ten doesn't find it in himself to argue with something so absolute.

"Almost everything you did that night, those were things I could _only dream_ about before, because I didn't think you liked me."

Ten's confidence is slipping. He doesn't know what to say - there's too much he _wants_ to say and his thoughts are jumbling into one giant confused mess, but one word stands out among all the ones that have been said.

"Almost?"

Taeyong hums, lips pressed into a line. "You running away to the bathroom."

Of course, it had to be something _he'd_ fucked up. Ten exhales a pent-up breath, moving slightly with the intent to slide off Taeyong's lap, but the firm hands on his hips keep him in place.

There is no escape.

He has to do this.

"I'll be honest," Ten starts, using every confident cell left in his body to keep level-headed. "I'm scared of this - of the concept of falling for someone, especially when I barely know them, and I don't really know you. I don't even know your birthday or - "

"July first, nineteen-ninety-five."

"Y - you're... older than me." He processes this slowly, cursing everything. He hadn't expected it - Taeyong being a year older, the quick answer to a question Ten was not directly asking.

There's been a fuck lot of things Ten hasn't been expecting these days, he realizes.

"When is your birthday?" Taeyong asks out of pure curiosity, genuinely wanting to know more about the guy he likes and it kills Ten, how obvious it is in those eyes and that voice.

"February twenty-seven, ninety-six."

Taeyong nods, and Ten watches curiously.

"What I said before still stands. I can't commit to anything until I know who you are. I," Ten pauses, looking down to the grass beneath them.  

A second. That's all he needs to convince himself, to confirm that this is what he wants.

It isn't easy for him to open up. It never has been, but... with Taeyong?

The little overflowing box, it's ready to spill. It's wide open for Taeyong and Ten knows he won't be able to stop it if he lets it flow.

If he lets _himself_ flow.

Taking a breath, he brings his eyes back to Taeyong. "I've had some really shitty boyfriends and it's closed me off entirely. I can't guarantee anything. I can't promise you anything." 

Sunshine, a gentle blaze, the radiant warmth from the fireplace back home. That's what Taeyong's smile is like. The affection in his gaze runs up Ten's spine as he falls apart just to be pieced back together.

Ten wouldn't mind giving in. He'd let himself melt in those eyes and that beautiful voice if given the time.

"The best thing about falling is getting to know each other," Taeyong smiles, and pulls him closer ever so subtly, looking _straight_ into his eyes. "I want to get to know you and I'll wait as long as I have to until you know me enough to accept me," he leans in, bumping their noses gently. "Just, don't push me away before giving me that chance."

A realization dawns on Ten, coursing its way through his body and into his voice like spreading ice. "Okay."

The smile on Taeyong's face is no short of angelic, and Ten wonders how such a simple word can produce such a grand expression. Then something else dawns on Ten.

"W - we can, still, _you know_..." he prays Taeyong catches his drift, but the confusion in those eyes implies he hasn't the slightest clue. Ten sighs, positive his face is a deep red. "We can still kiss, and stuff, because let's be _realistic_ , I don't think I'll be able to hold myself back."

Taeyong doesn't reply. Instead, he kisses Ten.

And truly, it _amazes_ Ten how every kiss with Taeyong is different from the last. This is nothing like that first night. It's nothing like the one from earlier today. It's entirely new.

Nothing - not the lake, not the clouds, not even gravity itself exists, Ten is certain of that. It's only them in the universe and everything of his is being pulled deep into Taeyong.

It's an understanding Ten hasn't felt before, and he lets his lips speak as they kiss with a flow as calm as the current of their lake.

He feels Taeyong nod, probably in response to what Ten had said before their lip lock.

He can get used to this, he thinks as he kisses Taeyong again and again until they're breathless. He buries his head in the curve of Taeyong's neck as they hold each other close. A new type of close that Ten hasn't felt before.

 

_Don't ever let me come down from this_


	12. Surface Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY I HAVE UPDATED 
> 
> I'm so sorry for taking forever with the update this time around. I hadn't been feeling well and had terrible migraines, which made looking at my laptop absolute hell. 
> 
> I needa give a huge freaking thank you to everyone who suggested ideas and commented, I love you guys.
> 
> Also, I may not always get the time to reply to every comment, but I will try and get around to replying to all of them. I do read each and every comment tho, and each one warms my heart. 
> 
> I'm super excited for the coming chapters bc so much is going to happen and I legit can't wait to see what y'all think. Anyways, here's chapter 12! 
> 
> Also, I will be making the chapters a bit longer than before, around 6k words rather than 3k.

Ten finds himself standing awkwardly between Lisa and her lab partner, who quite to his misfortune happens to be BamBam.

It's been four days since his little escapade by the lake with Taeyong, and he has yet to disclose its juicy details to Lisa's thirsty ears. So of course, naturally, the first thing to leave her mouth the moment his butt hits the seat is in regards to his current _status_ with Taeyong. 

" _Sooo_ , are you two an item now?" 

"No," Ten puts it simply, hoping the monotone of his voice will convey that this _is not_ _the time or place_ because BamBam is _right there_. Thankfully, she only pouts for less than two seconds and quickly gets back to the lab assignment. 

He also realizes that Lisa hasn't the slightest clue about BamBam's... _little crush_ , as he would call it, and thinks that if he squints his eyes into Lisa's long enough, she will somehow read his mind. 

It doesn't work. Instead, she calls him out on the awkward squinting. 

"I have to use the bathroom," Ten announces, half annoyed, sprouting abruptly off his seat like a weed. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he can hear Lisa say _'you could never be a weed - weeds are tall.'_

He's about to escape from the awkwardness, even though he doesn't _actually_ have to pee, when he hears BamBam's soft voice from behind.

"I have to go too." 

_Goddammit_

Ten really shouldn't roll his eyes as hard as he did - they might fall out of their sockets. He's careful not to let BamBam see the annoyance on his face. He isn't like that. He wouldn't do that to someone, especially not when that someone has the heart to _like_ him. He is kind-hearted, after all. Warm like the sunlit waves on a beach. The savage yet considerate Ten, and he waves a hand with a small smile so BamBam can follow. 

BamBam keeps a distance of a few steps behind Ten, to which he's thankful for because it's _very_ telling. The nervousness in the boy, the way he stutters and stops in his tracks every time Ten as much as glances in his general direction. 

It's _painfully_ obvious, and it's _exactly_ how Ten was until just a few years ago. It's a bad trait by his logic - something that's gotten him into shit back in high school and his first year of college.

Shit he isn't proud of.

Holding the bathroom door open, Ten lets BamBam through first before stepping in himself. He crosses past him, and just barely makes it into one of the stalls before he's being spun around by a hand on his wrist, lips fumbling onto his own with nervous haste before he can even react.  

His eyes couldn't spread any wider if he tried, and he pushes BamBam away, wiping his lips with the sleeve of his shirt. 

"Why..." BamBam's voice is soft. His _eyes_ , Ten doesn't want to look at them. They're sad. So fucking _sad_ as they look into his own and Ten feels terrible for the pain he's causing. "I thought you and him aren't together..." 

 _God_ Ten wishes there was an easier way around this.

But there isn't and he presses his lips into a line, unable to find the right words to say to this boy.

When he looks at him he sees a flicker in BamBam's eyes, confusion among the pain, and Ten sighs as he prepares to break another heart - something he's done often in the past year. Pain isn't something BamBam deserves, but this is also something Ten cannot avoid.

"Look, I'm sorry," he sighs, scratching his nape as he thinks of the right words to say. "But whether he and I are together doesn't matter, BamBam. I appreciate your feelings, but I can't return them the way you'd want me to."

"But, you don't even know me," BamBam murmurs, voice incredibly soft, almost _heartbreaking_. 

"I'm _really_ sorry," Ten shrugs, shaking his head. "I already like someone else and even if I didn't, I couldn't return your feelings, in all honesty, because you remind me too much of myself but," he pauses, and looks steadily into BamBam's eyes as if to make him understand. To make it clear, that he means this with all his heart. "If you ever need a friend, a brother to lean on, I'll be there for you... but I can't be anything more." 

BamBam avoids Ten's searching eyes, looking only at his shoes. A moment passes, then two, and Ten wants to hug him, wants to spoil him like a baby brother but now isn't the time. He doesn't know if there ever _will_ be a time, but he hopes the best for this younger, much taller version of him. 

"I understand," he finally squeaks, eyes still on his shoes as if they're the only interesting thing in the room - which they are, by Ten's standards. BamBam's shoes _alone_ could probably pay a month of rent, being Saint Laurent and all. "I'll go back first. I'm sorry for causing you trouble." 

"Don't be sorry. It's okay," Ten smiles, gently patting BamBam's shoulder. It's the only form of solace he can offer right now.

 

When Ten returns from the bathroom, he finds Lisa alone on the couches. Sitting down, he takes a deep breath before spilling the past week from his mouth.

 

* * *

 

Libraries offer a type of tranquility that cannot be found anywhere else.

It's an eerie silence; a ghosting whisper from a thousand books telling their own tale. Being surrounded by them, by words of history, fantasy, fiction, science - it's easy to lose yourself in a hundred different worlds at once and completely disregard time. 

Ten finds himself listening as he returns a number of books back to their homes on the wide shelves of the library. 

He hums, studying the book he's just picked up from the medium-sized pile still in his cart and swipes a thumb over the title, _The Picture of Dorian Gray_. It's something he hasn't read in years, despite being one of his favorites.

"It's been a while, Oscar Wilde," he says quietly, then plops it back inside the cart to check out for himself after work. 

By four in the afternoon, he's nearly done.

Only a few more books remain that need to be returned to their respective slots, but Ten has run into a _slight_ problem. 

The remaining slots are far too high in the shelves, even when he's on his tippy toes and on the second step of the step-ladder - which he _absolutely refuses_ to take a step higher on.

He grunts, gritting his teeth in annoyance. "If only I had two more fucking inches on my body I could -   _fucking_ hell, fuck this, fuck genetics!" he hisses, giving up, but freezes when a suppressed laugh cuts through the shelf. 

There's a thin space between the shelves that allows  access to peer across, to whoever is chuckling on the other side of the bookcase. He can't see their face because they're leaning over, clutching onto their stomach but from the tall, skinny physique and that familiar hood he's seen once or twice before, Ten has a pretty good idea. His thoughts are confirmed when he notices the now-watermelon colored locks of hair and removes a book for a better view.

"How dare you," Ten pouts, glaring at a cackling Taeyong. He simply waves a hand, still trying to breathe.

"I'm not laughing at you - well, _I am_ , but - " more giggling ensues, and Ten shoves the books back with a humph.

He climbs down from the stool, and Taeyong's laughs _finally_ trickle down to sporadic giggles. Ten removes two books a little farther down, and Taeyong mirrors him on the other side with an amused grin, also removing two books.

Ten slides the books back and walks forward again, taking three books out this time, and Taeyong does the same. 

The corner of Ten's mouth curves into a playful smirk, and he doesn't miss the way Taeyong flusters - a truly rare sight.

"You miss me that much?" Ten asks, confidently - also a rare sight.

"Maybe," Taeyong shrugs, but Ten can't see him after that because Taeyong is sliding the books back, so he does the same. He follows Taeyong's watermelon hair from the tiny slit between shelves and removes a book where he does. 

"Can you help me find something?" 

 _My heart?_  Ten wants to say but opts for a simple nod instead. "It's my job, so I suppose I _have_ to." 

Taeyong grins, and it's different from what Ten has been seeing for the past god knows how long. This grin is pillowy, playful, innocent - and Ten's heart dissolves to mush as he studies it.

"It's this book, they said it should be here, but I don't see it." 

Pulling his brows together, Ten hums. He squints and leans his head half-way into the bookcase to read the small handwriting sprawled across the sticky note in Taeyong's hand. 

"That's because I haven't put it back yet." Ten slides the books back, "but if you come over here, I might give it to you," he says with a teasing smile that Taeyong probably can't see.

"Might?" He hears, the voice getting closer, and closer, as he rounds the corner at the same time as Taeyong.

 _Beautiful_.

Ten couldn't tell with the shelf between them but today, Taeyong looks incredibly... _soft_. It's different from his usual aura. It's far more relaxed and content. It's...  _happy_.

Ten hums, nodding with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I might want something in return." He doesn't break his gaze from Taeyong's curious eyes until he's turning back to the cart. Retrieving the book in question, he holds it tight in his arms. "I might want two things in return, actually."

"What two things?"

"The first thing," Ten starts, eyes trained on Taeyong's, "help me put these books back."

Taeyong steps closer, only by a few steps but enough for Ten to see the wetness of his lips and the sparkle in his eyes. "And the second thing?"

Ten gulps. He's done for, he thinks and curses himself for allowing his playful side to dominate his reckless tongue.

"I'll tell you after the first one."

Thankfully, Taeyong only nods and Ten quickly begins instructing him.

"This one goes way up there, between the grey and deep red books that are also by Jane Austen," he says, handing Taeyong the book as he climbs onto the step-ladder. 

It's obviously an easy task for Taeyong.

The extra few inches provides a great advantage, and Ten thinks he could get used to using Taeyong's extra inches for his personal benefit - like reaching the top shelves of the kitchen cabinets and at grocery stores.

Taeyong moves to climb down, but Ten nudges him back up with a hand to the small of his back. "This goes six books down to the left."

Taeyong takes the book, and Ten notices how much _sharper_ his features are from this angle. The curve of his jaw, the dip of his throat, the way his hoodie rides up two inches and exposes the smooth skin of his abdomen.

 _Fucking beautiful._ A true work of art, and Ten wonders what gold he's struck to be given an opportunity with someone so breathtaking.

His eyes falter, tracing down Taeyong body to the belt of his black skinny jeans. They ride low, sitting just below his hips bones and Ten's eyes travel to the tight, red cloth of his underwear peaking from underneath. Unknowingly, he licks his lips.

This wouldn't have been a big deal - he would've been _fine_ , really.

But it's _right in front_ of him. He's at that perfect height where he could just lift a finger and graze that soft skin - and that's exactly what he does.

He lifts his pointer finger and presses into the supple warmth, slowly dragging it down to the hem of Taeyong's pants.

If Ten had glanced up, he'd see that Taeyong's eyes are flung wide open, frozen, his ears a bright scarlet. And it takes an extremely slow second for Ten to realize he's _actually_ touching Taeyong's bare skin, and not just daydreaming it.

He quickly retreats his finger with an awkward cough and blurts out an excuse. "You had a string, over there."

"Oh, thanks," Taeyong smiles nervously, and Ten quickly urges him back down to complete the first task.

It _only_ takes another fourteen minutes because Ten loves to talk, and Taeyong enjoys listening. It would have only taken five minutes, but Ten felt compelled to explain the contents of whatever book Taeyong was sliding back.

"What about that one?" Taeyong points to the Oscar Wilde book sitting comfortably on the bottom shelf of the cart.

"Oh, I'm checking that one out. It's been a while since I've read it."

Taeyong kneels down and picks up the book, reading the title in a soft whisper and Ten decides he could listen to Taeyong read the entire novel to him - his accented English is adorable. "I've never read it."

Dramatic as always, Ten gasps with a sharp inhale, loud and surprised and wide-eyed as if he's witnessed a tragedy - which in his case, he has. He grabs the book and places it with the one Taeyong had originally been looking for, in his arms.

"You have to read it, I don't care."

"I'll read it, " Taeyong chuckles, nodding, then points to the books Ten is holding onto. "But, wasn't there something else you wanted before I'm allowed to check those out?"

_Confident_

Ten bites his lip, contemplating. "Yeah."

"What is it?"

Nervously, Ten taps a finger to his cheek - his smirk now a bashful smile. But the way Taeyong smiles back, bright and warm, he _almost_ wishes he'd asked for a little more.

They've already kissed - full on made out, and yet the simple request still sends butterflies from the pit of his stomach all the way up to his chest. Taeyong steps into his space, his hands shoved in his pockets and fond eyes locked onto his own.

Ten doesn't move. Rather, he _can't_ move. The world just kind of stills, as if someone's pressed the pause button on everyone except them and Ten realizes he finds the world coming to a standstill a lot since he's met Taeyong.

Suddenly they're close. _Really_ close. Close enough that as Taeyong hums, it whispers against Ten's cheek. He holds his breath, anticipating - since the morning after the party, since that peck, he's wanted to feel it again.

Properly, this time.

Ten catches the way Taeyong smiles, a giggle, almost, just before his wet lips press firmly onto his cheek.

Ten tightens his arms around the books against his chest because every kiss really is different, he thinks, when it's Lee Taeyong's lips.

This kiss? It's a sensation much like a flutter, flapping like a hummingbirds wings, shaking his racing heart. It's a new softness he didn't know he needed because a kiss so simple has never held so much meaning before. Never has it made him this weak and Ten clutches onto Taeyong's side with a fist to keep himself from falling to his knees.

Those lips are _everything_ he could have asked for. And Ten feels it, the whispered words from the lips on his cheek, conveying what can't be understood through the exposing touch of lips on lips.

Taeyong barely pulls away, and Ten exhales the breath he'd been holding in his chest. It seems that Taeyong does the same. The shaky puff of air against Ten's hair gives it away as he's wrapped into Taeyong's arms - _close_. 

If Ten isn't mistaken, there's desperation somewhere in the embrace, something that couldn't be expressed otherwise. An urgency, almost.

Ten thinks he could stay like this until time stops. He could live off of Taeyong's warmth for the rest of his life and not need food, water, or sleep. It's a fleeting moment, but this feels incredibly right and Ten doesn't have it in himself to deny that. But the moment lasts too short, and before Ten can lose himself in the soft blaze, Taeyong is already pulling away.

"You've earned the right to check out these books," Ten whispers, handing said books to a smiley Taeyong.

"Thank you," Taeyong hums, smoothing a hand over Ten's hair.

Taeyong begins taking his leave and Ten watches the way he draws out each step as if he's contemplating. He's about to open his mouth, but Taeyong turns - rather abruptly - on a heel and is already facing him with words falling hastily out of his mouth.

"Are you busy tomorrow?"

Ten blinks, confused, because for one - _that was sudden_ , and two, what fucking day is tomorrow even?

"Uhm," it's Saturday, he recalls. "Yeah, I'm going to the movies with Lisa tomorrow, then I have to tutor."

Taeyong nods. "Sunday?"

"I'm free Sunday."

"Then," Taeyong shifts his eyes to the floor, rocking on his heels and Ten bites back a smile. Nervous Taeyong is incredibly... _adorable_. "Can I take you on a date?"

Ten's heart is _jumping_ , and he wonders why he should even have to think about it. "I'd like that."

 

* * *

 

On Saturday night, Ten gets home a bit earlier than usual for two reasons: his dance partner, Yuta, was one word away from giving him a migraine; and second, because Ten _almost_ forgot how to speak Thai himself in the agonizing process. It got to the point where Ten was using Korean, Thai, English, and the tiny amount of Japanese he'd learned all in one sentence, which fried his brain to a crisp much crispier than the crispiest chicken KFC has to offer.

Throwing himself on the bed quite ungracefully, Ten is just about to let his body sink into the comforts of his sheets when a loud, obnoxious knocking pounds at his door.

It's time like this when he truly regrets being the RA. With the glare Hero is shooting him from her bed - her nap having been horribly disturbed, Ten assumes she feels the same.

"This better be worth it!" He hisses, angrily swinging open the door, only to regret it a second later - it's Johnny, with a pouting Taeyong behind him.

Ten eyes Johnny, suspiciously, but lets them in purely because Taeyong is there too. And because Hero is already interested in the newcomer, sniffing Jonny's shoe.

"Do you have a complaint?" Ten flatly asks, although there's an edge to his voice. Why else would Taeyong _and_ Johnny be at his door an hour before midnight if it wasn't for a complaint? Ten just hopes nothing is on fire.

Johnny crosses his arms and huffs. "No, but I might leave with one."

 _Hm_. Half amused, Ten sizes him up with his eyes. Johnny is a tree, after all, and Ten couldn't have managed it with his stature. Besides, his eyes are his most powerful weapon. "Was that a threat?"

"Maybe."

Ten steps closer, and so does Johnny. He's sure he hears Taeyong mumble something but he can't make it out. Vaguely, he notices that Hero is now cuddled in Taeyong's arms.

"What?" He challenges, and Johnny breathes in a large puff of air before speaking.

"I need you to come to a party I'm having in two weeks because this asshole over here refuses to oblige to the dress code _unless_ \- you are there too."

"And I wasn't invited to begin with?" Ten feigns an excellent display of hurt on his expression, a dramatic hand on his chest as he does.

"You were, but I'm honestly a little scared of you so I didn't know how to until this one happened," Johnny points to Taeyong, who is still behind him. 

"Understandable. I appreciate your honesty," Ten nods, then glances at Taeyong, who's got his head hung low, almost buried in Hero's fur, with a hand covering his eyes. "What's the dress code?" he asks, eyes still on Taeyong.

"Kigurumi."

"I'll go."

Taeyong's head shoots up at that, his eyes shaking as he frantically shakes his head. "You _really_ don't have to," he starts but Ten chuckles. It's useless for Taeyong to try and change his mind for two reasons:

Ten is _a sucker_ for cute things;

And he is also a sucker for cute people in cute things, and Taeyong is by far the cutest of them all.

He can imagine it already, Taeyong looking adorable and cuddly in an oversized onesie. Truly a vision - even if right now, _it is_ _just_ a vision - but it's something Ten suddenly needs to see.

He walks past Johnny, eyes still trained on Taeyong and crowds him with his body as much as Hero between them allows, close enough for his lips to brush against Taeyong's earlobe.

In a low, reverberating whisper, Ten speaks close into Taeyong's ear, almost in a kiss - _only_ for Taeyong to hear. "I think you'll look adorable in one."

That's when Ten learns that it's quite easy to convince Taeyong.

 

* * *

 

Sunday - the ideal day to sleep in as the afternoon sunlight spills through the curtains in a string of ribbons and dances to the shadows of the rustling leaves outside. Hero is grooming herself on Ten's chest. Ten is stretching his limbs, eyes still closed, and everything is perfectly peaceful for an incredibly short second until Ten chokes on a lengthy yawn, realization dawning on him like a tsunami. He shoots straight up like a stiff log, ignoring Hero's hiss for startling a life out of her. 

"Date." Tens eyes widen, larger and larger and he's sure his insides could join the Olympic gymnastics team with the flips they're doing.

In an instant he's on his feet, flitting around the room in a slight panic - "date, date, date!" he repeats, his brain malfunctioning because _how fucking long_ has it been since he's been on a date? Two years? What will he wear? Should it be cute? Flirty? _Reserved?_ Ten panics twice as much, realizing he hasn't the slightest idea what time he's supposed to go on said date. 

His fingers shake just a little as he unlocks his phone - he's _fucking nervous_. There is no reason to be nervous, he knows that, but he is and _god_ what is he going to wear?

In his haste, Ten presses the little phone button next to Taeyong's name instead of the chat bubble, and frantically tries to process what the fuck has happened when the dial tone starts going off. Before he can save himself, Taeyong's half asleep voice dances through Ten's phone and into his ear.

 _"Hello?"_ Taeyong repeats and Ten hears some rustling on the other end. He wills himself to breathe, but Taeyong - hoarse voice, sounding _that_ _much_ _deeper_ over the phone, is driving Ten crazy. 

 _"Tennie?"_  

He mentally smacks himself, coming back down to reality as fast as gravity allows. "S - sorry, I woke you up - " 

There's a breathy chuckle before Taeyong replies, and Ten registers how different it sounds over the gravelly speaker of the phone. " _It's okay, I've been trying to get up for the past hour, so you did me a favor."_

Ten nods, knowing full well that Taeyong can't see him but he does it anyway. "You never told me the time for today." 

 _"Ah,"_ Taeyong's voice brightens and Ten bites down a smile before realizing, again, that Taeyong can't see him, meaning he can smile as foolishly as he damn pleases.  _"Meet me by the front door at three?"_

"I'll have to wait that long to see you?" 

Taeyong laughs again, and Ten realizes it's much easier to be his confident, flirty self when he isn't _right in front_ of him - not that he's intimidated. It's the opposite. Taeyong has... an aura, to him, that brings out a part of Ten that he isn't quite sure how to handle anymore. A part he hasn't seen in years.

_"Since I'm waking up late, I'm afraid so."_

"I'm just waking up too." 

Taeyong sighs playfully, and it hits Ten's ears like an addiction. Something far more powerful than nicotine. _"I'll see you at three, Tennie, go get ready."_

"Okay okay, bye."

When the line clicks, Ten screams, throwing himself back against the bed as he thrashes around, before thrashing straight into the shower.

 

* * *

 

With an affectionate smile, Ten carefully crosses the lobby to where Taeyong is staring out the large windows.

His hands are shoved in the pockets of a light beige jacket, a black hood covering his head. Faded watermelon is now the color of his hair, and it's highlighted under the soft rays of the sun.  Even his eyes, those chocolate brown eyes, are sparkling like champagne in the rays.

He's beautiful like this. Immersed with concentration, his lips parted just slightly with a cute smile that's characteristic of Taeyong alone. Ten tip-toes closer, quietly sneaking behind him and follows Taeyong's gaze to whatever has his undivided attention.

A dog, Ten sees. A big, brown, fluffy dog that could easily be mistaken for a stuffed toy.

"Cute pupper," Ten says in a volume far too loud for the proximity between his mouth and Taeyong's ear. Taeyong nearly face-plants the window, once again shaking from head to toe and cursing under his breath with a sharp inhale. 

Ten snorts an amused chuckle. "I thought you said you don't startle easily?"

Taeyong holds his chest and Ten grins because that's _exactly_ the reaction he was hoping to see. "I don't, you just really walk like a cat." 

Ten purrs and Taeyong's breath hitches.

This is going to be a fun date indeed, Ten thinks.

 

* * *

 

 

"So, where are we going?" Ten questions after passing a shop they've already walked by five minutes ago.

Taeyong scans the streets, his steps slowing. "Somewhere."

"Yongie," he sighs, grabbing Taeyong's wrist to keep him from walking. He knows full well that Taeyong is a perfectionist and to be lost, on a first date nonetheless, must be embarrassing - not that Ten gives a shit. He'd get lost and walk aimlessly for hours if it meant he could spend those hours with Taeyong. But it's quite visible, how bothered Taeyong is by this. Ten keeps his voice soft, playful, but not at all teasing. "We're going in circles."

"I'm sorry. I thought I could remember the directions but I have no idea where I messed up, I should've planned better for this - "

"Yongie," Ten takes a step towards Taeyong and holds his face in his palms, pulling the corners of Taeyong's lips into a forced smile with his thumbs. "Some of the best things happen when things are not planned," he smiles and just then, with his face a few inches away from Taeyong's and the sun bright above their heads, he sees something he hasn't before. 

He sees what Taeyong does to him. Sees the way his eyes resemble crescent moons, wrinkling on the corners, lips stretched into a smile that's no short of genuine, his gaze brimmed with affection - he knows what he feels. He sees it in the reflection in Taeyong's eyes, loud and clear.

And it's then that he wants to kiss him. He could easily lean in and press their lips for a heartbeat but he holds himself back with every force known to humankind and retrieves his hands.

"I know these streets like the back of my hand, I can get us there, just tell me where," he smiles with reassurance, and learns how easy it is to turn Taeyong's frown into a smile brighter than the heavens.

Leading the way, Ten notices that Taeyong leaves only one hand in his pocket, while the other hangs free between their bodies, silently asking for his own.

He wants to give in - hell, _he's dying_ to just let himself drift in the flow of... _whatever_ it is they have. He'd let the tension overcome him in a wave if it meant he could feel those fingers lace between his own, but it's a public display he isn't sure he's ready to show. Not in the slightest bit due to what others would think, but because this is a special milestone Taeyong has to reach, _to earn,_ before Ten can let himself sink any further.

Ten easily leads them to the cafe Taeyong had been searching for - it's one he's never been to, but has seen in passing several times.

"I don't know where I messed up," Taeyong says as they walk inside, the little bell above the door chiming softly.

Chuckling, Ten teases, "I know where you went wrong," he says, his voice intentionally challenging. He already knows what gets Taeyong going, and it's only been two months.

"Where?"

"Hmmm," he grins, leaning in close to Taeyong's ear as they wait in line - close enough to smell his rosy scent, but far enough that he doesn't invade his warmth. "I might tell you, if you're... _good_ ," he winks.

Ten actually sees Taeyong's Adam's apple bob as he swallows. He enjoys this, getting Taeyong flustered with just _words_. He smirks as he shifts back to his previous standing spot.

Wide-eyed, Taeyong is too obviously trying to keep composed. "G - Good?"

"Mhmm, good."

Taeyong parts his lips with the intent of speaking, but Ten coolly walks forward and begins conversing with the cashier.

 

"You were _not_ good, and therefore you have lost the privilege of knowing where you took that wrong turn," Ten pouts rather adamantly, crossing his arms over his chest the moment he sits down.

"Because I didn't let you pay?" Taeyong muses and Ten only glares.

They had bickered for a few short moments, both of them shoving their cards to a very confused cashier. But Taeyong, Ten realized, had the upper hand with his broken, adorable Thai and cute foreigner charms. The cashier easily gave in, taking his card instead of Ten's.

"When you take me on a date, you can pay."

The sound of being able to take Taeyong on a date is enough for Ten to drop the pout, and he instead busies himself with his drink.

Ten decides it's easy to talk to Taeyong. There are no twenty questions, no boring ice-breaker conversations and awkward stillness's. It's _completely_ natural, the way one conversation melds into the other.

It had been customary for Ten to face silences on first dates- even second and _third_ dates. He'd find himself contemplating if he should speak first, or if he's boring them with his rambling, or if the guy had lost interest altogether. But the way Taeyong's eyes focus on him, listening with such intent and interest, _replying_ with such interest... Ten is reassured, feeling just a little more confident in this thing they have going.

Maybe it's the bubble tea, or the soft vibe of the cafe, or the scrumptious pastries they shared, but Ten is overflowing. The perfect first date, he thinks, that's probably the first of many. For a moment he smiles to himself as they begin walking out of the cafe, thinking of where he should take Taeyong for their second date - maybe the movies, or the beach. Ten realizes it's too cold for the beach and post-pones that plan for the summer. He's already half-way out the cafe door when a... _familiar_ voice has him turning around to the sound of his name.

"Chittaphon?"

Fuck.


	13. Fire in the Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy guys! I'm sorry for updating after a long time. I spent a lot of time on this chapter because of writers block, but I got through it! Thank you for all your comments and suggestions, I am working on adding them into the story one by one~ As always, lemme know what y'all think :)

"Chittaphon?"

Ten wishes he hadn't turned around.

The sound of his name, his _birth_ name, coming from _that_ mouth that always tasted of cheap cigarettes and beer - Ten can't help but wince at the sound.

Reluctantly, he meets the dark eyes of the man he once thought he loved. Taeyong turns around behind him, probably confused at the persisting silence and sudden tension but Ten can't bring himself to do anything. He can't open his mouth, can't blink, can't do anything besides lace his shaking fingers with Taeyong's warm ones.

Because it feels safe like this.

Taeyong's warmth, it's an anchor - something that keeps him grounded. Though, he isn't quite sure when he let _that_ happen.

"It's been a while," the man grins, his pearly teeth set off by a broken tooth on the right side.

He hasn't changed much. His voice hasn't changed since _then_ either; since two years ago, when Ten would follow a few steps behind him because _that was his place_. His eyes are still as mocking as Ten last remembered them. They still make his stomach churn.

Now, Ten is strong - exceptionally so in terms of his emotions. It's not an easy task to make him feel weak, to get under his skin, but there are certain... _exceptions_ , from his past.

The worst of his memories from the worst of people, the ones that have left scars deeper than any knife ever could.

Those are his exceptions.

Ten realizes he's trembling. His throat is closing in, a truly ominous sensation burning up and down his body and he grits his teeth as memories of his time with _him_ flash across his eyeballs when something tugs him back.

It's Taeyong, he realizes half a heartbeat later. 

Half of his senses shift to Taeyong's hand holding his own - anchored. Secure. Ten exhales a steady breath and subtly leans back into Taeyong's chest behind him.  

His ex steps closer, a look of malice in his eyes that sends a strong shudder down Ten's spine. He's positive that even Taeyong felt it. He's pressed so closely that he _must_ have. Yet, despite the shudder and the waves clenching his muscles, he would never let it show on his face. The ice in his eyes never faltering. They're unyielding, condescending, enough to force anyone to change their mind and turn away.

"You're just gonna ignore me?"

There's a sharp ring in his voice that has Ten's insides twisting into knots. He can't move and for a moment he can't breathe until he feels Taeyong's other hand on his arm, framing his body with his own. It's a reassuring presence, enough to push past the anxiety bubbling inside him.

With one final, stern look, Ten turns his back. "Let's go Yongie," he whispers to Taeyong, a foot through the door when rough, calloused fingers clench around his wrist.

It's _deadly_ -  Ten's narrowed glare. It's enough to cut through the flesh itself, his voice cold enough to stop someone's heart. "Let _go_ of me."

The corner of his ex's lips twitch. _That_ was a trait of Ten's he despised.

Ignoring the demand, he takes care to avoid Ten's sharp eyes. "Who's this?" he asks, narrowing his gaze onto Taeyong instead and the sudden need to _protect_ rushes over Ten. Seeing those wicked eyes staring at Taeyong with such...  belittlement, such _promiscuity_...

He instantly shifts in his spot and stands directly in front of Taeyong with an _impenetrable_ hardness on his face and in his stance.

"Are you deaf?" Ten hisses, unconsciously squeezing Taeyong's hand because _maybe_ , perhaps, he is a little scared. Maybe the rush of memories is too much to deal with, but he doesn't mind quietly exposing it to Taeyong if it means he can hide it from the rest of the world.  

Those eyes that Ten hates so much are locked on him as the man moves closer by a step, then two, but abruptly comes to a standstill as if Ten's eyes could rip him apart - as if there's an invisible force field between them that could burn him to ash. "You're still untamed, I see. Still running that dirty little mouth of yours."

Ten exhales a steady breath, his gaze predatory as he spits through grit teeth. "Let go of me, or else my foot will be up your fucking ass." 

Taeyong mumbles something, his hand on Ten's arm soothing up, then down, but Ten's ears are ringing too loud for him to hear anything besides the drumming in his chest.

It vaguely registers in Ten's mind that all of this is probably a frightening, confusing mess for Taeyong - his Thai still being too elementary to understand and keep up with the rapid spit of words. Ten realizes this in a split second and squeezes Taeyong's hand again in apology.

After all, he knows what it feels like to witness a situation such as this in a language that's not understood. It's terrifying, and _everything_ sounds hostile.

A wicked grin contorts his ex's chapped lips, and the skin of Ten's wrist feels like it's about to tear.

"Don't make me repeat myself," Ten scowls, growing increasingly impatient. "Unless, of course, you want a matching broken tooth for the other side of your mouth."

Something shifts in those pompous eyes then, and Ten narrows his piercing gaze for good measure.

"You're not worth it," the man says, finally letting go of Ten's hand. Ten instantly brings it back beside him, clutching his fist. "I'm happy for you and your new bitch, I bet he's just a _worthless_ piece of shit that's only good for fucking, _just_ _like you_."

_Oh_

_That's_ the push right there. The final wave that Ten has never had control over and if he'd let himself, he could easily force an apology to bleed from between those chapped lips. But they're in public, Taeyong is right here, people are watching. Ten doesn't care, but he's not about to let the mood sour any more by getting into a fistfight.

" _Apologize_ to him."

The man turns, facing them with a crooked smile. "I don't want to."

Ten steps forward, a hand still linked with Taeyong's. "I said, _apologize_." Taeyong must have understood that, or maybe it was the cut in his voice that made him shudder... but Ten felt it against his own hand.

Yet the plume of anger begging to explode is too strong for him to stop now. This isn't _just_ about Ten anymore. His past crossed a fine line and lost the chance to walk away with that smug look still on his face the moment he said a word about Taeyong.

"Let's just leave," he hears Taeyong whisper with a soft tug of the hand, but Ten doesn't budge. Instead, he unlaces their fingers and steps into his ex's space - close enough to make anyone uncomfortable.

The fierce edge in his eyes, it degrades a person instantly. That's the thing about Ten, that's gotten him through the hardest shit life had thrown at him. It doesn't matter how large the other person is or how strong they are, Ten can shrink them until they dissolve to nothing from his eyes alone.

And Ten sees it happening, his past degenerating to a stuttering mess. A cracked sorry leaves those chapped lips and Ten doesn't waste a moment in pushing Taeyong out from the cafe, ignoring the eyes trained on his back from the bystanders inside the cafe. 

 

 

Deafening. That's how silent it is, and Ten wants nothing more than to cut through it.

The encounter left a sour taste between them and Ten isn't sure if Taeyong even wants to _look_ at him anymore. The way his body shuddered at his cold voice, the way his soothing voice broke into an unsure whisper, Ten _knows_ this is over. This side of him that he'd kept locked deep inside, it's both his best and his worst.

His thoughts are racing at a speed he can't keep up with, quickly becoming a headache. Looking beside him, he sees Taeyong a few steps behind, keeping his distance but everything is just so blurry. The street signs, the lights, the pavement under his shoes, it's melting into one big blur when a tug makes him stop in his tracks.

"Ten?" Taeyong is pulling at the sleeve of his shirt, his voice soft and cautious. Ten can't will himself to look up and meet his eyes. "Are you okay?"

He isn't. But that isn't something he wants to admit right now.

"I'm sorry," he says a little too harshly, but something inside him cracks, like a bolt of thunder ripping the sky in half. "If you didn't like what you saw back there, if I scared you then I'm sorry, but that's how I am, Taeyong."

Ten isn't sure why _these_ words, out of any other string of words he could've said, are spilling from his mouth. For a passing moment, it almost feels like he's... _purposely_ trying to get rid of Taeyong, just so he can cocoon himself again.

"I was just surprised... but I'm not scared or anything, if anything I respect you even more for your strength," Taeyong smiles with a soft shrug as if it's obvious. "It makes me like you even more."

 _Oh_.

Ten gulps down the words he had prepared to say in a different outcome. This isn't how it usually goes. In fact, it's never gone _this_ way.

"Who was that?"

"That was my ex. One of my worst ones. He didn't like it when I ran my mouth because I speak my thoughts too much and - " Ten pauses, realizing a second too late that his box is spewing memories he'd imprisoned for years. It's pouring out, as fierce as a thundering waterfall and he fears it'll spill something he isn't ready to reveal.

Yet the words had rolled out so easily. There was no resistance, nothing at all. Ten realizes that with Taeyong, things seem to happen... naturally. 

"He couldn't take me at my worst. _No one_ could take me at my worst, so I get it if you... " he chokes on his words, immediately trying to cover the sound with a hand to his mouth. There are tears staining his cheeks and he wonders why it hurts so much - the though of Taeyong leaving him when they _aren't even together_. When they _barely_ know each other. But Taeyong is stepping closer, a fondness in his smile as he pushes away a few tears with the back of his hand.

"If a person can't take you at your worst," Taeyong pauses, lifting Ten's face with a hand under his ear. "Then they don't deserve you at your best."

Ten blinks once, then twice, the words rolling around in his head as he grasps the weight they carry. He can't help but let a couple more tears roll down his cheek, blinking almost continuously to shove them away because it's too much for his heart to take. Too much to believe - _too good to believe_ when those are the words he's been _begging_ to hear - the words he'd convinced himself he would _never_ hear. 

"You better mean that," he mumbles through his palms, trying to hide his crying face from the public. Taeyong's soft lips press against his temple, and Ten feels them smile before he's being pulled into a reassuring hug.

"I mean it."

"Good," Ten sniffs, "because if you didn't, it would've been a deal-breaker."

Taeyong replies with a relieved sigh against Ten's hair, but pulls away and cups his face again with an incredibly serious look on his face. "Seeing him again," Taeyong starts, swiping a thumb over his cheekbone to wipe away a tear, then two. "How are you feeling? Do you wanna talk about it?"

The sincerity, the _worry_ in Taeyong's voice would have Ten on his knees if he wasn't already being held. He sighs, staring at the pavement between them, then back at Taeyong.

 "You know, the lake isn't too far from here."

 

* * *

 

The suffocating tension is gone. 

It melted with the wind the moment Taeyong wrapped his arms around him and he thinks it could mean something, that this could actually _be_ something.

Never has the simple presence of someone, with the exception of Lisa, provided enough confidence to push away the threat of anxiety. Ten realizes this as they sit across from each other on the flat surface of the boulder - _their_ boulder, breathing in the scent of the lake mixed with the aroma of flowers and foliage and the damp soil. 

"Remember the first time I brought you here, you asked how I found this place?" Ten asks, shifting his legs until they're crossed. He continues fiddling with his thumbs as a distraction.

"Yeah, you said you were hiding from something when you found it."

"I was hiding from him," Ten quietly says. He doesn't mean for his voice to sound as small as it does, but it's too late for him to stop now, the words seeming to just... _roll_ off his tongue effortlessly. Waiting to be said aloud. "I got into some bad shit years ago, got involved with bad people and I threw myself around like a body for the sake of, of acceptance or whatever."

Ten sees Taeyong sit up from the corner of his eye, but he doesn't look at him.

He _can't_.

He doesn't want to see how Taeyong reacts as he breaks, doesn't want to see that look of pity he's bound to receive. Instead, Ten keeps his eyes focused on his hands in his lap. On his fingers, the nails that are slightly too long, the redness around the wrist where his ex's hand had grabbed him.

"Every time I trusted someone, they betrayed me and told me I was too much, that I should keep my mouth shut because that wasn't... submissive," he scoffs bitterly, remembering the exact moments _they_ had said that. Remembering the sting on his body that followed after. He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip to hold back a quiver and throws his head back, leaning on his palms and looks up to the sky, hoping the tears will sink back into his eyeballs.

It's truly overwhelming, revisiting something that's been locked away so tightly for so long. It's _dangerous_. He clenches his eyes shut, the memories playing out in the dark of his eyelids.

"Everyone I ever dated tried to change who I was. Every _fucking_ person tried to _use_ me," his voice almost breaks. He can't keep this up - it's far too painful and he almost chokes when he remembers _how it felt_.

With his arm, Ten covers his eyes as he lets himself fall back against the cool boulder, lying flat on his back with his shaking knees bent up. Keeping himself together is impossible, he realizes. It's useless to try and stop himself, and so he takes a deep breath and continues.

"That guy," he whispers, crossing both his arms over his face so he can hide behind them. "He _abused_ me. Made me feel like something was fucking wrong with me and, and yet _still_ he wasn't the worst out of all of them and I, I - " his voice finally cracks.

It's too much.

The lump of emotions bulging in his throat is choking him, the torrent of memories flashing through his eyes suffocating him. He feels Taeyong's hand on his kneecap, and his sobs become strained hiccups, the warmth on his knee reeling him out from the darkness, until it's nearly surrounding him.

Ten peeks between his arms to see Taeyong's sad eyes fixated on him, wet yet impossibly warm. Taeyong's leaning beside him on an elbow, his other arm stretched across Ten's body for support.

It's chilly outside, despite the burning sun, yet his body feels like it's turning to ice. Cracking, shattering, and he wants to blanket himself in that unique warmth only Taeyong seems to offer.

"I'm sorry, I can't... " Ten squeaks, wiping tears and snot off his face with the roughness one would use with sandpaper against a brick. But Taeyong's tender fingers move Ten's aggressive hands away and replace them with the petal soft strokes of his own.

"You don't have to tell me everything."

It kills Ten, how soft and kind his voice is. It reminds him of Lisa, his parents, his teacher from fourth grade and a wave of security washes over him. "I want to."

"Then tell me a little at a time, okay?" Taeyong says, smiling, and wipes tear after tear from Ten's raw face. "We don't have to rush, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

The words wash over Ten, engulfing him. He only manages a short nod and a small smile but hopes Taeyong understands how thankful he is. By the warmth in his eyes, Ten thinks he does.

As Taeyong combs his fingers through Ten's hair, he reaches up to touch Taeyong's pretty face, smoothing a thumb over his lips. Ten doesn't have the energy to lean in, but he wants to feel him. He _needs_ to press his skin against Taeyong's skin and tell him how much he likes him. That if given the time, he might even _love_ him. He wants Taeyong to kiss him, and tell him he knows.

And as if he'd been listening, Taeyong leans in, framing Ten's head with his arms. His weight is a blanket over Ten's body - barely there yet entirely comfortable and Ten can't help but sigh through his smile, because he's noticed how good Taeyong is at reading him. Somehow, he seems to know what Ten wants, what he needs. Just like this, in this moment, Taeyong knows and kisses Ten's forehead.

It's everything he needs right now. Sweet, compassionate, secure. Ten squeezes his eyes shut, focusing solely on the warmth of Taeyong's lips, his rosy scent, the quiet breeze dancing over them. Taeyong pulls away just enough to look Ten in the eyes. "How're you feeling now?"

"I'm okay, I guess," Ten smiles, bringing a hand beside Taeyong's face and tucking a few pesky watermelon strands behind his ear. They were covering his pretty champagne eyes.

"You guess?" Taeyong asks, voice just above a whisper.

Ten trails his finger down the side of Taeyong's face, stopping at the curve of his jaw. "I'm still a little shaken. A little... scared, for lack of a better word."

"I'm a little scared that - " Ten pauses, inhaling deeply as Taeyong kisses the corner of his eye, then his cheek. "That something might happen again."

_That I'll lose you_

That he'll fall apart again.

He didn't realize he'd started crying again. Not until Taeyong bid the tears away with a thumb.

"It's okay," Taeyong tries, and Ten realizes how much this means to him.

How much Taeyong means to him.  

"Tennie, it's okay."

"Yongie," his voice hitches, but he's quickly wrapped in as much of an embrace as the position allows. Taeyong is careful to press him close - so close that Ten isn't sure if he's about to break or if he's being pieced back together. "I'm sorry Yongie... "

"You have nothing to apologize for."

Ten clenches onto Taeyong's back as if it's his life. As if letting go means drowning, sinking into a place he doesn't want to visit. At least not _alone_.

They stay like this, wrapped in each other until moments pass and the sun dips into the horizon of the lake. The sky is spilling a beautiful splatter of purples and pinks, and Ten finally opens his eyes when the moon is already shining, beautiful and vibrant in the slowly darkening sky. Ten thinks he can reach up and touch it if he tries.

He reaches his hand out, fingers stretched towards the moon and he feels something, cold and small against his skin. Then he feels another, and another, scattering indefinitely across his hand and face.

"Was it supposed to rain today?"

Taeyong hums thoughtfully, nuzzling deeper into Ten's neck. "I don't think so," he says.

"Well, it's raining."

Suddenly, Taeyong shoots up and pulls his sweatshirt hood over his head faster than a raindrop can find him. Ten swears he's never seen anyone move quite so fast.

He isn't sure if he should laugh or coo, Taeyong's eyes being comically wide and almost fearful.

Laugh - Ten decides, is the right reaction. After all, Taeyong _is_ searching the purple-grey sky from beneath his hood as if he's trying to locate an enemy.

"Don't like the rain?" Ten says, trying really hard not to giggle but he's sure the breathiness of his voice gives him away.

"I hate it," Taeyong nearly hisses. "It does bad things to my hair, it's polluted, and... _stuff_."

The absolutely _dreadful_ look on Taeyong's face has Ten doubling over to his side, perhaps laughing a little too hard. "I'm sorry," he tries, waving a dismissive hand in the air for the reassurance his mouth is unable to provide. 

Squatting, Taeyong makes himself as tiny as possible and covers more of his face with the hood. "You think I'm weird for hating the rain?" he asks, voice edging on playful, but serious enough for Ten's giggles to simmer down.

With a grin on his lips, Ten finally sits up, stopping just inches away from Taeyong face. "Not at all," he smiles, taking a few strands of Taeyong's hair between his fingers. Taeyong's eyes widen just slightly, cheeks turning just a little pinker. "I'm terrified of fruit, so I mean, I get it." 

Taeyong looks at him, a hint of surprise in his eyes as if Ten has just reminded him of something he'd forgotten. "Even watermelon?" 

"The _name itself_ sounds scary," Ten says, watching the way the rain specks Taeyong's red hoodie, the way his eyes seem to shine. He tucks Taeyong's hair behind his ear, taking care not to move his hood when he notices... something.  

A warmth. No - _a heat_ , rather. The tips of Taeyong's ears, they're _exceptionally_ hot against Ten's fingertips.

Ten is pleasantly amused.

Trailing his finger down the curve of Taeyong's ear, Ten is particularly careful not to move the hood off his head since it's raining a little harder now, each drop hitting his body faster than the previous ones can soak into the thin white fabric of his t-shirt.

"I wonder what's got your ears so hot," Ten says through a smirk, his voice just a bit suggestive. He leans closer just an inch, intently watching the way Taeyong seems to freeze.

Taeyong exhales a steady breath, "you know exactly what."

Ten hums in a way that implies he _knows_.

He _wants_ Taeyong, after all. Maybe to cover the aching thing in his chest, or because the view is beautiful and the moon and sun are sharing the sky. Or maybe it's just the rain. Quiet, yet a presence that can't be ignored.

"Maybe," Ten says, vaguely registering a raindrop roll down the side of his face. He's sure his hair is _very_ wet by now. "But I wanna hear you say it."

"You're getting soaked," Taeyong nearly whispers, completely ignoring what he'd been asked and Ten finds it adorable. "You'll get sick."

"I don't get sick, don't worry." Ten rubs the pad of his thumb across the flat of Taeyong's ear and earns a small shiver in return. "So, what's making you blush so much?"

Subtly, Taeyong leans into Ten's hand and just barely hides his face, his half-lidded eyes still on Ten. "I want you," he finally breathes.

It's exactly what Ten wanted to hear.

Biting down a smile, Ten hums, sliding his hand down to the curve of Taeyong's neck. He nudges the tip of his nose against Taeyong's and receives a sharp inhale as a reply. A direct invitation, a plea for wanting to be touched.

But Ten loves to tease, perhaps a little too much.

"I guess you won't want to kiss me when I'm soaked in rainwater," Ten shrugs, throwing a casual wink in Taeyong's direction as he gets up and jumps off the boulder as if he hadn't just been trying to seduce the man. He hears a muffled groan behind him, then some sound that's probably closer to a whine than anything.

"Tennie," Taeyong starts but is cut off by the sudden, _rapid_ pattering of the rain against nearly every surface. Taeyong practically screams, his face scrunched with distress. " _Oh god_ , why is it raining _harder_!"

"It's Thailand and it's October," Ten giggles, watching the way Taeyong clutches onto his hood and toes past Ten as if a step too heavy will make it rain _even harder_. "It's monsoon season."

"I should've brought an umbrella," Taeyong cries as he holds the thicket up for Ten to pass under.

Stepping to the other side, Ten finds the streets nearly empty. "Wow, there's like no one - " but he's cut off, Taeyong being much faster in grabbing his hand and pulling him in the direction of their dorms.

At first, Ten can only giggle, running a step behind Taeyong as he tries to keep up with his long legs.

"Yongie!"

Taeyong slows down, although only a little, but it's enough for Ten to push them under an awning of some storefront.

"My legs aren't as long as yours," Ten pants, his hands on his knees as he catches his breath.

"I'm sorry," Taeyong smiles sheepishly, trying to throw some of the water droplets off his clothes, but to no avail. "You're drenched."

Shrugging, Ten combs his fingers through his dripping hair. "So are you." 

"Should we call a cab?"

They could.

It would be the sensible thing to do, especially considering the heaviness of the rain. Ten knows it's not going to die down. He knows it's going to keep going strong until night falls yet still... he decides to test the water.

"We could, but... " Ten starts, biting his lip. Perhaps, it's the anxiety from earlier that's making him do this. Maybe it's him trying to reassure himself, trying to see how far Taeyong is willing to go for him. "Then we'd be missing out on the best part."

Smiling, he takes a few slow steps backward, keeping his gaze locked with Taeyong's confused eyes. He feels the rain against his back and the crown of his head and takes one final step until he's right under the sky. Closing his eyes he faces upwards, his arms stretched on either side as he blankets himself with the rain.

He doesn't care if it's polluted - although in the back of his mind he knows he probably should.

The pattering of the droplets against his skin, they make him flow to someplace else, someplace where he's been trying to go for a long time.

"Ten - "

"You don't have to follow me," he quickly says. "I just really like the rain, even if it is polluted. It's fun."

He keeps his eyes closed, and twirls in the rain with a smile plastered on his face and it feels like that first night on the lake. It's deja vu; the prominent thumping in his chest, the nervous burn as he anticipates Taeyong's answer. 

When the quiet persists for two heartbeats too long, Ten opens his eyes fully prepared to shrug and apologize but - 

He opens them to Taeyong taking a careful step beyond the awning, peaking from beneath his hood to the sky above. Ten watches, a wide grin on his face, his heart bursting when Taeyong slips the hood off his head and closes the distance between them.

Taeyong nearly throws himself on Ten, a squeal leaving his mouth that lies somewhere between excitement and surprise.

"I didn't think you'd come," Ten whispers into his neck, clutching his hands onto Taeyong's soaked hoodie as Taeyong twirls them around. Ten can feel his fingers dig into the soaked fabric of his t-shirt, Taeyong's hot breath fanning across the skin of his neck as he breathes, chuckles, and speaks.

"I wanted to."

"Does that mean you'll kiss me?"

At that, Taeyong stops moving them in circles and leans back just enough to look Ten right in the eyes with an expression that has his heart tripping over itself. 

Leaning close, Taeyong bumps the tip of his nose with Ten's, then presses their foreheads together. He can feel the rain on his skin, the drop that had rolled down the length of Taeyong nose and then rolled off the tip of his own. "I never said I wouldn't."

Ten hums, pulling Taeyong closer by the hips. "Then kiss me."

And Taeyong does. He kisses Ten, short and sweet yet as if he'd been waiting for this part all day. When their lips part, it takes Ten takes a few seconds to open his eyes again.

Taeyong brings his hands to cup Ten's face, the wetness of everything adding a pleasant sensation that Ten wasn't expecting.

"Kiss me again," Ten breathes, almost whispering.

This time, Taeyong kisses him with more pressure, more depth. Ten brings a hand up to Taeyong's wet hair, tangling his fingers and deepening the kiss until it's open-mouthed and hungry. He's going crazy, he thinks. The heat pooling past his stomach being too hot to ignore, especially when the pads of Taeyong's fingers feel hot against the soft skin of his soaked neck. That heat only grows when he feels Taeyong's thumb toy with one of his earrings, and fingers curl around his neck.

Ten thinks they're really fucking lucky it's deserted outside, and that it's nearly dark because he can't hold back.

Not when their bodies are wet and pressed against each other, their mouths and tongues moving to a rhythm that's synced with the pattering of the rain and their hearts. Not when Taeyong is biting his lower lip, sneaking a hand under his now see-through t-shirt and just barely scraping the bare skin of his hips with his fingernails.

Not when Taeyong's hand slides from his hip down to his ass - _under_  his soaked jeans. 

Ten moans into the kiss, and he really does try to resist grinding against Taeyong, but the strong hand giving his ass a tight squeeze is making it exceptionally... _hard_.

 _Fuck_ \- Ten doesn't have it in him to resist. It feels too good, and Taeyong's touch is warm and melts his lips and Ten decides it a wonderful idea to shove a knee between Taeyong's legs, using just the slightest bit of friction when a loud, obnoxious vibration has both of them shaking and just barely pulling apart.

"Oh my god, whoever is coming between me and this amazing moment right now is getting my foot up their ass," Ten hisses, quickly reaching for the cell-phone in his front jean pocket. He fumbles with it, too distracted by Taeyong's hand still halfway under his jeans.

The caller ID tells him it's Taeil, and he picks up his phone with a sharp bite in his voice that has Taeyong holding back chuckles.

"Make it quick," Ten yells into the phone, trying really hard to ignore Taeyong's repeated kisses along the side of his neck, his fingers dragging up the wet fabric of his underwear, just barely pulling his ass cheek up. He tries his best to listen to Taeil about whatever mess has birthed in their dorm building and has to bite his lip to hold back a moan when Taeyong sucks onto a particular spot under his jaw.

"Mhmm," he mutters into the phone, voice strained and he anchors and arm around Taeyong's neck to keep himself steady. "Okay, I'll be there soon," he manages, and finally lets out a long, pent-up, deep moan the moment he hangs up.

"Something happened?" Taeyong asks, innocently.

"Yeah, but I couldn't really pay attention with you grabbing my ass like that."

Taeyong shrugs. Finally, he brings his hand out from under Ten's jeans with a pleasant drag that almost makes him whine. "Not my fault you're irresistible."

Ten feels a powerful blush creep on his face. "As much as I would like to continue, I need to make sure our dorm doesn't burn down or something."

"Rain check?"

"This weekend?" Ten smiles, extending his hand for Taeyong to take.

Taeyong is quick to lace their fingers. "Sure, if you're not sick."

"I don't get sick."

 


	14. Boiling, but I'm OK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TRIES MY BEST TO MAKE THIS CHAPTER SUPER FLUFFY- Y'all have been warned. For those of y'all that requested sick Ten, I hope this chapter meets your expectations! Thank you as always for reading this fic and commenting~
> 
>  
> 
> Edit: I made some small changes cuz I noticed mistakes - I'm probably gunna reread all the previous chapters and fix them too~

Ten, quite to his misfortune, is sick. 

He should've seen it coming, really. The cold hadn't exactly taken it's time hitting him. 

He remembers - after dealing with a manageable toaster fire - kissing Taeyong goodbye in front of Taeyong and Johnny's door that Sunday night, both of them dripping wet all over the wooden floors of the hallway. He'd turned to go to his room when Taeyong called his name. 

 _"Tennie,"_ he'd said, soft and quiet, and Ten had turned around to see concerned eyes gazing back at him.

_"Yeah?"_

_"You sure you're okay? After meeting him again, I mean."_

Ten had smiled then, combing his fingers through his wet hair as he thought about the answer.

 _"Yeah, I am,"_ he finally said. _"Thanks, Yongie."_

Taeyong had nodded, waving a small goodbye and Ten made way for his room again. He heard Taeyong's door click to a close down the hall as he unlocked his, and stepped one foot inside his room when he felt _it_  and instinctively froze. 

That _itch_. 

That annoying, breath-stopping itch that makes your nose scrunch up and your eyes burn. Ten had tried so hard to hold it in, he _really_ did, but it thundered out from his nostrils so hard that even Hero jumped at the sound, then proceeded to judge him indefinitely. 

And that was only the beginning - four days ago. 

He thinks of this now as he walks to class, once again trying his hardest to hold back what is probably the most violent sneeze of his life - even more so than Sunday night. 

He nearly doubles over on his way to class, his backpack falling off his shoulder as the booming sound reverberates through the crowded halls. Thankfully, no one really gives a shit besides the three closest people who muttered a passing _'bless you.'_  

 _God,_ he feels like shit, like hell has frozen over him in the form of snot and shivers and constant throat-itches. He would love the deny it, but he _doesn't even_ _have the strength_ to convince himself otherwise. 

Monday morning he'd woken up with a headache, but thought nothing of it. On Tuesday, he had woken up with snot halfway down his face and couldn't stop shivering. Wednesday, he developed a cough, and today - a Thursday - he can't fucking stop sneezing and his body aches just about _everywhere_.

Heaving himself to class had been an internal battle, but he's survived two out of three lectures today and isn't about to give up now, not when he's survived nearly an entire week.

At least he doesn't have to tutor Yuta, he thinks, because he most certainly does not have the brain power to keep up with Yuta's exceptionally bright personality. The thought alone has his head pounding harder.

As he's wiping his red, puffy nose with a tissue, he spots Taeyong farther down the hall, looking right at him and Ten abruptly stops in his tracks.

"Shit - " He quickly turns the other way as if they hadn't _just_ made eye contact, and hunches his shoulders to make himself even smaller - a very sad attempt at blending with the crowd.

Looking up to see where he's going, he groans loudly and wonders what god he's managed to piss off that his fate has come to this: to Lisa on one end of the hallway, angry and hands on her hips as if she's ready to provide a beating, and Taeyong on the other.

"Fucking _hell_ \- " 

Now, under any other circumstance he would have been _thrilled_ to see either one of them - but not today. Not for the past four days, actually. He's been doing a wonderful job of ignoring both of them in any form that is not texting, and it's safe to say that neither one of them has been happy about it.

It momentarily crosses Ten's mind that maybe they planned this, trapping him here like a mouse. He curses under his breath as they both close in on him, and he twirls in his place to look for some kind of escape, maybe the duct in the ceiling but, no. That's stupid. He can't possibly climb up there.

With one final groan of agony, he shuts his eyes and resigns to his fate, bracing for impact as both Taeyong and Lisa - quite literally - sandwich him in the middle.

This must look _absolutely comical_ to the passerby's, Ten thinks, and almost laughs at himself at their ludicrous pose. Lisa and Taeyong holding onto each other, Ten stuck in between them, his backpack forgotten between his feet. He's almost thankful he's facing Lisa because after his confident boasting from Sunday night, he doesn't have it in him to face Taeyong. Especially not when he's just an inch beside his face. 

"Okay, guys _I can explain -_ " Ten tries but is quickly shushed by Lisa squeezing him harder.

"Bitch, you couldn't just tell us you were sick?" Lisa says far too loudly for their proximity, the sound sending a ring through his ears.

"I'm - "

"You could've told us, Ten. I would've taken care of you," Taeyong cuts in, his warm breath with the faintest hint of something sweet fanning against Ten's ear, cheek, neck. It makes him shiver, and not from the fever.

"I didn't mean - " Ten croaks but is cut off again by Taeyong humming disapprovingly. The sound vibrates pleasantly against his back where Taeyong's chest is pressed. In defeat, he throws his head back and faces the ceiling.

 _God_ , they're too strong.

He almost can't breathe.

"Don't try and wiggle your way out of this one," Lisa huffs.

" _Please_ , I can't fucking breathe!" he manages to wheeze out, a cough halfway up his throat that he tries _oh so hard_ to hold back but - 

It comes out anyway and he coughs, missing Lisa's face by an inch.

" _Jesus_ Ten, at least wear a fucking mask!" She cries, a look of pure disgust on her face. "Tae, you brought it, right?"

Ten raises a brow at the nickname, his voice sounding as if someone had a field day with sandpaper on the walls of his throat. "Since when do you - "

"Of course I did."

Now he's really fucking confused, his thoughts jumping from one question to another in a split second; _What thing did Taeyong bring? When did they get so close? What are they planning - oh god they're planning behind my back!_

Oh, _the_ _betrayal!_  He should've seen _this_ coming too.

"You two planned against me?!" He wheezes, his throat still _very_ itchy. "If I can't trust you two then who can I trust?"

But they ignore him, Lisa holding on tighter as Taeyong shuffles behind him, pulling something out from his pocket. He tries to look over his shoulder but to no avail.

"Here we go," says Taeyong, and suddenly there's a black cloth being placed over half his face. Ten wriggles his head, trying to get out of it much like how Hero had tried to wriggle away that one time he had to force feed her medicine.  

"What the hell!" He mumbles through the mask, but a sneeze gets to him first and he nearly head-butts Lisa. 

"I'm leaving him to you, good luck Tae."

"Hey!"

 _God dammit_ \- Ten was planning to escape when Lisa let go, but Taeyong was too fast. He didn't even notice when Taeyong had wrapped his arms around his middle.

"I'll take good care of him, don't worry."

Ten watches with horror as Lisa waves goodbye, that sweet smile suddenly turned threatening as she narrows her eyes on Ten.

Slumping forward, he gives up to the world. He sneezes again, then coughs, then finally registers that he is still being held by Taeyong, and that he's only got a minute to get to class.

"Your class is in room 201 right?"

Ten can tell by Taeyong's tone that it's not a question. Taeyong picks up Ten's bag with one hand, keeping the other secure around his middle.

"Do I want to know what else Lisa has told you?"

"Nope, you don't."

Ten whimpers, although painfully because it makes his throat itch. Taeyong maneuvers him in the direction he was originally going, an arm still hooked securely over his stomach.

"I'm not gonna run away," he pouts, watching his step and trying really hard to follow Taeyong's pace behind him.

"Lisa told me not to trust you when you say that."

"Of course she did."

It wasn't as bad as Ten thought it would be. It was easy to let his body melt into Taeyong's, whose body heat is like a blanket over his shivering one. At least Taeyong isn't coming inside the classroom with him - but he does only let go when they are right in front of room 201's door.

"I'll be waiting for you right here," says Taeyong, already making himself comfortable on the floor across from the door.

"You really don't - "

"Don't, Ten. Just go. I'll be here when you're done."

He's definitely upset.

Then again, who wouldn't be after being ignored for nearly a week?

Ten thinks of a way to make it up to both Taeyong and Lisa as he tries to listen to whatever the professor is saying. He tries to focus, but the pounding on the left side of his head only worsens. Instead, he decides to scribble something along the lines of an apology.

First, he draws a puppy. Small and cute and pouting. Then, he draws a kitten, nervous and shy and holding a flower in his mouth. Then Ten sneezes, wipes his nose and continues to doodle until he's made a four-panel comic.

Leaning back into the chair, he stares at it and can't help but smile.

 

"I only sneezed _twice_ the entire class, I'm improving!" Ten announces the moment he steps outside. 

"I know, I heard." Taeyong nods, a small smile on his face as he grabs his bag and stands up. He brushes off his behind with a hand, then slathers a hefty amount of hand-sanitizer from the little bottle hanging off his bag, all over his hands.

He waits until Taeyong is done flapping his hands in the air so they'll dry, and steps closer. Suddenly he's _very_ nervous and can't help but fiddle with the hidden folded piece of paper in his jean pocket. "Hey."

Taeyong hums and Ten can't help but get lost a little in his champagne eyes.

"Uhm here." He quickly shoves the paper into Taeyong's hands, thankful for the facemask hiding the blush creeping up his face.

It's endearing, the way Taeyong carefully unfolds the paper as if it's made of delicate flower petals. His brows draw together, confused at first glance, but then his eyes widen and his face lights up with surprise when he finally understands _what_ the paper is meant to be. 

"Tennie," he smiles, his eyes studying over the paper again and again.

The drawing isn't even that great - not by Ten's standards, at least. It's cartoony and simple, but it's the best he could manage through his fever and spinning head.

"I really am sorry."

Taeyong looks at him then, his smile now a wide grin as if he's in awe, as if this is the first time anyone has given him something like this.

Judging by the way he carefully places it inside his notebook, Ten guesses it is.

"Thank you, Ten," Taeyong grins, zipping up his bag again before slinging it over his shoulder. "I forgive you." 

Exhaling a breath of relief, Ten decides that letting Taeyong nurse him back to health won't be so bad after all.

 

* * *

 

 

Being nursed back to health by Taeyong is a dream.

And it's only been five minutes.

Ten lets himself anchor an arm with Taeyong's, lets himself lean half his weight into Taeyong's side because maybe, just maybe, he is a little sicker than he thought he was.

The relief of surviving a school day has his symptoms doubling in intensity, and Ten almost feels drunk.

"So you're the type of person that acts drunk when sick?" Taeyong raises a brow, holding onto his waist to support his uneven pace.

Humming, Ten nuzzles his head into Taeyong's shoulder, wrapping both his arms around his waist. "Oh? What makes you say that?"

"You get clingy and affectionate and lose the ability to walk straight under both circumstances."

Ten snorts, "maybe I can't walk straight because I'm too gay," he laughs, and almost trips over Taeyong's feet but then suddenly he realizes something with a pout, and stops dead in his tracks. Taeyong's momentum carries him a step forward until he realizes he's stopped walking. "You don't like it when I'm clingy and affectionate?"

There's a slight, barely-there blush on Taeyong's cheeks as he steps closer. "Quite the opposite," he smiles, hooking an arm under Ten's knees and suddenly he's being lifted off the ground and carried in Taeyong's arms. "I think it's adorable."

Now Ten is the one blushing, and furiously at that. The fever doesn't do much to help, either. "I can walk on my own, you know," he whines, but proceeds to nuzzle his head in Taeyong's chest.

"I know, but you almost made me trip like four times and we still have a ways to go to get home. This works for both of us."

That, Ten can't argue with.

Especially not when Taeyong's body heat is... _so comforting_.

 

* * *

 

 

The moment they step into Ten's room, Taeyong urges him to change into something more comfortable - the skinny jeans and silk button-down being anything but.

"I'm too lazy to do that," he whines for the nth time, clinging onto Taeyong's arm like a baby koala.

"Fine, go freshen up and I'll pick something for you."

"But - " 

_"Ten."_

Defeated once again, Ten complies.

A few ice-cold splashes of water coupled with the honey-scent of his face wash has him feeling a little more _human_. After a series of consequent sneezes, there's a knock on the bathroom door.

"Tennie, your clothes."

He's handed two neatly folded items when he opens the door and smiles that somehow, Taeyong picked his two most comfortable pieces of clothing. A fluffy oversized black sweater, and a pair of baggy grey sweatpants. The moment he slips into the sweater, Ten hides his hands inside its long sleeves.

 

"You should always choose my outfits," Ten announces when he steps out from the bathroom, smiling sheepishly at the domestic sight of Taeyong making his bed.

Turning to face him, Taeyong's eyes widen just a little. His gaze strokes down his body, then back up and Ten shifts a little in his spot at the sudden attention. "How are you adorable even when you're so sick?"

Ten shrugs. He throws himself on the freshly-made bed and immediately covers his body with the blankets. "That's my charm," he smirks, but is quickly cut off by a cough, then a sneeze, and then a lengthy yawn. " _Fucking hell -_ "

"Yeah, you definitely need rest," Taeyong chuckles from where he's crouching on the ground at the foot of Ten's bed. He's carefully petting Hero as she sleeps, smoothing out her silky fur with a finger. 

There's a fondness in Ten's eyes as he watches Taeyong. A comfort, a type of budding love that's bubbling inside his chest. He watches as Taeyong cracks open the window, thoughtful that the room might get stuffy. As he adjusts the curtains, letting just the right amount of sunlight warm the room in a way that it doesn't hit Ten's eyes. He watches as Taeyong pulls out a bag of honey-menthol cough-drops from his bag, then a box of tissues, and places it within an arms-reach from Ten.

Yet even with all this, he just wants Taeyong.

Even the fort of blankets covering him can't provide the warmth _Taeyong_ does.

"Sleep, okay?" Taeyong whispers as he crouches beside the bed and ruffles Ten's already messy hair. "I'll be back with soup by the time you wake up."

An alarming sensation travels up his throat at the thought of Taeyong leaving, and he quickly reaches for Taeyong with his sweater paws and finds the hem of his shirt to clutch onto. "Don't go."

The softness in Taeyong's eyes has his heart missing a beat.

"I'll be back before you wake up, I promise."

He knows he'll be back, yet... the fever has him chasing after Taeyong.  

But Ten is sleepy. So fucking sleepy and he hasn't had a good night's rest for what feels like _days_. Through his sleepy eyes, he sees Taeyong lean in, feels a hand trace down his face, and a soft, warm kiss on his burning forehead.

"Take the keys with you," Ten manages to mumble, eyes already shut and thick with sleep. He's sure Taeyong has said something, but he's already halfway into dreamland by the time he hears his room door close.

 

* * *

 

_Ten dreams of Taeyong's warmth._

_He's partially submerged in that cerulean lake, Taeyong laying beside him, his_ _hand over Taeyong's middle. There are pink petals surrounding them, floating carelessly on the blue surface and Ten feels one touch his cheek. He picks it up. It feels warm and soft, a water droplet on its curve as he studies it's soft blushed color. Leaning over Taeyong's body, he tucks the petal behind Taeyong's ear._

_"Pretty," Ten says, keeping that position. "You're always so pretty."_

_Taeyong smiles, bringing a wet hand up to trace down Ten's face. Ten watches the way Taeyong's pink hair blends with the petals around then, the way the corners of his eyes crinkle as he smiles wider. The way the purple sky highlights his sharp features, the way the hum of the moon seems to blend with Taeyong's._

_As Taeyong hums, Ten leans down, tangling a hand in Taeyong's hair and he presses their wet lips together in a_ _deep kiss. Their mouths move against each other like the waves around them. It's as soft as the petals surrounding them and Ten presses his chest against Taeyong and suddenly they're submerged in the waves, under the surface of the lake._

_Pulling away, Ten sees Taeyong's hair a fiery red as they sink, the gentle moonlight spilling over them like that first time at their lake._

_Taeyong holds him close, and Ten sees flowers bloom around them, beautiful and vibrant. They almost look as if they're made of glass, reflecting the sunlight above the surface on their petals and when Ten reaches to touch one, it's almost electric._

_He presses his head into Taeyong's shoulder and breathes in when he feels something - an itch._

_That burning, pent-up pressure that's almost acidic, in the form of an unreachable itch and suddenly the lake is being spun out of control in a whirlwind._

Ten wakes up to a powerful sneeze forcing him to involuntarily sit up.

"Fuck that hurt.. " he grunts, eyes still closed. His nose is stuffed, his throat feels like Hero clawed the shit out of it and his stomach is growling a storm.

"Bless you."

 _That_ has Ten's eyes flying open. "You came back," he cries, relief washing over his expression.

Taking a second to adjust to his surroundings again, Ten indulges the wonderful sight of Taeyong sitting on the chair, Hero splayed on his lap and _The Picture of Dorian Gray_ in his hands. He's also wearing a different outfit - a more comfortable outfit than what he'd been wearing earlier.

"Of course I came back," Taeyong chuckles, fixing his bookmark to the page and then setting the book aside. "How're you feeling?"

"I don't have a headache anymore," Ten croaks proudly, and rather cheerfully considering he's sick. Checking his phone, he realizes it's nearly dark out, the clock already reading seven. Taeyong nudges Hero off his lap, then gets up and grabs a tray that had been on the appliance table.  

"Good." He places the tray in front of Ten and uncovers it's steaming contents.

 _God_ , Ten wishes he could smell whatever this is. By the looks of it, he guesses it's chicken noodle soup with a side of some kind of fancy bread - Ten's _favorite_. "How did you know I love bread?"

"Lucky guess," Taeyong winks, rummaging through his backpack. He pulls out a bottle of cold medicine and sets it aside. "I'll give you the first dose after you eat," he says, sinking back into the chair.

Ten hums, barely acknowledging anything besides the wonderful, hearty, _savory_ chicken noodle soup blessing his taste buds. He plows through the bowl with lightning speed and almost chokes on a cough in the process, but he survives it. "This is the best soup I've had in my life," he mumbles through a mouthful. "Seriously, Yongie, you're an amazing cook."

Taeyong chuckles, a bashful smile on his lips as he says a quiet _'thank you.'_

When Ten's belly is content, he leans back into the pile of blankets and covers his hands with the sleeves of his sweater - something that's become habitual for when he's sick, since he was a kid.

It's almost nostalgic, getting sick like this. He remembers his mother's _'magical cure'_ congee, the mint scented candles his father would light around the house to help with his stuffed nose. He remembers the stuffed toys his sister would share with him, because _'they help me feel better so they'll help you too._ ' He remembers his neighbor's son, who would bring his toys in Ten's room and play there so he wouldn't feel lonely, or when Lisa would cuddle in bed with him and watch the stupidest cartoons.

And now, he can add Taeyong to those memories too. Taeyong, who makes him soup and gives him warmth, who cares so much for him that he'd get soaked in the rain for him and spend a whole day by his side when he's sick.

 _Beautiful_ Taeyong - engrossed so deeply as he reads the book Ten had told him to read, a look of utmost concentration on his pretty face and it's as if he isn't in this world anymore, but in the world the words provide, among the characters and the plot.

Ten is overcome with emotions, but he promptly blames it on the fever.

"Yongie," Ten sings, giggling at the way Taeyong shakes just slightly at the sudden break of silence. Ten grabs in the air with his sweater paws, a lazy smile on his face as he watches the way Taeyong's eyes soften, the way he neatly places the book on the table, picks up Hero and sets her on the desk, then gets up off the chair.

"Cuddle me," Ten demands, wrapping his arms around Taeyong's waist and nuzzling his face into his stomach like a kitten.

"I will, but you need to take some medicine first," Taeyong says in a voice that is equal parts soothing and warm, the gentle hum reminding him of the moon he so frequently encounters in his dreams. Taeyong runs his fingers through Ten's hair, mussing it. "And put that mask back on so I don't get sick too."

Groaning, Ten throws himself backward and thrashes around like a child. "Medicine tastes _horrible_ ," he cries, coughing several times right after because of his grand theatrics.

Taeyong grabs the bottle. "It's bubblegum flavor, since you don't like fruit."

Ten pouts but agrees anyway. He knows he needs this medicine. He hates feeling like shit more than he hates the taste of medicine - _more_ than he hates fruit.

"And speaking of fruit..." Taeyong starts just as the medicine ravages Ten's taste buds, forcing his entire face to squint at the disgusting taste. "I have something for you."

" _No_ \- "

Taeyong pulls something out from the fridge then, and Ten's eyes narrow onto the foreign object, then widen with horror. "No, _not_ happening."

It's almost the color of Taeyong's now-faded hair, cut into perfectly terrible little cubes and Ten suddenly sees faces on them, laughing and mocking him in chorus like some Halloween special on a kid's cartoon show. Taeyong uncovers the lid, then stabs a fork into the horrible things' flesh, the sound sending a chill down Ten's spine.

 _"_ No, no, no, no... _no!"_ Ten flails, pressing himself as far back against the wall as he can get, knees pressed into his chest as Taeyong climbs on the bed.

"Come on Tennie," Taeyong coos, balancing on his knees as he brings the fork with _the thing_ at the end of it closer, and closer until he's shadowing over Ten and the thing is just an inch away from his mouth. Ten is thankful his nose is stuffy and that he can't smell whatever this is. "Just pretend it's medicine."

Before replying, Ten covers his mouth with a sweater-covered hand - _just_ in case Taeyong gets any ideas. "I already took medicine, I don't need this natural abomination of - " a cough cuts his rant short.

"You _do_ need it because you're barely drinking water and you're dehydrated. Watermelon is a good alternative because it's like, ninety two percent water."

He almost gags, but manages to stare daggers into _the thing_. "Oh god,  _that's_ what that _thing_ is called?!"

Taeyong hums in reply. "Just try it and if you truly don't like it, I'll get flavored water or something."

There is no way out of this - he's trapped just as he was in the hallway earlier today. Ten realizes this as he glances at Taeyong, then the cube of watermelon, then back at Taeyong. His throat already feels so itchy, and there's something turning in his stomach that has acid rushing up his throat.

God, he hates this - but... _but!_

Sweet, _caring_ Taeyong, who hates the rain, _despises_ it, and yet he overcome that hate, he let himself get soaked from head to toe _just for Ten!_ He even kissed him with rainwater on his lips!

Ten has to do this - he's _got_ to do it for Taeyong.

With the sweater paw that had been over his mouth, Ten covers his eyes. "Just hurry up and put it in," he quickly says, his voice quiet and so, _so_ defeated. But he can practically _hear_ Taeyong smiling and decides it's worth it.

The bed shifts under him, dipping as he feels Taeyong's knee touch his toes. "I'll reward you with lots of cuddles, I promise."

"You better."

"I will. Now open your mouth."

Slowly, Ten opens it but he's suddenly hyper-aware and sensitive to every little thing that touches him.

"Here we go," Taeyong says and Ten clenches his eyes tightly, bracing himself and jolts the second something cold and wet and fleshy touches his lips.

He stills, then slowly closes his mouth around the fork. Taeyong slides it out from between his lips and suddenly Ten can't move - there's just too many things to process.

It's watery, there's a hint of some kind of pleasant sweetness, but it's texture... it's _terrifying_. He chews, extremely slowly because of the _loud_ crunch, his brows scrunching and face contorting as his taste buds decipher what this flavor is, if he should like it or spit it out. But after a moment of chewing, then swallowing, he finds himself opening his mouth again.

"More."

There's a sigh of relief, then a light chuckle and Ten feels Taeyong scoot closer, shifting until he's sitting cross-legged across from him. Ten instantly pushes his feet under Taeyong's legs.

"My feet were cold." He doesn't need to give an excuse, but the blush spreading across his face suggested he should.

"Do you want socks?"

Ten shakes his head. "I like your warmth more, now feed me."

Taeyong chuckles and Ten feels another wet cube against his lips and he takes it into his mouth, chewing a little more naturally this time. He's astonished at how different this taste is from anything he's ever tasted before.

It's almost like sherbet, except refreshing and not too sweet and not overpowering in flavor. It's definitely _very_ watery, and _very_ crunchy, and Ten thinks he could get used to this taste, maybe even eat a whole bowl if he's feeling risky.

"See, it tastes good, right?"

Ten is _almost_ ashamed to agree. "It's not _bad_ ," he pouts, opening his mouth for another. "But I don't think I can eat it with my eyes open. It still _looks_ terrifying."

Taeyong hums then, and Ten feels a warm hand on the top of his head, mussing his hair again. He's noticed that Taeyong's been doing that a lot today.

"If it means you'll eat it, then I'll feed you every time."  

At this, Ten opens one eye and peeks from under his sweater-sleeve. "Promise?"

"Promise."

 

When he swallows the last piece, Ten is almost sad it's all gone.

His skin feels fresher already, his cells full of nutrition and his body moisturized. He could ask Taeyong to get him more, but does he really want to send Taeyong away longer? When he's needy and cold and feverish again?

When he's been promised cuddles?

Of course not - the watermelon can wait.

Rather impatiently, Ten waits for Taeyong to come back from the kitchen. Taeyong, being quite _thorough_ regarding cleanliness, and had refused to leave a single used dish in the room, but promised a quick return.

Seven minutes later, Ten's head perks when the door finally opens and Taeyong steps inside. He opens his mouth to complain about making him wait so long but sneezes instead.

"Bless you." Taeyong perches at the edge of the bed and hands Ten another face mask. "A clean one."

"Thanks." He takes the mask - it's also black. "How did you know black is my favorite color?"

Taeyong shrugs and places the soiled mask in Ten's laundry basket. "Another lucky guess."

Or, he just knows him that well.

It makes Ten wonder what else he's noticed.

"Should I make tea?"

Ten hums, a fond smile on his face as he meets Taeyong's eyes. "That would be nice."

"Herbal passionfruit with honey?"

Ten realizes then, that Taeyong just knows him _that_ well. "I wouldn't want anything else."

Getting comfortable while Taeyong prepares the tea, Ten scrolls through his phone for all but five minutes - the dimmed light being too much for his eyes. He sets it aside and tries to conjure Hero but she's too distracted by the bug flying outside the window to care. Thankfully, Taeyong arrives just in time with two cups of steaming tea. He places them on the desk, within reach of the bed and climbs in the spot beside Ten.

 _This_ is what Ten has wanted all day - Taeyong against his side, an arm around his shoulders as he melts into Taeyong's body. He's wanted to hold him, wanted _Taeyong_ to hold him back and just cuddle until his fever breaks and the aching cold inside his body evaporates away.

It's extremely satisfying like this, and Ten can't help but hum with content as he sips his tea, tucked neatly into Taeyong's side except... he can't say the same about Taeyong, judging by the tense expression on his face.

There's something on his mind, something bothering him but Ten isn't sure if he should pry. He decides it's best to wait.

Although, he finds he doesn't really have to wait for long.

"Tennie," Taeyong whispers a few minutes later, setting his now-empty cup on the desk. Ten glances at him, and sets his cup aside as well. "Next time when something is wrong, please at least tell Lisa."

Oh - _that_. He'd almost forgotten about _that_ , his brain being too drained to really think of anything besides whatever is happening at the moment. He opens his mouth, but Taeyong speaks before he can get a word out.

"I understand if you don't feel comfortable sharing these things with me," he pauses, his voice seeming almost strained and Ten shifts until he's facing him. "I know our relationship isn't... _official_  or anything and I'm not, like... your boyfriend, or something, but I really do care about you, Ten, and when you ignored me and wouldn't let me help, it just... worried me so much, so, at least tell Lisa so I know you're getting care, okay?"

It's as if an arrow shot through his heart the moment Taeyong said that _he's not_ his boyfriend. Ten doesn't know why, but it fucking hurts.

It's true, though - Ten himself had made it very clear that he isn't ready for _that_ , but hearing it from Taeyong, that they aren't _actually_ together... it gives Ten a couple of answers to his own questions.

He knows as a fact that he wants him, wants Taeyong to be his boyfriend, wants to make this whole thing legitimate but -

He can't bring himself to accept those feelings. Not right now, at least. Not yet.

The thought alone has his head spinning.

"Hey." Taeyong's voice snaps him out from the inside of his head, and Ten shoots his head up to meet his eyes but the sudden motion has his vision blurring.

"I'm sorry," Ten whispers, sinking his head between his shoulders again, but Taeyong lifts him up by the chin, cupping his face with a gentle palm. God those eyes are beautiful. Ten wonders how he could deny such a person, who cares for him the way a parent does, who makes him feel the way spring and chocolate and nature do.

Leaning into Taeyong's palm, he sighs deeply and thinks of the right words to say.

"I _want_ to tell _you_ , Taeyong - " he pauses, inhaling a sharp breath, then breathes out, "you may not be my boyfriend _right now_ , but you mean more to me than any boyfriend ever has."

It's amazing how clear it is in Taeyong's eyes - the pure, unbridled happiness. And it's truly beautiful, the way the corners of his lips upturn ever so slightly until he's grinning so wide that his eyes are happy little crescents. Ten also notices the slight blush on Taeyong's cheeks, and can't help but reach a hand out to feel them, to caress his thumb across the soft skin under his eye.

"Do you really mean that?" Taeyong asks, and he's holding onto Ten's hips now, silently encouraging him closer.

Not that there's much encouraging to do since Ten seems to naturally gravitate towards Taeyong anyway. Although, it's a _much_ _stronger_ force when he's sick.

Without missing a beat, Ten shuffles forward on his knees until he's perched comfortably on Taeyong's lap.

"Of course I do," he whispers, thankful for the cough medicine and tea. His voice doesn't sound nearly as horrible as it did a few hours ago, although it's still a little raw. "If I didn't, I would have never told you those things about my ex's." Ten searches Taeyong's eyes, finds them searching his too and he uncovers a hand from his sleeve to curl his fingers around the curve of Taeyong's neck, thumb toying with the simple diamond earring. "The things I shared with you that day,  those are things I've only told Lisa and, like, one other person, so... if I can tell you those things, why would I be uncomfortable sharing something as little as me being sick?"

"Then why didn't you tell me you were sick?" Taeyong asks softly, securing his hands on his hips. He thinks of the answer as Taeyong pulls him forward, until he's seated a bit more comfortably, a bit more _closely_. And it's all Ten needs right now.

"I was..." Ten pauses, pressing his forehead against Taeyong's shoulder, actively avoiding his eyes. He's thankful the face mask hides the pout on his lips. "I - I was embarrassed, I guess since I kinda boasted and shit that I don't get sick."

The snort Taeyong laughs out has Ten pouting twice as hard and he smacks Taeyong's shoulder with a sweater-covered hand.

"Everyone gets sick, Ten," Taeyong manages through his chuckles. "I don't see how that's embarrassing."

Well, Ten could say he doesn't see how hating the rain is a thing but decides against saying that - his fear of fruit having become ammunition against him in any situation of this nature. He grunts, coughing a little in the process and shoves his head in Taeyong's shoulder again with a whine-like sound.

Ten feels Taeyong lean back into the wall behind then, feels him find a more comfortable position before he's switching the lamp off. His warm hands are smoothing up and down his back, then he feels a kiss to the side of his head. Ten lifts his head, slowly, taking his time to breathe Taeyong in now that he can kind of use his nostrils, although the mask filters most of his rosy scent. He cups Taeyong's face with his hands, fingertips peeking from the sleeves of his sweater as he smoothes a thumb over Taeyong's cheek.

It's magical, a remedy, if you will - this presence that Taeyong carries. Ten is addicted, and his fever seems to shy away when Taeyong holds him like this, when he _looks_ at him like this.

Leaning forward, Ten wishes he could kiss him. He can't, of course, because he's sick and there's a mask covering half his face but he can still wish, can still imagine the feeling of Taeyong's warm lips on his. Instead, Ten presses their foreheads together, indulging the way Taeyong's lashes flutter and his breathing slows.

"I hate that I can't kiss you," Ten breathes, voice barely audible.

Humming, Taeyong tilts his head to the side, playfully confused. "Who says you can't?" he smiles then, and there's something in the way his doe eyes brighten that suggests he's been thinking about this for a while.

Ten's heart trips over itself, breath hitching as Taeyong catches him by surprise and sends a pleasant shiver down his spine when soft lips press against the cloth of his facemask, right where his lips are. Ten presses back, sighing in relief at the warmth that he's been dying to feel all day - no, all _week_.

Even through the thick cotton of the mask, Taeyong's lips feels just as warm and send just as many sparks as when the touch is direct. Ten presses harder, inhaling deeply and savoring the moment just as they pull away just slightly, and sighs in relief.

He can work with this, he thinks, until he's better.

As he presses his forehead into Taeyong's neck, Ten feels his heart swell so much he thinks it might burst.

"Let's lay down," Taeyong whispers into his hair, hands patting his hips. "I think you're getting a fever again."

"Maybe," Ten hums, and Taeyong carefully lowers himself down until he's laying flat, Ten on top of him. "Or maybe the blush you've caused has finally reached my entire face."

"Maybe." Taeyong kisses the side of his head again, closer to his cheek this time.

Ten decides to stay like this for a minute more, savoring the way his body presses against Taeyong's, the way he feels the gentle rise and fall of Taeyong's chest as he breathes. Taeyong's combing his fingers through hiss hair, and he closes his eyes for a second so he can _feel_ everything in this moment until strong vibration courses across the mattress.

"You really do shake like a leaf in a hurricane," Ten giggles as he flops over to his side and grabs his phone, legs still tangled with Taeyong's.

"So do you."

"It's my mom calling," he says, and Taeyong nods just as he answers the call. "Hey mom," he greets in English, but his mother instantly begins scolding in rapid-fire Thai. Ten has to hold the phone a foot away from his ear for the sake of his eardrum.

He looks at Taeyong, but Taeyong is already looking at him with an expression on his face that implies that he'd seen this coming.

_"If Lisa hadn't told me you were sick would you have told me? Would you have told your own mother, Chittaphon? Have you been staying hydrated? Have you taken medicine, huh Chittaphon? Say something, Chittaphon!"_

"Mom - " Ten sighs, running a hand through his hair but it doesn't feel the same as when Taeyong does it. He leans his head against Taeyong chest before he begins to save his ass. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I just didn't want you to worry - "

 _"If your mother isn't going to worry about you then who is, Chittaphon, tell me who will_? _Chittaphon, who will worry about you, hm?!"_ He hears his mother sigh, long and heavy and Ten distracts himself by twiddling the string of Taeyong's hoodie between his fingers. _"You're lucky you have Lisa to look after you,"_ she finally says.

"I know," he says, shifting until his leg is between Taeyong's legs, head still on Taeyong's chest. Taeyong shifts too, with an arm around Ten's shoulders. "I have good news though."

She hums, and Ten can't help but smile to himself. "I tried watermelon today."

The squeal has Ten bringing the phone away from his ear again, but he'd expected such a reaction from his mother.

_"Thank god - who made you eat it? I know you couldn't have done it on your own free will, you wouldn't even look at fruit. Was it Lisa? No, she'd given up years ago. Oh! Was it that boy, Taeyang or something, that you keep talking about?"_

"Tae _yong_ ," Ten giggles, and feels Taeyong perk at the sound of his name. "Taeyong had me eat watermelon for dehydration. He's taking care of me."

 _"Oh, what a lovely boy. Tell him my thanks,"_ she says gleefully and Ten immediately stretches his neck to face Taeyong as much as the position allows.

"My mom is thanking you for taking care of me," he says in Korean. Taeyong flusters, face a pretty shade of red.

_"Oh, he's with you right now?"_

"Mhmm, he's been taking care of me all day. Gave me medicine and made me this amazing soup."

_"Sounds like he's good for you, Chittaphon."_

He is, in ways that Ten can't even _begin_ to describe. Words don't seem to come to him, and he stays silent for too long until Taeyong's hand is ruffling his hair again.

"Yeah, he really is," he finally says.

_"You should rest now. I'll call tomorrow to see how you're doing, okay? If you ignore my call again then being sick won't be the only thing you'll have to worry about."_

"Okay, okay, goodnight mom, love you." Ten ends the call and places his phone aside.

"You talk to your mom about me?"

"Of course I do," Ten smirks under the mask, shifting to his side and Taeyong does the same. "You knew Lisa was going to tell my mom, didn't you?"

Taeyong hums, scooting just a little closer. "Of course I knew. We planned that together." He stretches an arm over Ten's side and pulls him close. Ten clicks his tongue and shakes his head in disbelief, his best friend and potential boyfriend plotting like this? He doesn't know if he should feel relieved or betrayed.

He decides it's best to feel a little of both, but _mostly_ relieved - blessed, even, and wonders what he's done to deserve this.

When he looks at Taeyong, his face highlighted by the bright moonlight, eyes sparkling a thousand stars, Ten guesses he must have done something _extremely right_ for him to deserve the look in Taeyong eyes. The one meant _for him_.

"Why are staring at me like that?" Taeyong whispers, and Ten brings one of his sweater paws up to touch Taeyong's face, gently, as if he's touching the moon itself.

"You're just," he pauses, inhaling a deep breath. "Really, really beautiful."  

It's barely visible in the dark, but Ten is sure he sees a blush on the tips of Taeyong's ears.

"So are you," Taeyong says after a moment, shifting closer until his arms are holding Ten close, fingers threading through his hair like a lullaby.  

Yeah, he must have done something very, _very_ right to deserve this, Ten is sure of that as he hides his face in Taeyong neck, his sweater paws holding tightly onto his back. "Goodnight, Yongie."

"Goodnight, Tennie."

Ten closes his eyes, focusing on Taeyong's steady breathing, until -

"Tennie?"

"Hm?"

"I forgot to tell you, but Lisa already hacked your email and emailed your professor that you won't be in class tomorrow. Goodnight!"

 _That_ has Ten's eyes flying open, sitting straight up. "She did _what_ now?!"


	15. Touch, Warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me so long to write this chapter but here it is! As always, thank you to everyone reading Firewater and giving it so much love!

Saturday afternoon finds Ten buzzing with excitement - literally buzzing, because it's _finally_ the day he's been fantasizing about since their _date_.

And he's about ninety percent sure he's rid of that pesky cold, which is good enough for him to want to redeem that quite literal rain check of theirs. 

"I'm coming!" He yells from the bathroom to the knocking on the front door, his heart already beating _loud_ , anticipating.

It's Taeyong. 

He'd been quite impatiently expecting him ever since Taeyong had left Friday for class.

It didn't help that Ten had spent the entirety of the day nearly alone. Of course, Lisa had stopped by in the evening with some pastries - his month of food from her family restaurant nearly to an end - followed by Yuta shortly after because exams are just a few days away for the freshmen and Yuta's Thai is still less than elementary. 

So today, a beautiful, vibrant Saturday, Ten is more than happy when he checks himself in the mirror one last time. He fluffs his hair and stretches the collar of the oversized white sweater he's wearing just enough that it's exposing the skin of his shoulder, for good measure. 

He skips over to the door, nearly tripping over Hero - who had quite suddenly planted herself in his path - and yanks the door open with the brightest smile he can manage without splitting his face.

"Hey there," Ten winks, confidence practically oozing from his pores. 

It's as if being sick has done something to him, perhaps, showed him what being with Taeyong could be, what the potentials were. It's helped him see a side he hasn't experienced with a romantic interest - not until Taeyong.

It reassured him with confidence.

Ten doesn't miss the way Taeyong's eyes widen and his lips go dry. A clear indication that his carefully planned outfit is doing its job.

"How are..." Taeyong trails, his breath seemingly snatched out from his lungs and the hand halfway in the air that probably had the intent of waving, now still. Taeyong licks his lips and Ten indulges in the way his eyes rake down the length of his body, taking in every detail. They make their way back up in a pace that's agonizingly slow, then stop at the exposed skin of Ten's shoulder. Taeyong exhales, "...you feeling?" 

"Better now that you're here," he smiles and in the back of his mind he can hear Lisa cringing at the cheesiness of his reply. He steps to the side and Taeyong steps inside.

With a fondness in his eyes, Ten takes a moment, as he usually does when Taeyong is involved. 

Right now, he just wants to look.  _Really_ look.

And _god_ does Taeyong look _good_ tonight.

 _Exceptionally_ good.

Tight jeans, a loose white button-down. His faded watermelon hair is mussed and there's a dangly gold earring hanging from his right ear that Ten has the urge to tug between his teeth.

He appreciates his appearance a moment longer before focusing on other things, focusing on the way Taeyong fits so perfectly into his space, into his life. The way he always finds Hero before anything else, the way she nudges into his palm, the way he smiles at her with this expression of pure love. 

It's the only reassurance Ten needs, really. 

Hero is his baby, after all.

It takes another moment for Taeyong to finally glance up at him, eyes soft and warm and Ten feels the gentle blaze of a fireplace somewhere inside his chest. 

It's something only Taeyong does to him. 

Taeyong chuckles, a soft smile on his lips as he lifts himself up off the floor. "You're staring again," he says, tone playful as ever. 

Ten shrugs and he's sure he's wearing a smile of his own that could almost rival Taeyong's. 

 _Almost_. 

"You're worth staring at. A work of art, a vision," he says, angling his fingers into a frame on Taeyong. "Beautiful." 

Taeyong sighs, slow and steady and Ten sees the blush creeping up his face.

"How do you always know how to make me smile?" Taeyong asks, his smile even wider now, somewhat bashful but completely priceless. Ten etches that smile in his mind.

Taeyong finally crosses the room to where he is leaning against the bedpost, stopping only an arm's length away.

"I've been paying attention," Ten says, taking his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment because _by god_ his heart is really racing - it could probably outrun Olympic runners, he is sure.

Taeyong hums, lifting a hand and carding his fingers across Ten's fluffed hair. He tries not to melt into the touch too quickly, but he does in a second.

"What else have you noticed?" Taeyong tilts his head, his finger tracing down the side of his face. He stops at the curve of his jaw and curls his hand around the side of his neck. Ten leans into the touch.

"I've noticed," Ten starts, but bites his lip again. "That it's Saturday," he finally says with an expression that's more than just a little suggestive

That was not the answer Taeyong was expecting, Ten can tell as much from the way his brows draw together for a moment. "Mhmm, yes, it is Saturday."

"And I'm _pretty sure_ I'm not sick anymore."

Ten sees the exact moment realization dawns on Taeyong. It's quite easy to tell, the momentary widening of eyes and the part of his lips easily give him away.

"Oh," is the only thing Taeyong says. It most definitely is not the reply Ten had been expecting, either. Taeyong takes his hand back to his side and Ten tries not to chase after the sudden loss of warmth.

The look in Taeyong's eyes screams that he wants this, like they're begging Ten to just reach over and touch him but -  but the way he stays silent, the way his eyes shift to their feet, says that he doesn't. That's when Ten remembers something.

"Oh, you don't," he pauses, taking a long second to think of the right way to word what he's thinking, what he's just realized. He looks into Taeyong's wide eyes, deflated. "I forgot you have that thing with germs, so you probably don't wanna do this when I'm not fully recovered, right?"

A silence passes between them, Taeyong looking into his eyes with this expression that has Ten rushing with guilt, then -

"I'm sorry," Taeyong says almost too quietly and Ten feels terrible, putting Taeyong in a position like this. It's embarrassing. He shrugs as nonchalantly as he can, given the disappointment, and shifts to the side until he can throw himself onto the bed and sink into the mattress.

Laying flat on his back, Ten links his fingers over his stomach and closes his eyes. He's far too mortified to look at Taeyong. He feels _terrible_. "It's okay. I'll wait to redeem our rain check for when I'm sure the stupid virus is gone," he says. His feet are hanging off the bed and out of habit, he swings them when -

The bed shifts, dipping a little to his left and when Ten opens his eyes, his breath catches in his throat.

Taeyong has him straddled, legs on either side of his body, his weight so warm and pleasant against his waist - truly a vision, an exquisite artwork, the way Taeyong's bangs fall so perfectly over his eyes, his long lashes casting shadows over his flushed cheeks. Ten perches himself on his elbows, looking straight into Taeyong's dark eyes with surprise.

"We just can't kiss each other on the lips," Taeyong tells as a matter of fact, with a slight tilt of the head, a slight raise of the corner of his lips. His hands ride up Ten's sides, eyes holding his gaze steady as he pulls him up to a sitting position. Taeyong shifts a little to better sit on his lap.

Ten stops breathing again.

This is close, the position, Taeyong's face - his _body_. It's a necessity Ten hasn't felt before.

"Does that mean..." Ten trails, his voice low and Taeyong brings his hands up to cup his face with a tenderness he still isn't used to. Although, he's getting there, little by little, with every passing day.

With a hum, Taeyong leans close - the type of close where you can feel the other person's heartbeat, the warmth of their breath, the tickle from their fringe and the scent of their shampoo. _That_ type of close. "We can redeem that rain check."

Breathing out a hopeful chuckle, Ten takes the opportunity to tangle his hands in the fabric of Taeyong's shirt, holding tightly onto his hips. "Are you sure this is okay?" he asks, although his hands are already working up Taeyong's body, aching to feel more of that addicting heat.

"Of course," Taeyong reassures, pressing a barely-there kiss to Ten's cheek, then to the corner of his eye. "I wouldn't have been able to hold back," he whispers, his breath landing hot against his neck. The tips of his fingers tease the exposed skin of his shoulder, his eyes settling there for a moment before they're looking back into Ten's with this intensity, with such hunger that his eyes seem to _penetrate_. "Not when you look exceptionally... _delicious,_ like this."

The dip in Taeyong's voice sends a shiver down Ten's spine.

The choice of words alone has him holding back a sound, but it escapes his lips the moment Taeyong ghosts a finger over the sensitive spot of his neck, the pressure _very_ light but _very_ present. He traces along the curve of his jaw, his thumb stroking up the bulge of his neck. Taeyong nips at the skin there and Ten shudders.

"Besides, there's plenty of other places I can kiss you."

"Oh really?" Ten manages to say, quite coyly through a smirk. "And what are these other places?"

"I can kiss you..." Taeyong draws out the words, light but deep and the vibration of his voice sends a sensation into Ten's skin that's nothing short of pleasing. "Here," Taeyong says, then finally presses his lips properly to kiss his jaw and Ten exhales a breath he wasn't aware he was holding.

"And here," he kisses a little lower, a little harder and his hands move up Ten's chest to tease the fabric of his sweater. He drags his parted lips just under Ten's earlobe and Ten can't help but gasp a little at the wetness of it. "And here," he enunciates with another kiss, "and _of course_ over here," then a kiss right where the little mole on his neck sits.

Ten can't take it.

The little touches are building him up too fast and he pulls roughly at Taeyong's hips, until their fronts are pressed flush against the other. Ten smirks at the way Taeyong's breath hitches for a second, his body stilling before he's pressing _even_ _closer_.

Fuck - he's losing his mind, although, he knows he's brought this upon himself.

This is what he's wanted, after all.

Except Taeyong delivers far better than what he could have ever hoped for.

He tries to focus every available cell on breathing, but... but it's _so fucking hard_ to focus on anything when Taeyong's lips are parted like this, leaving a line of wet, open-mouthed kisses down his neck. Light and teasing. They stop and suck at a particular spot that Ten is sure will leave a mark.

No, it isn't easy at all to focus on anything besides Taeyong. Nothing, not even breathing, not even Hero knocking something off the desk. Taeyong is too demanding of attention, too captivating with his lips and his tongue and the touch of his fingertips against his collarbone and Ten wouldn't have it any other way.   

Taeyong peppers light kisses back up the length of Ten's neck, as if he's unsure he's allowed to go any further. He nips at his earlobe, the tip of his tongue flicking the metal of his earring and it sends a violent shiver down Ten's spine that has his hands itching to pull the shirt straight off Taeyong's back.

Instead, Ten settles for kissing the crown of Taeyong's head. That sweet aroma that reminds him of his childhood, Ten inhales it deeply as if to calm himself a little - and it works. The rosy, breezy scent that Taeyong seems to carry with him has become something like a remedy for him. 

But it lasts only a second. Taeyong's kisses are increasingly rough, desperate, with more biting than anything. His fingers comb up Ten's hair, twisting into a fist and Taeyong pulls gently, stretching his neck for better access.

Ten's eyes flutter shut and he curses under his breath. The stretch, the _dominance_ \- it's got Ten exceptionally needy and he almost whines in response but settles for angling his thighs in a way that has Taeyong sitting in a more... _intimate_ , position.

Even then, this isn't nearly enough.

The direct touch of lips on lips is a thrill of its own and it satisfies a hunger that's insatiable otherwise... but he can't - _they_ can't kiss on the lips and Ten sneaks his hands under Taeyong's shirt with frustration, desperation, as if to make up for the lack. He digs his hands into the soft, warm flesh that he so desperately wants to feel against him, his nails probably leaving their mark.

"Taeyong," Ten breathes, wanting to feel Taeyong's lips against more... _vulnerable_ places. Taeyong hums and it vibrates on the skin of his neck. Asking, Ten rides his hands up Taeyong's sides, sighing at the feel of Taeyong's smooth skin against his palms, his fingertips. " _Can I_..."

"Yeah," Taeyong nods, and for a moment Ten is amazed that Taeyong knows exactly what he's referring to. He doesn't waste time, his hands quickly working their way to the buttons of Taeyong's shirt but he only gets halfway when a tremble shakes his body, a tremble of pure _want_.

Taeyong's teeth sink into the skin of his shoulder, tongue smoothing over the spot just before he presses a kiss there - It feels too good, Ten can't fucking take it. They aren't even kissing on the lips and yet he's already so worked up.

Ten focuses on the buttons again, but is distracted once more when Taeyong pulls the collar of his sweater low enough to kiss his chest, hips grinding so subtly, but dangerously close to Ten's abdomen and Ten finally undoes the last fucking button. He shoves the piece of clothing down to Taeyong's elbows and leans back.

"Beautiful, you're fucking _beautiful_ , Taeyong," he sighs, taking a _long_ moment to rake his eyes over Taeyong's body.

Perfect.

His body, his face, the shy smile on those pink lips and the shy, quiet _'thank you'_ that leaves his mouth - it's all perfect.

 _Taeyong_ is perfect.

With his fingertips, Ten strokes lightly down Taeyong's neck, his skin smooth and glowing. His pace is deliberately slow and he takes his time, getting to _really_ know him - the feel of his skin, the dip of his collarbone, his ribs, his abs, the scar on the right side. He settles the hand on Taeyong's thigh and brings his other hand to lay flat against Taeyong's bare chest, right where his heart his. He can feel its rapid beating and loses himself in the rhythm.

Ten leans forward, shifting his hand to the small of Taeyong's back, then presses a lingering kiss to his chest.

The feeling of Taeyong's heart beating against his lips, it's sensational. A new breed of intimacy that's far more meaningful than anything he's ever experienced before.

Taeyong stops breathing for a moment, his hands stilled on Ten's sides, thighs tightening around his waist when Ten grazes his lips up his chest with just the slightest drag of teeth. He kisses his collarbone, then the crook of his neck. "So pretty," Ten says again, and he feels Taeyong's hands find their way under his shirt, feels them dig into his back, the way his hips move to a rhythm that's directly asking for _more_.  

The praise, the compliments, they seemed to have ignited something in Taeyong, Ten can tell. His movements, his eyes, the heaviness of his breathing, it's as if the words are far more exhilarating than anything else Ten's mouth can do.

It's very telling, and Ten feels something tug at his heart at the thought. "You wanna get rid of this for me?" Ten whispers, pointing to the pesky sweater still on his body with a finger.

"Well, I certainly wouldn't want anyone else to do it, " Taeyong smirks, an edge to his voice that almost has Ten keening. Taeyong lifts the sweater over his head, throwing it to the floor with the least amount of care Ten has ever seen Taeyong treat a piece of clothing.

Yanking Taeyong's shirt completely off of his body, Ten disposes it on the floor and immediately wraps his arms around Taeyong's waist. He lets himself fall back against the mattress, pulling Taeyong down with him.  

"Ten - " Taeyong sighs, the position giving better access for their hips to meet. "Are you sure this is alright?"

Oh, the wonderful contradiction Taeyong is. Always countering the fire of his touch with the softness of his voice.

Ten nods, rapidly, "yeah, yeah I think so."

He isn't sure, not really.

His body, it's fucking _starved_ of touch but his heart? He doesn't know if he should give in. Not yet, at least. His heart is a fragile thing, falling too easily that he's had to build walls just to protect it but -

He's too far gone to stop now, too heated up to call it a night when Taeyong presses their chests together, the rush of skin against skin causing a small gasp to escape his lips.

Taeyong's eyes flicker there and Ten can tell he wants to kiss him, that he wants to take his lips onto his own and kiss the breath out of him.

But he can't.

 _They_ can't - and both he and Taeyong know that.

Instead, Taeyong kisses Ten's forehead with such affection that the touch has Ten falling apart. It's loaded, so loaded that Ten's breathing catches in his throat from the rush.

It's that blaze, that softness that's unique to Taeyong.

Ten caresses his fingertips down Taeyong's spine as if he's touching fire, grazing against its gentle flames. He stops at the hem of his pants, keeping Taeyong's steady gaze as he slides his hands under the tight fabric and plants them on his ass with a squeeze, the motion pushing Taeyong's hips flush against his own.

"Isn't this where we left off?" Taeyong smirks, his breathing just a little hitched.

He's already half hard, Ten can tell.

So is he.

"Pretty sure it was your hands on my ass, but yes, yes it is," Ten nods, bending a knee between Taeyong's legs. His thigh gives him the control to push Taeyong closer, to maneuver him better and take control. It seems to spark something in Taeyong's eyes, a flicker of something Ten isn't quite ready to read into, not yet.

It's nearly an impossible task, however. Taeyong grinding into him has Ten moaning, the clothed hardness rubbing into his own and Ten throws his head back at the friction - it's been far too long. Fucking _years_ and he can't fucking hold back, especially not when he can feel Taeyong's skin against his lips like this.

Not when the sounds coming out from Taeyong's pretty mouth are so gorgeous, so strained yet so beautiful, increasingly so when Ten licks a line down the curve of his ear and tugs the dangly metal of Taeyong's earring between his teeth.

Taeyong's hand is tangled in his disheveled hair, his hips rolling just a little harder, a little slower, and Ten finds a spot on Taeyong's neck to leave a mark of his own when -

"TenTen!" Lisa's loud voice accompanying the rapid knocking on the door booms across the room, causing both Ten and Taeyong to shake from the sudden interruption. Ten groans, loudly, and Taeyong drops his head to his chest with a soft chuckle.

Ten takes care to cover Taeyong's ears with his palms before he replies with a voice equally as loud, but far more annoyed. "What!?"

It takes a second for a reply to come through and he moves a hand from Taeyong's ear and settles it on the back of his head instead, fingers carding lazily through the pinkish strands.

"Stop whatever you're doing with Tae," Lisa shouts in rapid Korean, "and get decent because your parents are here!"

That has both Ten _and_ Taeyong springing to their feet.

"Fuck - " Ten curses to himself, then to Lisa, "g - give us a second."

"Your parents don't speak Korean, right?" Taeyong quickly whispers, his voice pitching nervously as he struggles to get his shirt back on because Ten had disposed of it in quite an unhealthy fashion.

"Thank _god_ no -"

It takes another five minutes for both of them to get their shirts back on, fix their hair, and smooth out some of the creases, when Taeyong turns to him rather abruptly.

"Wait," Taeyong says, voice alarmed and Ten turns to him, equally as alarmed. He lifts a hand and points to Ten's neck. "Mark - there," he whispers.

Ten, knowing he can't see it, looks down anyways, then looks back up to the curve of Taeyong's neck. "Shit. I left one on you too," he mumbles, carding his fingers through his hair. He crosses to where Taeyong is standing, and Taeyong flinches for a moment when Ten reaches to lift up the collars of his button-down. "Yours can be hidden," Ten says, buttoning the shirt up to his neck. "I'll change into a hoodie - or wear a scarf, or, or something."

Throwing his sweater on the bed, Ten rummages through his closet and finds a turtleneck. It will do, for now, he decides, and slips into it. He walks over to the door, but Taeyong catches his hand.

"Ten - "

There's something in Taeyong's eyes, something edging on extreme nervousness and Ten quickly steps closer. "Your parents are going to see me - "

"Taeyong," Ten cuts, his voice so soft yet so stern and Taeyong blinks at him. "They already know about you, remember?" he cups Taeyong's face with his palms. "And they're excited to meet you."

Taeyong brings his hands up to Ten's, linking their fingers. Ten notices the shake in them. "What if they don't like me? My Thai still sucks, Ten, and, and I'm not even wearing nice clothes - "

"Yongie," Ten strokes his thumb over the little scar under Taeyong's eye and Taeyong melts almost instantly. Ten feels his heartbeat normalize a little. "This is the first time they're going to be meeting someone I like. _Trust me_ when I say they're more nervous to impress you than you are them."

With a reassuring kiss to Taeyong's forehead, Ten searches his eyes before reaching for the doorknob. Taeyong nods, short and quick and Ten opens the door.

"Hey mom, dad - " Ten starts in English, extending his arms for a hug but his mother swings past him, to Taeyong - who is standing a step behind him.

He watches, surprised, as his mother wraps Taeyong in a tight hug and he notices the gradual shift of expressions on Taeyong's face - confused, surprised, then something profound. Something far more than just happiness or relief, but... as if he's experiencing something beautiful for the first time.

"You must be Taeyong!" She says in very, _very_ broken Korean and Ten looks from her, to Taeyong, to his father, then to Lisa who simply shrugs.

"She's been practicing ever since you told us you're seeing a Korean boy," his father sighs with a fond smile.

Then, he hugs Ten and it's a warmth he'd missed so much. The warmth of home, of family, that he seldom feels since he started college, that he's only felt from his parents, his sister, and Lisa.

Ten wonders if Taeyong's warmth will feel like home, too. He thinks, if given the time, it might.

"Should've warned me you guys were coming," he says to his dad.

"That would've ruined the surprise," he smiles, then shifts to the side to introduce himself to Taeyong with a hug no different than the one Ten had just received.

His heart swells, nearly bursting and Ten bites his lip to control the welling emotions inside his chest. His mother turns to him, finally, and Ten reaches for a hug but instead, he's smacked on the arm. _Hard_.

" _Ow_ , mom - "

"That's for not telling us you were sick," she scolds, but gathers him in a hug in a second. Ten sighs, then smiles and his eyes find themselves on Taeyong.

The wonderful Taeyong, who cares so much, who waits for him, who pushes past his fears for him.

The Taeyong who smiles at his parents with such admiration, such respect, trying so hard to converse in every language he knows, with Hero back in his arms and Lisa translating between them.  

Taeyong fits perfectly into his space - into his life.

 

* * *

 

By the time night falls, Ten finds himself at a small, family-owned diner with Taeyong, his parents, and Lisa.

It had taken some convincing to get Taeyong to join them, but his parents had quite fervently insisted.

He notices, as they wait for their food, Taeyong shaking his leg. Ten's noticed it's a habit, something he does when he's nervous, when biting his nails isn't acceptable. Reaching over beside him, Ten squeezes Taeyong's thigh with the intent of calming him. Taeyong glances at him with a quick smile, but calms his leg. Ten doesn't move his hand.

He can't imagine what Taeyong must be feeling right now.

Having dinner with your romantic interests parents? It's something Ten has never had to face, the _interest_ never becoming anything more than just _that_ \- something temporary that fades. With Taeyong, the interest just increases, becoming something like devotion, something intense and powerful and beautiful.

And Taeyong isn't even his boyfriend yet.

It makes Ten wonder, why the hell he isn't.

His father tries talking to Taeyong in English, and Lisa, who is seated across from Ten, turns to him with a knowing look.  

"Y'all almost fucked didn't you?" she asks, voice by no means quiet, but in Korean - Ten chokes on air and Taeyong chokes on his water.

" _Jesus_ Lisa, can you filter your mouth for once?" Ten scolds, his mother glancing at them for a moment before focusing on whatever his dad is saying to her. They're immune to their bickering.

She opens her mouth to say something, probably something coy and embarrassing but their food arrives just in time. Ten sighs a breath of relief.

 

Dinner passes better than expected.

Taeyong, even with his elementary Thai, managed a conversation with both his mother and father, and the conversation seemed to become something familiar, something comfortable. Something like home and Ten watches his life come together as he sits back into his chair.

He rests his hand on Taeyong's lap, who flinches for a moment. It's adorable, the way he's so cautious with his parents around. But Ten needs to feel him, needs to link their fingers and show him how much this moment means to him.

When Taeyong lays his hand on top of his own, Ten smiles at how perfectly their fingers fit between each other.

"We're still shocked you fed him fruit," his mother smiles, wide and bright and Ten sighs at the expression Taeyong returns. It's genuine. Warm. A different kind of warm than what Ten is familiar with.

"Me too," Taeyong says, keeping his dialogue short due to his limited Thai dictionary. But god, he's really trying and Ten could cry, really, but settles for tightening his fingers between Taeyong's.

"I like him, Chittaphon," his mother turns to him, speaking in English.

"Anyone who can get our son to eat fruit is family," his father chuckles and Lisa promptly translates the Thai to Korean for Taeyong - something she's been doing all night.

"Studying," his mother starts in Korean, eyeballs darting in space as if she's reading an invisible dictionary. "What are you studying?"

It's sudden, fleeting, and easy to miss but Ten catches the way Taeyong's fingers tighten their grip, the question seeming to set his mind someplace far. Someplace he's afraid of reaching. Ten can see it in his eyes, the way his lips part and an unsure breath leaves his lips. "I'm," he pauses. "Undecided."

"What do you want to study?" Lisa asks this time, in Thai, and both Taeyong and Ten turn to her simultaneously. Ten shifts his gaze back on Taeyong, curious for his reply. 

He sees the cogs working in Taeyong's eyes as he tries to translate what she's just said, then formulate an answer.

"Music production," he finally says, a small smile curving his lips as he does. "I want to write music and make songs."

Ten shifts in his seat to look Taeyong in the eyes, feeling somewhat... betrayed. "You never told me you wanted to study music," he says.

"I wanted to tell you," Taeyong pauses, and he wants to say more, Ten knows that by the way he inhales a breath but his mom speaks too fast.  

"Why not study it, then?" she asks, Lisa having had to translate a little for his parents. Taeyong opens his mouth, then closes it back again. He sighs, long and slow and then finally breaks the silence of their table.

"My parents wouldn't want me to," he says, so, _so_ quietly, his voice nearly defeated as he does and Ten brings their hands to his lap instead, thumb smoothing circles over Taeyong's knuckles.

"That's very respectful," his father says, "but I've never seen the point of choosing a career based on what your parents think - you're the one who's going to study it, work in that field and spend your life with it. Not them. Lisa, tell him that, tell him he shouldn't give up on his dreams because of his parents."

Ten's ears vaguely register the words his father is saying, but his eyes are trained on Taeyong, watching every shift and change in his expression. He looks like he might cry as he listens carefully to Lisa's translation. He brings his free hand up to his eyes, covering them for a second and Ten _feels_ how much this means to him, how long he's been waiting for that reassurance.

"Thank you," Taeyong says, voice so incredibly soft that Ten can feel his heart in the words. "Thank you," he says again, nodding, blinking far more than normal and Ten sees a shimmer in his eyes under the lucid lighting. Then, "It means a lot to me, sir," in English.

"Oh - don't call me sir, please. Lisa, tell him not to call us so formally."

"They don't want you to refer to them so formally," Lisa says, having adapted to her role as Taeyong's translator quite naturally. Ten doesn't mind, although he does wonder why no one is asking _him_ to translate.

"Taeyong," his mother smiles, reaching a hand towards Taeyong and tapping on the table to bring his attention from Lisa to her. "Call us Mama Lee and Papa Lee," she says, and Ten feels Taeyong's pulse rush from the hand he's holding.

His own pulse rushes at that. That's a privilege only two people have - Lisa and their neighbors' son. Having that extending to Taeyong, so confidently and so quickly, Ten wonders if his parents realize something he's still too frightened to accept.

 

* * *

  

"Thank you for dinner," Taeyong bows deeply as they step out from Ten's parents' minivan in the parking lot of their university.

"Thank you for feeding him fruit," his mother says, stepping to hug Taeyong.

"And for taking care of him," his father adds. They wave goodbye, the three of them standing in a line as Ten's parents drive away.

There's a heaviness in his heart, seeing them go.

They don't live that far, but it's far enough to only afford a visit one a month. Sometimes less. Ten wishes they could have stayed longer.

"I'm gonna head back," Lisa yawns, stretching her hands up into the sky as she does. She hugs Taeyong first, then kisses Ten on the cheek and soon it's just him and Taeyong. 

"Why didn't you tell me you wanted to study music? That your parents don't want you to?"

Taeyong looks at him, taken aback because yes - Ten is still thinking about something Taeyong had said over an hour ago.

"I wanted to, Ten."

Ten sighs again. "But you didn't."

There's a breeze that cards by them, soft and gentle and Ten feels Taeyong tug him back a little by the sleeve. "You're upset," he says, "I'm sorry."

"No, Yongie," Ten shakes his head, "I'm not upset, I just, it looked like this is something that was bothering you and I just kinda wished you'd talked to me about it, Taeyong, and shared it with me. You can talk to me about these things, you don't have to deal with it alone... I'm here for you."

A long second passes, then two. Taeyong's eyes, they're fixed on Ten, as if he can't believe the words coming out of Ten's mouth. As if they're too good to believe. Taeyong steps close, his hand finding Ten's and he leans in and kisses him, long and deep and with so much emotion that words could never convey the full extent of its meaning. 

"Thank you," Taeyong whispers, forehead pressed against Ten's but Ten can't open his eyes. He focuses on breathing again, on Taeyong hand on his waist, the warmth of Taeyong's skin.

"I thought we couldn't kiss," Ten finally says, just barely opening his eyes to look properly at Taeyong. Taeyong chuckles, and it's a sound that Ten has grown to adore.

"This can be an exception," he smiles, linking his hand with Tens and steering them back in the direction of their dorms. "But if I get sick, you'll take care of me, right?"

"Of course," Ten skips forward a little, walking backward so he can _look_ at Taeyong, how the bright moonlight shines so perfectly over him. "But I can't make soup, so you'll have to stick with instant stuff."

"I can live with that."

"Good," Ten says, "I'll add some fancy herbs just for you, though."

"Perfect," Taeyong grabs Ten by the waist and kisses him one more time, as if to make up for all the times they couldn't the past few days.

And it truly, wonderfully is perfect, Ten thinks. More than Taeyong could even imagine.

The way he fits so perfectly against Taeyong's side, the way their fingers lock as if they're made for each other - Taeyong fits perfectly, the piece to the puzzle Ten had been waiting for his whole life, the one he hadn't gone searching for, the one he'd given up on, but stumbled upon anyway.

Yes, Taeyong fits perfectly into his life. Ten is sure of that. 


	16. Melt, Lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS SUPER LONG. Y'ALL HAVE BEEN WARNED 
> 
> Like i kid y'all not, its 11K words and I tried so hard to cut it down but couldn't - 
> 
> anyways, that's why it took me so long to update. 
> 
> Also, I have been going back and fixing the previous chapters cuz I feel like my writing has evolved a little and I want the flow to be consistent. It's little things, like the wording and stuff but the plot is still the same. 
> 
> ANYWAYS. I am REALLY excited for y'all to read this chapter cuz well... I nearly died writing it xD 
> 
> I'll reply to comments tomorrow, (or later today cuz it's already 5am)

After nearly five solid days, Ten realizes that if Taeyong was to get sick, he would have been by now.

He wonders how someone who so _actively_ avoids germs could have such immunity to them.

Unless, of course, Ten _was_ fully recovered that day.

Thinking back to that wonderful Saturday and the possibilities that could have been, he smiles to himself on a mildly late Thursday night, the small hand of the clock already edging on the tenth hour.

The day had been heinously long, with three classes and dance practice but he's ending strong while working the closing shift alone at the university library. There's soft tunes playing from his phone, acoustic and calming yet thrilling enough to keep him awake as he powers through the last half hour. He's sifting through returned books, placing (read: kindly throwing) them into their respective carts to be brought back to their homes tomorrow morning. 

Singing along and throwing in a dance move or two, he tosses a rather hefty book into the cart with the rest of the bibliographical authors between A to K. It's excellent that the library is empty by this time, especially on a Thursday night because Ten can sing as loud as he wants, while being as _animated_ as he wants - not that anything has ever stopped him when there _are_ people around.

When he tries to hit a particular high note, he pouts when the music from his phone abruptly pauses, the device now vibrating violently on the desk. It's a number he doesn't recognize. 

"Hello?" 

_"Hey, Ten? It's Johnny."_

For a split second Ten wonders why _Johnny_ has his number, until he remembers that he is, quite unfortunately, the RA and that _everyone_ in that building has his number. 

"Is the toaster on fire?" Ten asks, his voice monotone and not the slightest bit amused. 

" _What? No - "_

"Then what's on fire?"

 _"Nothing is on fire,"_ Johnny sighs, _"I wanted to know if Taeyong was with you,"_

"No, he's not. Why?" 

 _"Well,"_ Johnny starts and Ten can't help but feel a little alarmed at the worried undertone in his voice. _"He left for the library at like, nine in the morning but still hasn't come home and he has a tendency of starving himself when he's cramming and since you work at the library, I thought you might have seen him?"_  

Ten stills, processing the information too quickly. He instinctively glances around him as if Taeyong will suddenly materialize in his line of sight. "The library has nine floors, it's nearly impossible for me to run into him like this but I'll find him." 

There's a relieved sigh on the other end and Ten doesn't wait for Johnny to hang up to start his search. 

_"Thanks, my dude, text me when you find him."_

"I will." 

Instead of being an idiot and searching _all nine floors_ like a direction-deficient bird, Ten checks the cameras and finds three potential floors where Taeyong could be - the library cameras being quite old and having their selective blind spots.

He moves his feet as fast as they can go, bolting up the stairs from floor to floor because the elevators are grossly outdated and it would take a year for them to come down from whatever floor they are stuck on.

Sifting through the fourth floor only finds him a couple trying to rip each other's clothes off. He properly scolds them to get a room, but doesn't find Taeyong.

He runs through the sixth floor, but nothing exists there besides a spider that Ten swiftly walks away from, adamantly pretending he hasn't just seen the largest, _scariest_ arachnid in his life.

Then, nearly heaving, he finally reaches the last possible floor - the seventh floor, when a mess of faded watermelon hair that he recognizes comes in sight. He sighs in relief. 

When Ten is just a few steps away, he sees that Taeyong is _immersed_. He's scribbling words in both Thai and Korean onto a notebook, eyes darting around pages as he flips between several of them, chewing furiously on the nails of his free hand. Ten goes unnoticed until he pulls up an empty chair beside Taeyong and quietly positions himself sideways. 

Taeyong only glances, mouthing a quick _'hey'_ before his attention is back on the textbook. Ten drags his chair closer and soothes circles into Taeyong's back with a hand. 

"It's late," Ten says, taking care that his voice is as gentle as it can be, that his eyes warm up Taeyong when he looks at him because his face is such a ghostly pale. "Have you eaten?" 

Taeyong quickly nods and points to the empty coffee cup sitting beside his textbook. 

"That's not food, Yongie. Have you eaten food?" 

Taeyong shakes his head and Ten leans sideways to better see him. "When is it?" 

"Four, tomorrow." 

Ten nods, to himself - Taeyong's eyes being glued to the crisp pages of his textbook so severely that Ten doubts he'd notice an earthquake or a bomb going off, much less _a_ _nod_. He scoots himself closer, stretching a leg behind Taeyong's chair so he's perched on the edge of his seat and strokes his fingers up Taeyong's nape, combing through his messy hair.

It takes a slow, gradual moment for Taeyong's senses to switch from the text to his fingers working through his hair, but he melts in a moment and leans into Ten's hand. His lips part with a silent sigh, hand no longer scribbling and Ten indulges in the way his long lashes flutter, his eyelids nearly closing.

It's easy to see how _exhausted_ Taeyong is. It's written so clearly on his face, that he hasn't eaten nor slept nearly enough. His voice is so dry that Ten is sure he's probably secluded himself for _days_ , perhaps even since Saturday.

Even Ten hadn't seen him around, not in their dorm or in the halls of the academic buildings. Hadn't talked to him either. Not in person, at least.

"How about you stay at my place," he keeps his voice just above a whisper, his fingers massaging Taeyong's scalp in gentle, soothing motions. He slides his free hand into Taeyong's left hand and weaves their fingers together to keep him from biting his nails. "I'll quickly lock up, then we'll stop by your room so you can grab whatever you need for the night, that way Johnny can know you're okay too. You can shower, we'll get some food, I'll give you a nice massage and then we can sleep for a couple of hours, wake up at seven and you can continue working?" 

 _That_ has Taeyong frantically shaking his head like a child not wanting to bathe. "I'm only one fourth done. That's not enough time for me to review everything." 

"Do you have any other classes tomorrow?" 

It takes a moment for Taeyong to reply, perhaps too tired to remember anything that doesn't relate to the exam. "No." 

Ten hums. "How about five, then? That's six hours of sleep if we're in bed by eleven." 

Taeyong doesn't reply for a moment, his eyes settling blankly on the text and Ten can tell he's trying to plan this out in his head. Ten leans in and presses a chaste kiss on the side of Taeyong's neck and immediately receives an answer. 

"Okay." 

 

* * *

 

 

This is a side of Taeyong that Ten has never seen. The extreme, _perfectionist_ part of him that neglects basic necessities for the sake of a number on paper. The stress is eating Taeyong from the inside out, hitting him like the plague - Ten sees it in those tired eyes as clear as red on white. 

For the sake of Taeyong's safety, since he seems to already be half-asleep, Ten keeps an arm over his shoulders.

It's nostalgic, and Ten thinks of when he was sick. When Taeyong had helped _him_ along this same path, under the same lights and the same trees during a different time of day. 

Taeyong, eyes closed, nearly walks into a pole but Ten is quick to pull him to the side.

"Careful," he tries really hard to hold back a giggle at the sudden wideness of Taeyong's eyes, but the breathiness of his voice gives him away. He maneuvers Taeyong in front of him and links their hands together so he can be steered in safer directions.

Seeing Taeyong like this, it's just like his freshman year. 

The starvation, the brutal stress. The way Lisa had to watch over him like a hawk to make sure he fed himself properly. 

It's a vivid part of his past, something he's endured and suffered and even if Taeyong's case is a little different, Ten decides to be his helping hand. 

He _wants_ to be his helping hand.

After all, Taeyong has been his, too.

 

* * *

 

 

Taeyong walks in the bathroom, then promptly walks back out. "I forgot to grab clothes for the night," he says in a voice so, _so_ defeated that a smile breaks Ten's face at the cuteness of it.

Chuckling, Ten blindly grabs in his closet where he keeps his ' _lazy'_ clothes, too tired and hungry to put much thought into anything. "You can wear these," he hands Taeyong a pair of holiday-themed cat-printed pajama pants and a neon pink T-shirt scattered with little llamas - a complete mismatch. "Go shower. I'll order us food." 

Once the muffled sounds of the shower reach Ten's ears, he remembers a key element to relaxing with a small gasp. He knocks on the bathroom door, cracking it open because he, too, is unbelievably tired and tired Ten lacks logical thinking. "Taeyong, I'm coming in for a second, I just remembered something." 

There's a soft _okay_  and Ten steps inside, careful not to look towards the steamy glass of the shower where Taeyong's bare body is glistening like diamonds. The image of naked, wet Taeyong from their skinny dip in the lake flashes in Ten's eyes and he blinks rapidly, trying to shoo the figure away.

With godspeed, he plugs his phone into a set of speakers on the vanity, hits play on his _'relax'_ playlist and turns up the volume to a comforting amount. 

"Music while showering helps me relax. I thought it would help you too." 

There's a soft chuckle, then, "thank you, Tennie." 

 

It takes fourteen minutes for the food to arrive and eighteen minutes for Taeyong to step out of the bathroom. 

"Here's your phone." 

Ten hums, swirling in the chair to face Taeyong - _freshly showered_ Taeyong with a towel draped over his shoulder and hair sticking to his forehead. He's fucking glowing, but Ten decides to keep that compliment in his mouth, for now.

"Do you feel a bit better?" He tries not to sound absolutely exhausted, but he's sure he does anyway. Staying awake while Taeyong showered was a struggle on its own and the only reason he's not fast asleep now is thanks to Hero being a needy baby on his lap.

Yet, despite the drowsiness, he keeps himself as bubbly as he can be. He smiles his widest, mindful that it reaches all the way up to the corners of his eyes because he's noticed the way Taeyong brightens at the sight.

"Yeah I do, thanks," Taeyong smiles. He presses his waist against the arm of the chair and stretches a hand to massage Hero's silky fur. 

Again, Ten hums. He can't manage anything else - he's far too tired. He doesn't have the energy to do anything beside sink into the chair and watch Taeyong's eyes soften as he plays with Hero.

It's endearing, as Ten often finds, the way Taeyong runs his fingers through her fur as if she's been his companion since birth. And Hero, she's exactly the same. She becomes a purring ball of fluff around Taeyong and it swells in every chamber of his heart because Hero has always hissed and clawed at every guy he's ever brought home.

Ten noticed it before, noticed it every time he's seen Taeyong and Hero together. He'd seen it Saturday, seen it that time Taeyong came to his room and asked for coffee. He saw it when he was sick and that morning after the party. He's losing count, but _every single time_  he paints the little moments in the walls on his heart. Of Hero's... _acceptance_ , of Taeyong - his parents' and Lisa's acceptance too...

It seems as though every part of his life that's _important_ has already welcomed Taeyong with arms wide open. For a long moment, he wonders to himself, why he's still so reluctant to accept it _himself_.

Ten thinks of this rather mildly as they indulge food in near silence.

They're both too hungry and far too exhausted to focus on words, or anything besides the satisfactory feeling of their stomachs filling with the mediocre deliciousness that take-out so often offers.

Taeyong is quick to shovel food in his mouth and declares himself full before Ten's stomach has even begun to process the fact that he's eating.

"Can I just review a little more while you're eating?"  

Ten sighs, seeing that if Taeyong is denied this chance he might experience a mental breakdown. "Only for like fifteen minutes but then we're going to bed."

"You don't have to wait for me. I can use my phone light to read."

"No, I'm sorry, that's a horrible idea," Ten firmly says, "you'll kill your eyes and then you'll never be able to see my pretty face."

It's a terrific thing that Ten is far less panicked around Taeyong these days. Else, he wouldn't have been able to conjure such replies and he _knows_ he needs to - for Taeyong's sake.

He needs to be playfully affectionate. Needs to be stern yet soft and make those pretty lips curve into a smile because Ten knows how much Taeyong likes the confident, flirty, heart-fluttering things more than anything.

He also knows, perhaps with too much familiarity, what it's like to convince yourself to abide by an inane routine bound for sickness.

"There's still twenty-three minutes until eleven, so you can study until then but I want you asleep by eleven or else you won't get enough hours in and then you'll get sick and I'm already surprised you didn't get sick for kissing me that time, but you shouldn't push your luck."

Taeyong nods, and Ten grins with approval.

Five minutes into Taeyong's cram session, Ten's stomach pronounces itself stuffed. He shifts to the bed and sits on the edge of the mattress, leaning his elbows onto the table where Taeyong is quite _visibly_ struggling.

Ten darts his eyes between Taeyong and the textbook, noticing the way his eyes have stilled on a particular spot on the page - reading, then rereading the same line without seeming to comprehend anything. "You need help with that?"

Taeyong looks up, then back down and nods his head like an unsure puppy. "I don't get this, what this is saying, over here," he runs the back of his pen across a few strings of words on the page.

Bending forward as much as the table allows, Ten twists his neck to see what Taeyong is referring to. "Ah, elementary Thai grammar. A real killer for international students."

"Yeah, I'm really lucky you somehow speak fluent Korean," Taeyong chuckles, his voice so very tired. He furiously rubs his eye, then cards the same hand through his damp hair and leans his forehead against his palm. "My Thai fucking sucks."

Ten decides to ignore the sudden use of a curse word that too easily arouses him.

"You've got my parents to thanks for that. They were strict about that kinda stuff and made me learn like, five languages," Ten laughs. "It would have been a shame if I couldn't understand all the pretty things you say."

The tips of Taeyong's ears blush a soft pink at that and Ten reaches out to stroke a thumb over the curve of his ear. Taeyong doesn't flinch. Instead, he smiles back at Ten, his eyes incredibly gentle. _Warm_.

"Your parents are amazing."

Ten's heart trips over itself. 

Boyfriend after boyfriend, they never cared to acknowledge his parents. Never cared to ask about them, want to know them, much less _compliment_ them.

So this? This is new territory. _Wonderful_ territory. The authenticity of the smile curving Taeyong's pretty lips, the way his eyes soften at the simple thought of his parents - it's foreign. _Precious_.

Then, Ten gets an urge.

A selfish urge, but it's something he's _dying_ to know - about Taeyong. About Taeyong's parents and why he looked as if his world had just been pieced back together when his own parents had hugged him. About his major and _how could they not_ support him?

It's unthinkable for Ten, whose parents always guided him and held his hand through every important stage of his life.

His parents who encouraged him, hugged him and celebrated the day he decided what his future would be. The parents who paid for his dance lessons, bought him an easel and art supplies and a piano. His wonderful, _loving_ parents that helped him find his resources so he could bring his hopes and ambitions to life.

The thought alone has a flood of questions battering his brain, but... this isn't the time. He _knows_ that, and he presses his lips into a tight line and packs the thought away for later. For after Taeyong's exam.

After a few more minutes, Ten finds that while tutoring Taeyong is less stressful to his brain cells than tutoring Yuta, Taeyong's perfectionist trait is slightly... _unnerving_.

Still, Ten remains positive as ever. More than willing to repeat himself and the compliments but Taeyong is far too willing to degrade himself.

The persistent belittling has a strange feeling settling somewhere inside Ten's heart.

Something that fuels his drive to prove Taeyong otherwise. To show him how _good_ he is. He wishes Taeyong could see himself through his eyes for a moment, for _just_ a second, so he can see how hard working and dedicated he is. How _beautiful_ his mind is.

How beautiful _he_ is.

After five solid minutes of trying to convince Taeyong that he's grasping the material just fine, Ten's neck finally gives in. The muscle is fucking sore and it's killing him from having to twist it awkwardly just to see the text.

Mid-sentence, Ten shoots off the bed, the sudden motion startling Taeyong - his face suddenly perplexed. Ten nudges the side of Taeyong's waist with a hand, silently telling him to move his butt off that chair, which he does after a few seconds of processing. When Taeyong stands, Ten sits down and pats his lap.   

But Taeyong - tired, sleepy, malfunctioning - doesn't understand and Ten is too tired himself to wait for that brain to start working. He firmly plants both hands on either side of Taeyong's waist and yanks him down, forcing him to sit on his lap.

"My neck was killing me from over there," Ten murmurs, hoping that his reasoning doesn't sound like an excuse for intimacy.

It takes a long, slow moment for his senses to shift back to the text because Taeyong is _light_.

It's not surprising.

Guessing that Taeyong isn't the heaviest person alive wasn't anything less than obvious, Ten could tell from his skinny figure but _this_? This is a new weight.

Heavy with warmth, but with a comfortable press and Ten wonders how it would feel to carry him the way he was carried from that party or the way Taeyong had carried him home when he was sick.

It had been a glimpse on Saturday, but their position then hadn't allowed for Ten to _properly_ _feel_ Taeyong's weight on his own. It's an urge, and a strong one at that, to pick Taeyong up and twirl him around like the flower he is, to carry him up the highest points in the sky.

But Ten feels high himself and he nudges the tip of his nose against Taeyong's neck and breathes him in as if he's smelling a hyacinth. "You smell like me."

"Well," Taeyong chuckles, almost bashfully. "I did use your shampoo... and body wash. _And_ I'm wearing your clothes."

Ten hums and strokes the tip of his nose down Taeyong's neck, to the curve of his shoulder. "I like it on you."

Taeyong makes a small sound, somewhere between a whine and a giggle and Ten thinks it's precious the way he suddenly slumps forward, embarrassed.

It melts Ten, this flustered side of Taeyong. It makes him want to push and see how far he can take it, how much those cheeks can blush when he touches him because they hadn't nearly had enough time on Saturday and _they were_ _so close_ but -

Ten disposes of that thought right there when an _intense_ heat pools deep inside him, dangerously close to his dick - which is one horny thought away from pressing against Taeyong's back. It takes almost _all_ of his remaining energy to force his brain back into his skull.

He wraps an arm around Taeyong's middle and pulls the chair closer to the desk for better access. Taeyong reads out loud in his sleepy voice, his Thai adorable and heavily accented and Ten hooks his chin on his shoulder, his chest pressed against Taeyong's back, a hand flat on his stomach.

It's close.

A kind of intimacy that's sacred to the heart, mind, body.

Every time Taeyong pauses, Ten is ready to provide him the assurance he needs to continue without ridiculing himself. He's careful to compliment Taeyong, and relishes the way the corners of his lips perk every time he does.

If Ten wanted, he could fall asleep right here with Taeyong on his lap as he reads out loud in his mother-tongue. It's warm like this, and not the type of warmth one feels in the summer, but the type from the fireplace on a cold day, or a blanket during a storm, or honey passionfruit tea when you're sick. A warmth that sinks through the bones and into the muscles of the heart.

It's _that_ type of warm.

"Yongie, it's eleven," Ten whispers just below Taeyong's earlobe, his eyes already half-way closed.  

"I'm almost done with the chapter."

Ten shakes his head, the motion grinding his chin into Taeyong's shoulder. "Nope. You won't get enough sleep if you stay up any later."

Shifting, Taeyong looks over his shoulder to Ten, their faces very, _very_ close now. He's wearing a pout on his lips that Ten urges himself not to give in to. "Ten more minutes?"

"You're adorable."

Taeyong juts his bottom lip into an increasingly prominent pout, his puppy eyes enticing and dangerous. "Five minutes?"

"Nope," Ten shakes his head again. "You have to sleep, baby."

Taeyong stills.

And Ten, he's too sleepy to realize _what_ he's just said, not until he feels Taeyong freeze, and instinctively freezes himself. His breathing stops, his skin pricks wildly and his droopy eyes fly wide open as the word echoes loudly inside the walls of his head.

"What - " Taeyong pauses, his voice so, _so_ soft that Ten wouldn't have heard it had he been an inch further from his lips. "What did you just call me?"

"I - I'm sorry," Ten stutters, suddenly very nervous. Very aware. He unhooks his chin and leans as far as he can from Taeyong's body. "It slipped because I'm really sleepy - "

But Taeyong turns to look at him then - _properly_ look at him, and Ten can't help but feel a little vulnerable, a little exposed under the _heaviness_ of Taeyong's gaze.

"Can you say it again?"

Ten swallows, _thickly_.

He's too tired to fight it, too exhausted to deny that voice when it's burning with something so deep, so _hopeful_. Ten licks his lips and brings his eyes to meet Taeyong's. "We should sleep, baby."

And it's as if the world fell silent.

The look on Taeyong's face, the way he exhales a slow, steadying breath -  it's _magnetic_. There's an urgency deep in the brown of his eyes, something so profound that screams that this isn't just a slip, isn't just a pet-name, but it's _so much more_.

That it's a reassurance, a direct touch of the heart.

"Ten," he whispers, leaning in ever so slightly that Ten can't help but hold his breath. Taeyong brings a hand to hold his cheek, his chocolate eyes so warm and soft that Ten feels as if he's just told him something important - something beautiful and vulnerable and sacred.  

Within a second, Taeyong's breath is melting his lips. Teasing, warm, and Ten pulls him by the waist, close enough that Taeyong's side presses flush against his chest. His fingers clench into Taeyong's thigh, and he breathes him in, his face numbing the moment their lips collide like the stars.

It's different, this kiss - as every kiss is with Taeyong.

It's positively _electric_. Something like a crackle, a bolt of lightning. A one in a million chance of something profound hitting the space between them -  is what this kiss compares to. Pleasant. Suffocating.

The deep press atones for all the times they couldn't kiss like this on Saturday, on Friday, that entire fucking week. For all the times Ten couldn't part his lips and slip a tongue inside Taeyong's mouth, couldn't sink his teeth into Taeyong's lip - a motion that earns a sound that's far more beautiful than any symphony.

Something in Ten's stomach boils over at the pretty sound, and he digs his fingers into Taeyong's back, wanting more.

Needing to _feel_ more.

That _heat_. The burn that scalds his heart every time he lets Taeyong inside with such intense hunger, as if he'd been starving his entire life.

Their lips press against each other so _feverishly_ that they produce such beautifully wet, _sinful_ sounds of pleasure, of lust. Their tongues push, pull, dance against each other with delicate roughness. Their fingers search and clench at clothing, hair, skin, and it's intoxicating Ten, the fresh shower scent and the honey aroma of his shampoo on Taeyong's hair, on his body.

With a slow, deliberate drag of fingers up Ten's scalp, Taeyong pulls gently at the nape of his hair, stretching his neck back. Ten thinks of how this ended last time - both of them shirtless and grinding against the other on his bed, marking each other up.

"Yongie, baby - " Ten moans into Taeyong's gasping mouth, breathless and burning and surprised at how easily the pet-name rolls off his tongue.

It takes a _long_ moment for Ten to realign himself when their lips part. He can't open his eyes, can't breathe and can't fucking think.

But when he does open his eyes, his breathing wavers all over again.

An angel of fire, is what Ten thinks of. Swollen, parted lips. Half-lidded eyes overflowing with affection, cheeks a pretty rosy hue. Taeyong is numinous, and Ten opens his mouth to say it but Taeyong presses their foreheads together and rolls the words off his lips before Ten even finds his voice.

"How can someone be so beautiful."

Ten shivers, his senses on overdrive. "I don't know, how are you so beautiful?" A playful smirk tugs his lips and earns a small, cute whine from Taeyong. A sound so pure and shy that Ten chuckles into the skin of his neck. Taeyong locks his arms around his shoulders, nuzzling so deep into his neck that Ten thinks they might fuse into the same person.

And just like that, tangled in each other's arms, the world falls back into place. Ten strokes his fingers softly up Taeyong's spine, his eyes closed as he imprints the feel of Taeyong's body pressed so close to his own. He imprints the heat of the soft kisses Taeyong peppers on his neck, the fingers playing gently with his hair. And for a short moment, it surprises Ten, how well Taeyong fits against _him_ \- against his body.

But Ten forces his eyes apart, afraid he might fall asleep to the lull of Taeyong's heartbeat.

His tired eyes fall on the table, and he snorts out a chuckle.

Hero is sprawled over Taeyong's textbook, laying so comfortably over it that the book is barely visible under her chaotically long fur. Her tail lazily swings in the air as she grooms her paw, a look of satisfaction in her eyes that Ten almost understands. "Even Hero wants us to sleep."

Taeyong shifts, untangling himself from Ten's arms and chuckles too. Taeyong swivels the chair until he's facing the desk, and plants a kiss between Hero's ears. "Thank you, baby."

A smile nearly breaks Ten's face.

 

At thirteen past eleven at night, Ten crawls in bed first.

Despite everything that's happened between them, he's still nervous as fuck.

A truly stupid reaction, considering they _nearly_ _fucked_. But falling asleep together? Being able to fall asleep to the gentle lullaby of Taeyong's breathing? Getting to wake up to that soft, beautiful, peaceful face? To that deep, thick-with-sleep voice? Oh, it's _far more sacred_ than getting half naked and bruising each other's skin.

After a few minutes in the bathroom, Taeyong finally joins him.

"Do you want a massage now or before your exam?"

The bed dips, and he turns to his side to face Taeyong.

"Before my exam," Taeyong yawns, and they stay like this for a while. Taeyong on his back, Ten on his side, with a gaping space between them.

Ten shifts on his back too, but leaves an open arm spread between them. It's close enough for him to brush the tips of his fingernails against Taeyong's shoulder, silently asking him to come closer.

He keeps his eyes closed, and it feels like that first time in the lake when he stripped and threw himself in the star-covered water. Or that time in the rain when he stepped out from under the awning to the pouring sky, because his pulse is quickening just the same. The bed dips just slightly, and Ten grins foolishly when Taeyong crawls into his warmth, lays an arm across his middle and nestles his head in the crook of his neck. 

"Goodnight, Yongie."

"Goodnight, baby."

 

_Don't let me come down_

 

* * *

 

_Everything is pastel._

_The violet sky, the ocean, the burning stars. The waves around Ten are a caressing touch, and he feels a tingle covering his skin._

_He's covered with butterflies, their wings a brilliant, faded scarlet that catch the shine of the moonlight. The tide is high, and Ten floats. The moon is grazing the surface of the ocean, and it's nearly impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. Ten stretches his fingers, and the tips of his nails just barely scratch its cratered surface._

_It's a relief that washes over him, finally being able to touch the moon, to feel it's friction. He feels a smile pulling at his face, but the purple is fading, the pastel colors becoming a blurred haze, materializing into a strong, screaming force pounding in his ears. A beeping. Continuous, obnoxious, angry._

Ten groans, blindly feeling around for his phone in the dark with barely-open eyes and silences the irritating sound. It's already five am, and he half expects Taeyong to have woken up because the alarm volume was fucking _deafening_ , but Taeyong is fast asleep, nuzzled against the crook of his neck with a hand on his chest - the same position he'd fallen asleep in. 

Ten wishes it was bright enough to take a picture so he can stare at this for the rest of his life until he's old and moldy and breathing from an oxygen tank. Instead, he takes a few moments for himself to _admire_ the beauty laying on him, so he can etch the image inside his skull.

Sliding a hand up Taeyong's neck, Ten runs his fingers through the faded locks. "Yongie, get up." He barely gets his voice out of his throat with how sleepy he is. Taeyong, however, is still in dreamland and Ten ruffles his hair a little roughly this time, nudging him until he hears a sleep-soaked hum.

"Come on, it's five." Ten sits up as much as he can with Taeyong on his chest, and it kills him to have to wake up someone so precious, who is so soundly asleep and looks so adorable but Ten yanks the covers off anyways. He links his arms under Taeyong's back and knees, using this as an opportunity to carry him bridal style.

Still fast asleep, Taeyong nuzzles his face into Ten's chest, making the cutest sounds Ten has ever had the pleasure of hearing.

"Yongie, wakey wakey," he sings and swings them around in circles with the hope that some good old-fashion centripetal force will wake Taeyong up. It doesn't, but it does catch Hero's attention, who sees this as the perfect opportunity to jump straight on the curve of Taeyong's body and kneed his stomach.

Yet still, he is fast asleep.

Somehow Ten manages to pick up his phone, despite his occupied hands and decides to play some music, because maybe Taeyong is the type to wake up from that. But he doesn't.

He tries dancing around the room - Hero still comfortably lounged on Taeyong's stomach, mind you - with the hope that the motion will wake Taeyong up.

"Wake uuuuup, it's already five ten!" Ten wails and pulls Taeyong up just slightly so his lips can reach the crown of his head. Peppering kisses seems to work, because Taeyong finally stirs, curling further into Ten before his eyes open into small slits.

Ten pecks Taeyong's temple, feeling far too cheerful for someone waking up this early. "Morning."

"Are you carrying me, or am I dreaming?"

Ten almost drops him, because that voice is the thing of his naughty dreams. "You might be dreaming."

Taeyong chuckles, his arms fast around Hero as Ten carefully lowers him into the chair, but he just slumps forward like a ragdoll the moment he's seated.

"No, up, come on, I'll get the coffee brewing if you sit up."

Taeyong sits up, his head thrown back and eyes still closed as his fingers very, very lazily comb through Hero's fur.

"Wake him up, Hero," Ten instructs, and Hero meows gently, standing on her hind legs as her front paws kneed at Taeyong's chest. Ten promptly uses the chance to brew coffee and freshen up.

 

* * *

 

 

Two hours in, Ten feels like he's about to pass out. He hadn't realized how bushed he was until he had to put his last two brain cells to work, and wonders how the fuck Taeyong is even keeping his eyes open, let alone absorb any of this information. 

"I'm gonna make some _awake_ tea for us," Ten announces, nudging Taeyong off his lap. "My gut can't take any more coffee and I don't particularly feel like shitting out a fucking storm."

"Fuck, I didn't even think of that!" Taeyong gasps, a laugh on his lips but his brows upturn with worry. "And I can't even leave the exam to use the bathroom."

"Oh god, and you've survived on coffee alone all day yesterday," Ten sighs, rather tragically. "I'll pray for your gut. May it allow passage only before or after your exam."

"Hopefully before," Taeyong chuckles, loud and lighthearted and Ten can't help but laugh too because talking about _shit_ wasn't exactly on his list of things-to-say-to-Taeyong. "But you don't have to stay up with me, Tennie. You've already done so much to help."

Ten waves a hand in the air, yawning so wide that he fears his jaw might unhinge. "You'll get done much faster with my help."

"It's okay, you've helped me thro - " Taeyong pauses, the word drowning in a lengthy yawn.

"I want to. Besides, I can sleep once you're in class."

"You don't have class or work today?"

"Work, thank fucking goodness no. Class, yes, but attendance is not required and there's no fucking way I'm dragging myself anywhere in just two hours." Ten's tone isn't serious or even the slightest bit upset, but Taeyong apologizes anyway.

"I'm sorry, Tennie."

"Don't be sorry," he shrugs, watching the water start to bubble inside the electric kettle. "This gives me a reason to have a lazy day and cuddle with you," he winks, and smirks at the way Taeyong turns a little pink.

There's a moment where the room is silent. Taeyong probably immersed in reading again, but Ten is caught on the implications behind the words that just left his tired mouth.

That's something _couples_ say, after all. Waiting for each other, staying up with one another even if they're fucking tired - it's what people do when they're _in_ _love_.

But Ten _isn't_ in love. Taeyong is not his boyfriend, and he repeats it in his head regardless of how much his heart wants to make it a prayer.

He isn't ready for that - not yet.

Ten sets one steaming teacup on the desk, the other clasped in his hand. "It's chamomile."

He doesn't sit down, just in case his heart makes him say something he isn't ready to accept. So he stands there, leaning with his palms on the desk as he explains this and that, when he feels a gentle tug on the hem of his shirt.

"Sit down," Taeyong says quietly, almost shyly with his big eyes searching his own. With a bit of reluctance, Ten complies, but urges himself to focus on the book and not Taeyong's hand on his thigh, not the warmth of those lips melting his skin every time Taeyong speaks.

 

* * *

 

 

Thanks to copious amounts of tea, coffee, food, and Ten's coaching, Taeyong finishes with an hour and a half to spare.

"You have earned one of my legendary massages," Ten announces theatrically, his sleep having thrown itself out the window about an hour ago.

"I would've never gotten this done without you. What can I do to repay you?"

Humming, Ten presses a finger to his chin in thought. "Cake."

Taeyong chuckles at that, and Ten involuntarily shakes because he _is_ on his lap.

"You can ask for more, you know," Taeyong says, settling into the chair and Ten turns himself until he's sitting sideways. He throws his legs over the arm of the chair on one side and leans his back onto the other.

He likes this position. He's small enough to fit like this, encased entirely by Taeyong. Protected. _Secure_.  

Safe.

That's when Ten realizes that if he were to ask anything, he'd ask for the comfort in Taeyong's chocolate eyes, the blaze from his touch, the music of his voice. He'd ask for Taeyong's laugh and his smile and all of his kisses. He'd ask for his mornings and his midnights, and all the little moments scattered in between.  

Taeyong's hand traces circles up Ten's back, his eyes searching, but Ten isn't sure if he's ready to ask for the antidote to his troubles. Not yet.

He presses his forehead against Taeyong's temple, trying to hide his face just a little, just in case Taeyong's eyes lure him to say what he isn't ready to. "Maybe one day, I'll be able to," he finally whispers in a voice that's loaded with something far more profound than the words themselves.

There's a grin against Ten's cheek that melts into a soft peck. "I'll look forward to that day," Taeyong whispers, his voice equally as encumbered.

Then there are a couple of solid seconds of silence - Taeyong's eyes are closed, his fingers lazily playing with Ten's hair, sometimes with one of his earrings. Ten is fiddling with the gold necklace around Taeyong's neck. Hero is trying to chase a bird that's _outside_ the window. And Ten decides, as he frequently does, that he could stay like this forever until he remembers that Taeyong's got an exam to ace.

"Take your shirt off," Ten suddenly demands, pushing himself off Taeyong's lap. Then, with a mighty strong blush, he realizes _what_ he's implying - his mind's eye having automatically flashed back to Saturday when he'd asked to take off Taeyong's shirt with a completely different intent. "For the massage, you pervert."

And so Taeyong does exactly that. He slides his shirt off and folds it into a neat square, then places it on top of his textbook. Ten half wishes it was dark, but the sun is high and bright and Taeyong is a different creature under its rays.

It's _perfect_ , actually. The rays, they are a spotlight on Taeyong.

A different type of vision from Saturday. The time of day allows for more sunlight, the perfect angling of the sun from the window, shining right on Taeyong's body - truly a work of art.

Peeling his eyes off after almost a minute of shameless staring, Ten rolls up a few towels and arranges them on his bed. "Lay here, on your stomach."

And Taeyong does, probably fully expecting just a traditional Thai massage with the innocence on his excited face, and nothing else. 

Ten doesn't know why he even fucking suggested this, and wonders what messed up part of his brain thought this would _ever_ be a good idea considering how Saturday ended. He facepalms himself, silently cursing as he squirms like a worm behind Taeyong's naked back.

 _Naked_.

 _Bare_.

Taeyong's... _vulnerable_ position has Ten feeling things he isn't prepared to admit, but he quickly swallows those emotions away because Taeyong needs this.

He _needs_ to relax. And Ten chants that like a prayer to keep himself level headed as he dispenses more than a few drops of his special floral-scented essential oil over Taeyong's back.

With the hope of inducing relaxation for both Taeyong and for his own nerves, he decides to change the playlist to something calmer, something instrumental and gentle. But the moment his fingertips melt into Taeyong's oiled skin, an intense heat pools inside Ten.

Very, _very_ close to his dick.

For five solid minutes, it's nothing more than a traditional Thai massage, and Ten is honestly surprised at how well he's holding up. That is, until his fingers venture just a little too low, past the small of Taeyong's back and he urges every dirty thought back in the gutter they came from.

This isn't for _him_ , he tells himself. It's for Taeyong.

And the massage, it's doing _magic_. Ten can tell. He can _feel_ Taeyong's knots coming undone with every touch - the hunched shoulders from hours, _days_  of studying already sinking into the sheets. The clenched muscles of Taeyong's back, they're unwinding as Ten works into them, carefully. Expertly.

And he likes this, taking care of Taeyong. It was a passing happiness at first when he'd run him over with the cart, but in this moment, Ten confirms it as a thing he _wants_.

"Time for the yoga part," he sings as if he doesn't have an internal monologue of feelings playing inside his brain. He climbs on top of Taeyong and carefully fits himself on top of his thighs, his knees pressing right on Taeyong's butt.

Ten thinks this would be absolutely _exhilarating_ if they were both naked right now. No pants, no underwear - nothing but their bodies and the heat of their hearts between them.

His breathing wavers just by _thinking_ about it.

"I'm gonna stretch you," Ten warns a second before he fastens his fingers around Taeyong's wrists. Taeyong nods and Ten pulls him up by the wrists, curving his back.

" _God_ ," Taeyong groans, probably not expecting to be stretched like a mermaid on the bow of a ship. Ten pulls a little more and indulges the way the muscles of Taeyong's arms and back move under his smooth skin. It's sensual, incredibly so, perhaps _even more than_ _sex_ , dare he even think of such thoughts regarding Taeyong.

That's when Ten realizes how _flexible_ Taeyong is, with his spine bent up a near ninety-degree angle from his hip.

"Wow," Ten blurts, his eyes suddenly wide with surprise, "the only other person I know that's _this_ flexible, is me."  

"I can be far more flexible than this," Taeyong says lowly, his voice _very_ suggestive.

"Oh really?" Ten hums, "I'd love to see what you can do." Shuffling forward, he hooks his arms under Taeyong's pits, his chest flush against his oiled back.

His heart is fucking pounding, Ten can feel it against his chest. And he's sure Taeyong can feel his, too.

"I'd love to show you sometime," Taeyong says, and Ten replies with a soft hum, with a soft kiss to Taeyong's nape.

"Is this usually part of the massage?"

Ten smirks, lips teasing the skin of Taeyong's shoulder. "What do you think?"

He notices, then, from the touch of Taeyong's shoulder against his lips, that the muscle is still _quite_ stiff - just a little softer than a rock. "Just let yourself relax."

Taeyong's body _almost_ goes limp, but Ten can tell he's still holding back. Almost as if he's afraid something will escape, should he let go entirely. Perhaps, that he might lose control.

Not that Ten would mind.  

Maybe because he's selfish, or maybe it's just that he needs _this_ , but Ten is dying to explore every cavern of Taeyong's mind so _he_ can relax _himself_.

Not just because of Saturday. Not because they'd been interrupted just as their hearts were about to explode, but as a reassurance - to convince himself. 

With that in mind, that desperate need to... _know_ , to settle his heart, Ten grazes his lips down Taeyong's neck and whispers in a voice that's low and commanding, "relax, let me take your weight, baby."

And Taeyong, a little hesitantly, does - _slowly,_ cell by cell.

Ten strokes his thumbs over Taeyong's collarbone, slow and steady. The slow drag of Taeyong's skin under his fingertips, it's a sensation of its own and Ten feels the way a sculptor would when their fingers work in the details of an intricate masterpiece.

Never has Ten given a massage like this.

Never has he let himself get so _close_ , not emotionally or physically, as he is right now with his face just a breath away from Taeyong's. His lips ghost up Taeyong's neck, pressing soft, barely-there kisses until he nips at Taeyong's earlobe.

With a little reluctance, Ten lowers Taeyong back to his stomach and gets off the bed. "Turn over."

When Taeyong does, Ten lodges himself between his legs, forcing them apart with his knees. He fits his hand to the back of Taeyong's knee and pushes it forward, stretching it carefully until it's touching Taeyong's chest, just like any other massager would do.

But Ten's dark eyes suggest something of a different genre, and judging by the lustful glaze inside those chocolate orbs, Taeyong is suggesting it, too.

They're both hot and bothered, and the sweet aroma of the essential oil, coupled with the soft tunes isn't helping to calm anything. Not when Ten really fucking wants to kiss those pretty lips. He's _dying_ to feel them, and he hooks Taeyong's knee over his shoulder and uses his body to stretch forward until their lips are just a nudge apart.

Maybe, he thinks, the abrupt stop from Saturday is playing into this. Perhaps, they're starting once again from where they left off.

It has Ten wondering if Taeyong feels the same, and he teases with a brush of the lips, asking. And Taeyong answers, flicking a tongue over them. 

Their lips haven't even touched yet. They're teasing, ghosting the subtlest of touches and it has the room suffocating with the intensity of it all - of the way Ten's eyes seemed to have locked onto Taeyong's.

There's fire in Taeyong's gaze, and Ten feels it burning, penetrating straight through his heart and it feels as if they're dancing on the surface of the Sun.

It's not calming at all - nothing is calming about this and the soft tunes are nothing more than a distraction from the wild pounding in their chests.

He barely gets a sound past his lips, and isn't sure if he's directing the words at Taeyong or himself. _"Relax."_

Then, with a steadying breath, Ten closes the short distance, slowly. Just as their lips meet, Taeyong breathes out a sigh that Ten catches in his mouth.

It's a proper kiss - deep, wet, and fucking enthralling with Taeyong's hands on his hips and a tongue between his teeth.

The way their lips melt, it's natural. Fucking _beautiful_ because they fit so perfectly against each other and Ten decides that it's okay, if he falls.

Because he _needs_ this. The intimacy.

And so does Taeyong.

So he lets his free hand familiarize itself with Taeyong's skin all over again, tracing up his abdomen, to his neck, then down to his collarbone. He draws his fingertips across Taeyong's chest, strokes his tongue against Taeyong's as his hand sinks lower, until his fingers are teasing the hem of his pajamas.

"Relax, baby," Ten says, his voice just the lightest bit unsteady, "let me take care of you." He kisses Taeyong's lips again and slides his fingertips underneath the band of Taeyong's pajamas, then back up his abdomen.

It has a small plea leaving Taeyong's lips, a tremble, a momentary loss of breath and Ten nips playfully at Taeyong's bottom lip at the reaction. "You're going to do so well on your exam, Yongie," he kisses a little lower, his hand finding its way back up the middle of Taeyong's abdomen.

"Ten," Taeyong sighs, a hand threading through Ten's hair, the other clutching _tightly_ onto his waist.

"You studied so hard," he whispers, and kisses the soft skin of Taeyong's neck.

He takes his time, letting his fingers draw on Taeyong's skin with delicate touches. Every curve and dip, every inch of Taeyong's body - he's imprinting the feel on the pads of his fingers to revisit during those lonely nights when the world spins against him.

Taeyong whines breathlessly when Ten leans back, sitting up, his eyes focused deeply on Taeyong's. "You're so smart, Taeyong, your mind is a work of art." Then, he unhooks Taeyong's knee and locks the other over his shoulder.

For a moment, he just wants to stay exactly like this. He just wants to _look_ at Taeyong, into his eyes and sink in the euphoria Taeyong spreads across his chest and into his heart.

But the gravity in Taeyong's gaze - it's too powerful. It's saying things that Ten isn't prepared to hear and the strength of it has his breath slowing, stopping. It only thickens the air between them, the sounds of their unsettled hearts muffling the acoustic tunes.

Ten strokes a hand up the thigh that's hooked over his shoulder, then slides his fingers back down, his nails dragging against the inside seam of the pajama as he does. "And you're so _beautiful_ , Taeyong," he sighs, a look in his eyes that implies so much more than the words ever could. "You asked that time if I was a ten out of ten because I'm the prettiest person you've seen, well," he pauses, and pushes forward again, " _you're_ the prettiest, _kindest_ person I have ever met."

" _Ten_ ," Taeyong breathes, a spark in his eyes that instantly catches wildfire in Ten's chest.

"You're so caring," he kisses Taeyong again, soft and delicate with such slight pressure that their lips just barely touch. "You're so _sweet_." He kisses him again, but with a bit more pressure. His lips brush over Taeyong's as he whispers, softly. "Relax, Yongie."

But Taeyong shudders, a sweet moan leaving his pretty lips. "I'm trying but _fuck_ \- I _really_ wanna touch you."

The words send a shiver up Ten's spine. And Taeyong's voice, it's so hoarse, so _raw_ that it's dripping with pure _want_. It's fucking sexy, and Ten loses sight of any resolve he's ever made. "Then touch me."

Within a second, Taeyong's hand is gripping Ten's hip, the other sneaking under his shirt and Ten's entire body electrifies, _begs_. And by the looks of it, so does Taeyong's.

With a teasing kiss to Taeyong's jaw, Ten slides the tips of his fingers an inch under the waistband of Taeyong's pajamas and curls them into the fabric of his underwear. He drags his hand back up so slowly, so _intricately_ that he might as well make a blueprint of Taeyong's body.

It's teasing, and Ten loves the way Taeyong's hands are needy and restless. Loves the way they clench so deep into the fabric of his sweatpants, the way they pull ever so slightly but enough that they ride just below his underwear. He fucking loves the way they drag up his spine, Taeyong's nails leaving marks for sure.

Ten scatters soft, _devouring_ kisses up Taeyong's neck, biting here and there as his hand finds its way back down. Nimbly, he pulls at the drawstring of Taeyong's pajama, then let's go. But Taeyong's nails, they scathe down his spine, his mouth making the prettiest of sounds and Ten couldn't keep up the teasing even if he tried. So he slides his hand past the band of Taeyong's pajama, his fingers just _barely_ touching his dick when -

Taeyong inhales a sharp breath and grabs Ten's wrist. _"Ten_ ," he breathes, the urgency in his voice stopping Ten in an instant. "I don't wanna force you - "

But Ten crawls up in a moment, his eyes soft and heart fluttering just a little. "You're not forcing me, baby," he sighs and holds Taeyong's face to press a deep kiss to those beautifully swollen lips. "I want to, if it's okay with you..." he whispers into Taeyong's mouth, the words lingering, his eyes searching Taeyong's for the green light.

Taeyong nods, but Ten shakes his head. "I need to hear you say it, Yongie."

"Yeah," Taeyong finally manages, his voice breathless and desperate. " _Fuck_ , yes it's more than okay Ten - " 

A flutter spreads across Ten's chest at the curse word, at the _need_ in Taeyong's voice and he smiles into Taeyong's lips, his hand tracing back down. He strokes over his chest, down the middle of his abdomen and bellybutton. He takes his time as he slides his hand under Taeyong's pajama, his eyes locked fervently onto Taeyong's as his hand settles on top of his dick, unmoving but heavy with pressure.

Ten is fucked, he thinks.

It's nothing that he could have ever imagined - and he has imagined it more than once.

The feel of _Taeyong_ against his hand. He's  _thick_ , and Ten swallows the burning want in his throat as he traces his fingers up his shaft, eyes trained on Taeyong's.

"I want you to relax," he whispers, and pecks Taeyong's lips, then his cheek.

"I can't, it's," Taeyong tries, "it's been too long since - _ah_ ," but his breathing is too shallow to form words. It's the perfect opportunity, and Ten drags his palm up Taeyong's length and pulls both the pajama and the underwear low enough to expose _more_.

"You can, just let your muscles relax," Ten says, pushing the underwear past Taeyong's dick and strokes over the length with his fingertips.

It takes a painfully _long_ moment for Ten to force himself to breathe, move, or even exist. The lust rushing through his body, it's fucking paralyzing but it's enough to make his body act, even if his brain can't. He finds a rhythm, slow and gentle, but shudders pleasurably at the feeling of Taeyong's rawest part against his hand as he pumps.

"Fuck - _Ten!_ " Taeyong keens, throwing his head back against the pillow at the direct touch. A shiver dances up Ten's spine at the curse, at the sound of his name rolling off Taeyong's tongue. He catches it with his lips, with a kiss that's wet and messy and breathless.

"Just relax, let me take care of you," Ten sighs, holding back the urge to give some friction to his own erection. "You deserve to feel so fucking good, Taeyong." He presses a kiss to the side of Taeyong's eye and tightens his grip, the essential oil from the massage allowing his hand to twist along the length with the perfect amount of friction.

And it's in this moment, with Taeyong's hands all over his body and his dick in his fist, that Ten decides that he _wants_ to take care of Taeyong. Spoil him, pamper him, _please_ him until Taeyong is screaming his name for the world to hear.

"You've got nothing to worry about," Ten says with another kiss, quickening his pace, thumb teasing over Taeyong's slit as pretty sounds roll off Taeyong's tongue. "You're gonna do great, baby."

He cards his fingers through Taeyong's watermelon bangs, keeping them off his forehead so he can press a kiss to his temple, then the corner of his eye. His pumping syncs with the music and Taeyong's muscles finally begin to relax, and Ten rewards him generously. He strokes faster, soaking up the way Taeyong's back arches and presses their bodies even closer.

Ten is losing his fucking mind, and he can't help but grind against Taeyong's thigh and sigh at the relief.

_"Tennie - "_

And Ten can feel it already.

Freefalling into the sun, only to get too close and burn himself.

He's diving face first, overwhelmed by his suffocating need for being loved like this - if this is _love_.   

Taeyong's hand slides under Ten's sweatpants, beneath his underwear and squeezes his ass, the drag of his fingers causing a moan to escape Ten's lips.

"Are we continuing where we left off?" Ten manages to ask through a smirk, grinding harder, _faster_ , to the pace of his hand on Taeyong's cock.

It takes a moment, but Taeyong chuckles, his body trembling, breathless. "Pretty sure it was your hands on my ass that day."

Ten hums. It's all he can do - he's too fucking close. It's been so long and this is a relief he hasn't felt in _years_ , and this is far more exhilarating than anything he's ever accomplished with his own hand. He already knew he wouldn't last long.

"Tennie," Taeyong shudders, his entire body clenching, "I'm close - "

Ten quickens his pace, fisting harder, up and down the entire length of Taeyong's dick, their kisses short and feverish but entirely perfect. Taeyong's fingers dig into his ass, nails scraping into Ten's skin and Ten grinds shamelessly into Taeyong's thigh when -

"Fuck - _Fuck_!" Taeyong's entire body clenches, his head thrown back in bliss, shaking as he comes undone in Ten's hand and Ten pumps him through it, sealing their lips in a kiss so deep, so drowning that it feels as though they're riding on the waves.

"Ten," Taeyong sighs into Ten's mouth, his breathing heavy and erratic from his high, and Ten slows his grinding, trying to stop himself because this was meant for Taeyong, not him but -

He can't stop. Not now, not when Taeyong's hands are gripping his hips so tightly, pushing him down with a rhythm that has Ten's crotch riding his thigh with just the right amount of friction.

"Don't stop, baby, come for me," Taeyong says, and the edge to his voice has Ten keening, _loud_ , shaking and stuttering as he comes in his sweatpants. Ten tries to hold himself up, but he collapses on top of Taeyong, gasps rolling off his tongue and into Taeyong's neck. He digs his fingernails into Taeyong's arms, vaguely registering Taeyong's arms around his body, holding him close, moving his thigh to help him through his climax.

It's fucking euphoric - more than euphoric, being able to climax with Taeyong, being this vulnerable, this cared for. Ten finally lets himself relax on Taeyong's body, hot and heavy and Taeyong immediately wraps his arms around him even tighter, with such passion, such _emotion_ that Ten melts into him.

"I can't believe I came without you even touching me," Ten chuckles, his voice trembling and breathless.

Taeyong chuckles too, his chest heaving. "Imagine how good it'll feel when I do touch you," he says, and it spreads a mighty deep blush across Ten's face. Even more than touching his dick and grinding into his thigh. Ten makes a whine-like kettle sound, suddenly _very_ shy just by the thrill of the thought.

"I'll look forward to it," he mumbles, nestling his face into the crook of Taeyong's neck. 

They stay like this for a few long moments - Ten laying on top of Taeyong, both of them trying to collect air back into their empty lungs. Taeyong runs a lazy hand across Ten's back, combing his fingers into his hair, then back down his spine. This is what happiness must feel like, he thinks, and wonders why he's never felt like this before.

Why he never let this happen, before.

He realizes, that perhaps, it's because he's never given himself the chance to completely break apart. Always acting strong and brave, he never let a shadow cast over him, but he realizes it now - that dawn won't spread its brightest if there's no darkness.

"Thank you," Ten whispers a moment later, his breathing more... _normal_ , now.  

"For what?" Taeyong makes a cute sound of confusion, lifting his head just slightly. "I should be the one thanking you."

"Just, you know, for trusting me," Ten grins and presses a quick kiss to Taeyong's chin before hopping off the bed. "Stay here, I'll clean you up."

"I can just shower - "

"No. You need to relax, there's only half an hour left until your exam."

Ten leaves Taeyong with that, but the moment he's tucked behind the bathroom door, his knees buckle and he clutches onto the sink, his hands trembling.

He wasn't expecting _this_.

" _Fuck -"_ he curses just under his breath, trying hard to focus on breathing and not the pounding in his heart. Not the anxiety rushing up his throat - he wasn't ready.

He _can't_ be ready for this.

Can he?

This level of intimacy? Something so private yet invasive, something so _beautiful_?

Ten doesn't know. Not yet, and he's ready to keep denying the thing in his chest until he can talk to Lisa about it, until he can convince himself.

Until he can accept Taeyong.

Quickly, he cleans himself up and throws his soiled underwear into the hamper. With a few ice cold splashes of water, Ten feels calm enough to look at himself in the mirror. He looks relaxed, despite the thing in his chest.

He looks... happy. And Ten thinks it could mean something.

 

Cleaning Taeyong off isn't too torturous. Taeyong had quite adamantly suggested Ten should leave the sensitive bits to him, and Ten didn't need much convincing for that.

He lays down, sleep and exhaustion finally catching up to him when his head hits the pillow. His eyes stay on Taeyong as he stretches his long frame, grabs his folded clothes and disappears into the bathroom.

"Hero," he croaks out, covering his eyes with his hands. "Hero, dad needs you - " a few seconds pass and finally he feels Hero kneading his stomach. He bundles her in his arms, ignoring her annoyed meows because he _needs_ her if he wants to calm those nerves. He can't stop thinking about it though, about the last time he'd done something so vulnerable, and his breathing hitches just by the simple thought of it.

"Are you okay?" He hears Taeyong ask in a gentle voice, and forces his eyes apart.

Ten nods, inhaling a breath before replying. "Just sleepy."

Taeyong is fully dressed, face washed, hair still disheveled but he makes it work - he's no short of ethereal. Ten can't peel his eyes away as watches Taeyong packs his bag.

"Do you feel relaxed now?"

Taeyong hums, lips wearing the warmest smile Ten has ever seen, his eyes so fond as he leans down and cups his cheek with a hand. Ten melts into the touch, his eyelids fluttering, threatening to close.

"I've literally never felt more relaxed," Taeyong whispers, perching on the edge of the bed. Leaning on his elbows, he frames Ten's head with his arms, his hands holding Ten's face.

And for a few heartbeats, Taeyong stays like that. Just looking at Ten as if he wants to say something, as if he's trying to say something so profound through his eyes and Ten feels it somewhere in his heart, what he's trying to say.

His breath hitches.

"Why're you looking at me like that?" Ten whispers, his voice barely there. Taeyong smiles, wide and warm and Ten feels as if sunshine is kissing his skin when Taeyong's lips press onto his own.

"Just - " Taeyong pauses, then kisses him again, short and sweet, and Ten pulls him a little closer. He hears Hero meow, feels her wiggle her way out from between their bodies but Taeyong's lips, that kiss... it's loaded.

And Ten feels something from them, something that he isn't willing to admit. Maybe, something Taeyong isn't ready to say out loud, either.

Ten can't open his eyes even after Taeyong's lips leave his. He holds onto him, overrun with emotion and Taeyong presses his forehead against his own. "Thank you, Ten," he whispers. "For everything."

A hum is all Ten can manage. He's feeling so much all at once that he can't focus on anything at all. So he focuses every cell on Taeyong's heat, the warmth melting his lips because there's so much behind those words that Ten isn't ready to read into.

"You can thank me with cake," Ten finally manages, pushing Taeyong away just a little because he does have an exam to get to. "You're going to do great, Taeyong, so go ace that exam," he says, and Taeyong leans in to press one last, lingering kiss on Ten's cheek.

"Thank you," Taeyong smiles, and hooks his bag over his shoulder. He presses a kiss to Hero's head and heads towards the door. "Sleep well, baby - "

The last thing Ten sees before drifting into the sunset is Taeyong's lips saying something. He doesn't hear it, but it fills his chest with a feeling he'd drowned years ago.


	17. Fire and Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY HAVE INTERNET ON MY LAPTOP 
> 
> I finished this chapter like, two weeks ago, or something, BUT MY LAPTOP WOULDN"T CONNECT TO WIFI so I'd just been editing the previous chapters and working on the coming chapters but FINALLY I can update and I think I'm most excited for this chapter - y'all will see why hehe

A solid nine hours of sleep has Ten waking up at nearly three in the morning. He could've slept longer and woken up at a more _human_ time, but his screaming bladder left him no choice but to stumble off the comforts of his fluffy bed and into the bathroom with still-shut eyes.

Ensured by the hefty breakfast at the crack of dawn and a _'short'_ four-hour nap, he is anything but tired.

Which is perfect for today - a perfectly rainy Saturday.

He plows through a three-hour shift at the library, works through some choreo for a few productive hours and then finds himself back in his room with two hours to spare before Johnny's party. 

He steps out from the steaming hot bathroom and inhales a breath of fresh air when the door starts banging frantically, Hero glaring in its direction because it disturbed her fifth nap of the day. He huffs at the disturbance, then wraps an uncertain towel around his waist and marches towards the door.

"He doesn't have a Kigurumi," announces Johnny the moment he swings open the door.  

Ten pulls an offended face at the lack of greeting, narrowing his eyes on Johnny's. "Hi Ten, how are you?" he mimics, slightly shifting his position to play the role. "Why I'm fine, _thank you_ , Johnny, how are _you_?" His face changes in a second, un-amused and glaring into Johnny's equally un-amused eyes.

" _Very_ funny," Johnny grumbles but Ten barely hears it. His gaze settles on Taeyong - Johnny's frame being so tall that Ten could barely see anything behind him - and he softens like butter under the sun when their eyes meet, melting with the pattering of the rain outside, his heart skipping a few beats at once.

Taeyong's dark eyes are eating him up, sinking down his naked torso then stopping for a breath too long right where the towel is wrapped just above his hip bones. When they trace back up, it's slow and deliberate and Taeyong's tongue flicks over his lips, perhaps on purpose.

"Did you even hear me?" Johnny wines, waving a hand in front of Ten's face and Ten has to peel his eyes away from Taeyong's.

"What?"

Johnny sighs, long and tragically and Ten's eyes flit back to Taeyong for a second.

"He doesn't have a Kigurumi," Johnny repeats. This time, Ten hears him.

"He can borrow one of mine," he says, then strolls towards his closet, uncaring that the towel has loosened a bit more, that it's slid past his hip bones.

If Johnny wasn't here, he would've disposed of the pesky thing the moment Taeyong's eyes settled on it.

But Johnny is, unfortunately, here, and Ten ignores the bliss of yesterday flashing across his mind and his skin. Of Taeyong's hands and his pretty sighs. That euphoric high.

Ten rapidly blinks the image away.

"Let's see..." he sighs, opening the closet doors. He studies his extensive collection of onesies' for a long, _long_ moment, imagining which one would fit Taeyong's personality. Or, alternatively, which one he _wants_ to see him wearing.

Somewhere in the background, he hears Taeyong cooing at Hero, talking in a soft baby voice and giggling, excitedly informing Johnny of all her antics.

He _also_ notices Taeyong's quick glances just in the periphery of his vision, the way Taeyong's eyes linger just a little too long, burning down the side of his torso and settling on the loose knot of his towel as if he's untying it with his eyes. Ten purposefully catches his gaze, a smirk on his lips and a knowing look on his face that has Taeyong flushing scarlet. 

It clicks, then, what Taeyong reminds him of - besides fire.

That adorable smile that lights up the room, the soft giggle that follows after. That pout that has Ten succumbing in a moment and his _eyes_ \- his beautiful doe eyes that become the stars themselves when he's excited, and _boy_ _is he excitable_.

Ten picks up a folded onesie, then hands it to Johnny. "If he whines, come get me."

"I'm literally right here," Taeyong huffs, glaring up from the floor where he's squatting and rubbing Hero's belly.

Johnny tilts his head. "Did you hear something?"

"Nope, must have been the wind," Ten shrugs, sharing a smirk with Johnny and still disregarding Taeyong who is pouting like a child.

"Well, I'll make sure he gets dressed. See you soon Ten."

Ten waves, watching as Johnny leaves first, letting Taeyong walk after him - an opportune moment, Ten thinks.

In a quick second, he catches Taeyong by the waist, a gasp leaving Taeyong's lips the moment he does.

"Oh so _now_ you - " Taeyong starts, but the words get caught in his throat when Ten wraps an arm around his middle, pulling him backward until Taeyong's back is flush against his chest.

The shiver that runs down Taeyong's spine, Ten feels it. Taeyong pushes back ever so slightly, his ass right against Ten's front, against the towel that isn't doing much to hide anything and it loosens even further, well below his hips now. A small sound leaves Taeyong's lips and Ten leans _close_ , his arms tightening over his middle, lips brushing over the curve of Taeyong's ear.

"Like what you see?" Ten whispers, his voice low and enticing and he feels Taeyong's breath leave his lips with a soft sigh.

Taeyong opens his mouth to say something, a shaky, hot puff of air leaving his lips as he does but Ten moves away in an instant. Instead, he smacks his palm _hard_ against Taeyong's ass for good measure, just to hear that soft yelp of surprise. Taeyong turns abruptly, his eyes shot wide and a mighty furious blush ravaging his face and Ten smirks at the cuteness of it.

It's exactly the reaction he was expecting.

 

 

If Ten is being honest, he knew this was going to happen - so it doesn't come as a surprise when he finds Johnny knocking on his door thirteen minutes into the party in a Tony the Tiger Kigurumi.

"He refuses to go," Johnny cries, a look of defeat on his face. "I've tried everything! Chocolate, coffee, money, but he won't leave the room because he thinks he looks stupid."

Ten sighs, long and heavy and drawn out. "Go tend to your party," he says, "I'll make sure he comes, even if I have to drag him."

"Thanks, my dude."

Despite already being thirteen minutes behind the clock - which is fine, because Lisa is bound to show up _at least_ an hour late - Ten isn't quite ready himself. He still has to apply some make-up, set his hair and accessorize his ears and viola! He'll be the most adorable calico kitty anyone has ever seen. Before leaving, he smacks a loud kiss on Hero's side, shoves his phone and keys inside a conveniently-placed pocket and makes for Taeyong's room with godspeed.

 

"Yongie, can I come in?" Ten knocks. He's sure if he tries hard enough he could hear a cricket with how quiet the room is. "Taeyong, open the door, let's go enjoy the party." 

There's some rustling, then finally a muffled whine. "I look stupid."

"If you really do look stupid then I'll be the first to tell you but at least let me see, please?" Ten leans his ear against the door, waiting for a response. "Please baby?"

He surprises himself for a moment because associating Taeyong with that word when fully awake is far more exhilarating than when he's half asleep. It has a tingle spreading through his chest. Warm and soft, just like Taeyong.

It's _also_ surprising how easily Taeyong succumbs to the pet-name. It's charming, amusing, and Ten is entirely prepared to use that to his advantage.

The door finally unlocks, cracking open just a hair and exposing a pouting Taeyong on the other side.

"Hey," Ten tilts his head to see better and bites down a smile, anticipating because the shadows of the dark room are too prominent to see more than the glow of Taeyong's frowning face.

Taeyong opens the door a little wider, just enough for his head to poke out into the hallway but still keep his body hidden.  

"Hey. Y-you look...," Taeyong pauses, then exhales a steady breath. "Adorable."

"I might do some adorable things for you if you let me see you," Ten grins, bringing his hands up to his face then curls his fingers into a paw. For a long moment it looks as if Taeyong is contemplating, wondering if he should step out into the hallway or retreat back into his room and Ten purrs for good measure - it works. 

Finally, Taeyong lets the door swing open entirely and steps out into the hallway with a bashful smile and hands behind his back.

Ten's breath hitches.

This was _made_ for Taeyong. It's exactly him! With the pointy ears, the white and beige colors, the little tail and grinning eyes. It's _perfect_ \- Taeyong the Shiba-Inu.

"Jeez, I knew you'd look adorable but _this_?" Ten gushes, his voice pitching and he nearly dies from the soft smile on Taeyong's lips. "This is just off the fucking scale, Taeyong, I can't even, I might bust my heart just by looking at you like I just wanna pinch your cheeks," Ten pinches them, hard, and Taeyong whines for a moment. He shifts his hands so they're holding Taeyong's face and pulls him forward, enough for his lips to peck the tip of Taeyong's nose.

"You really think I look okay?" Taeyong asks and Ten's eyes soften because it kills him, that tone. That soft, timid, genuine tone of voice when Taeyong looks at him like that. It's dangerous. Ten could commit murder if Taeyong asked him to with those eyes and that voice.

He leans a little closer and kisses Taeyong long and deep and breathlessly, his face still in his hands. He barely gets a whisper through his lips when they part. "You look perfect, Taeyong."

 

Now, Ten thought he'd convinced Taeyong, but just as they take the last step of the stairwell to the first floor, Taeyong is tugging his sleeve.  

"Actually I'll just stay in my room."

"Yongie - "

"Nope. I feel so stupid wearing this."

Ten tilts his head, searching Taeyong's eyes for a valid reason behind the reluctance, but doesn't find anything. "I _will_ drag you," he says, taking a single step closer.  

Taeyong plants his feet firmly to the ground, arms crossed. "Okay. Good luck with that."

"Oh?" Ten tilts his head, a smug smile on his lips as he takes another step. "Was that a challenge?"

"Maybe. I am pretty stubborn, though."

 _"Oh baby,"_ Ten sighs, taking a long step forward. He hooks an arm under Taeyong's knees, scooping him up in a bridal style with one sweeping motion. "You might be stubborn, but so am I."

Taeyong doesn't reply to that. Instead, he half-whines half-cries like a puppy being denied treats and digs his head in his chest.

Ten is positive Taeyong can hear just how loud his heart is beating right now.

Kicking open the door to the first floor, Ten is, in fact, surprised he didn't hear the music from the stairwell - or the third floor - because it's _booming_.

There are drinks, as expected, along with one too many boxes of pizza, a few games and only about a dozen people all clad in an array of Kigurumi's.

The common room is quite large, yet it takes less than a minute for someone to screech his name like a pterodactyl.

"Teeennn!!"

It's Yuta in a Pikachu onesie, which Ten finds _very_ fitting considering the literal ball of energy the guy is.

"Hey," Ten smiles, "your onesie is very accurate."

Yuta smiles wide, his pearly teeth showing as he does. "Thanks, my hus - " he pauses, pointing to Taeyong whose thrown his head back, the hood covering half his face because he's frowning (and blushing) in Ten's arms. Yuta bends his body sideways to see better. "Taeyong?"

"Hm?" Taeyong peaks from under the hood. "Oh, hey. Yuta, right?"

Ten darts his eyes between the puppy in his arms and the Pikachu in front of them. "You two know each other?"

They both turn to him and Yuta being the talkative person he is, speaks first with huge eyes and an excited smile. "Yeah, we were on the same flight on orientation day but ours and a couple of other peoples luggage got messed up so we spent a good few hours together."

"A few hours is being too kind," Taeyong chuckles. "It was half a day."

For a second Ten thinks back to that first time in the library. He'd seen Taeyong around three in the afternoon, confused and tired but luminescent. The man of fire, he'd thought. A soft flame, ever-changing yet always so warm and cozy.

If someone had told Ten three months ago, when he'd first seen Taeyong, that he'd be carrying him in his arms, that he'd be sharing a bed with him every now and then, kissing him and pleasing him and seeing him smile with stars in his eyes - Ten would've laughed all the way into next year.

The thought has Ten smiling all the way to his eyes.

"How do you two know each other?" Taeyong asks, shifting a little until he's got an arm hooked over Ten's shoulders. He's sitting a little more upwards now, leaning his head against Ten's neck with one of the pointy ears of his hood smushed against Ten's jaw.

"Ten is my dance partner," Yuta beams.

"The one I tutor," Ten adds, and Taeyong nods.

"Why are you carrying him, by the way?" 

"In case he tries to run away," Ten deadpans. "Again."

Taeyong huffs at that, the warm puff landing hot against his collarbone. "I might try and run away again, so better keep me like this until I'm drunk."

Yuta gasps at that, a finger in the air and eyes wide as if he's just struck gold. "Then let's get you drunk!"

After just a couple sips of some really bright red concoction - something strawberry with _a lot_ of vodka, according to Johnny, Taeyong is already more than a little buzzed. And with a little reluctance, Ten finally lets him down.

His eyes search the room, scanning over all the faces because he'd felt his phone vibrate the moment he'd put Taeyong down and it has been an hour and ten minutes since the party started. He glances towards Taeyong, who is laughing out a lung because Johnny had tripped over Taeil the red panda's foot, landing face-first into the carpet.

"I'll be right back," Ten quickly says and beelines across the common room when he spots three newcomers joining the party.

It's Lisa the ox, BamBam the sugar glider and the girl from the last party who is also in a Pikachu onesie, but Ten only focuses on Lisa and quite literally throws himself at her.

After about half a minute, he finally peels himself off of her and exchanges a bright hello with BamBam - noticing that the awkward air between them is now absent. The realization has a warmth spreading across Ten's chest, a type of relief because maybe this means he can spoil him like the baby brother he sees him as.

He learns that the other girl is Jisoo, one of Lisa's classmates. He also learns, by the fond smile on Lisa's lips as Jisoo introduces herself, that they're something _more_ than just friends. He also learns that they're both from Lisa's dorm.

It isn't long, though, before he naturally gravitates back to Taeyong with Lisa because BamBam and Jisoo were whisked away by a very, very drunk Lucas the tiger and Taeil.

She exchanges a hug with Taeyong, then eyes him approvingly. "You should just give him that kigu Ten, it's perfect."

"I already have. It's practically made for him, right?"

"Why do you people keep talking about me like I'm not here?" Taeyong whines, his shoulders slumping in an instant.

Ten shrugs, ignoring the confused look on Lisa's face and shifts until he's facing a table lined with several juices, sodas and alcohol bottles. "Because your reactions are adorable," he says, grabbing three cups.

"He's right," Lisa nods, shifting until she's standing between Ten and Taeyong, then leans either elbow on their shoulders. "Anyways, _Taeyong,"_ she turns to him and Ten follows her gaze for a second because he knows _that_ voice - it's her scolding mom voice. "Johnny told me you have a habit of neglecting your health when you study, hm?"

"No," Taeyong pouts, "it's not like that. I eat and stuff."

"Coffee is not sustenance," Ten cuts in, eyes focused on the stream of bourbon he's pouring into the cups. Lisa shakes her head and the motion has Ten spiling some of it on the table.

"Listen to the calico. He used to do the same shit and I had to practically bottle feed this child to get him back to health."

Ten freezes at that. "I haven't told him about that," he mutters under his breath in rapid Thai, low enough that Taeyong won't hear him, but loud enough that Lisa will.

"Sorry..." Lisa whispers, also in Thai but it's no use. Ten knows Taeyong understood that - he's far enough in his Thai class to have learned such basic phrases.

There's a second of silence between the three of them and Ten finally looks up from the drinks. He meets Taeyong's gaze and can't help but feel a little conscious, a little guilty at the way Taeyong's face worries.

"I didn't know that," Taeyong says, his voice quiet and his emotions painted so clearly on his face.  

A shrug is all Ten can manage. "It wasn't important," he says, just as quietly and focuses again on mixing their drinks. He doesn't know why the expression on that pretty face pangs in his heart, but he wishes Taeyong wasn't already half-drunk because his eyes are screaming what's in his heart.

Screaming that _this is_ important, that _Ten_ is important.

Quickly, he hands Taeyong his drink - mindful that his cup has far less alcohol -  as a distraction.

"It _is_ important," Lisa says and Ten releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. "And if either one of you tries that shit again, you'll really be in for something."

Taeyong nods and Ten quickly hands Lisa her drink - mindful that it has a lot of alcohol - as a distraction. 

After that, time passes comfortably with grade-A conversations that could only be muttered out of the mouths of half-drunk college students equipped with just two brain cells. A few pointless games are played, some dares are thrown and Ten is keen to limit his alcohol intake to just three drinks.

Sadly, he's already on his third while Taeyong, being a lightweight, is using the bathroom every thirty minutes like clockwork on his second drink. The entire time, Ten has spent trying to find a moment where he can be alone with Lisa and a good hour later, he finally finds one.

"How come you never told me about you and Jisoo?" He asks, raising a brow.

Lisa only shrugs, throwing her empty solo cup into the closest recycle. "I wanted to, but..."

"But?"

She shrugs again. "I don't know. We've both been busy and I'm not sure. I didn't wanna say anything until I figured out my feelings, you know?'

"Yeah," he says, a pout on his lips that he's too drunk to hide. "I know but it still would have been nice to know you like someone. You always tell me when you like someone."

"I know," she says and Ten wishes she would say whatever is playing in her mind. He can see it in her eyes, that she's hiding something behind them. "So you and Tae... how is it going with you guys?"

He sighs at the change of subject but reads the look on her face, saying that she'd tell him later, when the time is right. Despite the urge to know, he also knows not to push her to say something she isn't quite ready to. "We got to third base."

A loud, _shrieking_ gasp is how Lisa replies, her eyes stretching so far he can see her entire eyeball. "I knew it! I saw it in your eyes, in _both_ of your eyes! Was it that day when Mama and Papa Lee came, or..." she trails, her head cocked to the side and she narrows her eyes on Ten's. He narrows them back, biting his lip. "Oh god, _yesterday?"_

"It started off as a massage and before I knew it, he was in my fist," Ten holds out the said fist, staring at it until Lisa slaps it away.

"Is it safe to say you two are boyfriends?" 

Ten gulps. Hearing that word associated with him and Taeyong, it has a feeling settling somewhere in his heart and a blush on his cheeks. "No, we just, we're... I don't know what we are but we are not _that,"_  he stumbles, trying to gather his thoughts like a mother duck collecting her adventurous ducklings. 

Lisa's brows draw together and Ten knows she can sense the distaste in his mouth at the denial. "Is that a mutual feeling," she pauses, "or is this just you?" 

"It's mutual," he sighs, thinking back to when he was sick and the words that had shot right through his heart.  "We talked about it."

"Oh?" she says, a tantalizing raise of her brow that has Ten shifting his weight from one leg to the other. "If I were to go ask him right now, how certain are you he'll agree as adamantly as you're suggesting?"

Something rushes up to his throat at that. "Please don't. _Please_ \- " he begs, clasping his hands together.

"It's not mutual then." 

"It _is_ mutual," Ten cries. "He knows I'm not ready for that right now and that I just need more time and besides, I've already spilled so much of myself to him that honestly I don't think I'll be able to turn back from this but I don't want to throw myself into that level of commitment yet because _I don't know him_." 

There's a challenging glint in her eyes then, something knowing and dangerous and it makes Ten gulp. "What's his favorite color?" 

Confused at the random inquiry, Ten scrunches his face but answers faster than his brain can derive a reason for protest. "Pink." 

"What's his major?" 

"Why are you - "

"Just answer the question Chittaphon."

Ten sighs. He can't argue with her when his birth-name is involved. "Undecided but he wants to study music but his parents don't want him to for some reason." 

"How are his sleeping habits?" 

"Heavy as fuck. He loves sleeping in." 

"Tell me a random fact about him." 

"I don't know," he shrugs, then finishes his drink with one, long swig. "He's got a bit of Mysophobia, loves sweets, chocolates especially, he bites his nails a lot especially when he's stressed, he likes watermelon but he hates the rain because when we -  " Ten pauses, his eyes blowing wide because the words rolled off his tongue so effortlessly. So fucking _naturally_.

And he realizes in a moment, that he's smiling. That he has been smiling wider, his voice pitching with excitement with every fact to leave his lips.

What scares him, though, is that he could've kept going. If given the chance, he could've written a book and still wouldn't have had enough space to fit all the quirks and things that are Lee Taeyong. 

And it's only been three months.

"I call bullshit to your whole _'I don't know him'_ pretense. And for all the things you claim you don't know about him, you'll get a hell of a long time to learn more if you just give him a chance because he might just be _the one,_ your soulmate, life partner or whatever else."

There's a silence between them, then. A silence that's far more deafening than the loud music or the indistinct chatter surrounding them.

"What if he isn't the one?" He asks, his voice incredibly small and powerless and he feels the alcohol ride up to throat again.

"You'll never find out unless you try, Ten," she shrugs, the words hitting him somewhere deep because that's what Taeyong had said, too, to at least give him a chance. "Besides, there's no harm in trying especially when he's so whipped for you, and you are too, for him. You wouldn't be acting the way you do if you weren't and you and I both know that." 

Ten inhales a breath, a word already halfway out of his mouth, but falls short at the sound of his name being sung from somewhere behind him, warm and sweet like honey in tea. He isn't given a chance to face the voice, because there's a set of arms wrapping across his shoulders. 

It's Taeyong - a slightly drunk, rosy-cheeked Taeyong that's draped over Ten's side. 

"Tennie I miss you," Taeyong coos, his cheek nuzzling against Ten's like the puppy he's dressed as. 

Ten lets his lips curl into a smile -  _maybe_ Lisa is right. "Am I that irresistible?" 

"Welcome back, confident gay Ten," Lisa says in Thai and Ten, well, he's just happy he isn't quite as panicked anymore.

They soon gravitate towards the center of the common room and Ten finds more people that he might call friends.

There's Johnny, of course. It's impossible _not_ to be friends with him, especially when their wavelengths are so synced. Ten finds himself becoming closer to Taeil, too, amused because he almost never keeps a straight face and watching him is like watching someone change masks. Lucas, of course, the overgrown child of their dorm that Ten has grown fond of over the months.

He's more than relieved to find himself becoming closer to BamBam, who is almost exactly like he used to be, except sweeter. Ten is already fascinated by Jisoo and her four-dimensional personality and her peculiar antics, and perhaps a little biased because she _is_ Lisa's romantic interest. And of course, Yuta - his ever-cheerful dance partner who became a close friend just on their second day together in the practice room.

He also discovers, quite to his surprise, that Taeyong is... _the mom friend_ , for a lack of better words.

He's been buzzing around the room, taking care that everyone drinks a considerable amount of water, eats every now and then and scolds anyone who exceeds an _'inside voice'_ because _'there are other people in the dorm who might want to sleep'_. He even turns down the volume of the music down a couple of notches.

Ten decides he adores this side of Taeyong. The affectionate, caring, motherly Taeyong and he finds himself smiling as he watches the guy force water down Lucas' throat, a pizza into Lisa's mouth, all while picking up littered solo cups and paper plates off the floor. He's the loyal puppy of the group, Ten thinks.

 _His_ loyal puppy. 

But something happens to Ten, the moment he thinks of that. Something like a bolt of lightning striking a single cell that causes goosebumps to terrain his skin. Ten repeats it over and over and over in his head like an echo because it sounds so fucking pleasing - the idea of Taeyong being _his_.

Of him being Taeyong's, too.

It isn't purposeful, but Ten ignores whatever conversation he'd been engaged in with Yuta and Taeil, who are talking about something he'd stopped listening to five minutes ago. Not to be mean or because he's bored - no. But instead, because he's sinking, being sucked into a void where everything that's ever held him back is being dissolved to nothing and it feels fucking amazing. 

He's pulled out of his thoughts when Taeyong half-stumbles half-tackles him from behind, closing his arms tight over his stomach. Ten leans his head back to look at him, amused, and Taeyong smiles with his entire face.

"You're such a mom," Ten smiles, vaguely noticing that Lisa and Jisoo have joined their group, too.  

"Well, someone has to fill that role or else these children would be dead."

Ten can't argue with that. The dorm most certainly has been less chaotic with Taeyong around.

"You seem to enjoy it," Ten smiles. "It's admirable."

Taeyong hums, then presses a quick kiss to the side of his face. The sudden touch has his knees weakening and sending a jolt up his spine all at once - they _are_ surrounded by people, after all. This is a public display that Taeyong had to earn and Ten knows he let himself slip that time in the rain but the streets were empty and the faces were nameless but this?

This is different. He knows everyone here and such a simple display could solidify something that doesn't exist yet.

He looks to Lisa, silently asking her what he's too afraid to realize himself - if Taeyong has earned this right.

In a moment she meets his gaze, then smiles. He has, she tells him. 

So he lets himself melt into Taeyong's body like ice on fire. Lets his arms rest on Taeyong's folded ones over his middle, half-listening to Yuta, Taeil, Lisa and Jisoo ramble while the other half listens to Taeyong's heartbeat.

"I can't wait for you guys to see Ten's performance, it's amazing," Yuta gushes.

Ten extends a leg with the intent of kicking Yuta but he's too far away and instead settles for a stern glare. "I thought we were supposed to keep those a secret, you traitor." 

Yuta sticks out his tongue, chuckling like a child and if Taeyong's arms weren't around him he would've smacked that particular Pikachu right here.

"Is it for your dance class?" Taeyong asks. Ten tries to focus on the question and not Taeyong's strawberry breath teasing his neck, or the reverb of his voice because _maybe_ he's still just a wee bit panicked.

Yuta replies first - Ten is thankful that the guy is so chirpy and loves to talk because he can't find his voice with Taeyong pressing so close to him.

A stupid thing to be flustered about, considering all the things they've already done.

"Yeah, it is and let me tell you, Ten's choreo - that dance, it's _sinful_."

Taeyong's heart drums a little faster at that, Ten knows because he can feel it against his back.

"When do you guys perform?" Taeil asks and Ten has to use every sober cell to focus on the question because Taeyong's leaning on him, swaying them ever gently to whatever song is playing.

"It's performed at the end of the semester, so you guys better be there," he says, motioning a finger from Taeyong to Lisa to Jisoo to Taeil the best he can, given his position. "Else you're all disowned by Yuta and me."

Half an hour passes like this, with light-hearted bantering and mild gossiping. Their conversations only become more interesting when Lucas, BamBam, and Johnny join them but Ten, however, is still going just a little crazy.

Taeyong had shifted his position a few conversations ago, which placed his folded arms across Ten's shoulders. And now, five minutes into it, Ten finds himself fiddling with Taeyong's long fingers, not realizing it until the tingle sinks in his skin. He laces their fingers together, leans comfortably into Taeyong's chest, into his body and every time he turns his face to speak directly to Taeyong, their lips nearly touch.

It's easy to become accustomed to this - being in Taeyong's arms like this, surrounded by people he's comfortable with. It's a pocket, a safety he doesn't think he could find anywhere else. And being with Taeyong, it's become normal. Expected.

It's become something like _home_.

The realization has Ten smiling.

There's a short two-second-long pause of the music before a new song is being played over the speaker and Ten freezes in an instant, his eyes widening, an intensity washing over him as a new part of Taeyong unlocks, the one he's never heard before.

He vaguely registers that it's an Ariana Grande song - 7 rings, he tells himself but is distracted so heavily by Taeyong's voice. His _rapping_ voice.

It's fucking charismatic, sexy, and so much deeper, _rawer_ than his talking voice and Ten is pretty sure he isn't alive anymore. He's convinced he's died and this is just heaven. That Taeyong rapping, singing just next to his ear, the vibration coursing from his chest into Ten's back, the subtle buoyancy in his shoulders as he bops to the beat - is heaven. 

Every single one of Ten's cells is focused on Taeyong, his voice being so demanding and enticing that everything else is just white noise.

To say he's surprised is an understatement.

He's _ecstatic_ , so fucking whipped that he's sprouting with such excitement that his body feels numb. And it doesn't help that Taeyong's lips are just an inch away from his ear, reverberating the words right into his core like high-definition, sound-canceling headphones.

"I could listen to you rap for the rest of my life," Ten blurts and thinks maybe three drinks were too much because he probably wouldn't have said that sober. "It's so fucking sexy."

He turns his head then, wanting to see Taeyong, wanting to see his beautiful face but Ten's breath slows when he does.

That smile on his face, reaching all the way to his eyes... the sparkle, the softness in them, Ten gets an urge. He shifts just slightly in Taeyong's arms, enough for him to turn his head to the side and stroke a hand up Taeyong's neck, into his hair and press their lips together in a kiss that's short and sweet.

"I'll rap for you as often as you'd like, Tennie," Taeyong whispers, smiling against his lips.  

He's _definitely_ falling. Ten is sure of that.

 

It isn't long before Johnny herds everyone to watch a movie, which all attendees bicker over - everyone except Ten.

Taeil suggests Masquerade but nearly everyone objects. Taeyong pushes to watch Howls Moving Castle and nags Johnny's ear off when it's shot down.

Ten watches this all go down in flames - Lisa and Taeyong screaming at Johnny because they don't want to watch a Tom Hanks movie. Lucas, who is too drunk to comprehend what's going on so he's just singing on the top of his lungs with Sorn, while BamBam dances to their screeching. Jisoo is in banter with Yuta and Taeil - which Ten finds hilarious because two Pikachu's are fighting.

But Ten, he's used to this chaos. He _is_ the RA after all - and for good reason, so he escapes into the kitchen and grabs two hefty frying pans. He stands in front of the chaos, sighing deeply before banging the metal with a shrieking sound.

It never fails to amaze Ten, how instantaneously the room falls quiet as if hell froze over with the varying wide eyes and hunched shoulders.

"What the _fuck_ \- " Johnny breathes, the first to break the stun silence, although his position is still crooked and frozen.

Ten scans the rooms, indulging the eyes on him - shaking, hardened in place no matter how weird the pose. And when he speaks, it's authoritative, an edge to his voice that doesn't allow room for argument. "As the RA I choose the movie, so all of you idiots just find a seat and make yourselves comfortable," he says, then his voice drops colder than ice. "Now."

Placing the pans in a corner, Ten doesn't miss the way Taeyong's gaze follows him, flaming with something Ten is dying to touch.

He beelines through the mess of people fluttering around the couch and deliberately avoids Taeyong's eyes with a smirk on his lips. He plops himself on the corner chaise of the largest couch and sits as far back as he can, bending his knees until his feet are planted on the soft cushion below.

There's a lopsided grin on Ten's face when he finally meets Taeyong's gaze. He's still frozen in place, on the opposite end of the room but his eyes are fucking penetrative, just as they were earlier today when Ten had been in nothing but a towel.

Ten pats the space between his legs and despite the surrounding chaos, the room is a muted silence to his ears. A blurred, indistinct mess. Taeyong cuts through the room, his gaze focused so severely on Ten, with something that has him thirsting for touch.

Taeyong crawls into the space between Ten's legs, balancing on a knee and his palms as he leans forward and pushes his lips onto Tens with a sound that's nothing short of starved.

Ten tastes the sugar from Taeyong's drink, he feels the tingle from the vodka lingering on his tongue and it's numbing him, intoxicating him. He pushes his tongue into Taeyong's mouth, his hand curling around Taeyong's neck until they're just barely pulling away, their breathing heavy and unconstrained.

"That was really hot," Taeyong breathes and Ten's sure his entire face is burning crimson.

"The kiss or the way I made the room freeze?"

"Both," Taeyong darts a tongue across his lips and Ten's eyes flicker there. Taeyong turns around, fitting himself comfortably between Ten's legs until he's framed in between. "The way you just, _commanded everyone_ , with those eyes and that voice - you're so fucking _sexy_."

Ten tries not to smile too hard but he does anyway because Taeyong calling him sexy is his third favorite thing. The second being Taeyong's smile. The first being chocolate.

The room goes dark, lit only by the soft glow of the flat-screen TV and Ten easily chooses a horror movie that has everyone whining except Jisoo, who instead fervently defends his decision.

He doesn't care about the whines, though, for two reasons; he's the RA and therefore has the ultimate say over these overgrown children. And second, because Taeyong is playing with his fingers, twirling one of the many rings in circles and he's really fucking happy he isn't shitfaced right now because to not remember these precious moments would be a tragedy.  

He wants his skin to remember the way Taeyong presses into his chest and melts against his body. He wants to remember how _adorable_ Taeyong is, the way he pulls at Ten's sleeve and covers half his face, lacing their fingers and tightening their grip whenever something exceptionally frightening pops up in the movie.

And Ten, he loves this position. Loves that he can press little kisses on Taeyong's hair, cheek, neck, and his heart skips a few beats when Taeyong leans into his lips, subtly, but noticeably. It's as natural as the stars and the sun and the moon, as the waves and the sand and all the forces that keep Earth rotating. It's perfectly comfortable and harmonious and Ten decides that he might want this for the rest of his life.

 

* * *

 

Contemplation isn't usually part of Ten's decision-making strategy. He does what he feels, his actions always justified by what _feels_ right, rather than what logically is. It's a trait that's only strengthened over the years, giving him the confidence to carry out decisions without thinking of the consequences, decisions that have come back to bite him in the ass several times. It's okay, though, because he's learned from them, turned his messes to messages. 

So it is unusual when half an hour after the Kigurumi party Ten finds himself contemplating so hard he's going in literal circles. He's so consumed in his thoughts while collecting an array of red cups and litter that he doesn't even notice what's going on around him. He thinks he hears Taeyong nagging Johnny, Lisa, Yuta, and Lucas about their feeble cleaning efforts. Maybe Johnny had tripped over air and knocked over a bowl of cheese puffs, maybe Yuta is stealing one off the floor. 

It's just background noise. He doesn't really care what's going on because he's in a tug-of-war between his over-protective brain and his feeble heart. 

And he isn't quite sure which one is winning.

It shouldn't be this complicated to reach a decision. Not when he and Taeyong have surpassed so many boundaries already.

After all, Ten _just_ wants Taeyong to stay the night. It's nothing they haven't already done but a profound discovery has shifted the status of his heart and it's suddenly very nerve-wracking. He needs to confirm what's brewing inside and for that, he _needs_ to spend the night with Taeyong. 

But it proves to be very difficult. His heart is racing a mile a minute just from imagining the scenario, thinking and rethinking every possible outcome and it has the room spinning when - 

"Tennie, you okay baby?" 

Taeyong's honey voice reels Ten out of his thoughts, the pet-name spreading a blush across his cheeks and a soft smile on his lips. He's carrying a large container of disinfectant wipes, his sleeves rolled up past his elbows and a look on his face that has Ten sighing.

"Yeah," Ten smiles, "yeah I'm okay. I was just kinda lost in my head." 

Taeyong nods and Ten searches his eyes and finds that they're searching too. 

For a second, there's a silence between them. Ten inhales a long breath through his nose, preparing himself to ask but Taeyong speaks first.

"Johnny is staying in Taeil and Lucas' room tonight for some gaming thing," he starts, almost nervously, as if Ten might refuse whatever he's about to ask. "So I was wondering if you wanted to stay in my room for the night? We can stop by your room first so you can grab whatever you need and say goodnight to Hero?" 

It never fails to amaze Ten, how the words _he's_ thinking seem to come out from Taeyong's mouth. He chuckles, relieved and flabbergasted all at once. "I'd like that." 

  

* * *

 

 

Ten didn't think it was possible, but their bathroom seems to have become far more spotless than the first time he'd seen it three months ago when he sprained Taeyong's ankle. Every toiletry is arranged neatly, every item having its own distinct place - even Johnny's things are orderly and Ten doesn't have to ask to know Taeyong's cleaning up after the guy. It smells fresh like spring, almost like the ocean but with just a hint of disinfectant. 

Stripping the inside layer of his clothes, he leaves only his underwear and Kigurumi to cover his body. He lathers Taeyong's rosy face wash on his face, inhaling deeply and nearly getting the soap up his nostril because it smells _so fucking good_.

He walks back out and finds Taeyong concentrating on his phone screen, laying flat on his stomach on his bed, the little stub of the Shiba-Inu tail sticking up in the air. By the looks of it, he's also disposed of his shirt, since Ten can clearly see the milky skin of Taeyong's chest and shoulders peeking through the three open buttons. Ten hopes he's disposed of his pants, too. 

Ten sits like a frog on the chair and Taeyong throws a quick smile his way.

"Your face wash is amazing."

"I can get you one if you like it."

Ten cranes his neck a little, noticing that Taeyong is playing some mobile game. "For my birthday, maybe."

The little character - a baby fox, on Taeyong's screen is run over by a car, it's tiny body immediately exploding into a gust of confetti and Ten chuckles at the adorably morbid scene.

Sighing at the loss, Taeyong sets his phone aside and sits up, crossing his legs. "I'm _not_ giving you a convenience store item for your birthday."

"I refuse to accept anything else," Ten says, twirling around a little in the chair, pushing his fingers on the table until he's spinning around the room in fast circles.

"Too bad," he hears Taeyong laugh and suddenly he's not spinning anymore, the chair having stopped facing Johnny's unmade bed. It's being pulled back, then spun around until he's in front of Taeyong. "Do have any songs to recommend?"

It's not what he'd expected Taeyong to say. In fact, it's the first time anyone, except for Lisa and Yuta, has taken interest in the music _he_ likes.

"Depends on what type of music you're into," he smiles excitedly.

Taeyong hums, fiddling with the gold necklace around his neck and Ten finds his eyes settling there. "I usually listen to hip-hop but I'll enjoy other genre's too."

Nodding, Ten unearths his phone from the secret pocket of his Kigurumi and scrolls through his playlist, then presses play on Alessia Cara's _'Here'_. He lets the music dissolve around them, studying the way Taeyong's head drops in concentration, bouncing subtly to the bass.

Music, like Thailand, is an inseparable part of Ten. He'd even go as far as saying it's a part of his very genetics because the music he listens to, it's a direct representation of _him_ \- of who he is.

Like dance, it's exposing.  

He sings along, softly at first and doesn't miss the way Taeyong's head darts up the moment he does - wide-eyed and in awe. Ten continues singing, but with the same power as the artist herself

"Your voice is already my favorite thing but when you sing... just, _wow_."

He'd continue singing, but he's smiling too loud and hides his head between his knees but springs back up in a second to play another song. Scrolling, Ten hovers a thumb over a particular song, contemplating for a moment if this is the right scenario, if this is how he should do it.

The moment is opportune, he thinks. It's as if every instance has led up to him playing this very song in this very moment. And he wants this, wants to expose his feelings and surprise himself, so he hits play.  

"I highly recommend this one," Ten says, softly, biting his lip because there's far more behind his voice than the words themselves. He settles his gaze in Taeyong's deep eyes, watching the way he listens with attention so focused he might as well be studying for an exam, despite there being no lyrics yet.

It's almost a whisper when he sings this time. _"Speak and open up your mind,"_

But Taeyong's breathing slows still.

 _"It's something you should do all the time. Keep exploring, seek and find..."_ Ten leans forward a little, _"you know you might surprise yourself,"_   and his voice is just a breath louder. _"Talk without the taint of heart, the doubts that should embrace your heart -"_

He reaches a hand onto the bed, his fingers finding Taeyong's, " _the calm and chaos of your soul."_ He touches him as gently as the instruments themselves, lacing his fingers between Taeyong's, delicately. " _You know you might surprise yourself."_

Taeyong drops his head as if in prayer, forehead pressing against Ten's knuckles. _"Take a pen and write this down, draw something that can't be found."_  

There's a rush in his chest, a tingle against his fingertips where Taeyong's lips are.

And Ten feels it, now.

_"Learn to walk again somehow, you know you might surprise yourself."_

The graze of the moon. That low hum. There's a moment without lyrics and Ten steadies his breath.  

 _"Love her if only you knew,"_ but his voice wavers still because his heart swelling. _"The times that train has fooled me too."_

There's tears pooling on his hand.

 _"It tears me from a place I know, It helps me to surprise myself,"_ he sings, his voice almost a whisper and he feels Taeyong properly hold his hand with both of his own, _"you know you can surprise yourself."_

 His voice is profound, winding straight out of his heart and into Taeyong's ears. _"So let go and surprise yourself."_

As if every doubt and fear that's ever held him back is pouring out of his voice, Ten sings with a melody that implies far more than words ever could.

The song trickles down to a stop, leaving them with just an echo of the last beat to ring in their ears. They stay like this, quietly, with Taeyong clutching Ten's hands, his forehead pressed into it. And Ten, he's finding it hard to breathe through the tremble in his chest because maybe Taeyong heard the words of his heart through the lyrics of this song.  

It's what he was hoping for, after all.

He barely gets his voice out,  afraid he'll shatter the delicacy of this moment. "Yongie - "

Taeyong lifts his head, slowly, his watermelon bangs casting shadows over his wet eyes and Ten forgets for a while, where they are. The pressure in the room, at this very moment, it's no short of a rogue wave pulling them under the depths of the cerulean sea.

Taeyong exhales a chuckle, letting go of Ten's hand to wipe his face. "I have no idea why I'm crying - "

Ten might know.

"This song has that effect sometimes..."

"It's a beautiful song," Taeyong smiles. He isn't crying anymore, but he's still dazed and Ten's heart skips a couple of beats. "Who is it by?"

 "Jack Garret," Ten says. "Surprise Yourself." He pauses, biting his lip. "The reason why I played this song," he starts, carefully drawing out each word as he watches Taeyong's eyes fall into his own. "Is because I wanted to surprise myself."

There's a silence that lasts a few shallow breaths. A deafening silence, then -

"Surprise yourself?"

Ten nods, focusing on Taeyong's pretty face as he drips through his lips the thing he's feared to admit for months - quietly, but confidently nonetheless. "I'm ready."

Everything stills and Ten hears Taeyong hold a breath.

"...What?"

His voice is barely there and Ten licks his dry lips, breaking their gaze for a moment only to stare back with an intensity that could drown the universe.

"I'm ready to be with you. I _want_ to be with you," he breathes with a light chuckle on his lips, testing the words in his mouth. "I want to be your boyfriend, Yongie."

Time has definitely stopped, Ten thinks. Everything halts the moment the words leave his lips. Him, Taeyong, their hearts, the universe itself. And it's slow, the way Taeyong's brows curve upwards, his wet eyes becoming crescents as they spill onto the sheets.

This isn't the reaction he was expecting.

He panics, unsure of what to do because Taeyong is crying. _Really_ crying with hiccups and sobs and Ten can't bring himself to react. 

"I'm so sorry - " Taeyong croaks out and a chill cuts through Ten.

What if he's too late?

What if Taeyong doesn't want this anymore?

What if -

Ten swallows his breath.

"I'm sorry I'm crying, I just - _god_ ," Taeyong exhales, wiping away his tears with a sleeve and for a second Ten is positive he's fucked up. "I was so afraid you'd get tired of me and wouldn't want to be with me so I'd prepared myself for - " his voice cracks and a pang of guilt pierces Ten's chest.

Taeyong had been shattering this whole time, Ten realizes, and he didn't even see it.

"I was ready to accept it because I was happy just being near you so I guess I'm just so relieved I'm crying," Taeyong shrugs, his voice pitching just slightly. His face is a beautiful contrast of smiles and tears - of relief and happiness.

Ten struggles to find the right words. There's too much he wants to say right now but he saves it for another time because this is quite overwhelming as it is. Instead, he decides to say the one thing that screams the loudest in his thoughts.

"I could never get tired of you Taeyong."

A soft, slow nod, then Taeyong's tears finally seem to stop.

The room falls quiet, feeling heavy and light all at once as the words bounce off the walls in an echo. Ten smiles to himself, his cheeks burning and a tingle prickling his entire body because this is what he's wanted.

And now he has it. Has Taeyong.

He looks up, meeting Taeyong's eyes and his soft smile. He reaches forward and cups Taeyong's cheek in his palm, wiping the wet streaks on his cheek with a thumb. Taeyong chuckles as if he's still in disbelief, then leans forward, steadying the chair with his hands as he climbs onto Ten's lap, curling into his body and Ten holds him close. Far closer than he ever has.

"I'm sorry I made you wait so long," Ten whispers, tangling his legs with Taeyong's.

"Don't, Ten," he says, shaking his head just slightly. "You have nothing to apologize for... even if you made me wait a lifetime just to say you didn't want this, I still wouldn't expect an apology because at least you gave me a chance."

Ten opens his mouth, then closes it. He isn't sure how to say what he's feeling, because this is new and he hasn't been in a situation quite like this. He's never fallen quite like this.

"Of course I would've given you a chance, Taeyong," he finally says, shifting a little so he can look at Taeyong's face. Taeyong shifts too, sitting up enough for his eyes to level with his own.

"A lot of people didn't," he says, combing his fingers through Ten's hair. "But you did and that means everything to me."

"Taeyong - " Ten breathes, but his voice melts behind a smile because those words, the warm smile on Taeyong's lips and the look in his eyes, it has his heart swelling. It's got butterflies soaring in his stomach and he wraps an arm tight over Taeyong's shoulders, holds his face in his palm and presses their lips together because that's the only response he can manage.

A response that's something along the lines of ' _you mean everything to me, too_.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY AM I RIGHT?! Let me know what y'all thought of this chapter! Also, if you guys see typos/spelling mistakes, etc, please let me know so I can fix them! It would be greatly appreciated <3


	18. A Soft Flame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so much planned for this fic, but I keep getting writers block *cries* hopefully I can get back to word vomiting chapters like I could before -_- as always, lemme know what y'all think of this chapter! There's a lot to come in terms of plot. 
> 
> ALSO, lemme know how y'all would liek the smut to be. I'm not sure if it should be hard or a little softer with less detail, but if y'all don't mind explicit stuff then I don't mind writing more detail hehe 
> 
> but only if y'all are cool with it. If not, then I'll go with a softer, less explicit approach.

According to the bedside clock on Taeyong's desk, Ten has been awake for two hours.

His arm has fallen asleep, he's got the urgent need to pee, his stomach is growling up a storm, and his back is throbbing from the persisted position but it's fucking _worth it_. Such trivial things couldn't possibly matter when his _boyfriend_ is nuzzled against his chest, fast asleep and absolutely adorable. 

The first thing to catch his notice when he'd first woken up was the carefully placed, delicately framed piece of paper hanging off the side of Taeyong's desk - the apology drawing he had given him.

It had been too dark for him to see it when he'd crawled in bed with Taeyong last night, tucked away in such a place that it's hidden from anywhere else in the room, as if it's something sacred, something too special to be seen by _just anyone_. That alone had Ten smiling into the next hour.

After that, time passed fairly quickly as he'd alternated between staring at Taeyong's peaceful face and imagining all the possibilities now that they're  _official_. 

Just _thinking_ about it makes Ten giddy. 

He uses the closeness as an opportunity to relish the small details that are Lee Taeyong - the small scar under his eye, the bow-shaped curve of his lips, or the handsome slope of his nose.

Taeyong's just... so _beautiful_ , that despite the growl from his stomach or the sharp pain in his bladder or even the numbness of the arm under Taeyong's back, he continues smiling. Every so often he'll play with Taeyong's hair, providing movement for his fingers to prevent them from falling asleep entirely. 

It's nice like this, Ten thinks.

 _Really_ nice. 

The steady rise and fall of Taeyong's chest, the soft tickle of Taeyong's hair against his jaw, the hand that occasionally draws into the skin of his collarbone... _perfect_.

He doesn't even reach for his phone, afraid the slightest movements will wake Taeyong. Although, it doesn't take that much longer for him to finally stir - especially since it's well past noon. 

A sleep-strained moan, which Ten finds absolutely adorable, leaves Taeyong's lips, followed by a long yawn and fluttering lashes. 

"Morning, beautiful," Ten grins, mussing Taeyong's already messy hair. 

Taeyong's eyes widen a little, his face turning a subtle pink hue and Ten is proud to have caused such a priceless reaction. 

"How long have you been up?" He yawns out, propping himself up on an elbow, which gives Ten the chance to move his prickling arm from underneath. 

"Hmm, only two hours." 

Taeyong's eyes widen, again. "You should've just woke me up! What did you even _do_ for that long?" 

"Watched you sleep," he says, wondering if he's still a little drunk because he doesn't normally say things that are this fucking cheesy (but honest). "Daydreamed, listened to the birds and then watched you some more."

"Sounds like you had fun," Taeyong chuckles, rubbing an eye. Ten finally cranks himself off the bed, stretching every limb until he remembers his bladder might explode if he does. 

"I did," he agrees, and just as he reaches the bathroom door, he looks over his shoulder and winks. "You're adorable when you're sleeping." He catches the smile on Taeyong's face just as he shuts the door.

Not wanting to waste time on trivial things, Ten speeds through bathroom rituals and is flopping back on Taeyong just as quickly, peppering kisses all over his face. He rubs the puffy ears of Taeyong's Kigurumi and earns a cute whine from his boyfriend, who is trying _awfully_ hard to wiggle away.

"Let me freshen up too," Taeyong whines, "or else I won't let you kiss me for a week!" 

Ten gasps, "you wouldn't!"

But the sly smirk on Taeyong's lips says he would and Ten promptly rolls to the side, carefully, because Taeyong's bed is only a twin. He lays on his back, watching the way the little tail on Taeyong's Kigurumi swings back and forth as he shuffles across the room. 

When Taeyong is inside the bathroom, Ten doesn't waste a moment and quickly finds his phone in the mess of blankets.

_< guess who's got a boyfriend now>_

_Boyfriend_

He bites his lip so hard he almost tastes blood, and instead resorts to squeezing his eyes shut and rolling around the bed. He nearly falls off once or twice because he's used to his queen-sized mattress.

In less than a minute there's already a reply dinging his phone. A reply that's in the form of a photo. 

A photo that has Ten's heart skipping a few beats, his eyes softening and warmth spreading across his chest. A photo from last night. Of Taeyong holding him from behind, smiling his beautiful smile with the galaxy in his eyes but what surprises Ten, is _himself_.

The wideness of his own smile, the shine in the brown of his eyes and how naturally his fingers fit between Taeyong's. He can't help but wonder if this is what Lisa meant, if this is how he's always looked when he's with Taeyong - happy, secure, content, because it's certainly how he _felt_.

Staring at the photo with such severity, Ten only blinks when another text rolls into the chat. 

_< I had snapped this beautiful moment with the intention of sharing it with your eager eyes only once you have deserved it, by accepting the fucking obvious. It is your reward, and although I had fully expected to hold onto this for at least another fortnight, I am quite surprised at the quick turnout> _

Rolling his eyes, he fingers at the screen of his phone and flops over to his belly. 

 _< It would not have taken me that long!> _He hits send, but quickly adds: _< and how many times do I have to tell you not to text me with the tone of whatever book you're reading!>_ 

_< deal with it, I have a report due tomorrow and I still haven't finished the last chapter> _

Then another text.

_< oh, and you totally would've taken that long if not longer with how panicked you are> _

Ten pouts at that, furrowing his brows. 

_< I am not panicked> _

_< even Taeyong knows you're panicked> _

_That_ has his brows furrowing even closer and he quite audibly gasps, feeling incredibly betrayed.

_< WTF HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW?!>_

_< finally, you accept it...> _then, _ <you're not very subtle when panicking. It's very obvious> _

He curses under his breath, thumbs ready to start a war but Taeyong steps out from the bathroom before he can type a single letter into the text box, and he instantly forgets what had furrowed his brows.

Becauss _fuck_ \- Taeyong is beautiful. The sun is shining on him as it always does, as every celestial body always does and Ten can't help but smile. He can't help but wonder if he's smiling the way he was last night, if his eyes are sparkling just the same. And for a split second he tries to pry his eyes off until he remembers that he can do this now. That he can stare for as long as he wants, as fondly as he wants. 

"Like what you see?" Taeyong smiles, his tone so very unlike the tone that Ten had used yesterday for those same words. It's soft, playful. Not the slightest bit suggestive and Ten fucking loves it.

"Like isn't a strong enough word to describe how much I _adore_ what I see," he says. "You're too beautiful for such a word." 

Taeyong doesn't reply. Instead, he smiles shyly, dropping his gaze to the floor and Ten finds this behavior so very endearing. He's said this a countless number of times already, yet Taeyong always blushes as if it's the first time he's telling him how _beautiful_ he is.

"Taeyong," Ten says after a moment. When Taeyong looks up, meeting his gaze, Ten bites his lip. "Do you think I'm a panicked gay?" 

It's an odd question, Ten knows that - but he's always been in favor of being painfully direct when applicable.

Taeyong chuckles, his brows coming together just slightly in thought. "At first, yeah - " 

"What about now?" 

He shrugs, pursing his lips and still standing much too far from the bed. "Maybe... just a little panicked." 

"Oh?" Ten raises an inquisitive brow, a sudden urge to prove Taeyong wrong coursing through his veins. "Come here," he says, his voice dropping.

Taeyong obliges, stepping closer towards his bed until he's an arm's length away and Ten yanks him down with a fist to his collar. Taeyong squeaks out an incomprehensible sound, landing straight on top of him, balancing himself on his palms. Ten is quick to wrap a leg over Taeyong's waist, flipping them over until he's on top.

"I'll show you I'm not panicked," he licks his lips with a sudden boost of confidence. He tries to ignore the drumming in his chest when Taeyong smirks, loosening his body underneath and immediately submitting. Asking.

And Ten gives. He leans in, purposefully avoiding those slightly parted lips as he presses a chaste kiss to Taeyong's jaw, then his neck. With the barest of touches, he strokes his lips across the sharp curve of his jaw and kisses right under his earlobe, then a little lower, and sucks on a particular spot on his neck that always earns a sound.

Taeyong's breathing is already shallow, and Ten _hasn't even laid a hand_ on him yet.

"You're already so worked up, baby," Ten murmurs, kissing the corner of his mouth. He nudges the tip of his nose against Taeyong's, innocently, although his eyes are incredibly dark.

"You know how to get me worked up."

Satisfied with the response, Ten flicks the tip of his tongue over Taeyong's lips, tasting the mint from his toothpaste and hums. He places the whisper of a kiss on Taeyong's lips - soft, careful, yet close enough that Taeyong's fruity chapstick sticks to his own lips. 

The plan had been to _just_ tease.

Maybe work Taeyong up until his breathing is uneven and his cheeks are blushed. But the moment Taeyong's fingers settle in his hair, a hand on his cheek, Ten ditches that plan and decides to let himself enjoy this as much as he can because he was far too tired to fully revel in the bliss from Friday.

With the new resolve in mind, Ten presses his body against Taeyong's, leaning on his elbows and framing Taeyong's head. For a moment, he loses himself in Taeyong's eyes. He forgets why he'd begun this, forgets what this was supposed to prove because he's drowning, his heart beating so loudly and even though they've done this a number of times, it's different now.

It _feels_ different. It feels far more meaningful than it did every time before. Ten realizes this as he combs his fingers through Taeyong's hair, smiling as Taeyong folds his arms over his back.

"Kiss me," Taeyong whispers, tucking a few overgrown stands behind Ten's ear. Ten smiles just as he leans in, unrushed, his heart beating out of control just like that first time he'd kissed Taeyong behind the kitchen counter.

Except this is very different from that first time.

It's different from all the times before and something incredible swells in Ten's chest, bursting, exploding with fireworks and he clutches his fingers into the fabric of Taeyong's Kigurumi.

They part for a moment, breathing heavy but after a second they're kissing again, then again and again until they're shallow, short, sweet little pecks.

"Tennie," Taeyong sighs, lips still on Ten's own.

"Mm?" 

Another short kiss, then Ten finally leans back enough to look at Taeyong's entire breathtaking face.

"Never mind," Taeyong quickly mumbles, quickly distracting him by stealing another kiss.  

It works, because he kisses Taeyong a few more times before he's leaning back again - farther, this time, in case Taeyong's lips reel him again. He tilts his head, curiously. "What?" 

When Taeyong stays quiet, he nudges their noses together - a move a cat would do to get attention and he thinks it's very fitting that he's in a calico Kigurumi as he does this.

Taeyong hums, seeming a little shy, a little cautious the way he bites the inside of his cheek and avoids his gaze.

"What is it baby?" he asks, knowing full well the effect of the word.

Finally, Taeyong looks at him. He strokes a hand up Ten's back, then places it palm-up on the pillow, silently asking. Ten places his on top, naturally lacing their fingers and the moment he does, Taeyong moves their hands and holds Ten's right above his heart.

Taeyong's heart, it's _drumming_. A forte crescendo. Warm, powerful, profound, thudding against his palm. It's overwhelming.

"This is what you to do me, Ten," he whispers. "This is how happy you make me." 

"Taeyong..." Ten sighs, his mouth left open because he wants to say more, wants to tell Taeyong how happy _he_ makes him but there's so much he's feeling that he just _can't_. He can't manage anything besides an incoherent puff of air and he drops his head on Taeyong's chest, curling himself into his body with a soft whine.

Taeyong chuckles, wrapping his free hand around him and rubs his back. "See, you're still a little panicked," he says and Ten whines louder, a protest halfway out of his mouth when Taeyong cuts him off with a loud smack of a kiss against the crown of his head. "It's adorable, baby, and I wouldn't have you any other way." 

If Ten wasn't flustered before, he most certainly is now.

He lifts his head a little, pushing Taeyong's arms off of him as much as the position allows. "I am totally not panicked!" 

 _Oh_ , but he _is_.

And it shows so _clearly_ on his face. The widening of his eyes, the sharp inhale followed by his breath stopping as their positions suddenly change.

Taeyong flips them over again, pinning his hands above his head as he hovers over him. 

Now both of their hoods are on their heads and Ten would laugh at the iconic cat-dog play if he could fucking _think_.

He only manages a small sound, a choked breath the moment he realizes that Taeyong's straddling him. He tightens his fingers between Taeyong's, grounding himself. 

"If you're really not panicked," Taeyong starts, a glint in his eyes as he leans down, close enough that his bangs tickle Ten's forehead. "Prove it." 

Ten almost whines from the challenging tone of voice, but he's stubborn and swallows it. Instead, he pushes his head off the pillow and roughly pushes his lips onto Taeyong's.

This time, the kiss is fucking _devouring_. It's deep, numbing his lips and his senses and sending him right up to the clouds.

Ten inhales, loudly, a shiver running down his spine from the bite in Taeyong's gentle lips, of his tongue between Taeyong's teeth.

And Taeyong doesn't slow down. He doesn't give Ten a chance to, either. It's purely merciless, hungry, fucking _starved_ the way Taeyong pushes his hips down, using his body far more since their hands are bound to each other and Ten thinks it would be wonderful to try handcuffs one day - but not today.

Not right now.

Right now, Ten just really wants to fucking touch him - he's sure his nails are leaving marks on Taeyong's knuckles. He gasps into his mouth the moment he finds a chance to breathe. "Baby - "

But Taeyong keeps kissing him, pressing their bodies close enough for Ten to feel his semi-hard arousal against his abdomen. 

"Let me touch you - " he mumbles but the words are caught by Taeyong's mouth, his teeth nipping at the tip of his tongue. How sensational it would be if it was pierced, Ten thinks, the thought crossing his mind for a second but it flies away rather quickly, Taeyong's lips being too distracting.

"Touch," he tries again, biting Taeyong's bottom lip and tugs the flesh as he pulls away to get him to listen. "I wanna touch you," he quickly exhales.

 _Finally,_ Taeyong releases his hands.

Ten doesn't waste time working one in Taeyong's hair, the other firm against the small of his back. And Taeyong, he doesn't waste time, either. With the subtlest of touches, he strokes down the side of his face, down his chest, and stops just above his navel. He kisses Ten's mouth, his hand sinking just a little lower and Ten feels an unbearable heat pool just under his stomach, increasing when Taeyong's lips trail messy kisses along his jaw.

"I like the way these feel against my lips," Taeyong whispers, just barely brushing his lips over the studs lining his ears. 

Ten exhales, folding his arms over Taeyong's neck. "I like how your lips feel against them," he grins, and rolls his hips just slightly - an indirect plea because Taeyong's hand is _so fucking close_. "Yongie, _please_ touch me..."

But Taeyong only hums with mock innocence, his hand unmoving, teasing. Instead, he drags his lips up Ten's neck, biting a spot under his jaw that sends a chill up his spine. "Where do you want me to touch you, baby?"

The pet-name has him sighing, too used to being the one who uses it. "You know where," he manages, and he'd be embarrassed by how absolutely _needy_ he sounds if he wasn't so fucking excited because last Saturday had been a glimpse to this side of Taeyong - the gentle but _dominant_ side. It's fucking thrilling and he thinks, for a moment, that he wouldn't mind being panicked if it means he'll get to experience this particular rush.

"Maybe," Taeyong kisses the skin of his shoulder and Ten realizes his own hand is holding so tightly onto Taeyong's hips, as if they're holding something back, trying to exhibit some form of self-control. "But if you tell me where, you might prove your point," Taeyong says with a slight tilt of the head, a playful quirk of the lips and Ten almost moans from words alone.

 _Almost_. Instead, he smirks - always in favor of being painfully direct when applicable.

"Is that so?" he quips, loosening his fingers from Taeyong's hip. He slides his hand directly on top of the teasing hand just above his crotch, slowly guiding Taeyong's hand down with his own and sighs the moment he feels the weight of Taeyong's palm on his dick. "I want you to touch my dick and make me moan your name," he breathes, curling his fingers into his hand, and smirks at the way Taeyong's breath seems to stop - an indication that Ten's won this.

But the victory only lasts a fleeting moment, washing away with pleasure the moment Taeyong's fingers press firmly around his cock. "You wanna moan my name?" Taeyong says lowly, an edge to his voice, a tone that parallels the lust burning in his eyes. "I'm gonna make you _scream_ it."

_Fuck_

Ten is utterly _fucked_ , he knows that and he fucking _loves_ it. Loves that his words catch in his throat when Taeyong finally touches him - _properly_ touches him, with his entire hand and it feels so fucking good despite the fabric of the Kigurumi in between because Taeyong's hand is larger than his own, allowing for _more_.

More touch.

More pressure.

And Ten would try and slip out from his Kigurumi if he could manage to think.

"Fuck, _Taeyong_ ," he sighs, his eyes nearly closing from the bliss. He lets them flutter shut when Taeyong kisses him. A kiss that's so soft that it directly contradicts the heat of his hand.

Taeyong palms faster, alternating between teasing little touches and the ones that give Ten exactly what he wants and Ten moans, very, _very_ loudly. So loudly that he's sure the entire fucking floor heard him.

"Feel good?" Taeyong asks, his voice low and Ten wonders why that's even a question that needs to be asked.

"Yes, _fuck_ \- " he breathes, twisting a fist in Taeyong's hair. He brings his other hand down Taeyong's back, trying to give back some form of pleasure but he's fucking shaking. He can't do anything with himself besides part his lips and let the sighs roll off his tongue, right into Taeyong's mouth. It's nearly unbearable, the bliss, and he digs his fingers anywhere he can - into Taeyong's scalp, his arm, his hips.

It's euphoric. The fact alone that Taeyong is touching him, that he's _pleasing_ him, is doing things to Ten. Wonderful things.

 _Beautiful_ things.

Things that if Ten didn't know better, he'd think they're _fucking_ \- not just receiving an indirect hand-job through the thick fabric of his calico Kigurumi. The thought has Ten bucking his hips into Taeyong's hand, wanting more. Wanting that direct touch and Ten moans Taeyong's name when a loud, obnoxious knocking on the door has both of them shaking from head to toe.

"I'm coming in!" Johnny yells with a deafening pitch. "So stop whatever you're doing and put on some clothes because I don't wanna have to gauge my eyes out," he pauses, and Ten holds back a scream because this seems to happen _every single fucking time_. "I'm giving you five seconds!" 

Then with one, final, _hard_ stroke up his length, Taeyong brings his hand back up, laying it over his chest.

"We always get interrupted," Taeyong sighs and Ten hums in reply because his breathing is still less than normal. "Rain check?" Taeyong murmurs and Ten hums again just as Taeyong drops his head on his chest, but he quickly reaches up and bites the side of Ten's neck, sucking hard enough to bruise the skin, as if he's leaving a literal rain check, a reminder for where they've left off. And Ten moans -  quite loudly, still very, _very_ sensitive.

Taeyong winks, a grin on his swollen lips and he buries his head cutely into his chest as if he wasn't just devouring him a second ago. 

The door swings open.

Johnny freezes the moment he steps inside. "I've walked in on something," he says, his entire body humorously still. "They're wearing clothes but I walked in on something."

Taeil peeks inside then, confused. Ten tightens his arms over Taeyong's back, uncaring for the blush spreading across his cheeks or the unkempt state of his hair. He doesn't bother trying to even his breathing. Neither does Taeyong.  

Johnny shakes his head, distress plaguing his face, "I _definitely_ walked in on something." 

"Hello to you too, Johnny, Taeil," Ten smiles, glancing down at Taeyong.

"Next time, give us more than five seconds," Taeyong starts, curling his fingers onto the side of Ten's neck. "That's not enough time to put on clothes. You got lucky this time."

Ten tries really, really fucking hard not to squeal at that. 

So he just does _internally_. 

 

* * *

 

Basking in the newness of their relationship, Ten finds himself wanting to spend every minute with Taeyong - which also finds him at a small breakfast cafe just half an hour after they'd seemingly traumatized Johnny.

It's a quiet little place that Ten has frequented since he was a child, as it had quickly become his second favorite food place after Lisa's family restaurant.

"It's a good thing we changed," Ten says, stirring his iced coffee with rigor. "It's too hot for Kigurumi's."

Taeyong solemnly shakes his head, agreeing. "Global warming."

"Fucking global warming," he sighs. "Fucking corporations," he sighs again, dramatically sipping his coffee as if he's taking a shot.

"Right?"

Ten nods with enthusiasm, too busy chewing a piece of pancake that's far too large for his mouth.

"You know what's crazy?" Taeyong raises his brows, "I have family that doesn't believe in global warming."

Quickly swallowing the food from shock, Ten gasps _very_ loudly, entirely mortified because he is quite fervent about such topics. "I mean no disrespect to them, because they are _your_ family," he pauses and he's sure his face is contorted with some degree of disgust. "But what the actual fuck?"

"I wouldn't care even if you did disrespect them," Taeyong shrugs and Ten feels something pull in his chest. "We're not close at all."

That's when he remembers what he'd been dying to ask. He clears his throat, almost awkwardly.

"Can I ask you something?"

Taeyong meets his gaze and nods. "Of course," he says.

"I - " Ten pauses, inhaling a deep breath because he doesn't know if it's okay to delve into _this_ \- into Taeyong's personal life because it's never been acceptable in the past with anyone who he's called a boyfriend.

But Taeyong is different, and the look in his eyes calms Ten a little. "I wanted to know more about your family... why they don't support your dream to study music and stuff..." he trails, and unconsciously holds his breath.

This is the first time he's asking about Taeyong's life, about his _personal_ life and he thinks for a moment that maybe he should have covered that territory before becoming his boyfriend. "If you're comfortable telling me, of course," he quickly adds for good measure.

"You're my boyfriend, Tennie, you have the right to know about these things," Taeyong smiles and Ten tries to focus on the rest of the sentence - the word boyfriend having stuck out too much in his mind. "I'll tell you anything you want to know."

"I want to know everything you're willing to tell."

Taeyong leans closer on his elbows, resting his face in his palm with a warm smile on his face and Ten mirrors the action and leans closer, too.

For a second or two, Taeyong doesn't say anything. His smile dissipates to a bite of the lip, an indication that he's thinking of where to start. Ten's eyes settle on Taeyong's finger drawing into the dew pooling at the base of his iced coffee.

When Taeyong finally inhales a breath and parts his lips, Ten meets his gaze.

"I'm not very close with my parents," Taeyong shrugs as if he's accepted his fate and Ten gulps. He knew the talk would be serious, but the tone of Taeyong's voice suggests something he couldn't have imagined. Something _sad_. "They're forcing me to study business. They think there's no future in music, that it's something people do when they want the easy way out," he scoffs bitterly, and Ten furrows his brows, a distaste in the back of his throat at the mere thought.

"They think that a degree in the arts is worthless and that it's not as important, or... _valuable_ , as something like finance or business or whatever... and, my entire life I've been forcing myself to accept it, forcing myself to give in and make them proud because I've spent my entire life doing that, or... _trying_ to."

There's a very, very light shake in Taeyong's voice, something that wouldn't have been noticeable had they been seated any further. Taeyong brings a hand up to his lips, his teeth chewing on the nail of his thumb and Ten instantly reaches across the table and takes Taeyong's hand in his. "You don't have to tell me anything you're not ready to," he says.

But Taeyong shakes his head, smiling softly. "I've been wanting to tell you," he shrugs. Ten nods, and Taeyong shifts in his seat before continuing.

"When I was little, my parents fed me all these ideals of what was considered right and wrong because they want me to take over their business, so they tried to brainwash me, get me to act like the people of their world even when I was just _seven_. They wouldn't let me hang out with kids that that came from financially challenged families. Didn't let me eat from fast food places or do anything a normal kid would, you know? And by the time I got to high school I just... couldn't breathe, and I realized how wrong it was," he pauses, swallowing, then looks up and meets Ten's gaze. Ten tightens his fingers between Taeyong's, reassuring him. "They're not bad people, they're just so wired to their world of business that they're used to stepping on others and maintaining an image. And I tried to break that image. I tried to be myself and I couldn't stand it anymore... the _hiding,_ and that constant pressure."

Ten exhales a slow breath, shifting his gaze to his food for a second, trying to compile his thoughts. He'd expected _something_ , but nothing quite this severe. He looks back at Taeyong. "Is that why you wanted to study here?"

"Yes, it is."

All Ten can manage is a small nod. He leans back in his chair, drawing circles on the back of Taeyong's hand because he'd just realized something terrible. Something that has his throat prickling, his eyes stinging and he bites his lip, staring at an empty spot on the table.

"I know it's selfish," Ten finally says, glancing at Taeyong, then back to their hands. "But I hope you fight for yourself. Not just because you deserve it, not just because it's fucking bullshit that your parents are forcing you into something you don't want but also because - "

The words die in his throat. He can't fucking say it. He can't get the words out and even though he knows it as a fact in his mind, that this would be something inevitable but... he _can't_.

Thankfully, Taeyong always seems to read the things in his mind. 

"Because you don't want me to leave?"

Ten's head shoots up at that, his eyes falling right into Taeyong's with an urgency that he can't describe. But Taeyong's wearing a smile that lights up the entire cafe - a soft, warm, comforting smile and Ten relaxes just a little, shifting his eyes back on the table and nods.

He hears Taeyong sigh and nearly panics when his hand leaves his own. He forces himself to breathe, once, then twice and he feels the table move slightly, hears Taeyong's chair drag across the tile. When he looks up, Taeyong's moved closer, sitting beside him and reaching a hand to cup his face.

"Tennie," he breathes and Ten sees it in his eyes, too. The uncertainty. That he doesn't want to leave, either.

"It's okay," Ten whispers. "I knew you'd have to leave eventually. All international students do." He's grinding his teeth, staring at his thumbs when Taeyong lifts his head by the chin.

"When I first came here," Taeyong starts, holding his face with a tenderness that has his anxiety lessening by a fraction. "I was prepared to just spend some time away from my parents. I used Thailand as a buffer. A chance to breathe before giving up my dreams but then everything changed, Ten, after I met you. After I fell for _you_ ," Taeyong leans a little closer, his thumb stroking over his cheek with a soft smile on his face but Ten barely registers any of it.

The weight of the words, it's too much. The thought alone, that he could impact someone's life, could impact _Taeyong's_ life to such an extent... it's unthinkable, and yet, he _has_. It has a tingle, a rush of hope and admiration spreading through his chest and he exhales a soft breath when Taeyong inhales a breath of his own.

"You made me want to fight for myself and when your parents encouraged me, I just... It solidified everything, that I need to stand up for myself but I'm still a little scared, a little terrified that they'll disown me or something, I guess."

There's a short pause, then, where Ten can tell how _deeply_ the thought _terrifies_ Taeyong - being disowned. "I'm so sorry," he manages through a whisper, leaning into Taeyong's hand and nudges Taeyong's knee with his own.

"Don't, Tennie. If it wasn't for you I would've never come to this resolve."

Ten nods. There's still weight over his chest, but he decides to take it slow. Ask a little at a time. He nods again, then looks into Taeyong's soft eyes.

"I'll always be there for you, so... just don't try and go through this alone."

Taeyong smiles. "Thank you, baby." He leans in, stroking his fingers into Ten's hair and Ten sighs. He tries to shoo the thought of Taeyong leaving as far to the back of his mind as he can.

It hasn't even been a fucking day since they've been together - it's too soon to think of such things.

So Ten smiles the widest he can, leans in and kisses Taeyong the softest he can because he can't lose everything so fast.

He can't lose Taeyong.

 

* * *

 

Water always reaches peak deliciousness after a long work out, Ten is sure of that much.

He leans back against the cool glass of the dance practice room, chugging a liter bottle in one long breath. He finishes it off with a satisfied _'ah'_ , mildly watching Yuta flit around the room and gather his scattered things.

Plopping onto the floor, hot, sweaty, exhausted, Ten smiles to himself. "We're official now."

Yuta turns so fast that Ten is positive he's got whiplash, his eyes wide and grinning. "Oh thank _god!_ Johnny and Lisa owe me twenty!"

"You assholes bet on our relationship?" Ten huffs, offended but amused.

"Of course we did."

That, he can't blame them for. It has been almost four entire months since this all started.

Four, long months. _Beautiful_ months.

But Ten rolls his eyes anyway, twisting open the cap of another water bottle, and makes a mental note to invest in a reusable water bottle because fuck plastic.

Yuta zips up his bag, wiping some sweat off with a towel and Ten can't help but think back to yesterday, to the cafe.

"Yuta," Ten calls to get his attention. Yuta hums, glancing at him before he's chugging down a bottle of his own. "Will you be staying in Thailand when you're done?"

It's indirect, but Ten thinks he could find reassurance from Yuta's answer. Not just because of Taeyong, because maybe if one international student stays then maybe it'll increase the probability of Taeyong staying, too. But also because Ten has let too many people in his life over the past few months, most of which will leave to another country once their minimum required length of stay is complete.

Some even sooner, should they stay undecided.

Ten's heart sinks when Yuta shakes his head. "I can't," he says, softly. "But I'll be sure to visit my favorite dance partner whenever I can!"

Before Ten can manage a reply, Yuta is already flinging himself over his body, hugging him so close that Ten thinks his air supply might be cut off.

"Please don't," Ten wheezes, trying to breathe but the smile in his voice makes it obvious he's joking, trying to ease something that's hard for him. "I'm sure your family back home needs you more than I do."

Yuta finally pulls away, yanking Ten up off the floor in the process. "You're right," he sighs, his eyes starry and dreamlike. "My husband is waiting for me - "

Ten is positive his eyes couldn't blow any wider than they are. He freezes in place, blinking once, then twice, then again just to be sure. "Your _what?"_

"My husband, in Korea. He's waiting for me," Yuta smiles, a pitch to his voice that can't be anything besides nervousness.

"You're," Ten sighs, long and hard. "You're _married?"_

In an instant, Yuta's face relaxes. "Most people are shocked to hear that I'm _gay_ , but yes - yes, I am married to a beautiful man named WinWin."

"First of all, it's easy to tell you're gay," Ten pulls a face, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. "Second, what the hell type of name is WinWin?"  

Yuta pouts. "That's what I call him."

" _Why?"_

"Why do you call yourself a number?"

Yuta receives a loud smack at that, but Ten can't blame him.

Like fruit, his name has become ammunition for the topic of strange nicknames, too.

"Because I'm a ten out of ten," Ten finally huffs, switching off the practice room lights as they step into the hallway.

"Yeah well, my WinWin is a _win-win_ so..." he shrugs, a prideful smirk on his face that Ten promptly pinches.

"You're so fucking cheesy."

"Not any more than you, ten out of ten."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been waiting so long to get to this chapter bc of Yuta and WinWin, but there will be a mini-fic about those two in the future, and more to come of them, as well as a few more ships that I'm keeping as a surprise xD


	19. Drink Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I'd like to apologize for updating so late. ya girl got a job, and there was SO MUCH PAPERWORK and things to do that I legit had no time *cries. 
> 
> I am planning on adding two chapters tonight because it's my birthday tomorrow and i think that posting smut on the day of my birth is perfect soo??? lmao Yeah. Anyways, I hope y'all like the coming chapters! There's still so much to come!! 
> 
> As always, thank you for all the comments and love y'all have been giving this story! I love you guys!!

Ten had come to terms with the possibility of Taeyong leaving Thailand sometime late Tuesday afternoon after a long, heavy talk with Lisa.

To his surprise, the talk wasn't depressing. It wasn't even the slightest bit upsetting, for that matter. Instead, it was uplifting and positive. Something that has led him to decide that he should deal with the possibility of Taeyong leaving only once it's something more absolute than just... a  _possibility_.  
  
It's offered him a peace of mind he wouldn't have accepted otherwise. A resolve he's thankful for because right now - a long, tiring Wednesday evening - he wants nothing more than to sit back and relax with quality conversations and something to satisfy his sweet tooth.   
  
"That's capitalism at its finest," he declares, taking a second to chew on a sweet bun before continuing a rather heated conversation in the cafeteria with Johnny and Taeil. "Literally nothing but really clever marketing."   
  
They've been at it for almost fifteen minutes now, in a discussion so deep one would think it's for a class. It's fortunate that the main cafeteria is always mighty loud, filled with plenty of chatter and sounds, for the sake of the little girl who happens to be the conversation topic.   
  
Contrary to the energy of their particular discussion, the rest of their table is rather calm. Taeyong is leaning comfortably against Ten's side with his head nuzzled into his neck as he reads an article on his phone. Lisa, BamBam, and Lucas are engaged in some type of placid dialogue about something Ten hasn't been paying attention to, but by the few words he's picked up in between, he guesses it's something regarding food.   
  
And then there's the three of them, caught in a discussion that Ten ignited, all because of a little girl of probably five or six years old. A little girl that's dressed all pretty in pink while her brother, a baby of barely a few months, is clad in a blue superhero onesie.   
  
Now, the kids themselves are adorable, perfect little angels... but their _clothes_? Their  _clothes_  make them direct victims of capitalism, and Ten is less than enduring it.  
   
"How so?" Asks Taeil, fully intrigued as he leans his face on a palm with his undivided attention focused on Ten.   
  
He glances between Taeil and Johnny, then plants his elbows onto the table, hands ready to draw out a picture.

He also tries  _very_  hard to ignore the finger drawing little circles over his inner thigh. 

"A long fucking time ago, clothes were never distinctly for boys or girls," he explains, "they were just plain, like,  _really fucking plain_  off-white, basically simplicity at its finest in different sizes." He grabs a bottle of maple syrup, nearly squeezing it too hard when he feels Taeyong's hand stroke up his thigh, stopping so far up that the new position _just barely_ passes as publicly acceptable.  
  
It's a good thing Ten is exceptional at hiding his emotions from his face, else he would have been utterly  _fucked_.  
  
He continues with a deep breath, promptly attempting to disregard the fingertips dragging up the inside seam of his jeans... higher, and higher, to such an extent that their newer stance is suddenly explicitly inappropriate. Thankfully, Johnny and Taeil's curious eyes keep him grounded.  
  
"The clothes were recycled from kid to kid, sometimes even between generations because they were so versatile but companies stopped profiting because people weren't buying - " he pauses, his eyes flitting from Taeil to Johnny, then back to Taeil - a sad attempt to keep himself from so much as  _glancing_  towards the teasing hand that's just a few insignificant inches away from his crotch.    
  
Because if Ten  _glances_ , he wouldn't be able to control himself. Not when he'd been left aching on Sunday. Hell, he would take Taeyong right here if it wasn't for his friends sharing the table with them and the two kids within their line of sight.  
  
He coughs to clear his mind, then continues. "To get back in business, someone got the idea to brand colors to genders. Pink to girls and blue to boys. Fairies and delicate shit to girls, and masculine, strong shit to boys," he finishes in one quick breath, afraid his voice might hitch. He relaxes in a second, a satisfied smile on his face as both Taeil and Johnny thoughtfully nod in unison.   
  
"I find your knowledge of such things very sexy," Taeyong whispers into his neck, pecking a soft kiss onto the mark he'd left on Sunday. Ten hadn't done much to cover it. Instead, he's purposefully wearing a shirt that's cut deeply, exposing enough of his clavicle and his sternum that the pretty purple mark is being shown off for everyone to see... because  _what's the point_ if it's hidden?  
   
"Keep your bedroom talk in the bedroom, _please_ , in  _Ten's_  bedroom, preferably," Johnny rolls his eyes, then points to Ten's plate. "And isn't that going to be too sweet with  _that_  much maple syrup?"   
  
Ten looks down to his now-drenched sweet-bun, then back to Johnny. "There's no such thing as too sweet," he deadpans, unwilling to admit that  _yes this is too much maple syrup_ , and  _yes I did get caught up in the moment and forgot I was pouring fucking maple syrup over my bun_.  
  
As if to prove his point, he tears off a piece of the bun with his teeth with a satisfied hum. "So yummy," he mumbles, fully overwhelmed by the sticky sweetness. He feels a drop of maple syrup slide down the curve of his bottom lip, and almost chokes when a finger slips through the threads of a rip high up on his thigh, drawing circles onto his bare skin.

Oh, how Ten _adores_ these teasing little touches. They're little reminders of what they have, precious memories for the two of them alone and Ten locks away the shiver that comes with each stroke in his mind, for the lonely nights.  
   
Trying very hard to play it cool, he swallows his food slowly - should he actually choke. Taeyong lifts his head, meeting his eyes and strokes a thumb across his lip, then licks it clean.  
  
Ten is embarrassed to admit he'd rather have Taeyong lick it straight off his lips instead, even with everyone watching.  
   
"That's why I could never get enough of you," Taeyong whispers, just loud enough that only Ten hears him. _This_ is something else Ten adores - the confident cheesiness. It's something he'd only seen in cringey movies until Taeyong came along. Taeyong shifts closer to him, lifting a leg so it's hooked over Ten's knee.   
  
"So when you have kids, you wouldn't dress them in gender-specific colors?" Taeil asks, shifting only about five percent of Ten's attention from Taeyong to the question being asked.  
  
He manages to shake his head. "Not explicitly," he shrugs, his hand finding itself on Taeyong's knee. "If I find something I like, then yeah, but the sex won't determine what I dress them in. I'm not conforming my kids into societies little molds," he finishes the last bit loud enough for the parents of the children to hear and smirks proudly when they turn their heads with an expression on their faces that only provides Ten with satisfaction he couldn't have felt otherwise.  
  
Johnny chuckles at the parents' distraught faces, and he's sure Lisa has said something to him from across the table but Ten... he doesn't hear anything. Not really. Not when Taeyong curls his body into him, both his legs hooked over Ten's own as he lays his palm over his cheek.  
  
"Ten, I..." he barely whispers, a look in his eyes that Ten has come to recognize. A look beyond adoration, something _much_ stronger, much more _powerful_ than anything he's ever seen or felt before. Taeyong leans in, the hand on the side of his face pulling him closer until he can taste Taeyong's vanilla chapstick on his lips.  
  
And the kiss, it's one Ten has come to recognize, too. The type of kiss that seems to say something to him, something that words seem to fall short to convey.   
  
It's a kiss that has the rest of the cafeteria falling silent, the rest of the world falling still.   
  
It's that type of kiss, where the earth seems to realign and circle them alone.   
  
That special, meaningful type of kiss.   
  
 

* * *

  
  
When Taeyong had texted Ten a few minutes ago and asked to meet him in the kitchen, he wasn't sure what he'd expected, but it wasn't  _this_.  
  
He hadn't expected to see Taeyong so jumpy, flitting around the space and grabbing one thing or another just to put it back. Ten sighs after a minute, pushing himself off the counter. He crosses the kitchen to where Taeyong is reaching blindly into a cabinet and links his arms over Taeyong's stomach from behind.  
  
"Baby what's wrong?" He whispers into his neck, and he feels Taeyong relax almost instantly, leaning back into his body. "You're acting weird."  
  
Taeyong sighs, and if Ten isn't mistaken he seems...  _nervous_.

 _Incredibly_ nervous.

"I wanted to ask you... something..." he mumbles, then twists in his arms until they're facing each other, and lays his hands flat on his chest.   
  
Ten naturally links his fingers over the small of Taeyong's back. "Then ask me," he says, intrigued. He doesn't get many chances to see Taeyong flustered like this. And It's always so very endearing when he does.   
  
"I, uh - " Taeyong licks his lips, glancing down between their bodies, then back into Ten's eyes. "I wanted to ask... if, if you wanna get...  _tested_ , with me..."  
  
_That_  is certainly not what Ten had been expecting. Not even the slightest,  
  
The nature of the question has his lips going dry, the look in Taeyong's soft eyes has his heart beating faster, and a smile twitches on his lips because of  _what this implies_. To say the least, he's fucking ecstatic. Thrilled. And slightly overcome with emotion because this solidifies the seriousness, the extent, of their relationship.  
  
It gives him hope, that maybe,  _just maybe_... this isn't a temporary thing that'll fade away should Taeyong move back to Korea.  
  
"Taeyong, baby," Ten breathes with a light-hearted chuckle. He's sure he's wearing a smile that could rival the one from that picture that's now become his phone background. He slides his hands a little lower, until he can hook his fingers into the belt hoops of Taeyong's jeans and pulls him close. So close that his forehead presses against Taeyong's and their noses just barely brush. "You're adorable when you're nervous, you know that?"  
  
Taeyong bites his lip with an uncertain puff of air, the breath hot against Ten's own lips. "So... is that, is that a yes?"  
  
"Mhmm," he nods, leaning in and pressing a quick kiss to Taeyong's lips. "Of course it's a yes." He feels Taeyong smile against them.  
  
"You really don't mind? We can use condoms if you're not comfortable with it - "  
  
"Yongie," Ten breathes, his voice dipping just slightly. "I'm already half-hard just thinking about _how fucking good_  it's going to feel."  
  
Half-hard is being kind, Ten thinks. He could come from just a few more heated exchange of words alone if he really fucking tried, but he's unwilling to accept that.  
  
Taeyong chuckles, his eyes quickly glancing behind them to ensure that they're still alone. He meets his eyes again and slides a hand down between their bodies, stroking the tips of his fingers down Ten's sternum, down his abdomen, and holds his gaze with a scalding severity just as his fingertips stop at the belt of his jeans.  
  
"We're the only ones down here, you know," Taeyong whispers.  
  
"Oh?" he tilts his head inquisitively, a quirk to his lips as he does.  
  
"Mhmm, and we've still got that rain check to redeem from Sunday."  
  
If Ten's heart wasn't racing before, it most certainly is now. "Lee Taeyong," he smirks, barely concealing the shake of excitement from his voice. "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"  
  
As if to confirm, Taeyong curls his fingers into Ten's belt buckle, pulling him forward with a force that has his breath hitching. "I think I'm suggesting something even better."  
  
Ten gasps dramatically, "something better than jerking me off in the middle of the dormitory kitchen?"  
  
"Oh yes." Taeyong nods, one hand pressed to the small of his back, the other working its way through his belt. "A lot better," he kisses the corner of his mouth, guiding him backward until his back is met with the counter they had hidden behind that night they confessed.  
  
"Is that so?" Ten tries not to moan too quickly, but he does the moment Taeyong's hands latch under his knees and push him up onto the counter. "You really like teasing me in public don't you?" he breathes, planting his hands firmly on Taeyong's shoulders to steady himself the best he can.   
  
"You noticed?" Taeyong smirks with a kiss to the curve of his neck. He snaps the belt straight off his waist with one, loud sound, and pushes his hand past the band of his underwear. "And here I thought I was being subtle."  
  
Ten opens his mouth to reply with something snarky, but instead, he moans deeply from his throat. Taeyong's got him entirely in his fist, his long fingers stroking softly up his length. The cool touch of his skin has him whining too quickly, and he bites his lip to keep himself from being too loud.   
  
Keeping quiet, however, is a difficult task. The direct touch is better than anything Ten could have imagined.  
  
And he has imagined it on more than one occasion.  
  
But this?

The actual fucking thing?

It's _far_ better than his own hand, _far_ better than grinding against Taeyong's thigh or being jerked off through a thick fleece.  
  
This is euphoric. The gentle drag of Taeyong's fingers up his shaft, of his palm flat against his ass. He feels Taeyong's hand curl into the hem of his jeans, then a whisper against his neck. "Lift," he simply commands, patting his behind. Ten quickly obeys, digging his fingers in Taeyong's shoulder as he lifts himself off the counter, just enough for Taeyong to push his Jean's and underwear right past his ankles. They fall to the floor, along with his slippers, with a soft plop.   
  
Oh, how _divulging_ this is. It's fucking _thrilling_ , being half-naked like this, with the cool countertop right against his skin, with Taeyong's eyes burning down his body.   
  
Taeyong licks his lips, leaning back and just looking at Ten - exposed, breathless, raw. And Ten feels the slightest bit conscious because it's the first time Taeyong's seeing  _him_. "Beautiful," Taeyong sighs, a possessive edge to his voice that he hasn't heard before.  
  
Regardless of how panicked he might become at times, Ten is not shy when it comes to _sexual_ things and he spreads his legs further apart. He leans back on his elbows, positioning himself in a way that is nothing short of erotic and feels a hand up his body, the movement forcing his shirt to ride up past his navel.  
  
He sees the swell of Taeyong's throat bob, the intent of his gaze very clear and Ten pulls at the collar of his loose shirt so it's hanging teasingly off a shoulder, just to see those eyes darken to an intensity far deeper than the deepest depths of the ocean.  
  
"Weren't you gonna make me scream your name?" Ten raises his chin, a smirk on his lips as a rush of confidence runs through his veins. Taeyong smiles, his dark eyes even darker as he leans forward and kisses him roughly, his hands firm on his thighs.  
  
"Oh baby," Taeyong smirks against his lips, "I'll make sure the _entire floor_ hears you."

Fuck - this sort of dirty talk always gets his heart racing, and the commanding edge to Taeyong's voice has his erection hardening to the point that it nearly hurts. 

If Ten is being honest, he'd fully expected nothing more than a glorious hand-job - maybe a few marks to accompany the wonderful dirty talk that always ensues between them...  
  
...But _this?_  
  
_This_ is unexpected.  
  
_This_ is the thing of his dreams, and he nearly moans from excitement, from the fucking anticipation the moment Taeyong drops to his knees.  
  
"If I have your permission, of course..." Taeyong says and Ten could scream from frustration, from the beautiful contradiction that is Lee Taeyong. There's innocence in his eyes even when he's between his fucking legs, hands on his knees and face just a few inches away from his dick.  
  
The contradiction is purely erotic.  
  
Ten nods, short and rapid. "Yes! _Yes_ , fuck, _of course_ , you have my permission!" He nearly whines.  
  
Keeping his gaze with a playful smile, Taeyong _finally_ touches him. Softly, at first, his fingertips grazing the soft skin of his inner thigh, his lips trailing kisses higher, higher,  _higher._  
  
"Taeyong - " he whines, becoming increasingly impatient. Taeyong's taking his time, leaving a mess of big, purple marks over the delicate skin of his inner thigh. And Ten can't help but drag his fingers across Taeyong's scalp with an eagerness he hasn't felt before.  
  
He knows it's on purpose. He fucking loves the buildup. He knows these little touches will result in unexplainable bliss in the end but he's fucking hard and they are in the kitchen and anyone could walk in without warning.  
  
The thrill has something pooling below his navel and he repeats Taeyong's name again, then again, sighing unapologetically the moment he feels Taeyong's hot breath fan the base of his dick.  
  
It's fucking teasing, the way Taeyong brushes his lips up the underside his length with a subtle, barely-there touch. Ten clenches his fist in his hair, locking his gaze with Taeyong's and he nearly loses his mind when Taeyong finally takes him into his mouth.  
  
The fucking bliss.  
  
Of being sucked off.  
  
Of being sucked off _by Taeyong_  - in a fucking kitchen!  
  
_Fuck_ , he's good at this. Perhaps even better than Ten himself.  
  
He inhales a sharp breath, the sensation, the fucking buzz of Taeyong's lips around his cock too much for him to handle with elegance.  
  
Ten is already a mess and it's not even _proper_ \- not yet. Taeyong's lips are lazily stroking, kissing, brushing against every part of him, taking their time to taste and feel him.

Until, without warning, Taeyong takes him fully past his lips on the first bob of the head, and the rush of pleasure has him throwing his head back, his eyes nearly fluttering shut. But Taeyong teases again, and simply flicks his tongue across his head instead of offering a second.  
  
The sudden loss has Ten whining from his throat. " _Please_ \- " he pleads, his voice anything but reserved. Taeyong hums, and the vibration of his voice against his dick has him biting back a sound too lewd for the world to hear.  
  
Finally, Taeyong stops teasing.

He takes him into his mouth - properly, this time. His fingers work to ring where his lips can't reach, his tongue flattening, twisting, stroking lazily behind his lips. He finds a rhythm, something that finds all of Ten's sensitive spots over, and over, and over again.   
  
This isn't anything he could have ever imagined.  
  
It's too good, too fucking delightful and perfect because Taeyong seems to learn all the things that make him feel good in a matter of seconds.  
  
He flattens his tongue, licking a fat line from the base, all the way up to his head, his free hand firm on his hip. But the overwhelming sensation of Taeyong's lips fades, and Ten has a whine halfway out of his lips when Taeyong gently kisses below his belly button. "I wanna hear you, Ten."  
  
Ten exhales, nodding quickly and Taeyong takes him back in his mouth, harder and faster and Ten lets that pent up moan sing across the room, loud. "Fuck, _fuck_ _!"_  
  
It isn't a surprise that he's already close - he knew he wouldn't last long the moment Taeyong dropped on his knees. But with Taeyong sucking him off like this? The way he teases him with the tip of his tongue only to take him whole into his mouth... no, Ten hadn't expected  _this_.  
  
He only stutters half a warning before he's clutching tightly into Taeyong's hair, coming unashamedly right into his mouth as pleasure ripples across his body with strong, breath-stopping waves. His toes curl in his socks, his feet coming together over Taeyong's back as he sucks him through it, taking every drop into his mouth before he's sucking off his tip with a loud pop. He licks the string of saliva-mixed-cum off his lip and meets his clouded gaze.  
  
"Baby, Taeyong - " Ten mumbles, his breathing strained. He reaches his arms towards Taeyong, wanting so badly to be held but before he can say it, Taeyong's already gathering him in his arms.

Tight, secure.

Ten locks his arms around his shoulders, kissing his neck because he can't manage anything else.  
  
"Feel good, baby?" Taeyong whispers, his breath hot against his neck. He smoothes a hand up and down his back, leaving a trail of petal-soft kisses anywhere he can.  
  
"So fucking good," he sighs, then: "but the counter needs cleaning," he chuckles breathily, tightening his arms around Taeyong, the high still fogging his mind.  
  
"I'll take care of it, baby," Taeyong kisses the side of his face, then his neck. "I'll take care of you."  
  
Ten hums, a swell of emotions choking his throat. "I should probably put the rest of my clothes back on before someone walks in."  
  
Leaning back, Taeyong cups his face, his eyes so very tender and loving that Ten nearly forgets to breathe. Then, he leans in and kisses him soft and slow, the taste of his high still on his tongue.  
  
"I'll take care of you," he repeats, but with something more, this time. As if there's far more behind the words than just cleaning the counter and helping Ten put his jeans back on.  
  
But something deeper, something resolute.  
  
Care, is exactly what Taeyong does. With the gentlest, softest of touches that have Ten's heartstrings pulling in every direction. He pulls his jeans up for him, pulling him off the counter with such delicacy, with such _support_ that Ten thinks he needn't worry about the future when the present feels so fucking nice.  
  
When it feels so perfect.    


* * *

 

"Are you sure this is okay?" Taeyong whispers, leaning closer to Ten with the intent to keep his voice down.

They're waiting in line at the university clinic, and Taeyong has been more than a little jumpy.

"Of course, why wouldn't it be okay?" Ten smiles, turning in his spot to face Taeyong properly. He strokes a hand up his arm with a soothing motion, then back down.

Taeyong shrugs. "I don't know, what if someone says something..." he trails, his voice suddenly very quiet.

Guessing that Taeyong cares about what others think wasn't a difficult task. Ten noticed it from the beginning, the shield he places over himself when in public - with the exception of friends, of course. There are safe spots, places where Taeyong is comfortable, and then there are places where he anticipates being judged.

The bad type of anticipation, Ten guesses.

It makes him wonder what he's endured to have developed such a fear.

"Baby," Ten sighs, lowering his hand until he can link his fingers softly with Taeyong's. "I'm telling you from experience that no one here cares. This university is very open with these things, and I've seen all types of couples, from same-sex to poly to grossly weird couples come down here for one reason or another. Everyone here is used to it," he says, scanning Taeyong's eyes for some sort of indication that he understands. "And if anyone says anything to you, if anyone says even a word of judgment in your direction, I will _personally_ see to it that they never say another ever word again."

"Thanks," Taeyong starts, a shy smile on his lips. Ten's eyes travel there for a quick moment, then back up to meet his eyes. "I would do the same for you, too."

"You'd punch someone for me?"

"Of course," Taeyong shrugs. "I hate violence, but if someone said or did something hurtful to you, I wouldn't think twice about it."  
  
Now, Ten is sure he's wearing a smile far wider than the one from that picture. He chuckles, slightly overrun by emotion because this, like many other things, is a first.

Even if the words are nothing more than... _just words_. Even if Taeyong never lays a finger on a single soul, the thought alone is enough for a flutter to spread across his chest.

 

* * *

 

Waiting to receive their test results proved to be harder than had Ten imagined. He's ashamed to admit that he's formed a habit of checking his mailbox at least three times per day, although he feels a little better knowing that Taeyong is doing the same.

Thankfully, the stress of final exams in just two weeks is enough to keep him from growing _too_ anxious. He's successfully able to focus the majority of his attention on coursework and working on his music project, until eight days later on a late Friday night when he gets a text.

He rummages through the scattered music sheets to find his phone, dropping a few to the floor in his haste.

It's Taeyong.

He knows because of the specific text-tone he's set for his boyfriends' contact. With lightning speed, he thumbs to unlock the device and glances over the simple text Taeyong has sent, his heart racing.

 

* * *

 

 

He isn't nervous for the results. Not particularly.

For the most part, he expects to be clean, but having slept with a number of partners in a number of situations has left a small doubt in the back of his mind.

Now, as he tears open the letter he hopes to every god out there that _they_ haven't tainted him with anything besides bad memories and a few bodily scars - he can deal with those things. They can be healed. 

An STD, however, would impact _him_ , it would impact his relationship with Taeyong in ways he could never even think to imagine and he finds a tremble in his hands as he holds the paper in front of him, glancing over it once, then twice, then again just to be sure.

"I'm clean," he says, glancing towards Taeyong who is seated across from him on his bed. He's also looking over his results with a wide, excited smile on his face that mirrors his own.

"Me too." Taeyong hands the paper to Ten, scooting a little closer until their knees are touching.

"Our approval to fuck," Ten announces, holding up both his and Taeyong's papers above his head as if they are divine.

"Without condoms," Taeyong adds.

"Our approval to fuck without condoms!"

They both giggle at that, and Ten finally brings the papers back down and lays them over their laps. He leans closer, pressing his forehead against Taeyong's as they both stare at the letters.

"We could just do it now," Ten says with a playful buoyancy to his tone.

"We could, but I'd rather not have it be planned," Taeyong smiles, bringing his hands to Ten's waist, pulling him forward him until he's nearly on his lap. Ten readjusts himself, hooking his legs behind Taeyong and locking his arms over his shoulders. "I think our first time should happen naturally."

Perfect, Ten thinks. Taeyong is always so perfect, always so in sync with his own thoughts. He chuckles lightly, then presses a kiss to Taeyong's temple. "I was hoping you'd say that."


	20. Burn Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is 5k words of smut. 
> 
> That's literally the chapter. 
> 
> I really hope I did it right? If y'all have any suggestions/comments/advice on the smut and/or smut writing, please share xD 
> 
> Also, thank you for the birthday wishes <3

When they agreed to let the sex happen naturally, Ten had expected it to happen sometime during the weekend.

Or maybe Monday.

Or... _Tuesday?_

But by the time Wednesday night had rolled around, he'd become so tired and overwhelmed by preparing for exams and his final performance that he'd _nearly_ forgotten about it.

That is, until tonight. A Thursday night. A cool, rainy Thursday night with the sweet aroma of natures oils dancing in the air. That stormy kind of night, with the winds and the thunder - Ten's favorite type of night.

The _perfect_ night.

A meditative calm.

Rain pattering against the window, winds rushing across foliage as the sky rips in half, lighting up every dark corner. And of course, the sound wave that follows soon after. The hearty rumble of thunder, reverberating, demanding entry. What Ten loves most, however, is the peaceful quiet in between. The short moment where the Earth holds its breath, anticipating, _counting_ until the rumble that follows.

It's a customary tradition for Ten, a ritual, if you will, to sit back in bed and relax with a cup of sweet black tea, watching the flicker of a scented candle as it blends with the flare of lightning.

Hero loves these nights just as much. Staring out the window, watching drops trickle down the glass, combining, then breaking away to pool somewhere in the bottom. To her, it's invigorating - exciting, like trying to chase a laser pointer light that always seems to disappear _just_ when she's about to grab it in her little paws, until the sky suddenly flashes and her attention is divided into a million places at once.

It's a special kind of lull, one that is the perfect remedy for a stressful week. Ten is about halfway fully asleep already when his phone lights up. 

_< Are you up?>_

Squinting, Ten scrunches his face to read the text. It's unusual for Taeyong to still be awake at nearly midnight. _Especially_ on a Thursday night. 

He quickly thumbs a reply, slightly worried. _< Yeah, I am. What's wrong?> _

_< Can I call you?> _

He doesn't reply. Instead, he calls Taeyong with an ever-growing smile, and waits just a little nervously until the velvet of that voice drips into his ear - they have only spoken on the phone once before, after all.

 _"H-hey, I'm sorry, I know it's really late."_ Taeyong's voice is a whisper. Deep, a bit hoarse, and Ten tries not to melt with the rain outside because he loves the sound of his voice.

"It's okay baby. What's wrong?" 

 _"I-,"_ there's a sigh, then some shuffling. _"I just can't seem to sl - "_

A low, rolling growl of thunder reverberates the air and Taeyong's words get caught in a sharp gasp.

_Oh_

"Yongie," Ten starts, drawing out the letters with a hint of amusement in his tone. "Are you afraid of _thunder?"_

Taeyong exhales a shaky breath, too obviously trying to hide something Ten already knows. He should've guessed that  _this_ is the _'stuff'_ Taeyong had been talking about the day of their first date when the sky had decided to pour onto them.

 _"I just don't like it,"_  he finally says in a voice that's incredibly small.

"Come sleep here then." 

_"No, it's alright, I just wanted to hear your voice for a - "_

The room flashes, silently, bringing shadows to life and the other side of the line falls quiet.

"Taeyong," Ten sighs softly, climbing off the bed and padding to the door. He clicks it open. "Come here baby, it's okay" 

There's a shaky exhale, then a small, barely audible _'okay'_. Ten peers into the dark hall, and it doesn't take long for Taeyong's door down the hall to creak open, the dim light of his phone contouring the side of his face.

Ten knows there are only a few seconds of silence until the accompanying roll of thunder. He stretches his arms out in front of him, ready to engulf Taeyong before the elements break the silence. Taeyong shuffles forward, carefully. He quickens his pace with each step until he's almost running, and pushes Ten back a step when their bodies collide _a second_ before the clap of thunder startles the Earth.

Taeyong shakes, and Ten holds him so close he can feel the tremble in his breath against his neck. "Breathe, Yongie, I'm here." He walks them backward, not minding the pain from Taeyong's nails digging into his back. He kicks the door shut, then hooks both his hands under Taeyong's thighs to lift him. Taeyong's legs automatically wrap around his waist.

He kisses just beside Taeyong's ear, and repeats the words again, just barely above a whisper. "Just breathe."

Taeyong complies, finally exhaling, long and unsteady and it fans hotly against Ten's neck.

"This reminds me of the party," Taeyong breathes out with a slight chuckle.

"This is how you held me, right?"

"Mhmm."

"It feels nice," he whispers, lowering Taeyong onto his bed, gently, carefully. Taeyong's vice grip doesn't loosen, and Ten stays like this, pressed on top of him, arms on either side of his head, fingers playing with the faded soft pink of his hair. This is the best comfort he can provide - being close. 

"Were you sleeping when I texted?" Taeyong whispers, focusing on Ten's eyes only, hands still trembling slightly on his back.

"Nope," he shakes his head, loosely pulling the comforter over them. "Are you feeling a little better now?"

Taeyong nods, but Ten is close enough to feel the jolt that courses through his body when the room lights up in a series of violent flashes. He presses his lips against Taeyong's temple, kissing him once, then twice, staying close enough for his lips to graze Taeyong's skin with every little move. "It's okay, just focus on me."

"It's stupid, isn't it... being afraid of something like this?"

Ten kisses the corner of Taeyong's eye, carding his fingers up his scalp. "Not at all. We all have our fears. I'm deathly afraid of fruit, remember? And bugs."

Taeyong laughs quietly, the mint of his breath inviting him closer to his lips. He presses another kiss to his cheek, thumb stroking across his rosy cheekbones, a flourish of affection in his soft smile.

The rumble is softer this time, but profound enough to elicit a sharp inhale from Taeyong.

"Did you know you can tell how far away the storm is by counting the seconds between a flash of lightning and thunder?" he quickly explains, hoping it would provide distraction before the room flashes again. "Every five seconds is a mile, so right now, the storm is about six miles away."

"I - " Taeyong pauses, his lips quirking into a soft smile, "didn't know that."

"My mom told me when I was like, seven or something. It storms a lot over here."

There's a look in Taeyong's chocolate eyes then. It's one that Ten recognizes, something very close to the look of adoration but with _more_.... with a hint of something he can't quite read into, but feels somewhere deep in his chest.

"Thank you, Tennie." 

The rain is whispering, the perfect silence. The gentle flicker of the candle, it's soothing vanilla aroma mixing with the rose of Taeyong's scent, mingling with the taste of Taeyong's lips as they push into his own. Calm, quiet, _tender_.

It's the softest of kisses - the _warmest_ of kisses.

The safest.

Their lips part, the momentary spill of light highlighting Taeyong's face. He doesn't flinch as much this time when the following thunder rumbles a few seconds later. Progress, Ten thinks, and rewards him with another kiss, then another, and another, getting deeper and longer with each consequent press.

"You know," Ten whispers between kisses. "Moonlight," he kisses him again, "sunlight," again, "lightning - " and again, parting to look into those deep brown eyes. "They're a spotlight for you. That's how beautiful you are."

Even in the gentle darkness of night, Ten doesn't miss the blush painting those cheeks, or the curve of his pretty lips as Taeyong smiles. "I could say the same about you. You're fucking breathtaking," he says, and brings a hand to cup Ten's cheek, thumb running a smooth line just under his eye. Ten leans into the touch, keeping his gaze as he kisses his palm.

"You should be careful," Ten whispers lowly into his hand, "you might do things to me with words like that."

"Oh?" Taeyong raises an inquisitive brow, a smirk playing on his lips. Ten rubs his hand up Taeyong's arm, and holds the back of the hand on his cheek, lacing their fingers. "What type of things?" The confident look on Taeyong's face says he knows exactly _what things_ Ten is referring to.

It's a confidence that has Ten's heart racing, skipping all over the place, making him weak right in the knees. And Ten, his heart is _pounding_ , faster and harder than the rain outside. Not just because of the words - no. The tease on Taeyong's lips, the look of intent in his half-lidded eyes, is what sealed the fucking deal. Ten leans down, pushing their lips together in a playful kiss, weaved hands still bent up beside his face. "You _know_ what things."

Taeyong tilts his head to the side, mocking innocence. "Hm, I don't think I do."

Ten kisses him again - an act of dominance on his part, anything at this point to keep himself on edge and not cave in _too_ quickly. The kiss is hard enough that it elicits a slight moan from Taeyong's throat, and Ten smirks proudly into the kiss, thinking he's won this little battle. Letting go of Taeyong's hand, he snakes his fingers down his body, then drags the thin cloth of Taeyong's shirt up to his stomach as they trail back up his chest.

The rain is pounding, the space between light and rumble becoming increasingly closer. Taeyong's tongue is between his teeth as he pulls away, licking the string of saliva in between. "I think you've known all week," he breathes hotly, voice dripping thick, craving.

"What makes you say that?" asks Taeyong, flicking a tongue across Ten's smirking lips.

 _Fuck_ , he's good. He knows what to say, how to say it, and exactly what to do _while_ saying it to get Ten hot and bothered. And they've known each other for just four months.

But Taeyong isn't the only one who picked up on these things. Ten has had his fair share of observing, too.

Just as the sky rumbles, he slides a hand back down Taeyong's body, gripping his fingers into Taeyong's upper thigh and scrapes his long fingernails up along the inside seam. He stops just where the thigh meets the hip and earns a shudder. "Ring a bell?"

The action isn't just referring to that time in the cafeteria. It's referring to all the times since then, too, because Ten noticed how much Taeyong loves teasing him in places with little to no privacy. It's a particular rush, being touched in a way that's almost explicit, but passable as publically acceptable.

And the touch is almost always somewhere high on his thighs, or his ass. 

Taeyong exhales, his breath almost gasping by the time Ten's fingers stroke teasingly up the growing bulge in his pants. "Maybe."

It's driving Ten crazy, this side of Taeyong.

He _loves_ it.

Loves the way Taeyong's fingers grate down his back, pressing into the flesh of his hips, pushing down, bending a knee between his legs just as the room flashes once, then twice. He loves how easily Taeyong makes him lose control. How effortlessly he makes him crumble.

Just to piece him back together.

Taeyong brings a hand back up, combing his long fingers through Ten's hair. "Let me know if you want me to stop."

Ten would laugh if he could remember how to fucking breathe. He drops his head onto Taeyong's shoulder, eyes fluttering shut because it's overwhelming, the way his heart is bursting with the flashes and rumbles outside.

It's easy for Ten to pass the baton of control, letting Taeyong capture his lips and maneuver his body with their tangled arms and legs, flipping them over.

Careful is the word Ten would use to describe it.

It's not something he's used to, having become accustomed to being thrown around and treated with the care an inanimate object would receive.

But this?

 _This_ is a dream. The careful hand lowering him onto his back, the gentle touches as Taeyong gazes into his eyes, asking in a whisper. "Is this okay?"

It's far more than a dream.

Ten nods in response, softly, and grips onto Taeyong's back as he kisses him once, twice, until he realizes it will never be enough. The taste is too addicting, far more intoxicating than alcohol yet so much sweeter than chocolate. The surging warmth, the tenderness of Taeyong's hands touching everywhere... leaving him limp in his mercy.

The kisses become fervent, open-mouthed and starved. Taeyong's teeth sink into his lip, almost distracting him from the hand trailing down to the hem of his shirt. "You can tell me to stop," he says into Ten's mouth, the sweetness of his voice directly contrasting the intent of those hands. Ten replies by taking his lips again, and Taeyong's fingers finally slide under the loose cloth.

It's scalding.

And although they've been half-naked in front of each other, they've pleased and pleasured one another, this feels... _different_.

The _intent_ is different.

As if they both know exactly what's to come, what this is leading to. 

Suddenly it's as if the humidity of the storm has settled into their bodies, turning clothes into a pesky nuisance. Ten, without warning, pushes both of them up until he's sitting, lips still locked and Taeyong straddling him.

He pulls Taeyong's shirt over his head and throws it on the floor the moment a loud crash of thunder rips through the sky. Taeyong only jumps slightly.

"Off," Ten whispers breathily, pointing to his shirt.

Taeyong chuckles. "You like it when I undress you?" He asks, pushing his shirt up to his torso with his fingertips. Ten lifts his arms over his head, waiting for it to be discarded.

"Like is an understatement," he says, laying back down.

A flash dashes across the room, the air hot and heavy and Ten wishes he could crack open a window because of the look in Taeyong's eyes.

A look that implies something Ten has been waiting for all fucking week.

And Taeyong takes a long moment, still sitting up and straddling Ten's lap, just _looking_ at him.

"Like what you see?" He just barely whispers, laying his hands on Taeyong's thighs, thumbs drawing over the inside of them.

"Like is an understatement," Taeyong repeats. He leans down and kisses just below his ear when the room lights up again. "You're always so beautiful," he breathes into his neck, his voice just the slightest bit shaky, his fingertips stroking his clavicle. Ten let's out a soft moan when Taeyong's tongue grazes against the cold metal of his earring - his ears have always been sensitive. Taeyong hums against it, the gentle vibration sending chills down Ten's spine and right into his groin.

Then more chills when Taeyong's hand traces down his chest, teeth tugging on Ten's black helix stud.

"You like my piercings, don't you?" Ten manages, focusing real hard on forming words. Taeyong's finger is teasing his nipple, and the touch is more than a little distracting.

"Again, _like_ is an understatement."

Ten chuckles, the answer had come much faster than he'd expected. Taeyong pinches his nipple then, hard, and Ten mewls. "Maybe I should get more, then - " he moans again, unable to keep the pleasure from rolling off his tongue when Taeyong licks under his jaw, freeing his nipple. He pulls at the band of his sweats instead.  

"Like where?"

Ten barely manages a reply. "It'll be a surprise."

Taeyong hums, lips snaking down his neck, peppering barely-there kisses. There is no pressure, just a hot tickle of breath, but it's enough to make Ten impatient. He squeezes at the flesh of Taeyong ass, pulling his pajama's down until they're sitting dangerously low at his hips, enough to see the clean trim of his pubes.

When a loud crash of thunder fills the room, he feels Taeyong suck a purple mark over his shoulder. This time, he barely reacts to it, too occupied with _teasing_ to really notice anything else. Taeyong trails kisses up his neck, his hand sinking lower as he does, enough to graze the tip of Ten's hardness, but retreats.

"Please just touch me," Ten nearly growls, his voice matching the low reverb of the thunder.

Taeyong stops kissing him, the room suddenly very still and quiet and he smoothes Ten's hair between his fingers. "Are you sure, baby? Do you want this?"

Just as the room flashes a bright white, Ten joins their lips in a rough kiss, tangling a hand in Taeyong's hair. "I really love that you're so caring," he breathes, scraping his nails up the cloth of Taeyong's sweats. "But I really want you to fuck me."

"Oh?" Taeyong feigns surprise. "Bottom?"

"When I feel like it," Ten breathes. "And tonight I really feel like being fucked into."

It's then that Ten learns that what he asks for, he is quick to receive. Taeyong doesn't waste any time, pressing a chaste, smiley kiss before sitting up and fitting himself between Ten's legs, pulling his pajamas and underwear off in one, swift motion. It's something about the way he snaps the clothes right off his ankles, something so purely erotic and  _dominant_ , that it has Ten gasping for air every fucking time.

But this is the first time he's completely exposed. There is no buffer to cover him, no sheets or shirt or blanket to hide his flaws, and he thinks of every imperfection on his body as Taeyong leans back, his eyes taking in every detail with the intent to memorize everything. Ten's heart races from the look alone, even more so when the room flashes, his naked reflection staring back at him in Taeyong's dark eyes.

"How did I ever end up with someone as beautiful as you?" Taeyong whispers and Ten forgets about any imperfection he thinks he might have.

He strokes a finger down the side of Taeyong's face. "That's what I wonder every time I look at you," he says, and pulls at the band of Taeyong's sweatpants, pulling them past his ass. "Although, I would like to see you without anything on, too."

"Then take them off."

Too excited by the commanding tone of voice, Ten fumbles to push them down his thighs, but throws them onto the floor in a minute with a bit of Taeyong's help. "Fuck, Yongie," he sighs, leaning back on his elbow. He takes his time, too - the last time he'd seen Taeyong in all his glory was months ago, after all. And back then, they were barely friends. 

Back then, he couldn't look at him like this. He couldn't _admire_ him, like this. 

So this time, Ten takes his time to look and feel every part of Taeyong, his fingertips tracing gently down his lean form, over his muscles, over his hip bones then down to his thighs. He plants his hands firm on Taeyong's shoulder, pulling him straight down on top of him as he catches his lips.

It's a short kiss, with far more tongue than anything else. Ten can tell the storm is just a few seconds away from being overhead, the torrent suddenly slowing just before the heavier, central patch of clouds. Taeyong's lips seem to match the pattering of the rain as he kisses a line down his chest. Reaching up, he laces his fingers with Ten's own, pinning his hand down against the mattress as his other hand sits just atop his nipple.

The room flashes again, the rumble following almost immediately this time and Ten fists his hand in Taeyong's hair the moment he feels his breath against his leaking tip.

Unlike that time in the kitchen, Taeyong is quick to give Ten exactly what he wants. He teases only a little, his lips kissing over the inside of his thigh, biting and leaving a mess of purple everywhere they touch. 

" _Fuck_ , Taeyong-" Ten moans, almost pulling at his hair in desperation. "Please," he pleads, rolling his hips.

This time, Taeyong doesn't give him a chance to brace himself. Ten stills, every cell freezing, his eyes flying wide open and his jaw slackening at the coursing stimulation when Taeyong _finally_ takes him in.

His breaths are short and choppy, heart drumming into his chest as Taeyong's tongue runs up his shaft, engulfing him and taking him whole. The pleasure from each touch and stroke is lighting him up, taking him right past the clouds and into heaven itself.

Ten is sure the room next door isn't immune to the sinful sounds rolling off his lips, but he doesn't give a fuck.

Not when Taeyong's pretty lips around his cock feel so fucking good, even better than that Wednesday night in the kitchen.

He wouldn't be able to have any control even if he wanted to - not that he would ever _want_ to. Not when his back is arching in pure ecstasy, hips bucking, rubbing against the hallow of Taeyong's cheek. He dares to look down, Taeyong's dark eyes trained on him as he flattens his tongue, licking all the way up to his shaft and over his slit.

It's easy to tell that Taeyong genuinely _enjoys_ doing this. And _fuck_ , he's good at it. The way he uses his thumb and ring finger to stimulate the base of his dick, the way his lips and tongue work up his length, sucking off the tip with a loud pop.

"You taste good," Taeyong smirks, stroking his tongue straight across his lips with a deliberately slow lick, his eyes _penetrating_ Ten. "Sweet."

Ten throws his head back, laughing, squeezing his eyes for a moment. "I heard pineapple juice makes you taste good," he says, and feels the bed dip under him as Taeyong climbs back up, framing his head with his arms, a finger caressing the studs on his ear. "Thought I'd make myself tasty for you," he adds, quietly.

"Oh, baby," chuckles Taeyong, pressing a quick kiss to Ten's lips. "You drank pineapple juice for me, even though you hate fruit?"

Ten nods, a soft smile on his lips.

"Thank you," Taeyong kisses him again, longer this time. "I'm gonna make you feel so good tonight, baby."

The moment is suddenly so soft and gentle, so full of affection despite them being entirely naked and pressed against one another.

It's a contrast that drives Ten crazy. The quick, gentle touches, followed by ones so lewd and hot that they burn his skin. "I'm so happy you're mine, Tennie."

He kisses him again, soft and slow and it melts Ten. "I'm so lucky that I'm the one that gets to make you feel good like this."

"Yongie..." Ten tries, but his breath gets caught somewhere in the swell of emotions in his chest. No one, no one at all has managed to elicit such strong feelings in his chest as Taeyong does. No one has been able to read him like this, to know what he wants, no - _needs_.

He'd been too caught up in his chest, so distracted by the words that his attention falls back into place when a loud crash of thunder booms across the room. Taeyong only jumps a little, and Ten runs a soothing hand down his back. He watches with dark eyes as Taeyong brings his fingers to his own mouth, licking a line up his ring and middle finger. He takes his digits straight into his mouth, making them slick with spit.

Ten holds his breath, waiting for the stretch. It's been so long that he's sure it's bound to hurt at least a little.

"Tell me if it hurts," Taeyong says just before he strokes a finger over his hole. He holds Ten's hand with his free hand, and just as the brunt of the storm reaches overhead, he pushes a finger inside.

The _fucking bliss_ , of Taeyong long finger inside of him, pushing in as far as it can go before he's sliding in a second. His pace is slow - so very, _agonizingly_ slow and Ten is fucking positive he's scratching up Taeyong's back worse than anything Hero has ever torn up. He wonders for a moment where Hero is, if she's watching this, if he should get up and check, maybe put her in the bathroom but every word in his mind flushes out when Taeyong's finger curls inside him, hitting his pleasure spot.

A gentle afterthought, that's all the storm is now. The crashing scream of thunder is only filling the spaces between pants and gasps. Lightning a barely-there hush, blending with the flickering flame of the half-burnt candle.

Ten clenches his eyes shut, brows turning upwards as waves of pleasure drown his body, flooding out of his mouth and right into Taeyong's lips. His nails scratch into Taeyong's back, breathing in his short gasps through parted lips.

Taeyong's stretched him to three fingers, the length reaching farther than Ten's fingers ever have.

Tens own hand is grasping Taeyong's fully hard dick, pumping him as he's being prepared, pampered, spoiled. Their lips are lazy, taking their time. Their free hands exploring, clenching, scraping, copying the feel of each other's skin into the pads of their fingertips. Taeyong takes his time stretching Ten, and Ten takes his time unfolding himself in pleasure as if they don't have class the next day. 

Their lips part, foreheads touching and Taeyong drags his fingers back out, sliding their slickness up Ten's abs, panting heavily into each other. 

"Do you have lube?"

Ten nods his head, quickly, too breathless to manage words. He reaches over to his bedside with a trembling hand, his eyes fluttering shut as he blindly reaches into the drawer and grabs a bottle.

"You prepared?"

Ten nods, "of course I did."

He'd been prepared since the day they took the test, but he's unwilling to admit that, should he seem too eager.

As Taeyong pours the lube over his hand, Ten takes a quick second to glance to wherever Hero is. Thankfully, she's too distracted by the storm to really care.

"You ready, baby?" Taeyong breathes, trying to sound as calm as he can, despite the obvious excitement in his voice.

"I've been ready all fucking week," Ten grins, cupping Taeyong's face in his palms. He pecks his nose because it's this softness that he lives for. That closeness - the small, meaningless touches that carry all the meaning in the world. 

Taeyong chuckles, shifting himself slightly. Ten whimpers the moment he feels the cool lube on Taeyong's dick tease his entrance. "I find it sexy when you swear," 

 _Fuck_ , this isn't even dirty talk and yet it has Ten dripping all over his stomach - the velvety, raw deepness of Taeyong's voice far more seductive than anything any porno could ever offer. 

"It's a good thing I swear a lot -" the words turn into a loud, lewd moan as Taeyong pushes inside him for the first time.

The fucking _stretch_ \- Taeyong should have used more fingers. Perhaps his entire fist, Ten thinks. He gasps loudly, arching his back and squinting his brows at the sudden sting.

"Let me know if I'm hurting you," Taeyong says again, pressing a tender kiss to Ten's cheek as he slowly, experimentally, incredibly _carefully_ slides deeper inside.

Ten nods rapidly, trying hard not to bite his lip too hard. He's sure his fingernails are digging holes into Taeyong's hips, but the feeling of Taeyong finally inside him, is both terrifying and beautiful. It's a vulnerability he wasn't sure he could expose, but with Taeyong... it's easy. And that scares him just a little, the beauty of it all being too perfect to taint. 

Taeyong pushes further inside, his lips peppering petal-soft kisses across his face. When the room lights up with an overwhelming flash of lightning, Taeyong is nearly entirely inside Ten.

"Fuck!" Ten grunts, tightening his arms around Taeyong back as he sinks his teeth into his shoulder - an attempt to keep himself from screaming as a surge of sharp pain courses up his body as he adjusts. 

"You okay Tennie?" Taeyong whispers, his breath just as much of a shaking mess as Ten's. Ten forces his eyes apart, appreciating that Taeyong is so gentle and slow, that he's stilled inside of him, waiting for the okay.

Ten nods, forcing himself to speak before he breaks Taeyong's skin between his teeth. "Y - yeah, yeah," he exhales, steadying himself, then inhales sharply. "It's just been a really long time," he says, stroking his thumb across Taeyong's blushed cheeks.  

"I'll go slow, just tell me if you want me to stop, okay?" 

Ten could die, he thinks, with the amount of unadulterated concern and warmth in his voice. He nods again, sliding his hands down to Taeyong's hips as he rolls his own, finally feeling adjusted to his cock inside him. "Okay," he nods.

It's almost too slow, when Taeyong starts. Testing out a languid pace, steady, almost as gentle as the press of their lips, or the fingers in his hair. Ten guides him with hands on his hips, squeezing, pushing a little more, silently telling Taeyong to go faster. Harder. _Deeper_. Until he finds a pace that works for both of them.

Euphoric is the word Ten would use to describe what this feels like. Despite the initial pain, it's entirely pleasurable in ways Ten could have never imagined.

Which means he won't last very long.

Especially because it's been so long since he's last fucked. Especially when _this_ is incomparable to all the times he's had sex before.

"You feel so good," Taeyong sighs, kissing his lips whenever he can, although the kisses are less than composed. He quickens his pace, and Ten can feel how _hard_ he is, how close he is to coming undone. "You're so good to me, baby."

The praise has Ten moaning out louder than he ever has before. Then moaning again when Taeyong hits his sweet spot, sending shocks of unfiltered pleasure up Ten's body as he hits it again, then again, and again. 

He's not going to last long at all.

And by the looks of it, neither is Taeyong.

Ten barely registers the current state of the storm outside. The deafening rumbles of thunder are muted to his ears, his attention focused solely on Taeyong inside of him, of Taeyong's hand laced with his own, of his lips on his neck, of his gasping breath against his heated skin. Ten doesn't see the flashes of light anymore. He only sees bliss, of pure, beautiful pleasure as he gasps loudly, clenching his fingers in Taeyong's back, craning his head back against the pillow as his eyes flutter shut the moment he comes over his stomach.

"Fuck, _fuck_ \- _Taeyong!"_ he nearly screams and feels Taeyong come a second later, spilling hot and hard inside him as curses spill from between his lips.

It takes a long, delightful moment for his body to go limp and sink into the sheets, Taeyong following right after. 

"Ten, _baby_ ," Taeyong sighs as he finally pulls out, his warm release dripping out from inside of him. Disregarding the stickiness between their bodies, Taeyong presses himself against Ten, holding him close as he presses their lips in a kiss that's nothing short of meaningful. When they part, their eyes still sealed shut, Taeyong rests his forehead against his, his thumbs stroking softly across his cheeks.

They need a shower, probably need to change the sheets, too, but Ten couldn't care less.

He hasn't felt this relaxed and satisfied in _years_ \- perhaps even his _entire life_.

"I think the storm climaxed with us," Ten breathes out after a few seconds. Taeyong chuckles softly and kisses his left temple. Then his right.

"We should have sex every time it storms."

"This is _Thailand_ ," Ten pauses, drawing out a long breath. "That would be _a lot_ of sex."

"It would," Taeyong says, leaning up to kiss the mole under Ten's jaw. "It would also be _very_ relaxing."

"It would be."

They stay like this for a few more moments, listening as the storm quiets down and moves farther away. Ten is about half-way asleep when Taeyong mumbles softly into his neck.

"I'll clean us up," he says, moving to sit up but Ten latches onto his arm, unwilling to be left cold and alone in his spoiled sheets.

"Let's just shower," he says.

Taeyong smiles, wrapping his arms around Ten as tight as he can. He lifts him up, carrying him just as he had when he was sick. And Ten, just like before, is quick to fold his arms across his shoulders and hide his face in his chest.

He's never quite felt so _spent_ after sex.

Then again, he has never had sex quite like _this_.

"I'll take care of you baby," Taeyong says, kicking the bathroom door open. When Taeyong sets him down, Ten doesn't let go. He holds onto his arm, nudging his face into his shoulder not only because he's so sleepy and tired he could pass out this very instant, but also because he's _sore_.

Very, _very_ sore.

Taeyong sets the temperature just right, holding his hand as he leads him inside and keeps him close by his side.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, bringing Ten right under the spray of the shower. The water is warm and soothing. "Does it hurt anywhere?"

The fucking _worry_ in Taeyong's voice, it has Ten's heart swelling. "I feel good," he smiles, holding onto Taeyong's shoulders for support and indulging the way little droplets of water form on his hair. "A little sore, but I feel really fucking good."

A _little_ sore is being kind. 

Ten doesn't think he'll be able to walk come morning - despite Taeyong being very gentle. 

"Good," Taeyong says, "I always want to make you feel good."

The words, they fill every chamber of his heart. His heart nearly bursts with the delicacy in Taeyong's fingers as he massages into his skin, lathering the soap across his body with a caress to his touch.

And it's in this moment that Ten thinks he could cry. The emotion of their _first time_ , of the way Taeyong showers him with something beautiful and everlasting, Ten can't help but lean forward and hook his arms around Taeyong's shoulders, pulling him so close that a single water droplet couldn't even fit between them.

"Thank you," Ten whispers, kissing the curve of his neck as the warm water showers over their skin. He feels Taeyong's soapy hands hold his hips, then move up to wrap across his back. "Thank you for being so good to me."

No, Ten can't help it at all.

He can't help but feel happy - truly, _properly_ happy.


	21. Oceans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me updating so quick! 
> 
> My goal is to complete this fic by the end of this year - yes, that's how much is still left to be covered. Y'all are in for a fuckin ride, fam. 
> 
> I covered a bit of jealous Taeyong in this chapter, as some of y'all had requested. There will probably be more accounts of jealousy in the future. 
> 
> Also, for Ten's dance final, I am referring to that Hit the Stage performance he did. 
> 
> I apologize beforehand if this chapter makes anyone emotional because I got emotional writing it xD 
> 
> anyways, enjoy, and as always, thank you for giving this fic love <3 
> 
> I'll reply back to comments tomorrow cuz its like 3 am -

The last week of Ten's junior year finds him _tired_.

Really fucking tired.

Final exams... practicing for his final dance performance... trying to convince the university to buy their dorm a new toaster because their current one finally went up in flames.... work - Ten hasn't even had a chance to _breathe_.

He's made the time for his friends, of course. Study dates with Lisa, Lucas, BamBam, and Johnny. Tutoring Yuta and Taeyong just before their written Thai exam and then tutoring Yuta again while practicing his dance routine just hours before his oral exam.

Busy.

Really, _really_ fucking busy. So busy that he doesn't realize he's forgotten to buy food for Hero until he steps into his room and is immediately met by her yelling at him from her empty, crumb-less food-bowl.

" _Shit_. _"_ He slams the door behind him and rushes down the stairwell, nearly tripping over a few steps. A wide smile curves his lips the moment he sees Taeyong's faded pink hair making their way up from the stairwell below.

"Hey baby," Ten calls, jumping over the bottom few steps to reach him faster. Taeyong pulls out an earbud the moment he looks up at Ten, his lips curving into a soft smile almost instantly.

It's been a while since they've seen each other - since they've _properly_ seen each other.

The last _proper_ time being that beautiful, stormy night of their _first time_. A night Ten would never forget.

A night that was nearly a week ago.

Taeyong stretches his arms in front of him, and Ten quickly falls into his tight embrace.

"I missed you," Taeyong sighs, kissing the side of Ten's face as he squeezes his arms around him. He shifts his weight from one leg to the other, moving them in small circles around the landing.

"I missed you too..." Ten murmurs as he nuzzles his head into Taeyong's shoulder. He really did miss this. Being with Taeyong, being able to hold him so close that he can feel his heart beating in his chest, that he can smell the slight shift of fragrance in his shampoo - something that's just a little more fruity. "I'm going to the pet store, wanna come with me?"

"Yes," Taeyong quickly replies. "Anything to spend a little time with you."

 

* * *

 

 

The pet-store Ten frequents is on the opposite end of town from their lake.

The side of town Ten used to visit nearly every day, until a year ago.

There's just... too many memories on these roads - bad memories. _Painful_ memories. Yet, this pet-store he couldn't give up.

It's the place where he met Hero, after all, and the shop-owners have become special to him.

He does, however, stay alert whenever he does walk these paths.

"Everything okay?" Taeyong asks, tugging at their linked hands. Ten glances at him, then to the pavement under their feet.

"Yeah, just," he pauses, scanning the people nearby before looking back into Taeyong's worried eyes. "A few of my ex'es live in this side of town, so..." he shrugs. 

Ten notices the sudden shift in Taeyong's expression. In his stance. He suddenly seems very... aware, protective, and tightens his fingers between Ten's, pulling him closer against his side.

"The bad ones?"

Ten almost snorts at that. "They're _all_ bad. Literally _all_ of them except, like, one."

Taeyong turns to him then, a serious look on his face that has Ten's steps slowing, then stopping. "You're so strong, you know that?" He takes a step closer. "You've endured so much, things I could never even _imagine_ to experience."

Sadness. That's what Ten reads on Taeyong's face.

Genuine, unfiltered sadness. Ten reaches to hold his cheek in a palm, stroking a thumb over his lip because he can't manage _words_ with the swell in his chest.

Because yes, he has been through a lot.

More than most people have, more than most people _ever will_.

But he also isn't used to his endurances actually being _acknowledged_ \- so this? _This_ means a lot to him. 

"I promise you," Taeyong says before Ten can find his voice. "I won't let anyone hurt you again, and even if - " he pauses, quickly shifting his eyes to the ground below with a long, shaky exhale. When he meets his eyes, there's something profound in them. Something that has Ten's breath catching in his throat. "Even if something happens to us where one of us is bound to get hurt... I'll do _everything_ in my power to make sure that _I'm_ the one that gets hurt."

His fucking _heart_.

He wasn't prepared for this -  for the words that he's been aching to hear his entire fucking life. He feels his brows turn upwards, feels his eyes gloss over as something incredible bursts inside his chest, something that he thinks might be a form of... _love_.

Without realizing it, he leans his forehead against Taeyong's chest, his eyes stinging, but he wills himself not to cry.

"I hope nothing ever happens to us," Ten whispers.

"I hope so too."

_Hope_ is all Ten can really do.

_Hope_ that Taeyong stays with him in Thailand.

_Hope_ that their relationship is more than just a college fling.

_Hope_ that this is something true, something lasting and beautiful - 

No, Ten _knows_ it is.

If there's anything he knows with any ounce of certainty, it's the _strength_ of their relationship... and that alone is enough to provide enough _hope_ for the both of them.

 

* * *

 

"How did you ever reach up here before me?" Taeyong grunts, his fingers just barely reaching the large bag of cat food on the highest shelf.

Ten shrugs, a satisfied smile on his face. "I used to climb on the bottom shelves."

"That's dangerous," Taeyong frowns. He pulls the bag down and catches it in his hands with a soft _oof_.

"Danger is my middle name," he dramatically sighs. "But maybe you should come with me every time I have to get her food, for _cautionary_ purposes."

"Ten, your ex'es live on this side of town. I would like to come with you for more purposes than just reaching the top shelf."

"Oh?" He teases, his brows wiggling up and down. "You're going to be my protector?" 

"You don't need protection. You're the strongest person I know. _But_ ," he pauses, adjusting the large bag in his arms. "I would like to be your support."

"You already are, Yongie," Ten smiles, all teasing gone. He slightly balances on his tippy-toes to reach over the bulky bag, planting his hands on the sides of Taeyong's neck and leans close to kiss him. Taeyong hums into his lips.

"Is this pet-shop special to you that you come here despite the threat of your ex'es?" Taeyong asks a moment after their lips part. They continue slowly down the aisle.

 "You should really consider studying psychology along with music production," he says. "But yes. This is the shop where I met Hero."

"They have kitties in the store?" 

Ten shakes his head, falling into step with Taeyong. "Nope. The owners found her when she was just born, beside a trash-can in that thin alley we passed on the way here. Her mother had abandoned her, left her covered in fluid and everything. That same day my parents had taken me here because I really wanted to adopt a fish or something, but instead I saw her in a box on the counter while the owners were trying to contact every shelter they could, but she was denied because she would require too much care. So I took her in, my mom and dad nursed her back to health and now she is the needy, whiny little shit you know and love today."

Taeyong opens his mouth, a stunned expression on his face. "I - " he closes his lips again, seemingly at a loss for words. "Wow," he finally says. Then, "the mother just _left_ _her?"_

Ten hums. "Yup. She was apparently a _very_ young stray cat. Some old lady used to feed her and take care of her, but she passed away soon after the mother cat got pregnant - or so I am told by the locals."

A moment, then: " _Wow_..."

"Crazy isn't it?"

"Yeah... "

They turn a corner, strolling slowly through another aisle.

"You're both very strong," Taeyong says.

"Like father like daughter, I guess."

They share a smile, continuing down the aisle until Ten, as he always is when he visits this shop, gets distracted. He trails behind a few steps, crossing over to another section of the store when he sees a new litter of babies trapped inside a glass cage.

Little, furry, curious babies.

Rat babies.

Bending forward so he's eye level with the enclosure, he pesses the pad of his pointer-finger against the glass, smiling at the way a baby rat stumbles forward and places it's little paw against the glass too, right where his finger is. "Hi, baby," Ten coos, tilting his head a little to better observe.

He's always wanted rats.

Not that he doesn't like cats - he loves them, but rats? They're friendly, energetic, and interactive.

Not to say that cats aren't, but they are a little... _lazy_. Perhaps a little judgmental and bitchy, too.

Rats, on the other hand, are just.... smaller dogs with large teeth and hairless tails.

A pocket sized dog if you will.

"There you are," he hears Taeyong sigh from somewhere behind him. He offers a quick glance before he's looking back to the babies, smiling wider as another one is now inspecting his finger from the other side of the glass and climbing over the first one.

"Aren't they adorable?" Ten beams, his voice bubbling with affection. Taeyong sets the bag of cat food onto the floor with a grunt, then leans his face beside Ten's and presses his finger against the glass too. One of the baby rats shifts to inspect his finger.

"They are," Taeyong giggles as another baby rat joins the mess, mildly wrestling the first one for finger-inspecting privileges. "They're like pocket-sized dogs without the bark."

How is it possible for Taeyong to be so fucking _perfect_?

Ten closes the space between them and smacks a loud kiss to his lips. "That's exactly what I say, but no one agrees with me."

"Well, maybe you've met your match."

"Maybe I have," Ten grins, and Taeyong mirrors it.

They look back to the rats, both of them wearing a soft smile and a softer blush on their cheeks. There are four rats in total now, two of them wrestling each other, one drinking sleepily from a water-bottle, while the fourth shifts from Taeyong's finger, to Ten's, then back to Taeyong's.

"I've always wanted to be a rat-dad," he sighs, "but Hero would tear these babies apart."

"You could keep them in my room."

Surprised, Ten turns to him, standing straight again and taking his hand back to his side. Taeyong does the same.

"You'd do that for me?"

"Of course," Taeyong nods. "I'm sure Johnny wouldn't mind."

It takes a slow moment for Ten to react, too overwhelmed. Today just seems to be that type of emotional day where his heart is begging to explode into fireworks. Happy fireworks.

"Taeyong, I - " he pauses. The words catch in his throat because he isn't ready to say what he's feeling in his chest. Not right now. He isn't ready to accept it.

Instead, he pulls Taeyong into a tight hug, holding him closer than he ever has because he's always been better at showing what he's feeling, rather than using words to express emotions.

He thinks that maybe it's the dancer in him. And that maybe it's the dancer in Taeyong that always seems to  _understand_.

 

* * *

 

 

Ten performs his dance final on a Tuesday night.

The last night before the official end of the semester.

Which means there are only two days until Taeyong leaves for Korea for the duration of their winter break.

It's only fifteen days, but Ten is sure _every single one_ of those days will be entirely insufferable.

He finds himself thinking about the coming days as he contorts his body, twisting backward and walking on both his hands and feet with an expression on his face that is nothing short terrifying.

The role fits him well, he thinks. Becoming the devil, as he calls it. Yuta had performed just before him, which was enjoyable to watch. Lisa had briefed him on several tips and tricks just before he'd gone on stage, to which he's thankful for because she's an advanced dancer and her advice is always expert.

When he completes his performance and takes a deep bow, he quickly scans the audience.

Naturally, he finds Taeyong's eyes first, smiling back at him wide and excited as he claps the loudest out of everyone. He finds Johnny next, then Taeil and Lucas and Jisoo because they're all sitting in a line. Behind Jisoo he sees Lisa, then his parents who are clapping almost as loud as Taeyong. Then, he sees the eyes of someone he hadn't expected to see.

Someone who he's missed so dearly that he finds himself smiling wider, walking faster as he shuffles off the stage.

It's his best friend.

The neighbor's son.

"Kun!" Ten yells, quickly crossing the space in the lobby the moment the last performance has been completed and his class is allowed to dismiss.

God - he hasn't seen him in months!

When he'd went back home before the semester started, Kun was completing his senior year of college in China. It had been a boring summer without him. Truly a lonely, uneventful time because Kun has always had something fun to provide.

But now he's back, and Ten nearly throws himself on him the moment they're close enough.

Kun holds him tight, lifting him off the ground as he does. Ten giggles the moment his feet are back on the ground.

"That was an amazing performance, TenTen," Kun smiles.

"Why didn't you tell me you were gonna come?" he whines, angrily slapping Kun's arm.

Kun shrugs. "Thought I'd surprise you."

"Fuck, there's so much I have to tell you," Ten exclaims, practically buzzing in his spot, then, "you have to meet someone!" He quickly glances around him in the mess that is his company, of his friends and family that are dispersed in conversation and compliments as they crowd around him.

He hadn't even noticed when they'd surrounded him, but it takes only a second for him to find Taeyong.

Taeyong with a soft pout and vacant eyes, standing quietly between Lisa and Johnny.

He grabs Kun's hand and drags him across the crowd, patting a quick greeting to Taeil, Jisoo, and his parents on the way. The moment he's within an arm's reach of Taeyong, he holds his hand, too.

"This is Taeyong," Ten beams, pulling Taeyong a little closer.

Kun doesn't extend a hand for Taeyong to shake. He never does because he doesn't believe in handshakes. Instead, he pats him on the back in the most dad-like manner possible. "You must be the boyfriend everyone keeps telling me about," he says. Ten's cheeks flush a subtle pink. Taeyong's do as well.

"I am - "

"Yongie this is Kun. He's my neighbor and my best friend," he quickly explains, very, _very_ excitedly.

"I'm _also_ his beautician of many things," Kun adds, reaching an arm across Ten's back. He pulls him flush against his side, his hand firm on his shoulder.

Ten doesn't miss the way Taeyong's eyes travel there.

Kun doesn't mean anything by it, no - It's an innocent gesture because Kun has always been a bit touchy, without any harmful intent, of course...  but sometimes, it's excessive. In such a manner that it could easily send the wrong message to anyone who doesn't know better.

And by the looks of it, Taeyong _doesn't_.   

Ten, however, is too excited to read into it.

Slowly, Taeyong's eyes drag back up to meet his, then Kun's. "Beautician?"

Kun nods. "Hair, nails, makeup, piercings, tattoo's."

"He's also an artist," Ten says to Taeyong, glancing between his boyfriend and best friend with a permanent smile on his lips. He opens his mouth to gush some more, but his parents are quick to herd them outside the lobby and into two cars.

Kun keeps an arm on his shoulder the entire walk out of the lobby, chatting almost continuously on this or that that Ten barely notices that Taeyong's stride is far behind his own. As they exit the building, he glances behind him to see where Taeyong is and finds him beside Johnny.

He seems... quiet. 

Perhaps a little distant, a bit perturbed.

In the car, Ten takes the passenger seat.

Taeyong sits in the back.

 

* * *

 

 

Dinner with the people he's closest to at Lisa's family restaurant is a fucking dream.

Especially after such a physically and mentally demanding week.

Not just for the delicious food that he's practically grown up with, but because of the people he's surrounded with, too.

Because nearly half of them will be gone come tomorrow morning.

Then, it'll be just him and his family.

Ten finds Taeyong's hand under the table, lacing their fingers and something in Taeyong seems to settle almost instantly. 

He listens to the number of conversations bouncing around the large table. Lucas, Yuta, and Jisoo are no doubt tipsy - their dialogue consisting of a mess of three languages. Lisa, Taeil, Johnny, and his dad are engaged in something that's apparently hysterical, the four of them laughing with tears in their eyes.

His mother is telling stories of his and Kun's childhood to Taeyong as Kun translates Thai into Korean for him.

Taeyong, however... seems _different_.

Bothered, maybe.

It doesn't miss Ten's notice the way Taeyong shifts every time he and Kun share a moment that's exclusively _their own_. The way his lips press into a line every time some fond, cherished memory of him and Kun is told. The way he tightens his fingers between Ten's fingers every time Kun touches him - and Kun touches him _a lot_ because that's just how Kun is. 

It's obvious, really.

Really obvious.

Taeyong unlaces his fingers from Ten's.

"I have to use the bathroom," he whispers after a long moment of staying quiet. Ten catches his gaze just as he stands up, and excuses himself as well.

He follows a step behind Taeyong.

The moment the door shuts behind them, Ten grabs his wrist.

"Yongie, what's wrong?"

Taeyong turns to face him, a sudden glint in his eyes that Ten reads into. Something in the way the dim, pinkish lighting of the bathroom hits his eyes that highlights his exact emotions.

"I just have to pee," Taeyong shrugs. He shifts his gaze to the floor between them, bringing his free hand to his teeth, a nail already between his pearly whites but Ten quickly holds that hand, too.

"Yongie," Ten sighs. "Is it something having to do with Kun?"

Taeyong bites his lip. "I'm sorry," he quietly admits.

"Baby..." Ten closes the gap between them, letting go of Taeyong's hands to fold his arms across his shoulders. Taeyong's hands loosely grip his hips. "Are you _jealous_ of Kun?"

The smirk that quirks his lips isn't on purpose. It's just... _adorable_ , watching Taeyong become all pouty and jealous.

"A little," Taeyong almost whispers. Ten chuckles at the shyness in his voice, the way he bites his lip as if he's contemplating saying something he isn't sure he should say. "Did you and Kun... have a thing?"

This isn't what Ten was expecting him to say.

It isn't something he was planning on _hiding_ , but he _also_ wasn't planning to reveal that information so quickly, either.

"He was my first crush," he finally says. "We dated for like two or three months when we were freshmen in high school."

"So..." Taeyong pauses, running his hands up and down Ten's sides as he formulates his thoughts. "He's your only good ex?"

Ten smiles. "He is," he nods, and pulls Taeyong just a little closer, then plants a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Why did you two break up?"

"It just..." he pauses. He brings his mind's eye back to high school, back to the very hour Kun told him everything in the dusty shed in his backyard. "He fell in love with my sister instead. They're engaged now. Getting married next December."

"Oh..." Taeyong shifts his weight from one foot to the other, his thumbs twiddling almost anxiously on Ten's sides. "I should be thanking him, yet here I am being jealous."

"You're adorable when you're jealous," Ten grins. "And I get it. I'm sure if I was ever to meet your ex'es and crushes I'd feel a little jealous too. It's natural."

Taeyong's lips press into a line. Ten knows he isn't satisfied. He knows he's feeling terrible inside, perhaps even conflicted.

For Ten, however, it's admirable.

He's had boyfriends who were jealous.

The _bad_ type of jealous.

The type of jealous that was mentally, and on one occasion, _physically_ , abusive. He's also had a few who didn't care enough to ever _become_ jealous, but Taeyong... his jealousy is _normal_. It's expected, and the pout on his lips and the sudden show of affection from his jealousy is something that _excites_ Ten.

It's something that has him leaning in very close and pressing his parted lips against Taeyong's in a slow, deep kiss that's no doubt inappropriate for a public setting but he doesn't fucking care.

He loves the way Taeyong parts his lips and slides his tongue into his mouth, the way his hand rides up his back in an almost possessive, dominant manner. He pulls him so close against his body, with such overriding force that a soft moan escapes Ten's lips.

What he loves most, however, is how Taeyong makes him feel.

Even at this moment in a fucking public  _bathroom_ , it's a cocktail of emotions. Of excitement and happiness and Ten curses the universe that it has to come to a halt for fifteen fucking days.

"Fuck," Ten whispers into his lips. His eyes are still closed as he presses another short kiss to Taeyong's lips. "I miss you already..."

"I know," Taeyong kisses him again, then pulls him into a tight hug. "Me too." 

For a few short moments, they stay exactly like that - holding each other. It's a soft moment, the jealousy entirely forgotten... until the deafening flush of an industrial-strength toilet has both of them shaking.

"Oh,  _shit_ \- " Ten immediately brings a hand to his mouth to cover up what is going to be an incredibly unattractive laugh.  They rush out of the bathroom, clutching onto each other's hands and burst into a fit of laughter the moment the door closes behind them.

"I think we scarred them," Taeyong chuckles, his brows turned upwards in slight worry although his face is contorted with hilarity.

"Oh no, baby," Ten wipes a tear, his cheeks hurting from laughing too hard. "We gave them a good show."

"Sound show."

They laugh a little more, almost wheezing. "An audiobook," Ten points, wondering if there was alcohol in their drinks (there wasn't).

They hear another flush from the other side of the bathroom door, then the rush of the faucet.

"Let's go back before they come out."

When they get back to their table, Taeyong is introduced for a second time tonight - to Lisa's parents, this time, and Ten finds that a sort of pride and satisfaction fills his chest every time he gets to introduce Taeyong as _his_ boyfriend. 

When they sit back down, Taeyong easily joins the conversations. There's still a hint of jealousy in Taeyong's stance, in his need to show some form of skinship, to cling onto Ten in any way he can, whether it's by the hand on his thigh or the fingers weaved between his own. And Ten can't help but lean into the touch, can't help but feel something in his chest that feels so fucking good that it almost... _hurts_.

Not just because of Taeyong, but because of everyone around him, too. He wishes his sister was there too, wishes the moment could be redone with her by his side and with BamBam as well.

He thinks that maybe in the future, these moments will become more frequent. That this could become normal... although he knows deep in his heart it never will.

Half the people on this table will be in another country by graduation, after all.

It's a thought that has him quieting very suddenly and exhaling a deep breath.

Taeyong notices.

He brings Ten's hand on his own lap, nudging his shoulder with his own as he leans closer into his side.

"You okay?"

Worry - that's what's in Taeyong's eyes when he meets them. "Yeah, just..." he shrugs, pressing his lips into a line because he doesn't want to admit it, not yet.

That all of this will be gone.

That Taeyong might be gone before his senior year even ends.

Because if he doesn't declare a major by the first week after winter break...

_No_ , Ten doesn't want to think about it.

"Yeah," he smiles as wide as he can, hoping it'll mask the thing in his chest. "Just sad that half of the table will be gone for two weeks."

It's not a lie, but it's not the entire truth, either.

"I know," Taeyong whispers, looking to their joined hands on his lap. It's then that Ten realizes that Taeyong feels it too. That he knows exactly what's playing in Ten's mind. That it's playing in his mind, too.

They share a moment, in a protective bubble that consists of the two of them alone, just... _listening_ to the people around them. To Yuta and Jisoo arguing comedically to something that has Lisa and Johnny cackling hysterically. To Lucas and Taeil mildly fighting over which dessert to order. To Johnny telling them to order both because _"you only live once."_

Taeyong sighs, his eyes still trained on their hands. "I know."

 

* * *

 

 

If Ten had one wish, it would be to slow down time because it's going too fucking fast.

How two days passed so quickly, he doesn't fucking know, but he finds anxiety rushing up his throat as Taeyong checks in his baggage at the airport. 

"One hand carry," Taeyong says in English to the clerk. Ten only mildly hears the conversation, his eyes suddenly spacing out and becoming stingingly vacant.

It's as if he's alone already, as if Taeyong's already left and he's never going to come back.

The thought of something bad happening rushes through his mind in a series of scenarios, each one worse than the one before until -

"Tennie?"

Ten snaps back to reality. "Hm?"

"I'm all checked-in..."

"Oh," Ten licks his lips. "That's great."

They step out from the line. Ten shoves his hands in his sweatshirt pockets, walking in a direction without really seeing anything. 

He doesn't know if Taeyong's even next to him, doesn't know where they're supposed to go but he just keeps walking.

Maybe as a defense mechanism, because he's established a habit of distancing himself in certain situations.  

His steps become faster, his throat closing in when - 

He's being pulled back with an arm over his middle from behind. 

"Careful." He hears Taeyong say. He hadn't realized he was a step away from walking into someone's suitcase. 

Taeyong doesn't move his hand. Instead, he shifts them slightly so they're towards the side, and holds him closer. Tighter, with both of his arms crossed over his stomach, his face _very_ close to his own. He can feel Taeyong's steady breathing against his cheek, feels the wetness of his lips as they pepper soft, heartbreaking kisses down the side of his face.

Ten slumps in his spot.

He doesn't know why his heart is beating so fast.

"You'll..." he whispers, taking a deep breath. "You'll come back, right?"

"Of course, baby," Taeyong says, a pitch to his voice that implies that should have been obvious.

A little of his anxiety fades, maybe because of the reassurance of his words, or the breath against his neck or the closeness of their bodies.

Ten leans back, letting his body melt into Taeyong's. "What if your parents make you stay?"

"They can't," he says. There's a bite to his voice, something determined and resolute. If it was possible, he pulls Ten even closer against him, so close that he can feel Taeyong's heart beating _loud_ against his back. "That's not their decision to make."

Finally, Ten settles. He brings his hands over Taeyong's, loosening his grip just enough to he can turn in his spot and _properly_ hold him. He folds his arms over Taeyong's shoulders - his backpack being too large to manage another position - and steps forward until he's standing right between his feet and tries to shut out the rest of the world.

Right now, he just wants Taeyong. His warmth and his hands drawing him _even closer._

Ten wishes he could stop time.

He wishes they could stay exactly like this until time ends, but too soon he hears the boarding call for his flight in the overhead speakers.

Taeyong doesn't let go. Instead, he tightens his arms around Ten, nearly lifting him off the ground. His fingers are digging into his back with an urgency, and Ten tries to hide his face in the darkest part of Taeyong's neck.

Only fifteen days, he tells himself.

Fifteen days and Taeyong _will_ be back by his side.

He takes another short moment for himself, inhaling the sweet scent of Taeyong's skin and his shampoo, squeezing him just a little closer before he forces himself to pull away.

"Call me when you get home," he whispers, pressing his forehead against Taeyong's. He can feel his shaky breath against his lips.

"I will," he says, and Ten wills himself to exhale the breath he'd been holding the entire time. The overhead speakers announce another boarding call for his flight, and Taeyong clenches his fingers in Ten's side. He sighs, long and heavy with an expression in his eyes that breaks Ten's heart. 

They kiss. 

A beautiful kiss.

A kiss that will make up for all the times they won't be able to kiss for the next two weeks.

Ten sighs into it, curling his fingers onto Taeyong's neck so he can memorize the feel of Taeyong's lips against his own, of the tongue that slips between them, of the hands holding him close. 

Their lips part and Ten pushes his body into Taeyong's one last time with a soft whine.

"I'm gonna miss you so fucking much," he whines. Taeyong fastens his arms around his waist, lifting him off the ground and walks them in some direction that Ten couldn't care less about.

Taeyong gasps with feigned hurt. "I thought you already missed me?"

Ten whines louder. "I do!"

His feet are back on the ground, and he stumbles to regain his balance when he finally lets go of Taeyong. They're standing just beside the departure entrance. Taeyong kisses him again.

Then again, and again, until their hands are clutching onto each other. Another announcement is made - the final boarding call.

"Fuck," he sighs into Ten's lips. Then with one last, _lasting_ kiss, he backs away just slightly, a soft look in his sparkling eyes and a softer smile on his slightly swollen lips. Reluctantly, Ten lets go of the vice grip he has on his shirt. 

"Be safe, baby" Taeyong says, nudging his nose against Ten's before he's backing up farther, and father, walking backward with his eyes still on his own as if there's something else on his lips that he wants to say - Ten can tell by the way they part, drawing in a breath. But the words never come out, and before he knows it Taeyong's already turning his back. 

"Have a safe flight," he quickly yells, his eyes trained on Taeyong's back as he makes his way past the quick-moving line, setting his bag inside a container. Ten notices that he draws out his steps, walking slower, and slower, and it feels like that time in the library when Taeyong asked him on their first date. Just before he steps past the detector, he turns around, looking straight into brown of Ten's eyes and he mouths something that Ten is sure he's imagining.

Something that has his heart swelling, breaking apart and piecing back together. Something that has his breath catching in his throat and a rush coursing up his chest.

Something that has the rest of the world falling incredibly silent.

Something like... _I love you_.


	22. Flameless Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is turning into my child, I swear - 
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter! It starts going deeper into... things, after this one, so I'm excited for y'all to see how the story unfolds. 
> 
> As always, thank you for giving this fic love! It's your amazing comments that keep me going <3

_"I love you."_

An echo, that's what the words have become.

A persistent, soundless echo in his eyeballs that he desperately wishes he could _hear..._ because he can't help but doubt himself. He can't help but wonder... was I imagining it?

Did he say something else?

The thought has him laying rather vacantly on Lisa's bed as she packs her things, his blank eyes staring absently onto the boring white ceiling. He's so encumbered by his thoughts that he hardly hears Hero meowing a storm from her kennel, or Lisa fuming about something he hasn't been listening to.

He jumps when something jumbled and soft flops onto his stomach.

"Are you even _listening?"_

"Sorry," he mumbles, throwing the jumbled shirt back to her. He misses, the shirt landing on Hero's kennel instead which has her hissing momentarily. "Just really tired,"

"I feel ya. It's been a _long_ semester."

It _has_ been a long semester, there's no denying that. But it's also been a _good_ semester.

Very good, if he does say so himself, despite the emotional ups and downs that coupled them.

"Long," he agrees, drawing in a satisfied breath through his nose, then exhales: "but also very, _very_ good."

She meets his eyes then, with a curve of the lips that implies she knows exactly what - or rather, _who_ \- he is referring to. "Did you two get any alone time?"

"Barely," he rolls his eyes, sighing long and tragically. He rolls over until he's laying on his side, facing Lisa. She's holding an array of bra's in her hand, trying to strategically place (read: shove) them into one of her larger bags. "It took so long to get everyone out of the dorm and lock up that I only got one night with him. We were both so tired we passed out almost _instantly_."

"That sucks."

"What about you? Did you get time with Jisoo?"

"Nope. I wanted to go on a date with her before she left, but we had a minor _theft_ issue in the dorm. Turned out the fucker just misplaced their shit in _their own fucking_ room. By the time that shit was resolved, she had to leave for the airport in an hour."

"It sucks being an RA... doesn't it?"

"Sometimes," she says. "But I love that we get our own room."

That, he cannot argue with. He would've hated the thought of sacrificing his privacy for the sake of a roommate - because _where the fuck else_ on this godforsaken campus would he find alone time with Taeyong?

Unless, of course, Taeyong was the roommate.

It's quiet again as Lisa finishes packing the last of her things, shuffling from the bathroom to the closet to the drawers then back to the bathroom because she forgot something.

Ten inhales a sharp breath, then breathes out: "I think Taeyong loves me."

Lisa stops dead in her tracks, a truly vivacious smile plastered on her face as she rapidly turns on a heel to face him directly. "Oh?" She raises her brows.  

"I _think_ ," he quickly emphasizes. "I'm not... _sure_."

"How can you _not_ be sure about that?"

He shrugs. He's wondering the same fucking thing. "He kinda... _whispered_ it, just before he left but he was so far away that I couldn't actually _hear_ him say it. I just read his lips."

She draws her brows together, her face scrunched as if the situation doesn't make sense. "Then why not just ask him?"

"I can't just _ask him_ , Li, because if he _didn't_ say... _that_ , then I'm literally gonna go dig myself a hole to crawl into and I can't afford a shovel right now."

"Then," she pauses, throwing the things in her hand inside a smaller bag, then plants her hands on her hips in thought. "Do you love him?"

Ten stays quiet.

It's not that he _doesn't._ But he isn't sure if he does, either. He isn't sure if the feeling in his chest is real, or if it's something _fabricated_. "I don't know," he finally whispers, the question settling in his brain with the silent echo of Taeyong's lips.

He meets her gaze and finds the answer looking back at him, right on the surface of her eyes because she's always read him better than he could ever read himself.

But he isn't ready to admit it. Not yet.

Not when Taeyong might leave in a few months.

Not when the future of their relationship is hanging on an uncertain string.

As always, she seems to read his thoughts. "Just ask him what he said before he left. That makes it subtle enough."

"Yeah, okay." 

 

* * *

 

 

Just as he steps out of the shower he gets a call from Taeyong. He rushes to dry his hands, fumbling to reach his phone, nearly dropping it into the sink just before he accepts the call.

"Hey," he smiles widely, anticipating for the half-second it takes for Taeyong to respond. He can almost _hear_ him smiling on the other end.

 _"Hi baby,"_ Taeyong says, a bounce to his voice despite the tired undertone. Ten's heart finally settles for the first time today. _"I just got home."_

He leans his back against the sink, crossing an arm over his chest as he holds the phone very tightly in his other hand, uncaring that his body is dripping water all over the mat. "How was the flight?"

 _"Longer than the first time."_ He hears some shuffling on the other end of the line, mixed with some distant chirping of what sounds like birds. Ten guesses he's outside. _"Are you home now?"_

"I am. Just got out of the shower," he nods, circling a finger in the droplets of water on his arm. He wonders, for a moment, if he should ask him about earlier. He even goes as far as inhaling a breath of air but decides against it just before the first word makes it past his lips. "You must be tired," he says instead.

 _"A little."_ Taeyong hums, the reverb from his voice spilling blissfully into his ears. He sighs at the sound, closing his eyes so he can fool himself into thinking that Taeyong's right there with him. That the steam dancing around the bathroom is his warmth and that the scent of his shampoo lingering in the air is of _Taeyong's_.

Because from the moment Taeyong stepped out of his sight, Ten felt a wave of emptiness overcome him.

A type of emptiness he has never felt before.

"Have you eaten?"

 _"Nope,_ _I haven't started on dinner yet."_

"I miss your cooking."

The sound of Taeyong's soft giggle has his heart spilling over the edges. _"I miss your cooking too."_

"Let's cook for each other when you come back?"

_"I like the sound of that."_

"Good."

A moment passes, then two. He opens his mouth to ask him again, willing his nerves to let go of their vice grip on his tongue, but swallows the words back down. It seems as though Taeyong does the same on the other end of the line.

"Go make dinner and rest," Ten finally says, pushing himself off the sink. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

 _"Okay,"_ he pauses, then: _"can we video-chat, tomorrow?"_

Ten thinks he might split his face if he were to smile any wider. "I'm looking forward to it already," he grins, biting his lip with bubbling excitement.

 _"Good,"_ there's a soft chuckle, then another pause, another string of words that are left unsaid in the momentary silence. _"I'll see you tomorrow, then."_

"See you tomorrow."

_"Sleep well, Tennie."_

"You too baby," Ten murmurs, gripping the phone tighter between his fingers as if it'll make the conversation last a little longer. "Miss me."

_"I already do."_

The line disconnects, but he keeps the phone against his ear, Taeyong's voice still resonating through his mind. For a quick, dreadful moment he regrets not asking him, but decides that he's got two weeks to find the courage to do so.  

 

* * *

 

 

_Ten doesn't remember the last time he was here._

_He doesn't remember the last time the moon was so far from his reach, when the water was so shallow he could feel the slippery lake bed just under his back._

_He also doesn't remember the darkness. The persisting emptiness from the blackening sky... or the smoke._

_The thick, vast plumes of dark, polluted smoke, getting closer and closer with each breath he takes. He tries to move his body, tries to move away, but it feels as if the lake bed is holding him captive, forcing him to sink deeper and deeper and he just... can't._

_He can't stop himself from breathing it in._

_The nicotine._

_He can't do anything but let it engulf him whole, stopping his breath and lungs with one, prominent crush to the chest._

 

Ten opens his eyes.

It takes him a long, petrifying moment to realize that it was _just_ a nightmare. That there's no smoke, no nicotine anywhere near him, and he wills himself to breathe again, to readjust to reality. He finds his phone in the dark, thumbing it open and groaning when he reads that it's only three in the morning.

Shifting the lit part of the phone to the rest of his room finds the reflective glow of Hero's eyes looking back at him from his bookshelf, followed by a soft, guilty meow that tells him that she's dropped something onto the floor.

He lays back down with a tired grunt, swiping aimlessly at his phone when he wonders if Taeyong is awake. Should he text him? It's late, he probably _shouldn't_... but before he knows it, his fingers have already clicked into their chat, his thumbs ready to type out a reply when -

A message.

A message from _Taeyong_.

_< I really miss you> _

Ten reads it over once, then twice, then again just to be sure he isn't dreaming. He wonders how it's even possible for Taeyong to be so in sync with him, and he pinches his cheek just to be certain that he _is_ awake.

 _"Ow - "_ He is.

He quickly types out a reply. <I really fucking miss you too>

<You're up!>

Then: <Shit, did I wake you?>

Ten chuckles, rolling to his side to better hold the phone. <No, I was up>

He bites his lip, then thumbs another reply. <I was just about to message you, but you got to me first>

Taeyong sends an emoji, a surprised emoji that probably resembles his actual expression. He wishes he could see him, could see the way his eyes shine and his soft lips curve into that beautiful smile that lights up the night.

Only when his thumb hits send does Ten realize his fingers have already typed out a reply. 

<Can we video chat?>

He doesn't care about the time. Doesn't care that he probably _looks_ as tired as he feels - he knows he appearance wouldn't matter to Taeyong anyway.

Right now, he just wants to see _him_.

A few seconds pass and he doesn't realize he's holding his breath, waiting attentively for those three dots of assurance.

He nearly jumps when the FaceTime tone suddenly starts vibrating through his phone. He stills for a short moment as his sleep deprived brain tries to process _what_ is happening.   
  
It's Taeyong.   
  
It's Taeyong calling him on FaceTime _at three in the fucking morning_ \- and Ten only had to ask _once_.   
  
He wasn't expecting it.   
  
He quickly shuffles into a sitting position, switching on his bedside lamp and running a hand through his hair before accepting the call.  
  
_Relief_. 

Pure _fucking_ relief.

He sighs through a smile the moment Taeyong's beautiful face brightens the screen, taking in every detail in the very first second - he looks as if he's barely slept, the side of his face is contoured by a dim, bluish light, his hair is a mess, and he's laying in what Ten assumes is his bed.   
  
After a moment he realizes that Taeyong's doing exactly the same on the other end. Studying him with a gaze that's no short of indulgent.  
  
"Hi beautiful," Taeyong is the first to say after a moment.   
  
"Hi baby," he sighs, a feeling of content filling his chest. In the corner of his eye he notices Hero's attention shoot towards his phone.  
  
"How come you're still up?"   
  
Why _is_ he up?

He thinks for a solid second, his mind going back to the nightmare but he shoves it away rather hurriedly. He shrugs, scooting backward to lean against the wall, immediately finding a pillow to hug. "Hero knocked something over and it woke me up," he says, consciously deciding to keep the nightmare to himself.

Taeyong makes an adorable baby sound that Ten would have found entirely embarrassing coming from anyone else's mouth. "How is she?" he asks, and Ten can't help but smile because Hero seems to have recognized his voice.

"Needy as always." She jumps onto the bed, climbing across his lap. Taeyong's face seems to light up the moment he sees her, a surprised gasp leaving his mouth. "She literally heard your voice and like sprinted across the room," Ten laughs, adoring the way both Taeyong and Hero seem to get closer to the cameras.

"Aww, _hi little baby_ ," he coos. Hero continues meowing loudly, perhaps wondering why her _other_ human is trapped in a tiny box, or why he isn't gifting her with cuddles.

Ten watches Taeyong for a moment longer. "How come you're still up?"   
  
"I just," he pauses, the camera glancing towards the ceiling, which has Hero meowing even louder, suddenly looking behind the phone to see where he's gone. Ten snorts at her antics before he's studying everything he can, wanting to learn about Taeyong's space, about his room and his house.

But the only information he gathers is that the ceiling is white.

"Oh my god, she's looking for you behind the phone," he laughs just a little too loudly for the hour, petting a hand down her sleek fur with adoration. She seems to grow uninterested rather quickly, shifting her attention to something very interesting outside the window instead.

There's some rustling as Taeyong shifts his position, then the camera is facing him again, the side of his face now smushed adorably against a soft, baby pink pillow. "She really likes me, doesn't she?"

"She loves you, Yongie," he giggles, but he freezes in an instant. There's an undeniable shift in Taeyong's eyes then, something in his expression that Ten feels so deep inside his heart that he has to force himself to breathe again.

Maybe Taeyong hadn't thought in _that_ direction.

Maybe he isn't wondering if Ten loves him too.

Maybe -

He quickly changes the subject before Taeyong can derive any meaning behind the words.

"Why are you up again?"

Taeyong seems to exhale a breath Ten wasn't aware he was holding. "I've been having a hard time falling asleep lately."  
  
"You didn't sleep last night?"   
  
_"_ I did," he nods, "I always fall asleep when I'm with you."   
  
He draws in a breath, at a loss for words. He's never meant enough to someone to become their _comfort_. To become the reason they fall asleep at night.   
  
"I'll stay up with you," he suggests before processing the thought in his brain. "Until you fall asleep."   
  
"You don't have to do that, Tennie."

"I _want_ to," he coaxes, looking right into the bright shine in Taeyong's eyes despite the borderline horrible video quality. Even the unreliability of the internet couldn't dim Taeyong's radiance.

"It's okay - "

"Yongie," he says, firmly slipping in that commanding tone with the softest word he knows. "I want to."

A second, then Taeyong gives in.

"Thank you, Ten," he finally whispers, a flourish of affection in his eyes. A look so soft and warm that it should only be meant for the most precious thing in the world.

He can't help the emotion in his voice. "You know I would do anything for you, Taeyong."

It's a strong feeling, and an overwhelming one at that, to spill his heart and to just fucking _say it_. It's nearly impossible not to, really, and Ten parts his lips and draws in a breath to say the thing bursting in his heart but Taeyong speaks before he can get a sound past his lips.

"Ten, I..." Taeyong breathes, licking his lips and looking somewhere into the corner. The momentary silence is loaded. "Never mind."

"What is it, baby?"

He knows what it is. He can see it in those shimmering eyes - _fuck_ , he can even _feel_ it in his damn heart!

Taeyong draws in a long, heavy breath. "I'll tell you when I come back," he finally says.

Ten decides he can live with that.

"I'll look forward to it," he smiles, watching the way Taeyong seems to relax. He leans forward, crossing his legs and trying to position himself in a flattering angle, suddenly incredibly aware of his _tired_ appearance as he'd caught a glimpse of himself on his own screen.

And because Taeyong's gaze is _unyielding_. It's got his heart beating all types of fast.

"I might dye my hair a different color," Taeyong mumbles after a moment.

Well, _that_ has his sleep nearly flying out the window.

Since the very first time he'd seen Taeyong, confused and tired in the long library line, the color of his hair has only shifted _within_ the shade - so Ten is more than a little excited.

And he can't help but picture him in a multitude of colors all at once. 

"Oh?" His voice pitches with excitement. "What color?"

"It'll be a surprise."

 _"Oh?"_ he raises a teasing brow, the corner of his mouth curving upwards as he narrows his gaze into Taeyong's sleepy eyes.

Taeyong hums, his eyes fluttering shut for a second before he's forcing them apart. "Actually, I might have _two_ surprises."

 _"Two?"_ he gasps, bringing a dramatic hand to his chest. He holds back the urge to coo because _sleepy_ Taeyong is fucking adorable with his eye smiles and relaxed face. "You've got me all excited now," he says, his voice dipping just slightly.

Shifting, he lays down, pulling the blanket up to his chin. He leans closer to the screen, wanting to get a closer look so he can once again fool himself into thinking that Taeyong's right there with him. He studies him, memorizing the way his soft, faded hair falls just over his eyes, or the shadows his lashes cast over his cheeks because the dim light is at that perfect angle behind him. Ten etches it in his mind, then closes his eyes.

Because maybe he can _pretend_ that Taeyong is just an arm's length away, that he can feel the mint of his breath against his lips as he sighs. He thinks if he tries hard enough, if he closes his eyes tight enough, he could feel the blaze of Taeyong's fingertips against the side of his face, or the brush of his lips against his neck.

Ten doesn't open his eyes when Taeyong replies.

"I don't think I've ever looked forward to the end of vacation before this one."

Neither has Ten.

Vacation has always been a thing he wishes was _longer_ , and he'd dreadfully count the days as they neared the end but this time? This time, he can't fucking wait for it to be _over_.

"Me too," he whispers, peeking through the thin slits of his eyelids. Taeyong's eyes are closed, his breathing nearly evened, and Ten looks for a moment longer before shutting his eyes too. He brings the phone closer to his face, so close that he can almost hear Taeyong's steady breaths.

It's become a lullaby he's used to. Something he looks forward to because he's spent so many nights with Taeyong that it's become... _normal_. That Taeyong's warmth has become home - that _his voice_ has become home.

He thinks of those nights as sleep finds him, as his eyelids project the place he always seems to go when he's with Taeyong. To that lake with the purple skies. Where the moon is so close and so large that Ten can reach towards it and feel its graze against his fingertips as its low hum reverberates deep in his chest.

"Goodnight baby," Ten murmurs. He doubts Taeyong heard him, but he's too sleepy to say it any louder. The distinction between dream and reality is already so thin that it's barely visible, the events of the day blending with the hues of the skies and the oceans of his dream when he hears something soft and beautiful that makes his heart smile.

A soft whisper that's soaked with sleep.

"I love you, Ten."

It has the sky in his dream suddenly pouring, the colors blending like watercolors as they paint his chest. He knows the words aren't _just_ a dream. He can hear the grainy speaker quality of his phone, and he wills himself to open his eyes so he can convince himself to accept it... but he's too tired, too fucking drained from the entire semester and he _can't_.

So he whispers it in his mind, into the cratered surface of the moon smiling back at him.

_I love you too_

 

* * *

 

 

Last night was the best sleep Ten has had in a long fucking while.

He wakes up at the comfortable hour of lunchtime, to the hearty aroma of his parents cooking.

He really missed this, being _home_. It's a comfort he rarely receives at the dorm.

His dorm room is barely occupied with any of his things, only with the bare minimum he needs to survive college. His home, however, has everything that holds importance to him. The little trinkets and memories, the drawings on the walls from when he was a kid, of Kun and Lisa's and his sisters too. The art projects and awards. His entire life is here, within these four walls of his home, and even more so in his room.

It's an extension of himself. The walls painted on and covered with things he's collected over the years, of inspirations and memories.

At the dorm, however, despite having lived there for four years... it's bland. The only sense of home he finds there is from the people he surrounds himself with, rather than the place itself.

The comfort nearly has him forgetting about last night, and he shoots up from bed the moment he remembers.

"Shit," he breathes, quickly grabbing his phone. "Shit, _shit!"_

He sees that Taeyong was the one to end the call - at four in the fucking morning.

Meaning if Ten had said _those_ words out loud, if it hadn't just been a dream, Taeyong _must_ have heard him.

He wasn't ready to say it. 

Not yet. 

He wants Taeyong to say the words first - when he's wide awake and within a close distance of him - so he can be sure. 

He ponders for a frustrating moment, hunching over as he stares blankly at the screen as if it'll provide him with a solution. He thumbs into their chat, typing out a reply, then deleting it. Then typing out another reply, shaking his head and deleting that too.

Then, he takes a deep breath, unaware of the worry on his face until his mother catches his attention.

"You look distressed," she says, making him jump. She's leaning halfway into the doorframe, wearing her favorite apron.

"Not distressed," he quickly mumbles, slowly typing out another reply with a careful choice of words.

"Okay," she sighs. Ten knows she can read the distressed undertone in his voice. "Lunch is ready."

"I'll be right there."

He hits send.

 

<Were you able to fall asleep? I didn't sleep talk, did I? I say embarrassing things sometimes when I'm really tired... >

 

* * *

 

 

"I'm sorry, but _what_ do you want me to do?" Kun's voice pitches nervously, his face perplexed as he massages his temples with his pointer and middle fingers.

This has been one of Ten's better ideas, if he does say so himself. It had come to him in passing a few times before, but some time during lunch he'd settled on the decision to make it _happen_ \- which finds him at Kun's salon a few hours before dinner.

"I want you to dye my hair a soft baby pink and pierce my nipples."

"Yeah, uhm... that _second part_ is what I don't understand... "

"I want you to pierce my nipples, what's so hard to understand about that? Do you want me to say it in English? In Chinese? Korean?" he deadpans, sinking back into the salon chair, then adds as an afterthought, "I actually don't know how to say nipples in Chinese."

He watches as Kun sighs long and hard, rubbing his palm across his face as he presses his lips into a tight line. Ten shakes slightly when his phone vibrates in his hand.  

It's a text message.

"Why your _nipples?"_

Quickly glancing from his phone to Kun, he raises a suggestive brow at that. "Is that _really_ something that needs elaboration?"

Ten sees the exact moment Kun connects the dots. He smirks at the way Kun groans and throws himself back into his chair with disgust. Ignoring him, Ten continues navigating into the messaging app.

"Can't you pierce _something else?"_

He touches Taeyong's name to see their chat, Kun's complaints becoming a muffled background noise as he reads over the text.

<Baby, I slept better last night than I have all month>

Then another text:

<You didn't say anything embarrassing at all>

And another:

<Just goodnight and then you fell asleep>

_Another:_

<Thank you for last night>

It's the longest string of consequent texts Ten has ever received but... _thank god_ \- he sighs in relief, finally shifting his attention back to Kun, who is staring at him with an exasperated expression.

"Sorry, what?"

Kun throws his head back against the chair, groaning as he does. "Pierce something else!"

Ten raises a brow. "Why?"

"Because," he enunciates the syllables, suddenly leaning closer to Ten as if to keep the conversation strictly between them. "That spot is easily infected and let me tell you from experience, _nothing_ is more of a turn-off than a swollen, bumpy, puss-filled nip."

Well, _that_ has him rethinking his decision. He pulls a disgusted face, imaging the scenario for a split second. "Fine," he whines, rolling his eyes. "Pierce my belly-button then." 

* * *

 

 

Tucking in a few revealing strands of hair under his beanie, Ten takes a deep breath. He waits impatiently, adopting an awkward sitting position on his bed due to the new addition on his body.

When the FaceTime tone rings through his phone, he glances to the mirror one more time just to be sure his hair is hidden, then quickly accepts the call. 

It seems as though they both take a moment, as they usually do, just to look.

Ten looks at him with a soft smile on his lips and affection in his eyes, and he sees Taeyong doing exactly the same.

Just... looking, silently.

Taeyong seems to be inside a room - a plain, modernly decorated room that seems as though it should belong to a guest. He's just stepped out from the shower, Ten can tell from the way the wet ends of his hair stick together. His body is covered with the softest violet sweater Ten has ever seen, although it's not nearly as soft as the expression Taeyong is wearing.

It's an expression that Ten would kill for if he had to.

"I'm guessing my surprise is hiding under that hat?" Taeyong is the first to say after a moment.

"You're _very_ perceptive," he articulates, narrowing his gaze into Taeyong's. It was stupid of him to think he could be _subtle_ \- not just because he's wearing a damn t-shirt, which directly contradicts the hat, but also because Thailand isn't exactly the place to wear a thick wool hat in any season.

Taeyong hums thoughtfully, leaning his chin on his knuckles as he leans _very_ close to the frame. Ten can tell he's trying to catch a glimpse, but the sudden investigation has him stiffening, becoming self-conscious.

After another second, he finally distances himself from the camera, although only by a little. "I'm going to dye mine the morning before I come back."

"So it's nice and fresh for me to knot my fingers in when we get back in my room?" he replies very quickly, a mischievous smirk playing at his lips.

"Baby, you can knot your fingers in my hair at the airport if you'd like. I don't mind."

Fuck

He'd nearly forgotten about Taeyong's _kink_.

The fucking thrill of the thought alone has a heat pooling past his navel. An unbearable, intense heat that is no doubt amplified by his newest piercing. He isn't even sensitive there, but it makes the rush and the butterflies _that much more_ _powerful_.

"Lee Taeyong," he finally breathes, licking over his bottom lip as he looks straight into Taeyong's dark eyes. "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

"I think I'm suggesting something _better_."

_Fuck_

Ten can almost imagine it - fucking Taeyong in an airport bathroom. He would, too, but he doesn't want his first time topping Taeyong to be in a _public_ area.

He'd rather have it be romantic and hard, with some candles and soft tunes as he pins Taeyong's wrists with a hand, the other knotted in his hair as Taeyong screams his name for the entire building to hear. 

"You should be careful, Yongie," he says lowly, "you don't wanna get me hard when you can't do anything about it."

A bright red flushes across Taeyong's cheeks. He slumps forward, bending so far that Ten only sees the crown of his head. Taeyong squeals - a sound he rarely gets to hear these days.

Taeyong lifts only his head, and Ten smiles at the adorable reaction. "You're lucky your parents don't speak Korean," he says in a hushed tone.

 _That_ has Ten slapping a hard hand over his mouth, his eyes getting wider as he realizes something _terrible_.  

" _Fuck_ , did your parents hear me?" he whispers harshly, his eyes instinctively glancing around the visible area of his screen for any other signs of life.

"No, no," chuckles Taeyong, shaking his head. "I doubt they did. They're upstairs."

"Oh _thank god_ ," he exhales a breath of relief, his hand finding itself over his heart. "Are you in a guest room or something?"

Taeyong shakes his head. "No, I'm in my room," he tells, circling the camera to show more of _his_ _room_. 

For a considerable second, Ten is at a loss for words. He doesn't understand how someone with so much personality could possibly have a room so... _impersonal_.

The room is... _the opposite_ of Taeyong - _Taeyong_ who is so colorful and sanguine and makes a statement of his existence like fire.  

The decorations look like model rooms from a fucking _IKEA_. The walls are empty, the shelves holding nothing practical. The bed is the only thing in the entire room that seems to hold any customization, the baby pink contrasting the dullness of the rest of the room.

Hell, Taeyong's side of the room in _their fucking dorm_ has more of _Taeyong_ in it than this does!

Ten draws his brows together, opening his mouth, then closing it again.

"It's very boring, isn't it?" Taeyong chuckles dryly, reading his confusion.

"Not to be mean," he pauses, "but _yes_ , it is _very_ boring. Do your parents not let you decorate it or something?"

He'd said it as a joke, but the look on Taeyong's face tells him that he's hit jackpot.

Ten curses his mouth.

"They're very... _strict_ , about the representation of their house."

Ten hardly misses the choice of words.

And something tells him that he and Taeyong's parents are not going to get along very well.

"But... it's _your_ house too."

Taeyong only shrugs. The camera shakes a little as he moves to stand up. "Doesn't really feel like it is," he whispers, setting the phone down on some kind of hard surface. Ten can only see the ceiling. "They threw a fit over my pink sheets. When I came back home they were back to fucking _grey_. I changed them back instantly."

"Baby I'm so sorry," Ten says, feeling a pang in his heart that seems to urge him to give Taeyong everything he might ever want.

It's not just a feeling, he realizes. He confirms it as a thing he _wants_ \- giving Taeyong everything in the world. Giving him the world, the entire fucking universe itself.

The thought of Taeyong's bright personality being suppressed, it's scandalous, and Ten grits his teeth.

He doesn't realize Taeyong's facing the camera again.

"It's okay," Taeyong smiles, shrugging it off as if it doesn't matter. "I'll eventually have a place of my own where I can customize the crap out of it," he laughs, and Ten feels a fragment of his worries fade away. "Can I see your room?"

"Oh," he darts his eyes across his room. It's a fucking _mess._ He'd meant to clean it today, but the belly-button piercing is limiting his physical activity by a considerable amount.

Regardless of the mess, he gets up and shows Taeyong everything because he's more than willing to fulfill even Taeyong's smallest of requests.

He shows him the artwork scattering his walls, the posters he has of a few of his favorite artists. He proudly shows off the pride flag hanging over the top of his window, the fairy lights lining his ceiling and the array of trinkets and gems that he's collected over the years.

 _"Ow - "_ Ten holds back a sound when he bends down too fast, forgetting about the damn piercing, again.

To his misfortune, Taeyong notices.

"Are you alright?"

Fuck, there's concern in his voice. Ten curses himself for not being careful.

"Yeah, yeah," he quickly reassures, moving to stand back up but his entire face squints at the sudden sting of pain.

Now, he's used to pain. Getting the cartilage of his ear pierced hurt like a fucking bitch and this is _nothing_ compared to that, but ear piercings have never limited his movement.

The position he sleeps in, yes, but never his movement. 

So this is new.

Taeyong's brows come together in worry. "Does your stomach hurt?"

A defeated, cry-like-laugh is all Ten can manage, and he throws his head back because he's just ruined his surprise. "No, uhm... " he bites his lip, contemplating for a long, hard moment before he sets the phone down on the closest thing he can find - his dresser. He quickly lifts up his shirt, inspecting the piercing to see if it's... presentable. Thankfully, it's only very slightly red.

"I, uh... did a thing," he says, picking up the phone again. He meets Taeyong's worried gaze, holding the contact for a moment before he shifts the camera of his phone lower. "I was gonna surprise you, but..." he pauses, holding the phone over his stomach as he carefully pulls his shirt up past his navel.

Taeyong gasps, loud and sharp. " _Ten,_ oh my god!"

Success. It's precisely the reaction he was hoping for. "Do you like it?"

He sees Taeyong lean very close to his screen, wanting to get a better look at the simple silver metal adorning his body.

"I fucking love it, Ten, I," he stammers, his mouth opening and closing as if he's at a loss of words. Ten brings the phone back to his face, a satisfied smile on his lips as he perches at the edge of his bed. "Did you, did you get it because... "

Ten recognizes the shyness in his voice. "Because you said you like my piercings? Yes."

There's a flash of affection in Taeyong's eyes then. A warm, gentle flame in his irises that Ten can almost feel. "Thank you, baby, but you didn't have to do it for me."

Oh, how Ten wishes he could show Taeyong that he would do anything for him. He could ask for the stars themselves and Ten would find a way to bring them to him. 

"Taeyong," he breathes, "baby, _Yongie_ \- I want you to understand that I would do anything for you. I want to give you everything you ever ask for because you deserve nothing less."

A moment, and Taeyong stays silent. He brings a finger to swipe under his eye, his head dropping between his shoulders and Ten wishes he could reach through the screen and gather him in his arms.

"Thank you," Taeyong whispers, his voice shaking. He swipes under his eye again. "Thank you Ten."

"Baby... "  Ten exhales, his eyes trained on Taeyong's frame. He feels the words at the tip of his tongue, waiting to be said aloud but before he can manage a sound, there's a loud knock on Taeyong's door that has both of them startling.

Taeyong's head shoots in the direction of his door, and he quickly wipes his tears with a rough hand.

"Coming!" he yells towards the door, then meets his eyes with a heavy sigh, his voice very quiet. "It's my parents."  

With reluctance, Ten nods. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

"Miss me a little more."

"I already do," Taeyong whispers softly, a look in his eyes that he's seen once or twice before - the one reserved for the most precious things to his heart. Taeyong blows him a kiss just before he ends the call because _of course_ he's got to be cheesy every now and then.

It's just how Ten loves him.

 

* * *

 

 

Tomorrow comes and Ten doesn't get to see Taeyong.

Or the next day, or the day after that.

The only communication he has sustained with his boyfriend is through text.

He knows Taeyong has been caught up in some family business. He'd been tempted to ask what the nature of the business was, but decided against it should he seem too nosy.

For now, he just hopes Taeyong comes back by the end of the vacation.

He thinks of this as he stares down at their chat, reading over Taeyong's newest message as he tries to distract himself in the hospital waiting room.

A few nights ago, his father had come down with an infection of some kind. Ten didn't get the name of the virus, but it was supposed to be something incredibly treatable.

Except, his insurance wouldn't approve the medicine, because there are  _other options._

Meaning the insurance company doesn't want to pay.

After a day of fighting with the insurance company, they cut Ten's family a deal - they'd pay for one-fourth of the bill.

Fuck, Ten almost punched a hole through the phone when he'd heard it. If it wasn't for his mother and Kun, he and his sister would've shown up to the damn company itself and forced them to pay for the whole fucking thing.

That same night, his sister, Kun, Lisa, and himself were sat in a corner of the hospital, trying to think of a solution when his mother found them.

She had that look on her tired face - the one where Ten knows she's just sacrificed something _big_.

A loan.

A loan from their house.

A loan that would put them in such a deep financial pit that they might never see the surface again.

That's when the four of them decided on a solution.

 

"Dad should be out of the hospital by tomorrow night," his sister says. "I should be able to work from home for another few days."

Lisa and Kun tell something then, something about how Lisa will work extra shifts at her family restaurant, or how Kun scored a wealthy client that alone could pay for a quarter of the loan.

"Any luck?" asks Lisa. Ten barely glances in her direction, his eyes being too focused on his phone screen.

"I'm working on it," he quickly says, typing out a reply to Taeyong, then closing that window and going into another chat.

Ten knows what he needs to do. Working at the library only brings home so much money, but it's not enough. He needs to get a second job, fast.

He reads over another text, one from a friend - Gan, an old friend from the neighborhood - who has more connections than the prime minister of Thailand.

"Gan came through," he mumbles mostly to himself, his thumbs working quickly to type out a reply. "She found me an offer."

"When?" Kun is the one to ask this time.

"Thursday. It's a few minutes away from the dorms," he says, looking up and meeting his sister's eyes first, then Kun's, then finally Lisa's.  She seems to read the decision he's made - he can tell from the look in her eyes and the subtle press of lips. He keeps her gaze and says, "we'll leave Wednesday."

Lisa nods.

 

* * *

 

 

That night, Ten was able to see Taeyong through the limited quality of his camera.

"He's doing better," he says as he flits around the kitchen. He's perched his phone on the counter, balancing it against a box of cookies as he prepares the only meal he knows. "How's the situation with your family?"

Ten had found out just a few days earlier through a phone call, about Taeyong's... _visitors_.

The side of his family that's grossly conservative and anti-everything.

Taeyong had spent the entirety of an hour that night in a bathroom, talking in hushed whispers to Ten about the ordeal his family is putting him through with the twenty questions about his future and his future with the business.

He'd become so overwhelmed that by the time he'd managed to lock himself in the bathroom and called Ten, his voice was already shaking.

It's the first time Ten heard him sound so... _broken_. So torn. So desperate that Ten could almost hear his tears against the speaker of the phone.

It's also the first time Ten felt the urge to drop all his money on a plane ticket to Korea, but Taeyong convinced him for the better - he knows about his dad's condition.

The condition of his family's financial status, however, Ten has not yet disclosed.

And he isn't planning to, either.

Glancing to the camera he finds Taeyong's tired eyes following him with a fondness that has a smile quirking his lips.

"It's okay," Taeyong says, although his voice doesn't sound convincing at all. "They leave in a few days."

Ten crosses the kitchen to where the camera is and leans on his elbows until his face is very close to the screen. "Baby," he sighs, his expression serious and worried. "I want you to know that if it ever gets too suffocating in your home, if you ever feel like you need to get out," he pauses, searching Taeyong's eyes as he says in a soft, but adamant voice: "if you ever need a place to just relax and be yourself, my home is always open to you. You are welcome to come here whenever you need to, okay?"

For a short moment, it looks as if Taeyong might cry. He sees the glint in his eyes, the fleeting glimmer of wetness over his eyeballs but he wills them back in his sockets.

"Ten," Taeyong almost whispers. He's looking down now, probably to his lap. His bangs are covering most of his face and Ten shifts forward before he realizes it's just a screen. That he can't reach forward and lift his face by the chin, or tuck his hair behind his ear. Taeyong looks up then, enough to meet his gaze and Ten can see the cogs of his thoughts working in the brown of his eyes. He's trying to find the right words to say. "Thank you," he finally says.

Ten can't help the smile on his lips. "You don't have to thank me. Just... promise me you'll tell me if you need a place to go, or need someone to talk to, or anything, okay?"

When Taeyong nods, his eyes meeting his own for a short moment, Ten sees how much this _really_ means to him - how much _he_ means to Taeyong.


	23. Pour Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is 7k words, so be prepared y'all. 
> 
> I'm gonna get around to reading/replying to comments tonight. Even if I don't reply, please know that i read and cherish every single comment. 
> 
> Also, there's no angst in this chapter, don't worry. It's soft and fluffy. 
> 
> And very smutty. (I'm going to hell for this I swear)
> 
> The angst comes after a few more chapters.

The Monday Taeyong is to return to Thailand finds Ten with a considerable bounce to his step.

Not even the insufferable atmosphere of the bar he now works at could dampen his mood today.

He'd been sure to squeeze in as many hours as he could, working early into dawn. It isn't easy - he hates this job. Hates the reek of alcohol and people.

Most of all, he hates the smoke.

The cigarette butts and the ashes, scattered and smushed in every corner and every pot whether it's meant for it or not. It's a persistent reminder of what he used to be. Of what he used to _value_. And he admits that he's a little afraid that the wrong type of push could bring him back to that nightmare.

He fucking hates it, but he's endured it - not that he has much of a choice.

So he's worked thirty-five dreadful hours in just four days, just so he could have tonight off.

Tonight is special.

It's his first night with Taeyong since their first time - their first _proper_ night together, since their first time.

"Is this too much?" he asks, checking himself in the mirror. He turns to Johnny and Lisa, both of them lounging on his bed. To his surprise, Hero is fervently commanding Johnny's attention with a series of loud meows. Johnny seems hilariously perplexed.

"It's... " Lisa pulls a face, turning towards Johnny. They share a look.

" _Fine_ ," Ten whines. He knows that look. It's her look of disapproval.

"It's not _bad_ ," Johnny starts, "but it's too direct to wear to _the airport_."

Ten sighs, staring at himself in the mirror.

Well, they aren't _wrong_. He'd suspected it himself, that the black, sheer silk crop-top was perhaps a bit _much._

He can't help it, though. He's impatient to show off his new piercing, particularly so now that he's used to it.

"Just wear something over it," Lisa suggests after a moment. "It'll be like a hidden surprise when he takes it off you."

He turns on a quick heel, his eyes brightening. "Lisa you're a fucking genius!"

"Oh god," Johnny groans at the same time, throwing his head back. "I did not need that visual. Please keep your sex talk away from me."

Ten shoots him a suggestive look.

"You're lucky you're not in the room next to mine, or else you'd have some wonderful _audio_ to accompany that visual."

"I don't need to be in the room next to yours for that, Ten, I could hear you _just fine_ from down the fucking hall," he cries, an absolutely comical look of annoyance on his face that has both Ten and Lisa doubling over.

"I'm not gonna be the one you'll hear tonight," he winks.

" _God_ , Ten, _please_ -"

"Yes Johnny, those are the words Taeyong will be screaming tonight," he smirks. "May I suggest staying in Taeil and Lucas' room for the night?"

"I would really suggest you listen to him, John-John," Lisa shrugs. Ten pulls out a light jacket to wear over his shirt.

"Don't call me that."

"John," Ten giggles, fitting his arms inside the sleeves. He watches as Johnny's face contorts into a truly pained expression. "Ama-John."

"That doesn't even make _sense_ \- "

Lisa snickers. "John's banana."

"That's it, I'm out," Johnny throws himself off the bed. "Have fun tonight, give Taeyong my regards. I'll be on the top floor of this godforsaken building if anyone needs me."

Lisa gets up too, moving to gather Hero in her arms. "We should get going too."

"You have everything of hers?"

She nods. "Yup. Let's go you fluffybutt," she coos, adjusting Hero's harness and grabbing her bag of things before following Johnny out the door. Ten waves a quick goodbye to them before focusing on getting his room ready for Taeyong.

 

* * *

 

 

There are only a few minutes left until Taeyong's plane arrives.

Quickly, he shuffles his way to the closest bathroom to check himself one last time.

He works his fingers into his hair, mussing it just slightly so it falls just barely over his eyes. Kun had touched it up the morning before he'd left his parents house, adding in a particular hue of orange over the shaven part above his nape to complement the baby pink above it. He unzips his jacket just past his clavicle, so the sheer black silk is peaking from underneath.

Satisfied, he exhales a steadying breath.

Hair, perfect.

Outfit, perfect.

Face, perfect.

Now he's ready.

He walks out of the bathroom with a wide, excited smile and a bounce to his step that's far stronger than earlier.

Fuck, he's really nervous.

Not the bad type of nervous, but the buzzing, expectant, joyous type of nervous where he can't contain himself, kind of like when he has too much coffee and sugar at once.

He nearly hops in his spot, his eyes darting across the specified gate as people finally start to emerge from the other side. He watches some of them hug their loved ones, some exiting in pairs or groups, while others walk straight to the baggage claim unperturbed and uncaring of the world around them.

Balancing on his tippy-toes to see over the crowds, he bites his lip, his smile widening, and his heart racing even faster as he anticipates.

Then, finally, he sees the top of a hood he's come to recognize very well.

He doesn't wait.

He _can't_ wait when it's been so fucking long, and he doesn't realize his feet made the decision to run before his mind could catch up.

Ten sees the exact moment Taeyong's eyes find him, the earth seeming to stand still as it has so many times before. As if the rest of the people, the airplanes and the chatter are standing still for them alone because the brightness in Taeyong's happy eyes, the beautiful smile on his soft lips... it's the only thing Ten needs right now.

"Tennie!" Taeyong calls, his pace quickening, nearly running until he's just an arm's length away. Until he's close enough that Ten can reach forward and wrap his arms around Taeyong's shoulders the moment their bodies meet, the force of his pace forcing Taeyong back a few steps. Taeyong instantly locks his arms across his back and twirls them in happy little circles.

Relief.

Ten holds him close and Taeyong does the same, lifting him off the ground. He wraps his legs around Taeyong's waist, uncaring that they're in a crowded, public place. Right now, he just needs to be surrounded by Taeyong. _Only_ Taeyong.

"Fuck, I missed you Yongie," he breathes, his face hidden in the crook of Taeyong's neck.

He missed this. Taeyong's rosy, fruity scent, the softness of his skin and his lips, the warmth of his heart. Ten sighs, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment but forces them apart just so he can convince himself this is _real_.

That this isn't just another lucid dream.

"I missed you so much," Taeyong whispers, his voice dominated with emotion - Ten missed the sound of his voice so close to his ear. Missed the way his fingers draw little circles over the small of his back, the way his heart beats loudly against his chest. The way he kisses his neck so fucking softly that Ten thinks he might fall apart.

For a long moment, they stay exactly like that. Holding each other. Wrapped in each other.

The rapid beating of their hearts seem to regulate, and Ten backs up just enough to catch Taeyong's lips in a deep kiss that feels very different from all the rest - a kiss that's _longing_.

He thinks, for a moment, that he's missed this the most.

The euphoric feeling of Taeyong's lips against his own.

They part for a very short second, then kiss again. Then again, and again, until their breathing is unrestrained.

Ten finally opens his eyes, a rush of happiness tingling his chest as he looks right into Taeyong's eyes, then his hair.

"Oh my god," Taeyong breathes the exact moment Ten gasps, both of them noticing each other's hair at the same time.

He wasn't sure _what_ he was expecting when Taeyong said he would dye his hair, but he's pleasantly surprised.

"Oh, baby... _"_ Ten works both his hands into Taeyong's hair - his incredibly soft, _pastel blue_ hair.

A blue so gentle and beautiful that Ten thinks he could fool himself into thinking he's touching the clouds. A blue that's hued by a few shades, by a subtle turquoise and light teal.

Taeyong finally sets him down. He strokes both his hands up his hair and Ten leans into the touch, feeling his heart flutter out of control because Taeyong's eyes are so fucking fond.

"Ten," Taeyong exhales. Ten can tell he's trying very hard to keep his voice steady. "Did you dye it pink because... " he trails, his fingers massaging up, then down the length of his hair.

"Because it's your favorite color, yes," he happily completes the sentence for him, a proud, toothy grin on his lips as he does.

Taeyong kisses him again.

But with a different kind of sentiment from before.

Their lips part and Ten forces himself to breathe again.

"Do you wanna grab something to eat before we head back?" he whispers softly.

Taeyong pecks his lips. "I think I'd rather eat... _later_ ," he carefully enunciates. "But _you're_ welcome to eat now if you'd like."

Fuck

Ten wasn't sure if Taeyong would actually want to bottom - they'd discussed it briefly sometime after _the_ _first time_ , over breakfast, and decided to switch as they felt... but still, Ten wasn't _sure_.

Now, he is.

And it's got that heat pooling past his navel really fucking fast.

"I do think I would like to eat something now," he finally tells through an excited smirk, lacing his fingers with Taeyong's as they slowly make their way to the baggage claim. "And then I'll treat you to a nice dinner _afterward_."

Taeyong bites his lip, his ears and cheeks turning a bright red. "I'd like that," he says, then his eyes widen with a small gasp as he seems to remember something apparently important. Taeyong stops dead in his tracks, pulling Ten back with their joined hands, then holding him close by the hips. "Can I see it?" He hops slightly in his spot.

Now Ten is the one to bite his lip, and only because he can't help the tremble of joy coursing through his veins. He leans in and kisses Taeyong short and quick. "Not yet."

Taeyong pouts, his hopping stilled.

"But you can the moment we get back to my room and get me out of this jacket."

Taeyong sneaks a hand underneath the jacket, the warm touch of his fingers against the skin of his hips sending a shiver down his spine. "Or I could just get you out of that jacket right now."

Ten tries to keep his voice steady as he whispers, lowly, "patience, baby."

 

* * *

 

 

"Knock first," Ten instructs just before leaving for his room.

He only has about fifteen minutes, give or take, before Taeyong is done showering and changing his clothes in his own room.

First, he cracks open a window. Then, he carefully opens a box that contains an array of the softest pink petals he could collect from Kun's garden, and strategically them tosses over the mattress. He sets the pillows in an inviting angle, with a bottle of lube just by his bedside, and switches off the bright room light. Instead, he switches on a dimmer, more _sensual_ lamp that he'd found in the basement of Lisa's house a few days ago.

Lastly, he lights two scented candles - one rose, and the other jasmine - on the windowsill beside the bed, and one patchouli incense stick in the opposite corner of the room on the appliance table.

When he's done freshening up in the bathroom, his door knocks and he launches himself in its direction to open it.

"Hi beautiful," Ten winks, raking his eyes over Taeyong's body.

He's changed into a more... _pliant_  outfit, something that could easily be discarded and Ten tries not to let the arousal get to him too fast.

Maybe the combination of three aphrodisiacs is a bit much, he thinks, if he's already so worked up.

"You are beautiful," Taeyong breathes, stepping into the room and catching him by the waist almost instantly. "As always."

Ten kicks the door closed. Taeyong kisses him for a moment before his attention shifts to the room.

Surprise.

Ten sees surprise in Taeyong's doe eyes. Happy surprise.

"You did this for me?" Taeyong nearly whispers, his eyes reflecting the soft flame of the candles and the incense and the lamp as he glances everywhere.

"Of course I did this for you," he kisses him again. "The candles are rose and jasmine, the incense is patchouli and they all work as relaxants and aphrodisiacs. I wanna make sure you feel good tonight, baby... " then another kiss to his neck, demanding attention.

"Thank you... " Taeyong whispers, walking him backwards to the bed, his hands working into his hair as if it's become his new favorite thing. "Is Hero with Lisa?"

Another short kiss. "Mhmm."

"Can I see it now?"

Ten smirks. "You gotta undress me first."

Another kiss, then Taeyong's stepping back just enough to look at him.

Taeyong reaches to unzip his jacket, slowly taking his time, stroking his fingertips over the sheer silk, his eyes never faltering from Ten's own. His gaze is fucking erotic. Penetrative. Empowering.

When the zip falls open, Taeyong pushes the jacket off his shoulders, letting it fall to his feet. Only then does he let his eyes wander.

Ten bites his lip, expectant and nervous all at once as Taeyong's eyes find the piece of jewelry, as his lips go dry and his tongue darts across to lick over them.

"Fuck, _baby_ ," Taeyong whispers with a low timbre to his voice, his fingertip grazing along the edge of the piercing with such a bare touch that it's nothing but heat, no pressure. "This might be my favorite one."

Ten shivers. He barely gets a sound past his lips, his grip tight on Taeyong's sides. "I'm glad you like it."

Taeyong looks back into his eyes then. "I have something for you," he says, reaching into the back pocket of his sweats. Ten's gaze follows the action.

"My second surprise?"

Humming, Taeyong presses his lips against his own, perhaps as a distraction. Ten feels the hand just above his navel move up to hold his own, flipping it over until it's palm-up between their bodies.

Ten slips a tongue past Taeyong's lips.

That's when he feels something soft and velvety against his palm. Something light, with the slightest bit of weight. He feels Taeyong's fingers close around his, encapsulating his hand around the item in his palm.

Their lips part.

Ten instantly looks between their bodies to the thing in his hand.

It's a box.

A smooth, black, velvet box.

He quickly meets Taeyong's eyes with a confused look.

"Open it," Taeyong nudges with his chin. Ten looks back to the box, carefully stroking his fingertip across the top, over the gold branding that seems like it's come from a place too expensive for him to even consider walking into.  

"Taeyong," he nearly mouths, his breath caught in his throat as he gently presses his thumb against the seam, pushing the lid open.

His heart almost stops.

"I was gonna get earrings, but then I saw your belly ring and thought this would be more fitting," Taeyong quickly explains after a persisted silence.

Ten can't bring himself to blink, breathe, or move. His eyes are so wide they almost hurt, his mouth left open as he takes in the sight of the beauty in the box.

It's a belly ring.

A beautiful, intricate belly ring that's so delicate and elegant that it breaks his heart.

It has a rose gold finish, topped with an expensive cut of opal that shines a different color every angle. Its dangle is lined with the smallest of light blue diamonds, subtle and tucked neatly into the metal so that it doesn't catch on fabric, adorned with a small crescent moon hanging at the very bottom, also carved from the finest of opal.

Ten blinks once, then twice, stroking the tip of his finger across the jewelry. "Taeyong," he mumbles faintly, his voice nearly inaudible but he doesn't care.

His heart is about to fucking burst.

"Do you like it?"

Finally, Ten looks up at him.

"This is - " he pauses, finding it hard to breathe from the emotion in his throat. He looks back down to the jewelry, his fingers tightening around the small box, then back into Taeyong's eyes. "This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life."

Taeyong's face lights up. "So you like it? I know you can't change your current one for a few months but... do you like it?"

As if Ten could ever _not_ like something Lee Taeyong gives him.

"I fucking love it, but you didn't have to buy me anything. Especially not something this... _expensive_. _"_

"It wasn't that expensive," Taeyong shrugs nonchalantly, but Ten doesn't believe him. He can tell from the cut alone that this is probably worth more than his life. "And I wanted to get you something for a while now."

"But... " he closes his lips again.

When he was young, his mother had taught him never to deny a gift that's from the heart - especially not because of money. He remembers what she had said, that it would break the persons heart to leave their gift deprived, to make a big deal out of something as materialistic as money.

It had been hard for Ten to understand, always seeing things from the perspective of cost, but he'd come to understand it eventually.

And so he closes his lips, smiles warmly and lets the emotion rise up his chest in a flutter. He looks back to the beauty in his palm, then to the beauty smiling back at him expectantly.

He'd never break his heart.

"Thank you so much Taeyong... I love it."

"Good," Taeyong chuckles with what Ten guesses is relief. Ten closes the box, clutching it in his hands for a moment before wiggling out of Taeyong's hold so he can place it in the safest spot in the room.

Taeyong's arms wrap around him from behind. "So, can I get you out of these clothes now?"

" _Please_ ," he begs, his voice unrestrained and needy as he closes the drawer. He leans back into Taeyong's chest, sighing at the lips kissing up the smooth column of his neck, the hand working under his shirt, the fingers stroking up his throat.

Ten shudders when Taeyong sucks a spot under his jaw, his thumb ghosting over the new piercing at the same time. He raises his arms above his head and Taeyong discards of his shirt, his fingers moving to unbutton his jeans.

Ten turns in his arms just as he unbuttons them.

It's easy for him to take control. It's something he doesn't get to do often, maybe because Taeyong seems to take charge so well, or because of the slight panic in his chest, but he adores the privilege whenever he gets the chance.

Ten kisses him roughly, pulling his loose shirt straight over his head, walking them backward towards the bed, or the wall, or the desk - he isn't entirely sure of the direction.

"I really fucking missed you," Taeyong mumbles into his lips, his fingers finding their way underneath his pants. Ten quickly pushes Taeyong's sweats down to his ankles, and Taeyong kicks them to the side.

Still half dressed, Ten steps back.

He steps back and looks at Taeyong.

Naked. Glowing under the dim pink light and the flicker of the candles. "A vision," he breathes, stroking the tip of his finger down Taeyong's throat, his clavicle, down his chest and over his belly button. He stops just at the trimmed line of his pubes, meeting his eyes again. "Always so beautiful."

"Tennie... "

"Tell me what you want baby."

He strokes his finger a little lower, almost teasing the tip of his cock. He's already leaking.

"Can you... "

There's reluctance in Taeyong's voice, in the way he shies away from his insistent gaze, drawing his lip between his teeth. Ten brings his hands to hold his soft face, his cheekbones and jawline contoured by the pinkish light of the lamp and it's as if he's holding the harvest moon.

"What can I do to make you feel good?"

It takes a moment, a long intake of breath followed by a shaky exhale, but finally, Taeyong says it. "You said," he pauses, then, "you said you like things that are soft and sticky, right?"

Fuck - Ten could scream if the situation wasn't so fucking arousing. The dark glint in Taeyong's hooded eyes, the slight upturning of the lips... he has to force himself to breathe again.

"Oh yes," he manages, tracing his hands down Taeyong's sides, then roughly pinning his hips against the surface Taeyong is leaning against - the desk, he realizes. He kisses down his throat. "You want me to blow you, baby?" he exhales through a smirk, always in favor of being direct, particularly in situations such as this.

 _"Yes,"_ Taeyong keens, _loudly_.

Ten kisses a line down his body, dropping on his knees, skipping over his arousal and nipping at the fragile skin of his inner-thigh instead.

"Please - " Taeyong's fingers tangle in his hair, his other hand already clutching onto the desk behind him and Ten teases his head with a light stroke of the tongue.

But Ten doesn't feel like waiting tonight.

He doesn't feel like taking things slow, doesn't feel like teasing him quite as much because it's been weeks since they've gotten the chance to do this.

It's been too fucking long.

Ten takes him whole into his mouth, sucking up the length of his shaft, then hollowing his cheeks and taking him whole again.

"Ah, _Ten!"_ Taeyong moans, the shyness from his voice replaced with pleasure. His fingers twist in his hair, the prettiest, lewdest of sounds rolling off his sweet lips and Ten quickens his pace, losing his mind from the thrill of getting to suck off Lee Taeyong.

From the thrill of his dick inside his mouth, of his arousal leaking over his tongue.

Taeyong's hips buck into his mouth, pushing against the inside of his cheek, wanting _more_.

And more is what Ten gives. He rings his fingers to stroke up his base, following closely behind his lips with an alternating pressure that has Taeyong shuddering, tightening his grip on his hair and pleading him to go faster, harder. Ten flattens his tongue across his entire length, licking across his tip.

"So good, baby, you taste so good," he whispers hotly against his head, holding Taeyong's gaze as he bobs his head again, his dick almost hitting the back of his throat.

It's a good fucking thing his gag reflex is nonexistent, he thinks for a quick moment, twisting his hand and hollowing his cheeks until Taeyong is gasping, breathless, stuttering his name and half a warning before he's coming _hard_ into his mouth.

Ten sucks him through it, taking in every drop, then pops his lips off the tip of his head, licking his tongue over them. Almost instantly, Taeyong is pulling him up, his hands shaking on the side of his face as he kisses him hungrily.

It's a deep kiss, with a tight press of the lips and so much desperation that Ten doesn't get a chance to catch his breath until their lips finally part, Taeyong still holding his face very close to his own, eyes still closed, and breathes, "fuck me, Ten."

 _Fuck_ , Taeyong is something else.

That had been the plan, but hearing Taeyong say it? Hearing him say it after _he's just climaxed?_ It's a fucking thrill of its own.

"Baby are you sure - "

"Yes," he moans, loud enough that Ten is sure the neighboring room heard him. Ten nods, kissing him once, twice, then again before lifting him up by the thighs, their lips still pressed as he maneuvers them to the bed, throwing Taeyong flat on his back with the most amount of care in the world.

Before Ten can climb on top, Taeyong's already working to remove his jeans, his fingers sliding the fabric past his ass as his eyes seem to lock onto his belly ring. Taeyong kisses just above his navel as he pushes his pants and underwear down to his ankles. Then, he kisses to the right of the piercing, then below it, careful not to get too close - it is still healing, after all.

A heat pools there when he climbs on top of Taeyong, straddling his thighs with his weight. "How do you like it?" he whispers, automatically running his hands through Taeyong soft hair, the blue so calming yet powerful that he's reminded of a fire, the hottest, bluest part of the flame.

Taeyong shrugs. "I don't know..."

Oh

_Oh..._

Ten draws in a breath, tilting his head to the side in curiosity until it _finally clicks_. His eyes widen, his mouth opening with a surprised gasp because did not see this coming - not even slightly.

Taeyong's face flushes a deep scarlet.

Carefully, Ten picks his words, ensuring that his voice is gentle despite his amusement. "Are you... a virgin bottom?"

Taeyong draws in a long, strained breath. He closes his eyes tight, then opens them, then exhales, "yes."

"Oh baby," he coos, affection glimmering his eyes as he strokes a thumb over Taeyong's rosy cheeks, kissing his forehead. It's a _privelage_ , Ten thinks, to be the first allowed such sacred intimacy.

But it's also _terrifying_. 

"Are you sure this is okay?"

"Ten," Taeyong exhales, his hands planted firmly on his hips, pushing his front against his own with _purpose_. "I'm positive. I want you to fuck me."

"I like it when you're demanding, baby," he kisses the corner of his mouth, fingertips brushing down his chest. Taking his lips, Ten feels a flutter and a heat all at once as he works him up. As he teases in all the places he's come to know, and all the ones he's about to find out.

Taeyong shudders when he strokes over his nipple.

Ten smirks. "You like that, baby?"

A strained sound leaves Taeyong lips, a sound so sinful that Ten thinks it might drive him mad. " _Yes."_

"I want you to tell me everything that makes you feel good, okay?"

Taeyong only manages a nod, his lips parting to moan as Ten works over his nipple, pinching and rubbing over it.

Tonight, he wants to mark him up.

He wants to be able to see the big purple marks over his body when morning comes, all the little reminders of their sex.

Ten bites under his jaw, nipping the delicate skin before sucking over it. Nice and big. It's one that everyone will be able to see.

Fervently, Taeyong's hands grate down his back, his hips bucking for any type of friction, his hands squeezing his ass so tight that it elicits a delightful sting of pain. Ten is sure his fingers will leave a mark there.

When he sits up Taeyong whines, but settles when he sees that he's reaching for the lube.

Fucking adorable.

He's always so fucking adorable, always contradicting himself in the best of ways and Ten presses a smiley kiss against his lips before popping open the bottle.

"You're fucking adorable when you're needy like that," he coos, generously slicking his fingers with the cool gel. He knows, perhaps with too much familiarity, how _uncomfortable_ and tight the stretch can be when it's your first time bottoming.

Taeyong whines again. "Do you like it when I'm needy?"

Oh, he would say he _loves_ it but decides his first time fucking Taeyong isn't the right time.

"I do, baby. I like you every which way. Needy, confident, shy. I like all of you so much."

Louder. Taeyong whines _louder_.

Ten had forgotten how much _praise_ seems to get him going.

He presses a finger against his entrance. "I like that you're so kind, so smart."

" _Ten_ \- "

Slowly, he slides it just barely past his entrance, his breath catching in his throat at the feel of Taeyong clenching around his digit.

"I want you to tell me if it's uncomfortable," he stills his finger, his voice gentle but firm as he looks right into Taeyong's hazy eyes. "Just tell me if you want me to stop, okay?"

Taeyong nods.

"I need to hear you say it, baby."

"Okay," he breathes, his trembling fingers moving to hold his face and stroke into his hair. "Just don't be too rough.... since it's... _you know_."

Ten kisses his forehead. Tenderly. "I know baby."

"You can be as rough as you'd like next time, once I'm used to it," he chuckles shyly, perhaps as a method of calming himself down. Ten searches his eyes, waiting for the _okay_ , that Taeyong's ready, and finds them gazing back into his own with something that's filled with... _love_. "I trust you, Ten, I know you'll make me feel good."

And it's then that Ten thinks he could say it, that the words could effortlessly roll off his tongue... but he kisses Taeyong instead.

Long and deep with the hope that his lips can say it right into his mouth.

He pushes deeper inside him.

Very, very, _very_ slowly. He's careful to notice every shift of expression on Taeyong's face when their lips part, to every response his body gestures for any signs of discomfort or pain.

Taeyong makes a sound from his throat, his fingers almost clawing into his hair, into his lower back.

Then another finger.

 _"Wait - "_ Taeyong grunts and Ten instantly stills, both inside him and on top. "I need a second, to adjust - " he stammers, his voice a breathy mess and Ten carefully kisses the side of his face.

"Of course baby," he kisses him again, swiping his thumb across Taeyong's cheek. "Just breathe, try and relax. Spreading your knees further apart will also help. You don't have to rush, okay? This takes time."

Taeyong nods.

It takes a solid minute, but Taeyong's fingers finally loosen their vice grip on his back. Ten can feel his muscles adjusting, relaxing just a little around his fingers.

Taeyong nods again. "Okay, I think I'm good now."

"You sure, baby? You don't have to force yourself if you're not."

"I'm sure," he breathes, then, shyly: "maybe a little more lube will help?"

Ten grins, finding his boyfriend too adorable even when he's got two fingers inside him. "Of course," he says, "but you'll have to give me the bottle. I don't wanna accidentally move my fingers inside you."

That has Taeyong blushing. _Hard_.

Fucking adorable.

Taeyong carefully reaches over with a hand, opening the bottle of lube. Ten takes it and pours it over his half-inserted fingers with a careful hand. "I'm going to pull them back out for a second, okay?"

Taeyong nods. Ten sees him hold his breath as he slides his fingers out, then exhales a few seconds later. He pours more lube over his fingers, his fingers stagnant over his hole as he claims his previous position, with a soothing hand in Taeyong's hair.

"Take a deep breath. The candles will help you relax."

Taeyong does as he's told.

Ten slides his fingers in again.

This time, Taeyong moans.

He moans loud and beautifully, his fingers digging into his flesh with something else, the pain replaced by pleasure.

Ten adds a third finger.

He takes the utmost care in stretching him, slowly and fully, memorizing the feel of him around his fingers, his pretty little moans singing into his mouth. Ten indulges the opportunity, the _fucking honor_ of being _the first_ to please Taeyong like this - of being the first _inside_ him.

It's driving him to over the edge, the bubbling need to make him feel the best he's ever felt before, to make this as memorable, as pleasurable as he can because Taeyong deserves nothing less.

Finding all the spots that make Taeyong shiver and shudder under his touch is easy once Taeyong is fully relaxed. Ten studies all of them, sketching the reaction, _the sound_ each touch elicits.

He curls his fingers inside, causing Taeyong to gasp sharply, unapologetically. "Ten," he mewls, "want you - "

Ten pushes up to his knuckles, curling his fingers against that same spot once, twice, then again as he pulls out.

He leans back on his heels, his eyes locked onto Taeyong's. "Beautiful," he breathes, taking care to prepare him well. To use _a lot_ more lube, because he knows the first time will hurt. "I'm so lucky that I get to make you feel good, Taeyong."

Taeyong replies with a sound from the back of his throat. Ten reaches over behind him with his cleaner hand, finding one of the extra pillows sprawled across his bed. He nudges Taeyong's hip with a hand. "Lift this up, baby."

Taeyong does as he's told, lifting his hips off the mattress and Ten positions the pillow under him, spreading his knees as far apart as he can with his hands.

"This will help make it more comfortable," he says, taking a moment to imprint this in his mind. Of Taeyong, beautiful and naked and illuminated, surrounded with soft, pink petals just as he was in his dream, with his eyes looking back at him as if he's looking at his entire world. Asking. Submitting in the most powerful of ways.

A work of art.

Taeyong nods. "Thank you."

Stretching over him again, Ten cards his fingers up Taeyong's hair, their breathing heavy and hot.

He presses his tip against his entrance, catching the gasp Taeyong exhales between his lips. It's clear, how much Taeyong wants this. How much he's anticipating it... but it's his first time.

It's his first time, and Ten has to make sure it's _really_ okay.

"You sure you want this baby?"

This time, Taeyong's voice is firm. "Yes," he brings his hands up to hold his face, thumbs stroking over his flushed cheeks. Ten tries not to get too weak from the touch. "I just want you, Ten. I want you, _please_."

Ten pushes into him.

He pushes into Taeyong for the first time, slowly, carefully, gasping at the tightness despite having stretched him. He feels Taeyong's thighs tighten around his waist, feels him whimper under him and Ten immediately stops.

"It's okay," Taeyong quickly reassures, his voice shaking terribly. He kisses Ten, pressing their foreheads together. "I'm okay."

Fuck, he doesn't know whether to focus on the swell of emotions in his chest, or the feel of Taeyong clenching around his dick.

"Okay baby," he breathes, sliding a little deeper, relishing the pleasant sting of Taeyong's fingernails digging into his back, his hair.

Taeyong chokes back a sound, his eyes squeezing shut for a second before opening them again.

He stills the moment he's fully inside, breathing heavily as he stares into the champagne eyes of his boyfriend.

Of the one he adores.

Of the one he _loves_.

And it's then that he realizes it, when he's fully inside of him, with his face in his palm, that the thing he feels in his chest isn't _fabricated_.

It isn't _just_ a feeling.

It's _love_.

He kisses him, the press barely there because it's hard to hold himself up, the tightness of Taeyong around him too much for his dexterity - especially so because it's been _years_ seen he's been the one to top.

Patiently, he waits. Waits until Taeyong relaxes around him, until he adjusts.

He presses a kiss to Taeyong's temple. "Take your time baby, try and relax."

"Okay," he breathes in, taking a long moment before Ten feels him relax slightly around him. He exhales, "okay, I'm ready."

Ten kisses his lips just as he moves his hips with a slight roll, as a distraction from the pain that he knows will come.

Because he's been fucked into for the first time several years ago. Because it hurt so bad he wishes he hadn't done it at all. He remembers how he wished to be kissed, to be taken care of and considered, rather than _just fucked into._

So he takes care of Taeyong.

He takes care to kiss him gentle and soft, to consider his pain and his pleasure and everything he might need. Everything he might _want_. He takes care to make him feel good, to make him feel loved.

He rolls his hips properly for the first time inside Taeyong, kissing his cheek, his lips.

 _"Fuck - "_ Taeyong grunts when Ten finds a slow, steady pace. His brows turn upwards, looking as if he might cry from the pain.

Ten stops again.

"Don't - " Taeyong immediately pleads, his hand gripping his ass and forcing him to move his hips. He exhales in a low whisper, "baby don't stop - "

So Ten doesn't stop. He finds a pace that's careful and slow because he's worried that he's going to hurt him, worried he's going to make him regret his decision.

But the look in Taeyong's eyes... that soft, warm twinkle... it's begging him to take control.

Begging him to make the two weeks they spent apart disappear, to fill him up with _him_ instead.

Ten quickens his pace, memorizing the pretty little gasps rolling off Taeyong's tongue.

"So pretty," Ten sighs. He's so overridden from bliss that he barely even thinks of the words to say - he just lets them speak from his heart. "So strong," he kisses him, pulls away and finds his bottom lip between Taeyong's teeth. He kisses his temple, his breathing incredibly heavy as he pushes farther, deeper, faster inside Taeyong. "You feel so good, baby."

Taeyong whines, loud enough that Ten thinks maybe Johnny can hear him on the top floor. Taeyong's hips buck, his head thrown back against the pillow as his eyes flutter shut. _"Fuck - "_

He's close.

Ten can tell from the way he clenches around him, the way his back arches and his fingers scratch up his back, up to his nape and fists at his hair.

"Ten, _ah - "_

"You're so _good_ ," he manages to say just before his voice breaks, his breathing too shallow to form words. Reaching down between their bodies, Ten strokes Taeyong the best he can, kissing just under his jaw. Taeyong locks his arms around his back, his hips bucking, body clenching from just a few strokes.

"Fuck, _ah_ - _Ten,"_ he mewls, his head thrown back in bliss as he comes for the second time tonight, spilling between their bodies. Ten follows a few seconds later, filling Taeyong with his release.

"Taeyong, baby," he sighs, kissing Taeyong as they ride through it, coming undone together until their bodies become lax and satisfied, their breathing heavy and hot.

The room is filled with their pants and gasps, each catching their breath. When he pulls out, Taeyong makes a sound. A cute, wonderful sound that has Ten smiling and kissing him again.

"That felt so fucking good," Taeyong sighs.

 _Thank fucking god_ \- Ten had been scared Taeyong would regret it. That he wouldn't like it.

"Good," Ten moves to cuddle him close, but Taeyong is quick to grab him by the waist, keeping him from collapsing on top of him.

"Your piercing," he breathes, looking down between their bodies. Ten follows his gaze. "Don't let it touch that."

Ten had forgotten about _that_. "Shit, thank you, baby." He reaches down, finding the first piece of clothing he sees - Taeyong's discarded shirt -  and wipes him clean the best he can.

When he throws the shirt back on the floor, Taeyong pulls him down, the contentedness of his expression something he's only seen once or twice before - the morning after they confessed, and the night they became boyfriends.

It's an expression that's entirely relaxed. Happy. He seems secure, as if he's found something meaningful, found something that makes his breath hitch and his heart flutter.

He's fucking beautiful. The prettiest thing Ten has ever seen with his swollen, parted lips, the nice big purpling mark under his jaw, on the side of his neck, on his chest, his clavicle, shoulder. There's a twinkle in his eyes, a shimmer of happiness and Ten can't help but grin - _he did that_.

He made Taeyong happy, made him breathless and relaxed and shine brighter than any of the fucking stars ever could.

"I'll get you properly cleaned up," Ten says, stroking his finger down the side of Taeyong's face. He moves to sit up, but Taeyong tugs him back down.

"In a bit," he whispers, his eyes barely open. "I just need a bit."

"Of course," Ten leans on an elbow, pushing some of Taeyong's hair away from his eyes. "Should I order food?"

Taeyong shakes his head, his arms pulling Ten down on top of him. He holds him close.

Very close.

"Need you," Taeyong says, his words short and breathy.

So Ten holds him. He presses Taeyong's head against his shoulder, moving an arm under him to bring him even closer, in a more comfortable position for Taeyong.

He massages his fingers into Taeyong's scalp, in small, soothing strokes, peppering gentle kisses on his temple. Taeyong's fingertips draw on his arm every now and then, his breath hot against his bare chest and Ten decides he wants this for the rest of his life.

That he wants Taeyong for the rest of his life.

After a long moment, Taeyong's breathing steadies.

So steady that Ten thinks he's fallen asleep, until he whispers into his chest.

"I never let myself be vulnerable before," he starts, and Ten stills for a moment, taken aback. "I was always so scared of getting attached, of getting hurt, _used_ , that I blocked myself from any real emotion."

Ten shifts then, and so does Taeyong, both of them moving to look at the other.

"I used to think that this was a vulnerability. That being the one getting fucked was something too exposing, too dangerous... so I never let it happen. The thought wasn't even a possibility until I met you, Ten."

Happy. Ten finds happiness in his eyes as he searches them, his thoughts and his heart overwhelmed by the confession.

"You're the only one that makes me feel safe enough to just... _be me_. To be vulnerable... "

"Taeyong... "

"I never thought I'd meet someone who makes me feel safe."

Tears.

There are tears stinging the back of his eyes, and Ten blinks rapidly to bid them away because he isn't about to cry after sex.

But they spill the moment Taeyong speaks again, his voice loaded and warm and soft. "But then I met you, Ten... I met you and you pieced my world back together just when it was about to fall apart. You pieced _me_ back together, baby, made me stronger and... _happy_. So fucking happy. You made me believe that it's okay to be vulnerable, to expose myself _to you_."

Fuck -

Never has Ten felt such an intense rush of emotions, especially not _minutes_ after climaxing.

He doesn't realize he's crying until Taeyong wipes under his eye, a soft smile on his lips. "You make me the happiest, Taeyong," Ten urges himself to mumble, anything to stop himself crying. "You make me so happy Yongie," he says again, and again, until he's hiding his face in Taeyong's hair, pulling him flush against his body as Taeyong kisses anywhere he can.

It's soft like this.

Softer than any of the moments before, maybe because of the sensual lighting, or the half-burnt candle or the soft petals surrounding them.

It's soft.

"You can clean me up now," Taeyong smiles cheerfully into his chest, sounding more relaxed than Ten has ever heard him.

"Okay, baby."

"For dinner," Taeyong starts just as Ten picks him up, pausing with a scrunch of the face from what is surely soreness. "I'm in the mood for something spicy."

Ten breathes out a laugh, leaving a trail of petals that had stuck to their bodies as he crosses the room, kicking open the bathroom door. He finds the switch of their roles entertaining, but also very pleasing since Taeyong had been the one carrying _him_ into the bathroom their first time. "This is Thailand, honey, almost everything is spicy."

Taeyong giggles cutely as Ten carries him into the shower, setting the temperature a little warmer because he knows that's how Taeyong likes it.

"Beef and noodles then, but spicy," Taeyong elaborates, moving to stand on his feet. His face scrunches again and Ten instantly pulls him close, an arm across his middle as he holds him from behind. A few petals wash off Taeyong's body, floating aimlessly in the direction of the stream. "I like it when you call me that."

"Honey?"

"Mhmm."

Ten kneads his fingers into Taeyong's body, massaging over his skin as he cleans their sticky mess. "What about sweetheart?"

"I like that too," Taeyong says, rolling his head back against his own. Ten kisses the column of his neck and earns a cute grin.

"Cupcake?"

"Oh _god_ no - "

Relieved by the reaction, Ten laughs at the emphasis in his voice. "Good, because I would cringe saying that, even to you."

"Good," Taeyong breathes out a laugh, his body relaxed and leaning entirely against his own.

"Which one is your favorite?"

"Baby," Taeyong answers without missing a beat. "Which one is your favorite?"

Ten hums, thinking. "I like _baby_ the best, too," he says, kissing tenderly at his neck, then his cheek. "It makes me feel all warm and mushy inside."

"Aww," Taeyong coos. "That's also why it's my favorite."

He turns Taeyong's face with a finger to his jaw, then kisses his lips. "How do you feel?"

"Really fucking sore," he sighs, rolling his head back again. Ten rubs the foamy soap over his stomach, around his entrance, and between his thighs. "I don't understand how you managed to walk after that first time. Hell, I don't know how _I'm_ going to walk _now_."

Ten chuckles. "I was very sore too, but that wasn't my _first_ time."

"Don't remind me," Taeyong groans cutely, a hint of jealousy in his voice. Ten chuckles harder, kissing his jaw. "Can we get dessert too?"

"Anything you want, baby. I know a great place that has an amazing dessert menu." He turns Taeyong over then, a hand firm on his hip as he works to clean his back.

"Is it Lisa's restaurant?"

Taeyong drapes himself over his body, his arms stretched over his shoulders.

"It's a different one, with more dessert options, but just as good, I promise."

"Should we get drinks?"

"I think we should," Ten nods, smiling nonstop because if someone told him six months ago that he'd be cleaning Taeyong post-sex in the shower, casually discussing dinner plans, he would've told them they were delusional. Completely out of their fucking mind.

Now, he can hardly believe this is his reality.

That _Taeyong_ is his reality and not just a dream.

A reality he never wants to come down from. _A love_ he never wants to come down from.


	24. Liquid Flame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for keeping y'all waiting, I was dealing with a bit of writer's block but I got past it! 
> 
> I just recently made a curiouscat account ( https://curiouscat.me/Pumpkinlatte ) so ya'll can connect with me on there if you'd like, to suggest ideas/ request fics, au's, etc, or literally ask me anything. 
> 
> I'll also drop my twitter for y'all if it's easier for you guys: https://twitter.com/pumpkinlatttte
> 
> I did want to let y'all know that the story is a little more than half-way through so far, but there's still A LOT that us going to happen! For those of y'all worried about the angst, there's still another chapter before it hits so y'all can relax and enjoy the fluff for a bit. 
> 
> As always, thank you for giving this story so much love! I'll get around to comments soon, I promise!

Early next morning finds Ten _surprised_.

Taeyong has been humming soft things, stroking his fingers slowly, _lovingly_ into his hair, sometimes down the side of his face or over his earrings. He's been doing this for what feels like all morning, but Ten has only been awake for five minutes to know any better.   
  
Out of all the mornings they've shared - and there have been _a lot_ \- this is the first time _Taeyong's_ woken up first. And despite the enjoyment Ten receives from waking up first and cuddling his sleeping boyfriend close, watching his peaceful features, he isn't complaining about missing that chance this morning.   
  
Instead, he's rather indulging it as he pretends to sleep, biting back the violent urge to smile. He just hopes Taeyong won't notice the change in his breathing or the blush he's sure has spread across his cheeks.  
  
Although, Taeyong isn't doing much to help. The fond little touches his fingertips are tracing up his hip. The hand working out the knots in his messy hair, those cute little whispers of affection, sometimes mixed with the soft hum of a song... 

It's as if Taeyong's _memorizing_ him, praising him with his touch and his gaze. Ten can tell despite his eyes being closed. He can feel Taeyong _admiring_ him and he fucking loves it. Hell, he wishes he'd get to experience this particular softness more often and curses his punctual biological clock for always waking up too early. So he keeps his eyes closed a little longer, basking in the gentle felicity Taeyong spreads across his chest until holding back the smile twitching his lips becomes inevitably unbearable.  
  
"Enjoying yourself?"  
  
Taeyong _shakes_.

 _Really_ shakes. Ten peeks with an eye to see Taeyong with a dramatic hand to his chest and eyes blown wide. " _Jesus,_ Tennie!"   
  
"I thought you didn't scare easily," he raises a teasing brow, opening both his eyes now. He works a hand in Taeyong's hair, still unfamiliar with the new color.   
  
While the shades of red had _added_ to the sharp nature of his aura, blue seems to _compliment_ him in the most spectacular of ways, highlighting his features while softening them all the same.  
  
_Especially_ his eyes.   
  
Months ago, back in the library when Ten had first seen him, he'd noticed _his hair_ first - the red being bright and enigmatic and demanding of attention. But the blue? That soft, hot flame? It brings the eye right to _his_ eyes, right to the beautiful chocolate of his irises, the blue becoming nothing more than a gentle afterthought.   
  
"I totally _do not_ scare easily," he pouts. "How long have you been up?"   
  
"Long enough to know that you really like playing with my earrings and hair. And you totally scare easily. It's fucking adorable. Please don't ever stop doing that."   
  
If it were possible, Taeyong seems to pout _harder_ , but this time with a pretty blush across his cheeks and ears. Ten reaches to thumb the pinkish skin.   
  
"How're you feeling?"   
  
" _Very_ sore. I barely made it to the bathroom. I was walking with my legs like five feet apart. It was hilarious."   
  
He laughs at the vivid but adorable visual, lowering a hand from Taeyong's ear down to his hip. "Yeah, that'll happen the first few times," he chuckles, amused by the sudden concern finding Taeyong's expression. "But I'll always take care of you baby, don't worry."   
  
For a while, they stay exactly like this, in delicate smiles and tender eyes, with his hand in Taeyong's hair and Taeyong's fingers drawing circles on his hip.   
  
"Go brush your teeth so I can kiss you," whispers Taeyong, rubbing an encouraging palm up his side.   
  
Obliging, Ten climbs over him, stepping onto the carnage of dried, crumbled flower petals. It's his fault, really. He'd been careless when replacing the soiled sheets after dinner.   
  
"Remind me to vacuum these before Lisa drops Hero off," he mumbles, annoyance tinting his features as he rubs his feet over the cleaner patches of carpet to scrape the dried mess off his feet. "She will literally eat these."   
  
"I'll remind you after breakfast."   
  
The thought of _breakfast_ has him hurrying into the bathroom and within just a few minutes, he's carefully flopping back beside Taeyong.  
  
Before he's even settled, Taeyong hooks an arm over his shoulders, bringing him close against his body and presses their lips together, sighing instantly.  
  
This.   
  
_This_ is the part he loves the most.   
  
Because at god knows what time in the morning, sleep still hazing his mind, is when the kisses are the _softest_.   
  
The _gentlest_.   
  
Taeyong hums again just as they part, as if the kiss satisfied something he'd been craving and Ten kisses him again, a little deeper this time. He pulls him straight against him the moment their lips part, his arms tight across his back as their bodies meld together. Taeyong lodges a leg between his own, sighing again as he kisses his neck. Their position is so intimate that Ten can't tell the rhythmic beating of his heart apart from Taeyong's.

"I really missed you," whispers Taeyong, working a blind hand into his hair, the side of his face smushed against his clavicle, his lashes tickling his skin every time he blinks.    
  
"Me too..." although _'miss'_ isn't nearly meaningful enough a word to fully grasp the desperation he felt. The loneliness. The anxiety and the suffocating emptiness.

No, saying that he _missed_ Taeyong isn't nearly expressive of what he _truly_ felt. He could miss the taste of coffee, or his parent's cooking or his sisters' snarky comments... but Taeyong? It was something beyond just _missing_ him. Something so profoundly powerful and fraught that it left him gasping for air at three in the morning on more occasion than one.

He _needed_ him.

Especially during that last week.

Not for counsel, but just to hold his hand, hear his voice and find reassurance in his eyes.

Ten thinks of this as he finds sleep dawning again, all thoughts of breakfast forgotten behind his heavy eyelids. It must be early if he's still _this_ sleepy. Forcing himself back to consciousness, he mumbles into Taeyong's hair, "what time is it?"  
  
"No clue," he shrugs, his voice sounding equally as tired. "My phone died."   
  
"Mine should be somewhere around here," he blindly navigates his hands behind Taeyong, feeling for his phone but Taeyong finds it first.

"Found it," he announces, shifting away to presumably give it to him but Ten doesn't feel like moving or opening his eyes, and instead nuzzles closer against him in protest. Taeyong seems to get the hint. "Is it okay for me to check?"

It takes a moment for Ten to reply, not at all because he's unsure, but... because Taeyong _asked_.

No one had ever considered _asking_ before. Ten had gotten used to exposing himself, usually against his will, by force or obligation to the person he was dating.

But he's just... never been asked for consent, _especially_ not for something as small as this.

He backs away just a little, enough to look right into his boyfriends' eyes. "Yongie, of course, it's okay. You don't have to ask me," he strokes a thumb over his cheek, "but I appreciate that you did."

"I'm always going to ask before using something that isn't mine," Taeyong casually tells as if it's obvious, as if any other person in the world would do just the same.

"Well, I am giving you permission to use anything of mine," he shifts to his original position, securing his arms lazily around Taeyong's body,  then adds, "except my toothbrush."

"I wouldn't use your toothbrush even if you did give me permission," Taeyong chuckles, shifting a little to peek over Ten's shoulder to see the phone.

Ten waits to be told the time, but if he isn't mistaken, something seems to have taken Taeyong's breath away.  

That's when he realizes that Taeyong's never seen his phone wallpaper, the photograph of that precious moment from Johnny's party.

A few heartbeats pass before Taeyong seems to breathe again.

"How come you never showed me this photo?"

Ten can practically _hear_ the pout on his lips.

"I was planning to, but I get so distracted by you when you're with me that I forget all about it," he admits, truthfully. "And I never really use my phone when we're together, so... "

"That's _literally_ what happens to me when I'm with you!" Taeyong says rather vehemently, a mix of surprise and excitement pitching his voice. "I've been wanting to show you something Johnny sent me like a month ago but I kept forgetting." He feels Taeyong settle against him again, his arm resting over his side, probably still looking at his phone wallpaper. "It's almost seven, by the way."

No wonder he's still so fucking sleepy. "That means we can still sleep," he sighs, relieved. He needs all the sleep he can get before he begins the overnight shift tonight.

Taeyong seems to instantly settle into a more comfortable position at the mention of slumber. "I like the sound of that," he mumbles into his neck, wiggling a little until his body is tucked neatly against his own, with such perfect angling that it seems as though their bodies are two pieces of a puzzle that were made to fit beside the other.

Even after all these months, he is still amazed by how effortlessly they seem to melt with each other as if they've been falling asleep like this their entire lives. As if their bodies and their fingers and lips and their minds were meant to complement the other.

He can't help but thank the heavens for finding Taeyong, for finding someone so perfect for him, someone so inspiring and kind and powerfully _beautiful_.

Someone who has become his happiness, his remedy.

He draws in a quiet breath, halfway asleep when he mumbles almost inaudibly into Taeyong's hair, _"rak na kub."_

A smile pulls at his lips.

A wide, relaxed, happy smile.

He knows Taeyong wouldn't have understood it, his non-textbook Thai being too unpracticed to understand a mumble, but it feels good to just... _say it_ out loud.

"Hm?"

"Nothing," he grins, planting a kiss to the crown of his head. "Just thinking of what we should get for breakfast."

"Rice soup?"

But... maybe, _just_ _maybe_ , he'd been hoping Taeyong had understood.

"Rice soup it is."

But, again, he isn't complaining.

 

* * *

 

 

This is the first time he's craving fruit.

More specifically, _watermelon_.

He thinks maybe he's dehydrated, no doubt the fault of the unhealthy number of hours he's been working just days into the start of the semester. He's drunk water, even sucked on a fucking ice cube but his taste buds seem to very stubbornly be stuck on the crunchy, refreshing delight that only watermelon seems to offer.

After pouring a beer for a very drunk customer, he whips out his phone, leaning on his elbows against the counter as he thumbs a text to Taeyong.

Because yes, he is desperate enough to ask his boyfriend to buy him a watermelon at eight o'clock on a Thursday night. To his surprise, he receives a reply rather quickly.

<I can pick one up before you get out> then another text: <The store closes an hour before you get out>

He begins to thumb a reply when another bubble appears. He's noticed Taeyong's increasing preference for stretching out his replies between multiple messages over the months, but it seems to have become quite consistent now.

<Can we walk back together? I can wait for you outside>

Ten instantly glances towards the large windows. It's raining. A gentle shower, but raining nonetheless.

<Baby, you do know it's raining, right?>

This time, he gets a crying emoji. He smiles to himself, oblivious to the atmosphere of the bar. Talking to Taeyong always seems to bring him inside a protective bubble, something that keeps the bad things away. The smoke, the noise, the people. Taeyong is a shield that keeps him safe.

<You can wait inside. No one here cares, and it's still too early for the bar to be crowded>

Now, the nature of his job isn't a secret. He'd told Taeyong about it shortly before he'd started his first shift... but he can't help but worry that _Taeyong_ might worry about him.

Ten isn't oblivious, after all. He's noticed the looks, the stares and the attention he gets. He knows he's good looking, enough for people to double-take, enough for people to slip their number under the bills and mutter lewd things behind his back. It doesn't bother him. He's mastered the art of _ignoring_ , but still...

It might worry Taeyong.

He shoves his phone back into his back pocket with a heavy sigh when an overtly drunk man stumbles against the counter.

Ten barely spares a glance, used to the mess of bodies that crash into the counter and tables. "What would you like?" he asks, his eyes trained on cleaning a persistent stain on the counter.

"You," the customer slurs. Ten finally glances towards him and uses every cell in his body to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "You're sexy."

"I know," he deadpans. "Are you going to order a drink?"

"How can I not order a drink when someone as pretty as you will be the one making it?"

Ten finally rolls his eyes.

He doesn't have the energy to be dealing with this, and to his misfortune, this one seems to be persistent. "Okay."

The simplicity of his answer seems to deflate the man, although very slightly. "For a such a pretty face, you're quite difficult to flirt with," he sighs, running a defeated hand through his hair. "I'll have a beer."

Ten quickly fills a glass and sets it in front of him. "Have a good night."

"I'll have a better night if you let me take you home," he winks, a smirk lifting the corner of his lip. Ten rolls his eyes again, biting back a reply that's too harsh. He can't risk losing this job.

"Well, then I guess you'll just have to settle with a _good_ night," Ten shrugs, a hint of annoyance in his voice as he narrows his eyes into the others. He's young. Perhaps even younger than him.  

"I like a man who plays hard to get."

God, he isn't fucking getting it. Ten sighs with exasperation, gritting his teeth together and contemplating if he should just walk away, but that would be rude and he might be reported for his behavior.

"I'm not playing hard to get," he calmly explains, but his attention is suddenly very diverted as a whiff of cigarette smoke finds his nostrils. There's someone further down the bar with a cheap cigar between his lips and Ten feels sick, causing a bite in his voice as he almost hisses, "I'm _genuinely_ not interested. Now _please_ have _a good night."_

This time, he seems to get the hint. He grumbles something, his face annoyed as he grabs his drink with too much force, spilling some over the counter as he stumbles away.

Thankfully, the rest of his shift moves along quickly with little to no disturbances. He's fixing a few misplaced bottles of alcohol on the shelves when he hears someone ding the bell at the counter.

"I'll be with you in a minute," he quickly tells, raising his voice to reach over the music.

"Take your time."

Ten turns so fast he nearly gets whiplash.

It's Taeyong. His wonderful, _beautiful_ Taeyong, a flower amidst the trash in this godforsaken hellhole.

He very quickly crosses the small area from the shelves to the counter of the bar, a smile breaking his face as he leans his body over the marble and hooks his arms over Taeyong's shoulders, pulling him into as much of an embrace as the counter between them allows.

Relief.

The rosy scent of his boyfriend mixed with the subtle aroma of rain, the warmth of his body, the soft chuckle... his protective bubble. The shield that keeps him safe from the stench of smoke and alcohol and people. Ten pulls him closer, balancing on the tips of his toes as he inhales a deep breath, filling his lungs with Taeyong's scent.

"I missed you too," Taeyong giggles, rubbing a hand up his back. Reluctantly, Ten finally retreats behind the counter.

"Can I make you something?"

"I'll just have a water," Taeyong says, a look in his eyes that still makes him blush.

"Lemon?"

"Yes, please."

Ten places the glass in front of him, taking his time with the action as an excuse to gaze into his eyes just a little longer, but too soon someone is already demanding his attention.

At least the remaining half-hour passes quickly. He gets to steal a glance and a smile every now and then, cautious that Taeyong's eyes are following him. When there's a break between customers, he'll lean in close to Taeyong from the other side of the counter, talking about this or that or whatever song is playing.

By the time he clocks out and reemerges from the back in his normal clothes, Taeyong seems to be... _alert_.

Much like the time they'd gone to the pet store. That protective type of alert.

"Let's go," he smiles, lacing his fingers with Taeyong's free hand. There's an incredibly heavy-looking, rounded bag clasped in Taeyong's other hand. He guesses it's the watermelon and tries not to study it too much.

Stepping outside onto the crowded street, Ten sees that it's stopped raining. The sweet aroma of it is still lingering in the air, the pavement still wet. The sky is a boring grey, light pollution hiding the stars, the moon just a pale glow somewhere behind thick clouds.

At least it's a little cool, he thinks. He'd hate to walk home in the humidity and risk getting his hair frizzed.

They continue down the street, their pace falling in step as the busy crowds become thin and the roads are nearly quiet. He glances towards Taeyong, swinging their joined hands between them but stops when he notices the concern creasing between his brows.

"What's wrong?" He seems to snap Taeyong out of his reverie, a soft _hm_ leaving his lips as he meets his gaze. "You seem to be in deep thought."

Taeyong looks to the pavement, then back at Ten. "I am," he admits, then inhales a deep breath. "I just, I didn't like the way those people were looking at you. I couldn't understand what some of them said when you went to make their drinks, but their tone didn't sound good and I'm just worried about you, not because I think you're weak, I know you're strong and could beat them up if it came to it but still, with your work hours and the type of people in there... it's dangerous."

He isn't wrong.

Ten had guessed such concerns from his boyfriend. And if he's being honest, those are his own concerns too.

Because yes, he is strong. He could stand up for himself and defend himself... but the people that frequent that bar? The people that come in at two in the morning? With knives and drugs hidden in their pockets, Ten knows he wouldn't stand a chance.

Of course, he is scared that something might happen... but he doesn't have much of a choice.

Drawing in a breath, he opens his mouth with the intent to lie and say there is no need for worry, that there are cameras and strict rules and shit, but he knows it's useless. That place is nothing short of a shithole. A low-end gathering spot for people that could never mean any good.

So he settles with a quiet "I know," his pace slowing a little. "I know that place is fucking terrible, and I hate working there but I don't have a choice right now," he quickly explains, glancing to see Taeyong's expression. The concern on his face seems to have noticeably amplified.

"But... there has to be another place where you can work, maybe a twenty-four-hour convenience store or something?"

"I tried, baby... "

God knows he really did try. He tried every place, whether they were hiring or not, to find something that could fit between his job at the library and his classes.

The only other option was an illegal strip club, and between his current job and that, he deemed the bar to be the better choice for employment.

"I really did try, but my only other option was somehow worse."

A silence passes between them with a soft gust of wind. A loaded silence.

He can't help the guilt that rushes up to his throat. He feels terrible for causing such worry to his boyfriend, especially so early into the semester - _fuck_ , he wishes he could just lie and tell him he'll be fine, that it'll just be a few more weeks and he can quit but he _can't_.

He can't lie. He can't make a promise he knows he won't be able to keep and it fucking pangs in his chest.

Taeyong tugs on his hand, forcing him to slow his steps and turn to look at him. He's barely even walking anymore, his steps stilled on the damp concrete.

"What happened?" he asks, his voice cautious, soft. "I know you're not telling me something because you don't want me to worry, but as your boyfriend, I think I deserve to at least know the reason why you're putting yourself through this."

Fuck...

He wasn't expecting this.

Although, he should have known Taeyong would ask eventually.

Once again he finds himself opening his mouth and contemplating another lie, but he seals his lips again, pressing them into a tight line, his gaze finding refuge on a meaningless spot on the street. He tightens his fingers between Taeyong's before looking back into his troubled eyes and formulating an answer.

"Let's get back to the dorm first," he finally says. "I'll tell you while you cut the thing."

 

* * *

 

The kitchen is, for the most part, empty. Only a handful of people have ventured inside, each in their own world, either with their headphones shoved in their ears or in too much of a hurry to really pay attention to anything else - with the exception of Lucas and Taeil, who Ten had promptly hurried away.

Ten is sat backward on the island chair, leaning his back onto the counter behind him, the position allowing for him to be beside Taeyong, but keep the watermelon tactfully hidden from his view.

He knows Taeyong is waiting for him to start.

Taeyong cuts into the watermelon. Ten can tell by the ripping sound of its crunchy flesh.

"Can I have a bite before starting?" he asks, quietly, then adds: "My throat is really dry."

"Of course," Taeyong nods, spooning out a piece and Ten promptly closes his eyes and opens his mouth. 

He never thought a fruit would provide so much comfort, but somehow, watermelon does. He sighs at the cool taste, opening his eyes again when Taeyong pulls the spoon out from between his lips. 

"When my dad got sick," he slowly starts when he's finished chewing, meeting Taeyong's eyes for a short moment, "his insurance company refused to pay for his treatment because it was too expensive. They wanted to shove us off with a cheaper, ineffective alternative that would save _them_ money."

There's a bite to his voice that he can't control, the mention of the company sending an ominous feeling up his throat.

"My sister and I fought with them for like two hours over the phone and they agreed to cut us _a deal,"_ he scoffs, rolling his eyes, "that they'd pay for a fourth of the fucking bill. A negligible deduction on their end... "

Vaguely, he notices that Taeyong's no longer cutting the watermelon. Instead, he's leaning on his side, his arms crossed over his chest as he listens carefully, attentively. There's worry in his eyes again.

He takes a deep breath, then continues. "One night at the hospital, my sister, Kun, Lisa and I were trying to figure out a solution, a way to really fight with the company, maybe personally go to their headquarters and demand coverage but then my mom came... " his voice is soft, almost whispering as he remembers the expression on her tired face. The expression that broke his heart.

That still breaks his heart.

Taeyong works a hand into his hair, his touch cold from the watermelon yet still so warm and soothing. Ten leans into it.

"She had that look on her face... one that you just know she's sacrificed something _big_. Something as big as getting a loan on our house. A big loan we didn't qualify for, but she pleaded and accepted despite the gross interest they applied to it for the short notice. We knew we'd be paying for it for the rest of our lives, walking on such thin financial ice that if anything else were ever to happen, we'd be _fucked_... so we decided. Me, my sister, Kun, and Lisa... to divide the cost and pay for it together before the interest doubles the amount."

"Which is why you had to find a second job... "

"Exactly."

Taeyong's hand stills in his hair, his eyes focusing on a spot on the counter. He's contemplating, trying to think of something - Ten can tell by the look in his eyes. He's come to read him well.

When Taeyong meets his eyes again, there's something profoundly resolute in them. Something that's been set in stone.

"Let me pay for some of it. At least your portion."

Ten is positive he's heard incorrectly, his voice barely audible as he breathes, "...what?"

"Let me pay for it. I have a lot of money saved up that I'm never going to use, so let me use it to help  pay for it."

Ten blinks. He blinks again, the backs of his eyes stinging because he's just so... overwhelmed, so overcome with emotion that he can't think, can't breathe. He blinks again and feels a wet streak roll down his cheek, quickly shoving it away with the back of his hand, his head dropped between his shoulders.

"Taeyong, I can't... I, I really appreciate you saying that, it really means so fucking much to me but I can't... it's too much to ask for, especially when this doesn't concern you."

"Tennie, you're not asking me anything. I _genuinely_  want to," Taeyong moves closer to him, standing right between his legs. His cold hands tenderly lift his face up, forcing him to meet his warm gaze. "And it does concern me," he starts, an authoritative edge to his voice that leaves little room for argument. "It concerns me because you're my boyfriend and you're putting yourself in a dangerous situation. It concerns me because I felt _much_ closer to your family within the first fifteen minutes of meeting them than I have to my family my entire life. It concerns me because _I care_ , Ten. I really do care, about you and your family and if something were to happen to you... " his voice cracks, swallowing thickly before continuing in a soft voice, "I wouldn't know what to do."

"I, Yongie... " words aren't coming easy.

His heart feels so fucking full that he's afraid it might burst. He leans forward, slumping onto Taeyong's shoulder. Taeyong brings him into a proper hug, his arms fastened over his shoulders as he presses reassuring little kisses to the side of his head. Ten inhales a shaky breath, then exhales, "I'll think about it."

Although, he already knows the answer.

 

* * *

 

 

Today is the last day.

The last day of the first week.

Which means that if Taeyong doesn't declare a major before the office closes at six, the university can throw him out. Ten glances towards the large overhead clock in the library, only partially paying attention to the books he's putting back.

Usually, he'd reminisce or find intrigue in new books he has yet to read, but he's too fucking tired. He hasn't slept more than a few hours for the past god knows how many nights, he's barely eaten and he's hardly focusing on his studies.

It's already a bad start to the semester and the constant anxiety of Taeyong's academic situation isn't doing much to help.

Lisa had suggested he just talk to him about it, but he couldn't bring himself to. It's not his decision, after all, and he doesn't want to pressure Taeyong into a decision he isn't sure of.

She had also asked if he'd confronted Taeyong about _the thing_ he'd whispered to him at the airport, but per his embarrassment, he quickly shoved the topic away.

He sighs loudly when he steps down from the small ladder, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He wants nothing more than to sleep. To crawl in bed with Taeyong beside him, snuggled against him as he the rest of the world disappears because he's far too exhausted to deal with life.

On the bright side, at least he doesn't have work at the bar tonight.

His eyelids are halfway closed when he starts pushing the cart towards the end of the aisle. Just as he rounds the corner, the front of the cart pushes into someone, _hard_ , the force of the collision halting Ten's steps.

" _There_ you are!" he hears before he even looks up, a weight lifting off of him in an instant. "You really like hitting me with this thing, don't you?"

It's Taeyong.

He'd pushed the cart into Taeyong - _again_.

A bit of his strength regains itself as he smiles into Taeyong's warm eyes. His _excited_ eyes.

It's another one of Taeyong's looks he's come to recognize very well. That expression of confidence, of excitement and satisfaction. It's the expression he wears whenever he's come to a sound decision.

"I've been looking for you everywhere," he crosses the space between them, arms stretched on either side until he's draping them loosely over his shoulders, catching his lips in a quick, sweet kiss. "I called you so many times too, but I kept being sent to voicemail."

Ten kisses him again before replying, his hands settling on Taeyong's hips. "That's because my phone died hours ago," then another kiss.

He has to force himself to stop kissing him. His lips are just so... _intoxicating_ , that he could never get enough. Even after all these months, and all the months to come, he'll never stop craving Taeyong's lips.

"I have news," Taeyong beams when they part, his fingers working into his hair. Ten wants to ask him to stop - he's had a long day and he's sure his hair is greasy as fuck but... his touch is a remedy to his stressed nerves and he can't bring himself to say it.

"I know," he says, softly because they're standing _very_ close to each other.

Taeyong seems to deflate just slightly. "You do?" he pouts.

"I can tell from your eyes, baby," he chuckles, hooking his hands behind Taeyong and drawing him even closer.

This time, there's an adorable pitch of confusion in his voice. "You can?"

"Of course I can, now tell me the news."

Taeyong quirks again, grinning widely. "I declared my major."

Ten stills.

 _Actually_ stills. He thinks he's heard him wrong, that maybe he's projecting, imagining the thing he _wants_ to hear instead of what's _actually_ being said.

"You... declared... a major?" he repeats, slowly, a smile growing on his lips.

"Mhmm. Literally just like fifteen minutes ago - "

He cuts Taeyong off with a kiss. A messy, hasty kiss, but it's the best he can manage because he's shaking with happiness, smiling into the kiss. He kisses him so hard that Taeyong is forced to take a step backward, his hand finding support on the cart as Ten pushes himself forward.

"Hey, Tennie, _baby_ \- " Taeyong chuckles between kisses, pulling him into a tight embrace the moment he stops kissing him.

Finally, Ten breathes a sigh of relief. _Real_ relief, because this means Taeyong isn't leaving.

This means he gets to stay.

"I'm so fucking happy," Ten breathes, his face hidden in the curve of Taeyong's neck because he thinks he might cry but he also can't stop _smiling_. He backs away again, just enough that he can pepper kisses over his boyfriend's cheeks. "I was so scared you'd be sent back... "

"I know baby," Taeyong soothes, his calm and collected voice a contrast to his own shaking one. Fuck, Ten almost can't contain himself - he's just so fucking _happy_. "But I wasn't gonna let that happen."

"We should celebrate," he quickly announces, his thoughts forming too fast all at once. "Oh _god,_ I'm so fucking happy Taeyong!"

"We should," Taeyong giggles, kissing him again, perhaps to calm him down. "Are you busy tonight?"

It takes a moment for Ten to remember what tonight is, what day it is, and what he has going on - his days becoming such a jumbled mess that he can hardly remember anything. "I have dance practice at four for two hours, then I'm free," he pauses, then, "it is Friday, right?"

"Yes, it is Friday," Taeyong breathes through a laugh. He's started to move them in small circles, swaying them gently to the sides between the towering bookcases. "May I come with you to practice? I'm gonna have to start remembering where the practice rooms and music classes are from now on... "

Fuck

"Oh my god, _Yongie_ ," he gasps loudly, his eyes nearly falling out of their sockets with how wide they are, "music production?"

Taeyong nods, a well-deserved glow of pride hinting his features. "With a minor in dance."

 _Fuck_ \- if Ten thought he was happy before, he's fucking _ecstatic_ now. He almost squeals, a steaming kettle-like sound leaving his throat as he throws himself on Taeyong.

"Oh _Yongie,_ I'm so proud of you! I can't wait to show you all the music rooms and studios, the department just got cool new equipment too," he pauses to let his thoughts form a complete sentence, holding Taeyong's sparkling gaze. "Baby, this is _big_. This definitely calls for a celebration! Anything you want, the night is yours the moment I'm done with practice."

Taeyong hums in thought, the corners of his lips curving upwards into a toothy grin, "I think I might have something in mind."


	25. Water Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter!!!! Hopefully this doesn't show up twice bc ao3 refused to upload it the first time around. 
> 
> I'd like to thank all of you for all the love and support each one of you gives to this fic, whether it's through a comment or a kudo or bookmark or even a hit. All of it really means so much to me. 
> 
> I'll be back soon with the next chapter as well as some angst, that will gradually increase in intensity. 
> 
> 'till then, take care!

He shouldn't be surprised.

He should have known that  _this_  would be Taeyong's idea of a  _celebration_.   
  
After two heart-pounding hours of dance practice with Yuta under Taeyong's unyielding gaze, followed by an hour of showing him  _everything_  in the music department, they're back in his room before the sun has a chance to fully disappear.   
  
He had insisted he shower before starting anything, the sweat rather terribly clogging his pores from the extraneous work he's done today. So, again, when he finally does reemerge from the bathroom, he doesn't know  _why_  he's surprised to find Taeyong lounging in the most erotic, alluring manner possible on his bed.  
  
He's dressed only in a pair of loose-fitting grey sweats, leaning back on an elbow with his legs far apart. The position of his sweats hardly misses Ten's notice. They're pushed down so low, so  _inappropriately_  low that he can see the sculpted lines of his Adonis belt right down to where they meet the crotch.

And Taeyong's  _eyes_ , his hooded,  _dangerously seductive_  eyes, they're  _penetrative_  with their gaze.

Erotic.

Burning down his still wet skin, down his chest.

Ten actually sees Taeyong intake a sharp breath through his nostrils when his eyes reach his belly-button, sliding his tongue over his bottom lip, perhaps something about the glimmer of the metal against his skin that he seems to have become addicted to. Ten finds his heart hitching, skipping over itself as Taeyong's eyes sink lower and finally settle on the loose knot of the towel he'd carelessly tied very low over his waist.

The intent of his gaze has a familiar heat pooling in Ten's groin, similar to the night of Johnny's party... except this time, he's doesn't have to worry about  _coverage_.   
  
"Fuck, baby... " breathes Ten, leaning against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. "Is this celebration for me or for you?"  
  
"It's... " Taeyong pauses, a smirk quirking his lips as he traces a finger up his own chest. Ten follows the action with his eyes. "...For both of us."  
  
"Oh?" He raises a brow, voice piquing with intrigue. "And what could I have possibly done to deserve this?"  
  
"You've done everything to deserve this," Taeyong sits up then, his seductive expression shifting to one that's much softer, genuine. "I never would have had the courage to follow my dreams if it hadn't been for you," he says, patting his lap, indicating exactly where he wants him. "So I want tonight to be just as much for you as it is for me."  
  
Ten pushes himself off the doorframe, his heart pounding from the words, and very quickly crosses the room, entirely uncaring that the towel is now unashamedly low on his waist. He plants his hands firm on Taeyong's shoulders as he climbs onto his lap, straddling him, the careless motions forcing the knot of the towel to loosen until it's just  _barely_  hanging on.  
  
"But I would rather tonight be about you, baby,  _just_  you. You've worked so hard, you've taken such a big step in your life and I couldn't be more proud of you, Yongie. That's all on you," he curls his hands on either side of Taeyong's neck. "All I did was give you a little nudge. You did the hard part yourself, and you deserve to celebrate that in any way that makes you happy."  
  
Taeyong sighs. "Ten... " he rubs his palms up his still-wet skin, then down to his hips until they're settled atop his bare thighs. "You gave me  _a lot_  more than just a little nudge. You gave me confidence and a reason to fight for myself," he grins the widest Ten has ever seen, then: "and my ideal night of celebration is just being with you and making you feel good.  _Nothing_  will make me happier than that."  
  
Ten knows why he's saying that.  
  
It's not that he doesn't believe him. He knows he's telling the truth, that he genuinely does enjoy making him feel good. Ten knows because he's exactly the same.  
  
So he understands it perfectly, but again, he knows  _why_  he's saying that.  
  
Ten knows Taeyong isn't oblivious. He's sure he's noticed how  _tired_  he is, how exhausted and stressed he's been. He's sure he's picked up on it, on his steadily declining health and lack of basic self-care.  
  
He knows because Taeyong has been doing little but meaningful things to help him all week, whether it was working on his homework in the corner of the noisy bar rather than the comfort of his room just to keep him company, or bringing him food or snacks after class, or just  _being there_ , asking if he's drank water or if he just needs a hug.   
  
The little things that mean the world to him.  
  
The little things that keep him going.

And of course the big things, too.

Like staying with him until the end of his shift at god knows what hour of dawn, even when he has class in a few hours and hasn't slept for the night. Like cooking food for him to take for lunch and dinner or going out of his way to buy food for Hero, give her attention and make sure she's content.   
  
So Ten lets him pamper him tonight because he knows how much Taeyong likes seeing him relaxed and healthy.  
  
"If that's truly what you want, then I won't stop you," Ten finally breathes, toying with the simple gold stud adorning Taeyong's ear between his fingers. He pushes the mess of bangs off Taeyong's forehead so he can press a kiss to his brow.   
  
"That is what I want," he says with a commanding edge to his voice, the type of authoritative tone that always has his heart skipping over itself, "more than anything else in the world."  
  
There's a look in his eyes that Ten can't deny, that he can't refuse and he nods very quickly, suddenly finding breathing to be very difficult. The tone of his voice, the affection in his eyes, Ten knows he isn't  _just_  referring to tonight. That this isn't  _just_  about melting his stress away for the night, but something  _so much_   _more_.

Something so deep that he couldn't possibly delve into the meaning behind the words right now.

But, still - regardless of what Taeyong might want, tonight is still exclusively  _for him_.

And Ten is determined to ensure he feels celebrated.

 "Then do what you want with me baby," he exhales, his gaze matching Taeyong's in severity, his body becoming pliant, succumbing, ready, almost melting from the smile on Taeyong's pretty lips.   
  
"Thank you, baby," Taeyong whispers, breaking their gaze only to kiss tenderly just under his jaw, his hands sliding beneath the towel, tracing up his thighs. He grips very tightly onto his ass the exact moment he nips at the delicate skin of his neck.  
  
Ten whines.

Loudly.

 _Very_  loudly. But he doesn't try and stop himself. He knows how much Taeyong loves hearing him. So he lets the pleasure sing from between his lips, mewling when Taeyong sucks the skin at the side of his neck into his mouth, leaving a mark that will no doubt be on display for days.

Ten inhales a breath with the intent of talking, but his voice comes out in sighs instead as Taeyong's fingers knead into his ass, their heat contrasted by the softest brush of the lips down the middle of his throat.

"I'll need another shower by the time you're done with me," he finally manages through a quick breath, craning his neck back to give Taeyong better access. He feels the vibration as Taeyong hums into the dip of his neck, the soft brush of lips now replaced by an exploratory tongue.

"Oh baby, of course you will," Taeyong shoves their hips together then, the friction forcing the knot to finally come undone, the towel now loosely draped over his hips and thighs. Ten opens his mouth to reply, but shivers instead the moment Taeyong dips his tongue into his collarbone.

Ten moans, raking his fingernails up Taeyong's scalp.

He's positive the entire floor would be able to hear them tonight, and silently apologizes to Johnny for the audio he's bound to receive.

Taeyong strokes his hands out from underneath the towel, teasing over his thighs as he does, nearly pushing the cloth completely off. Raising his knees, Taeyong perches his heels on the rail of the bed, the position drawing their bodies even closer.

The lips leaving a mess of purple down his sternum has Ten keening, his skin prickling when Taeyong's hands ride up, his thumbs stroking the soft skin of his inner thigh. They stop only upon reaching the crease where thighs meet hips the exact moment he swirls his tongue over a nipple.

"God,  _fuck_ ," Ten arches his back at the pleasant sensation of Taeyong's thumbs teasing around his cock and the lips gently nipping his bud.

A groan.

A deep, strained groan from the back of Taeyong's throat the moment his navel piercing brushes against his abdomen, the lewd sound breaking him out of his lust-induced reverie.

He'd been so caught up in the heat of Taeyong's touch that he nearly forgot that tonight is for  _Taeyong_ , and curses himself for his lack of self-control.

With shaking hands, he cups Taeyong's cheeks and leads his face back up to catch his lips in a ghost of a kiss that's more air than touch. It's intoxicating, really. Dizzying his senses just before he pushes their lips together again but with more of a bite this time.

Taeyong makes a small sound from his throat, no doubt of pleasure as he hooks an arm around his waist, lifting him up just slightly until he's being thrown back onto the mattress with an incredible amount of care.

It's convenient that the towel is splayed under him, which saves them the trouble of changing the sheets later but Ten is too aroused to notice. He's too captivated by the sight of Taeyong as he slides his sweats down his legs, throwing them over the chair before climbing back onto the bed.

Usually, he'd want to be the one undressing him, but he isn't complaining.

He enjoys  _watching_  just as much.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he sighs, memorizing the sight of his boyfriend, naked and stunning as he stares back into his eyes with a sentiment. With love.

Taeyong's cheeks flush just slightly at the compliment. Sure, he's a confident gay with little-to-no shame when regarding sex talk, usually in favor of innuendoes that cause Ten's heart to leap over itself, but this?

A compliment?

That's about the only thing that elicits any  _real_  shyness from Taeyong.

Ten reaches to stroke his thumb over the pinkish skin and Taeyong leans into his hand instantly as he settles comfortably between his legs.

"Not as beautiful as you, baby," he kisses his wrist so softly that Ten almost whines, his heart pulling with need in every direction. "You're something else. You're fucking stunning."

Fuck -  _just one_  fucking course word and Ten is already tipping over his axis. "Didn't I tell you to be careful when using that type of language?" he warns in a low voice.

Taeyong's brow quirks, a playful smile pulling at his lips as he bends down, working his fingers into his damp hair with a hand, the other stroking down his body at the same time as he whispers very close to his lips, "that's why I love using it."  

 _A nudge_  is all Ten can manage, too worked up for words, but instead of kissing him Taeyong takes his bottom lip between his teeth, stretching the flesh as he pulls back, letting go so abruptly that Ten gasps.

Then, finally, Taeyong kisses him.

He kisses him  _hard_.  

Ten tries to ground himself, occupying his hands anywhere he can - in Taeyong's hair, on his ass or over the dimples on the small of his back.

There's a contented hum just as they part, Taeyong's tongue flicking over his lips. Ten parts them slightly, his eyes already hazed and dizzy. He feels the tip of Taeyong's cock slide against the length of his own, his hips rolling slowly, experimentally, but with obvious restraint.

He's being careful.

"I can't wait until this is completely healed," he murmurs, stroking his fingertip over the shape of the metal on his navel.

It takes a second for Ten to reply, trying very hard to keep his hips from bucking in search for friction, especially with the tease of Taeyong's lips kissing along his jaw. "And what do you plan to do when it's healed?" he asks, gripping Taeyong's ass so tightly he's sure his nails are leaving marks.

As if to demonstrate, Taeyong thrusts his hips, his arousal rubbing up against his own, rubbing all the way up to his front where Taeyong's hand is now covering his piercing, his lips brushing against the piercings lining his ear at the same time.

"I wanna feel the metal against me," he finally whispers against his ear, his voice low and enticing with a pleasing timbre that has an  _intense_  shiver running down Ten's spine right to his dick.

Then there's another thrust.

And another just as he nips the lobe of his ear.

It's something about the way Taeyong's cock rubs against his own that has him breathing messier than usual. His heart beating faster than usual. The raw feeling of Taeyong's hot skin against his own... to say the least, it feels good.

 _Really_  fucking good.

This time when he moans it's almost a purr, on purpose because he knows Taeyong likes it. And he sees it in Taeyong's eyes, a switch flicker deep inside them at the sound, his irises darkening as he brings his face back up to kiss him properly on the lips, his hand reaching down between their bodies. Without a warning, he grasps both their dicks in a fist.

Ten sighs, craning his head back at the relief of being touched.

Of being jerked off with Taeyong's dick right against his own. He can barely control himself with how  _good_  it feels, Taeyong's palm being large enough and fingers long enough to thoroughly provide to the both of them.

Taeyong smirks. "You like that?"  

Ten rapidly nods, words not seeming to come easy because Taeyong's hand is suddenly moving so fucking slowly that it's nothing short of teasing. It's  _fucking_   _agonizing_ , the touch so languid that it barely elicits any real pleasure, yet just enough to send sparks of anticipation.

But Ten is growing increasingly impatient. He bucks his hips, forcing some friction but Taeyong lets go the instant he does, the sudden loss causing him to whine.

"Impatient, aren't we?"

" _Horny_  would be the correct - " the retort is lost in a sharp gasp as Taeyong pins his hips down  _roughly_  against the bed with his hands.

"Oh yes," Taeyong shifts until he's straddling his thighs, keeping his hips  _very_  still with a firm hand below his navel as the other strokes over the metal of his belly-ring. "I can see that very clearly," he says through a flirtatious smirk, folding himself forward until his face is very close to his dick. Without breaking his gaze, Taeyong flicks his tongue lightly over the tip of his cock just before dipping it into his slit, the corners of his lips lifted in a teasing smile.  

Taeyong knows him too well.

He knows how much Ten loves this, being  _controlled_  like this. He's been keen to notice the little things in Taeyong's actions, the way he gently maneuvers him, taking command as he becomes lax and at his mercy.

It's exactly how Ten likes it, perhaps because he's never quite been  _controlled_  in a way that actually felt  _good_.

He's never felt this type of rush. A rush that's so fucking empowering that he combusts each time.

And he knows Taeyong's only doing this for him. He knows that if Taeyong  _really_  wanted it his way, he'd treat him delicately, with the softest of touches, giving him exactly what he wants the moment a whine leaves his lips.

But Taeyong knows better.

It has a rush of guilt overcoming Ten because tonight was supposed to be for  _Taeyong_ , yet here he is, doing everything that  _he_  likes instead.

But he can't stop him, either. He just doesn't have it in him, especially not when Taeyong's so fucking good at getting him worked up, teasing him in all the right spots over and over.

Especially not when it's the little touches that build up that unrivaled euphoria, the type of bliss that reaches the heavens themselves.

And it is heaven that Ten reaches tonight.

Taeyong only teases with his tongue, lapping over his length but never taking him in fully. Out of habit, usually out of courtesy of the rest of the people on the floor, Ten bites back a moan when Taeyong's thumb brushes over his navel for the nth time tonight.

Of course, Taeyong notices and withdraws his lips from their teasing touches.

"I wanna hear you Tennie," he breathes, the heat of his breath fanning over his dick causing a shiver to prick down his spine. "I love it when you make those pretty sounds," he kisses just under his navel, then above it, crawling back up. "I love it when you moan my name, when you look at me with those pretty eyes of yours while I make you feel good, while I fuck you. I love it all so much, baby."

Ten can hardly  _breathe_.

He's so fucking turned on, so overwhelmed because he thinks he knows what this is leading to, what Taeyong's lips are about to say next - he wants to hear those words so fucking bad but...

Instead, Taeyong leans close and kisses him with all the tenderness in the whole fucking universe.

And for a moment, Ten thinks he feels the words against his lips... but never said aloud.

He doesn't dwell on it, though. Rather, he  _can't_.

Taeyong's tongue slides past his lips, swirling around his own, praising him with its touch.

"Yongie," Ten manages when he gets a chance to breathe between kisses, his conscious continuously reminding him that  _tonight is for Taeyong, goddammit_.

But Taeyong only hums in response, entirely occupied with the mission to ensure  _Ten_  feels good.

" _Baby_ ," he repeats, but this time he plants both his hands firmly on Taeyong's ass, spreading the cheeks apart, and presses a finger against his entrance with the barest amount of pressure needed to make a point.

Taeyong suddenly stops, a shudder running down his body that Ten actually  _feels_.

"Let me top you baby," Ten quickly says, using the pause to his advantage. It seems to bring Taeyong's senses back, but Ten doesn't move his fingers. Instead, he circles over the rim with a teasing, ghosting touch.

If he isn't mistaken, Taeyong's eyes seem to darken impossibly, a glimmer in them that has his heart tripping.

"But tonight is my night, isn't it?" he tilts his head slightly to the side, an edge to his voice that indicates that he's  _not_  asking. "And I really feel like fucking you, Tennie."

Fuck.

 _Fuck_  - that was a fucking power move, using the softest, most loving name he's ever been called in the lewdest, most explicit sentence ever said to him.

He isn't going to last long at all if Taeyong keeps this up.

But he isn't about to give up now, either.

He's come to know Taeyong just as well, after all. And he knows he's doing this for him. That inside Taeyong's mind, tonight isn't a celebration for himself at all. In fact, Ten's positive that tonight has nothing to do with him following his dreams, regardless of how significant a step that is.

Ten knows that in Taeyong's mind, tonight is  _Ten's_  night. That it's his chance to ensure his boyfriend is relaxed more than he ever has been, that his tight muscles from working all day are left lax, his mind cleared from all the stress bombarding him.

So he makes a point by narrowing his gaze into Taeyong's and dipping his finger inside him ever so slightly. "You sure about that?"

The look in Taeyong's eyes implies that he knows exactly what he's trying to do. He breathes out a soft chuckle, reaching down and catching both of his hands by the wrist, pinning them over his head in one motion too fast for him to comprehend, but so  _commanding_  that he moans.

Ten curses under his breath for succumbing so quickly, for loving this so fucking much, when Taeyong takes control like this.

Not to say that he doesn't like being in control himself - he really fucking does, but he really likes this, too.

"I know what you're trying to do, baby," Taeyong mumbles, a knowing tone to his voice as he softly kisses his lips, "but I truly do want this." With a hand secured over both his wrists, he reaches into the drawer to grab the lube with his free one.

Just  _the sound_  of the lid popping off has Ten's breath hitching.

He can't help but anticipate it, because he's been wanting this all week, perhaps even longer - he knows how relaxed he'll be after this, how good he'll feel when he can't hear anything but white noise and Taeyong's pretty sighs as they come undone.

Fuck, he can almost feel it already, the shakes that will ripple his body, the euphoria that will follow right after as he floats among the clouds.

But he can't help but feel just a little selfish at wanting this so bad and giving in so quickly. 

"Want you," he breathes, his wrists twisting in Taeyong's hold, "to feel good -  _ah_  -"

Gone. Ten is so fucking gone he loses his resolve the moment Taeyong's fingers slide fully inside of him, curling as they slide back out.

"I do feel good, baby, you always make me feel so fucking good."

 _Feel_  seems to be the word of the moment. Taeyong's fingers curl inside him again, once, then twice, matching the soft nips and kisses he's trailing down his throat.

But saying that it  _feels good_  would be an understatement.

It feels fucking amazing. The bliss has his lashes fluttering but he forces himself to keep them apart because it isn't just the feeling of Taeyong's fingers inside him that he loves. It isn't just the kisses he peppers over his neck and jaw and face that he adores, but it's the feeling that spreads across his chest when he meets Taeyong's sparkling eyes, when he sees his swollen, bitten lips smiling and that cute pink blush across his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

The way Taeyong looks at him as if he's looking at his entire world.

That's what Ten loves the most.

Taeyong finally let's go of the gentle hold on Ten's wrists as he slides his fingers out and Ten instantly brings them back to his sides, already breathing very heavily. He watches as Taeyong pulls him forward by the waist, his hands firm on his hips as he slides him down the mattress until his behind is resting against his thighs.

Oh, Ten is surely reaching more than just heaven tonight.

He's going to reach the fucking cosmos themselves. The very edge of the final frontier.  

Because this position, this  _angle_  - while it's one he's never tried before -  will allow for...  _deeper_  access. His breath hitches from the thought of it.

When he meets Taeyong's eyes, his breath hitches again, his heart fluttering from the look in them. They're indulgent. 

Taeyong exhales. "How did I ever end up with someone as breathtaking as you?" His hands are riding up Ten's thighs, pushing forward ever so slightly with his body.

" _Yongie_  - " Ten pleads, crossing his ankles over his back and clutching tightly onto the sheets with a fist as the other curls into the side of Taeyong's neck, pulling him down. Closer.

"Sometimes I find myself wondering what I've done to deserve you, baby," he pushes inside him, a deep grunt leaving his throat.

Fuck - Ten wasn't ready. And he's already fully inside him with just the  _first thrust._

Ten mewls, pushing his head back into the sheets, already arching his back as Taeyong leans closer, taking control of  _everything_ , all the work. The position allows Ten to just...  _relax_ , his legs and his hips maneuvered by Taeyong's movements as he pushes deep inside of him, but also allowing the most intense form of closeness, with Taeyong's body hovering over him, his clean hand firm over his navel - no doubt to keep the still-healing wound protected from their sex - as the other cards into his knotted hair.

But most of all, the position doesn't allow their gaze to ever break.

He can fall right into the brown of Taeyong's eyes, indulge the way they sparkle with fireworks of pleasure. 

He almost can't believe how  _good_  Taeyong is at taking care of him.  _Properly_  taking care of him, in every possible sense. He tries to say it, that  _he's_  the one who wonders what he's done to deserve him, but the only sound to roll of his tongue are gasps.

He can barely keep himself together.

"Taeyong,  _ah_  - "

He keens, screaming Taeyong's name, curling his toes into Taeyong's back as he hits that spot over and over again, his pace so fast and unapologetic that Ten isn't given even a fraction of a second to catch his breath.

" _Fuck_ , baby, you feel so good," Taeyong sighs, his voice hoarse, heavy. Ten can tell he's close. Very close.

So is he.

But he wants Taeyong to come first.

So he tries to fill his lungs with air, inhaling and exhaling in as much of a steady pace as he can possibly manage given his  _excitement_. He'd learned all the tricks of this particular trade early on, all the ways to  _last longer_. He strategically lays his hands flat over Taeyong's chest, in such a way that the movement of his thrusting has a digit brushing over his nipples to provide that extra bit of sensitivity he knows Taeyong loves.

It has Taeyong moaning from the back of his throat, his jaw slackening as he pushes so deep inside that Ten thinks he might fall apart.

Fuck, Ten can't hold back any longer.

He's so fucking close  _it hurts_ , but he tries a little longer, dragging his fingers up Taeyong's throat with slight pressure, over the sheen of sweat glistening his body and into his hair.

But Taeyong is in control.

And he bends forward, kissing his forehead as he whispers in a voice that's firm, "come for me, baby."

Ten comes.

Hard and fast, his body shaking, teeth clenching at that euphoric headspace he always reaches. The white noise, that haze as he reaches the very edge of space. He gasps Taeyong's name, panting at the sensitivity when he feels Taeyong's fist around his cock, pumping him through his orgasm in pace with his thrusts. 

Taeyong finally comes inside him only when Ten is nearly through his high. Only when his body is completely loose and limp. Ten feels the quakes of pleasure coarse down Taeyong's body, his body clenching, his lips cursing and repeating his name.

A beautiful sight that Ten wants to keep in his mind for a very long time. 

Taeyong pulls out. "Just a minute," he quickly breathes, moving off the bed before he's even caught his breath. Ten would whine, except he can't find his voice and instead opts for watching Taeyong as he very quickly walks into the bathroom. He hears the faucet turn on, no doubt washing the hand that had shielded his navel from his own orgasm.

As promised, within a minute Taeyong is already shuffling out from the bathroom with some wipes, quickly cleaning the release off his body.

Before he's even settled back in the bed, Ten curls right into him, burying his head into Taeyong's shoulder, kissing anywhere his lips can reach.

Chuckling, Taeyong wraps his arms around his body, maneuvering until they're settled in a healthier position. "Feel good?" he asks, voice still a little breathy.

Ten still can't manage words. Instead, he curls further into him, tangling their legs and trying his hardest to eliminate even the smallest particle of air between their bodies, thankful that Taeyong cleaned him, else he would have risked an infection. "Mhmm."

A hum, then a soft kiss to the side of his head. "I'm surprised Hero slept through all that."

Ten snorts at that. He's convinced Hero has a sense for these things, that maybe she can tell the shift in the air that indicates she shouldn't interfere.

Or, maybe, she really is just a lazy cat who couldn't give a single fuck - either way, it works in their favor.

Moments pass in comfortable silence. Taeyong fiddling with his earring, sometimes stroking his fingers into his hair to work out the knots. Soft moments. Moments that imprint right into the chambers of his heart, into his mind to remember when he's surrounded by cigarette butts and people with less than good intentions

A moment, and then: "Thank you for tonight."

Ten finally lifts his head up at that, although very slightly, but enough to meet Taeyong's eyes.

"But I didn't even do anything," he mumbles, a pout halfway on his lips when Taeyong catches them in a kiss.

A soft kiss.

A kiss that has the world slowing on its axis.

When they part, Taeyong pulls him into his arms, sighing, "you didn't have to."

 

* * *

 

Two weeks pass and Ten finds his energy draining.  _Fast_.

He's developed permanent bags under his eyes, a constant headache and a persistent ache in his back.

Regardless, he doesn't let his grades fall.

College is just too fucking expensive for him to afford that, so he sacrifices his sleep so that at the very least, he can manage a satisfactory grade that won't get him kicked out of the university.

He's walking to class with Taeyong, their classrooms only a few doors apart. He's trying to comprehend whatever Taeyong is explaining to him, regarding an equation for his calculus class he's had a particularly difficult time understanding.

Ten sighs in defeat just as they reach his class. "I'm not getting this at all."

Taeyong tugs him back with their joined hands, catching him by the waist in an instant. "It's okay," he says, his voice determined and soothing and everything Ten needs right now. "Even if you don't get it, it's okay. I know you're well prepared for this exam, and it's just one equation that will probably only show up on two questions at most. You know the main ones, baby, you'll do just fine."

Ten almost curses under his breath. He isn't sure if he'd fallen asleep on the walk here, but he'd entirely forgotten he's about to walk into _a fucking exam_. "Run it by me one more time, just in case," he quickly says, focusing every functioning cell on Taeyong's explanation, nodding continuously with the hope he'll absorb  _something_.

But by the time Taeyong is done, Ten has hardly retained anything. He sighs, rubbing a rough palm up his face.

He almost wants to cry, but he's too tired to even afford that.

"You got this baby. I know you do, and even if you forget it's okay. You'll still do fine."

God, Taeyong is always so good at reassuring him, his so voice soft and warm. He guides Ten's rough hands away from his face, replacing them with the gentle touch of his own, stroking his thumbs over his cheeks.

Ten noticed he's increasingly comfortable in public these days. Before, he'd been reserved with his affection, always looking twice before touching him in ways that may be assumed suggestive.

Now, however, he seems to be uncaring of what others might think - in most places.

Nodding, Ten sighs a breath with the intent of convincing himself that Taeyong's right. He nods again, then leans forward, burying his head in Taeyong's shoulder, wanting to disappear from everything that isn't his boyfriend.

He inhales a sharp breath, tightening his arms around Taeyong's shoulders. Taeyong pulls him so close against his body that Ten thinks they might melt into the same person.

There's something about this moment right now, like countless moments before, as Taeyong gently sways them from side to side in an orbit of their own, that Ten feels himself falling so far into the clouds that his breath hitches.

It's something he never wants to come down from. A feeling he never wants to come down from. Because when he's wrapped in Taeyong's arms, in his secure warmth like he is now,  _he's safe_.

Nothing can touch him. Nothing can hurt him.  Not his past, or even his present. Not even the anxiety of his future.

He sighs into Taeyong's neck, pressing a kiss there before pulling away, reluctantly.

Taeyong smiles. "You'll do just fine," he repeats, rubbing his hands up, then down his sides. Ten nods, offering a smile. A faint, dimmed smile, but it's enough to make Taeyong smile wider and that's all that matters.

"Thanks," he whispers, pressing a quick kiss to Taeyong's lips before stepping to go inside his class.

But Taeyong pulls him back again, quickly, as if he's forgot something.

"What's my lesson for the day?"

For more than a week now, Ten has taken the liberty of teaching Taeyong a word or phrase in Thai. Taeyong seems to look forward to it almost as much as he looks forward to  _Ten himself_. It's fucking admirable.

And Ten doesn't mind. It helps him, too. It gives him something else to think about, usually when he needs it most.

He presses his lips together in thought, although, he quickly finds that he doesn't have to think about it much at all.

Inhaling a breath, he finds his heart beating  _fast_  in his chest and very quickly pushes the words out before he has a chance to change his mind. "Rak na kub."

It's nearly  _deafening_  for a second as he watches Taeyong's expression, entirely unaware of what he's just said. Of what he's just  _confessed_.

"Rak... na kub?"

 _Fuck_...

His fucking heart... it's about to  _explode_.

Ten knows he doesn't know what he's saying, but that doesn't make it any less exciting... finally hearing the words from his lips, the effect isn't anything less.

Ten nods, repeating the words again, softly this time, almost a whisper, "rak na kub."

"What does it mean?"

 _Something beautiful,_  Ten thinks.

Something that bursts so powerfully in his chest that he hardly knows show to contain himself.

Something he'd convinced himself he'd never truly feel. 

Until he met Taeyong.

He draws in a quiet breath through his lips, the smile on them growing wider, probably confusing Taeyong. With one long step, he stands very close to him, his heart beating out of his chest as he holds Taeyong's face in his hands and kisses him slowly.

When they part, he whispers as he walks backward through the doorway, holding Taeyong's perplexed gaze. "Your next class is Thai. Ask the professor what it means," he winks before turning his back, then quickly adds with emphasis: "at  _the end_  of class."

 

* * *

 

To his surprise, the exam wasn't all that difficult.

He thinks that maybe the thrill of finally saying the words aloud gave him a much-needed boost of energy. Or, perhaps, it's the aching anticipation of Taeyong's reaction when he finds out what he's said.

Either way, he finds himself in front of Taeyong's classroom door twenty minutes before it ends - he'd powered through the exam, finishing early.

He's sat on the floor across the hall, Taeyong's class conveniently being tucked away at the very end of the hallway at a dead-end. For a few minutes, he stares blankly into the closed door until he rolls his head back against the wall, his eyes almost falling shut.

Sleep wouldn't come to him even if he tried.

He's too nervous.

 _Really_  fucking nervous. And he almost jumps when he hears the door swing open, the hallway suddenly very noisy as students pour out. He forces himself to stand up, catching Taeyong in the corner of the room as he packs his things, neatly placing a notebook inside his bag, zipping it up then slinging it over his shoulder.

Fuck, he's almost jumping in his spot. He can't help but bite his lips, heart pounding as he watches Taeyong walk to the front of the class, waiting for the student in front of him to finish their conversation with the professor.

Ten almost leans forward in his spot, eyes trained on Taeyong, reading his lips as he watches him exchange a quick greeting with his professor, his lips moving slowly as he repeats the words.

The professor makes a surprised expression Ten can almost hear, a clear  _'oh'_  that has her eyes brightening with excitement. He darts his eyes back to Taeyong as she translates it.

A silence, despite the noise of the world.

A silence, save for the rapid drumming of his heart.

He sees the exact moment Taeyong's breath stops, eyes widening, the gradual rise of his chest as he inhales a deep breath. Ten thinks he sees a hint of pink on his cheeks, but he's too far away to tell.

Quickly, he steps to the side so Taeyong doesn't see him, almost hidden from the door, furiously biting his lip. He can hardly breathe, the inhales and exhales coming too fast and short and heavy all at once. He swallows when he sees Taeyong's shadow from the other side, a smile breaking his face the moment Taeyong steps into the hallway.

"Hey," Ten almost whispers when Taeyong notices him, their eyes meeting and instantly he notices the gloss in them, a look so impenetrably deep that he thinks he might drown.

Taeyong crosses the space very quickly and pulls Ten straight into his arms in an embrace so tight, so desperate that he feels the breath squeeze out from his lungs.

Taeyong inhales a sharp breath, then -

"I love you too."

Nothing.

Absolutely  _nothing_  could compare to this.

He clutches his fingers in Taeyong's back, his throat and the back of his eyes prickling.  _Fuck_ , he really thinks he might cry, and for a completely different reason from just an hour ago.

"I love you so much, Ten."

Words don't seem to come to Ten. He chuckles through a breath of pure relief, his brows turning upwards as a smile breaks his face. "I love you," he finally whispers, in Korean, then in English. "I really fucking love you, Taeyong," then again with a kiss to his cheek, his hands almost shaking as he works his fingers up his nape, into his hair as he pulls away and properly kisses him.

It doesn't come as a surprise that this kiss is...  _different_ , from all the ones before.

That it's full of pure, unhidden emotion that's no longer held back, no longer whispered silently, but a direct touch of the heart.

It's the best feeling in the world.

The best type of kiss.


	26. Firecrackers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit heavy, y'all are warned!! 
> 
> We are about half-way done at this point, but A LOT happens in the next few chapters! 
> 
> Also, if y'all wanna request a taeten Halloween fic, comment down below and let me know what you would like?
> 
> As always, I love you guys and I cannot thank each one of you enough for reading and following this story!

Such was his relief that he nearly forgot about _work_.

With the most reluctance he's ever felt, Ten finally breaks the kiss, holding Taeyong's face in his palms so he can press one to his forehead. "I hate that I have work," he murmurs as he locks his arms over Taeyong's shoulders and leans his forehead against the side of his face, Taeyong's arms secure over his waist.  "I'd much rather spend the day with you."

"Then spend the day with me," says Taeyong without missing a beat.  

Oh, how he would _love_ to skip work. He would in a heartbeat if his circumstances weren't quite so financially sensitive... but he _can't_.

And he knows Taeyong is only saying this because he hates the place. Because he and Lisa had given him an earful just a few days ago about how much they disagree with his decision to work there, regardless of the situation.  

But they don't understand.

They couldn't possibly accept that there _isn't_ another option - at least not one that doesn't require financial help from someone else, because he's got _plenty_ of those.

So he sighs, swallowing the words his heart wants to say back down his throat and instead follows the more rational thought of his brain. "I can't baby, you know that."

Taeyong is the one to sigh this time - a sound that's _laced_ with disappointment - and he slightly pushes away from their embrace, hands firm on Ten's shoulders and an intensity to his gaze that has Ten's breath lumping in his throat. "You can if you let me pay."

Absolute. That's what his voice is.

Strict, but with such a gentle undertone that for a second Ten doesn't think he could refuse him. He shifts his sight to a meaningless spot on the wall should those eyes coax something he is not willing to accept. "I can't let you do that, Yongie... "

Taeyong's brows furrow in an instant, his lips parting with the intent to _convince_ but Ten meets his eyes and continues before Taeyong can manage even a sound.

"Per the four of us, it's nearly four thousand to fully pay a loan of almost sixteen thousand. My sister has nearly paid her entire portion since she earns the most, but she's also paying all the bills back home. Kun is halfway done and Lisa isn't far behind him... " he pauses, settling his eyes on a stray thread on Taeyong's sweater because the truth he's about to say hasn't yet been revealed.

Not even to Lisa.

And saying it aloud solidifies the reality of it - a reality he's been consciously avoiding.

A breath, then, "I... I've only saved up a fourth of the amount, Taeyong... one. _Fucking_. Fourth. That's _it_."

"Ten... "

"And I know you want to help. I know Kun and Lisa do to, but this is something _I_ have to do by myself because if I can't pay four thousand for my parents, for the sake of my house, then - " he inhales sharply.

He can't bring himself to finish that.

He just _can't_.

He couldn't possibly tell Taeyong that he's failing his own family, being unable to pay such an amount and support them the way his sister does. The thought, the _impact_ of it... it has him feeling useless. Fucking _worthless_.

But he swallows the words back down and instead says in a very quiet voice, "I have to do this on my own."

He half expects Taeyong to try and convince him but to his surprise, he only _nods,_ with not even a hint of argument on his features. "I understand," he says, his voice so gentle that Ten feels bad for the tone his own voice had occupied. For the bite that had slipped in it. "If this is something that you feel needs to be done on your own, then I won't interfere, but... I need you to understand that I'm here to help you in any way you need. That I'll always support you and look out for you, okay? I'm your _partner_ , Ten. You don't have to shoulder the weight of the world alone anymore."

Fuck, _his heart_... Ten doesn't know what to say.   

But he knows Taeyong's right. He knows it so well.

That he isn't alone.

That he has Lisa and Kun, and now he has Taeyong, too. A partner.

A lover.

 

* * *

 

 

The week has been... _good_.  
  
_Very_ good, if he does say so himself.  
  
So good that he feels as if he's floating on cloud nine because even the shitty atmosphere of the bar couldn't dampen his high spirits. He's been fucking _energized_.  
  
"So we went to the IHOP inside that big shopping mall, right, and I was the only one who ordered pancakes because you can't go to the fucking _international house of pancakes_ and not order _pancakes_ ," he explains, his heels banging against the cabinets of the kitchen counter he's perched on top of. Taeyong is leaned against the counter across from him, an expression of fondness on his face as he listens to Ten while waiting for the cake in the oven to bake. "And this was only last winter so I wasn't even _a kid_ or anything which just makes it that much more embarrassing - "  
  
"I love you."  
  
Ten stills, taken aback, his sentence caught in his throat.  
  
It's been a week, but his heart still speeds up as if it's the first time he's hearing it - a reaction that he doubts will go away anytime soon.    
  
"I... I love you too."  
  
"Sorry, I just... " Taeyong scratches his nape, a shy, precious smile on his lips and a blush on his cheeks. "I felt the urge to say it, I didn't mean to cut you off."  
  
Ten smiles, leaning forward with his hands flat against the counter between his thighs. "Please don't ever apologize for wanting to say something, baby... _especially_ not when it's that you love me."  
  
Taeyong blushes harder, his head now hung low between his shoulders as he peeks from under his messy bangs. "So... pancakes, last winter?"  
  
In an instant Ten regains his previous posture - legs swinging against the cabinets, his eyes excited and wide and voice just a little too loud - but somehow with even more _vigor_. "I ordered pancakes, this beautiful picture-perfect stack with maple syrup and everything and I'm going on and on about how good they look and how the scoop of _ice cream_ in the center looks so yummy, and you know me when I get excited over food, especially _sweet_ food, I go on _forever_. But _anyway_ , I made the perfect bite with a little of everything and turns out the scoop in the center wasn't ice cream, _it was butter_! Fucking _butter_ \- I still don't understand how I forgot that _pancakes_ always come with _butter_!"  
  
There's a laugh. A long persisted laugh as Taeyong pushes himself off the counter. "You're fucking adorable."  
  
Ten pouts, his posture slumping. Taeyong crosses the room with a look in his eyes that still has his heart speeding up, the pout shifting to a grin of anticipation as Taeyong fits himself between Ten's legs, hands firm on his thighs as he leans in very close and presses their lips together in a sweet, _sweet_ kiss.  
  
A kiss that seems to be loaded with something Ten can't quite tell. A kiss that is so wonderful and soft that even the most beautiful of sunrises and sunsets wouldn't stand a chance. That even the kiss right after their first _I-love-you_ wouldn't stand a chance.  
  
Taeyong hums just as they part, resting their foreheads together, their eyes still closed.  
  
"That was a _really_ good kiss," mumbles Ten once he finds breath.  
  
There's a cute chuckle, a sound Ten has come to adore, then a peck to his cheek. "I think it was the best one so far," sighs Taeyong, his arms wrapped over his shoulders and his face tucked against the curve of his neck. Ten loosely drapes his arms over his waist. "And that's saying something because _all_ of our kisses are really fucking good."

All of their kisses are also really fucking _different_ , but Taeyong is not wrong, either.

They're _all_ exceptionally good, even the messy, clumsy, lazy ones. Even the light pecks or those teasing ones that are more breath than touch. Even the ones where they miss the lips entirely, or by a fraction, kissing too high or too low or too much to the side instead...

They all tug a smile, each kiss being so special and irreplaceable in their own unique way.

Ten smiles, humming softly in agreement and mildly replaying each kiss in his mind until the addictive aroma of chocolate as it bakes draws him out of his head.  
  
"Fuck, that smells so _good_ Yongie," he almost moans, his head and his eyeballs rolling back at the delicious scent.  
  
It's been a while since Taeyong has baked him this particular cake. He's fucking _missed_ it.  
  
He hadn't asked for it, either.  
  
Coincidentally, Taeyong happened to be in the kitchen as Ten was scouring the cabinets for anything chocolaty while complaining about this and that and how some idiot on the top floor broke the fucking window and a bird flew through it and shat on all their stuff. By the time Ten had turned back around from his failed expedition and rant, Taeyong had already whipped up the batter.  
  
Truly, it's _dangerous_ how good Taeyong is at providing for him. He'll be spoiled to the bone if he keeps this up.  
  
"Is this the cake you want for your birthday?"  
  
Ten gasps softly. He had forgotten his _birthday_ is just a few weeks away.  
  
"You don't have to make a cake. I'm sure my parents will end up getting one... " he shrugs, then adds, quietly, "although it won't be nearly as good as the ones you make."  
  
"Ten," the expression on Taeyong's face implies he knows something Ten doesn't. "Your parents...  _asked me_ if I could bake the cake for your birthday. They said that you go on and on about the ones I make and that nothing they've ever gotten could ever compare to it, so they asked me to bake it."  
  
Ten's face pulls a perplexed expression, not yet sure if he wants to pout or let a smile break his face in half. "You talk to my parents?"  
  
"Only twice because Lisa has a habit of calling them and then shoving the phone in my face, although, the last time we talked I just gave them my number."  
  
_Pout_ , Ten decides, but Taeyong kisses it away. "They're gonna tell you all of my embarrassing childhood stories," he mumbles against his lips.  
  
"Something tells me they were going to do that anyway and I honestly _cannot_ wait."  
  
He pouts harder, full-on frowning now and gently smacks Taeyong's arm. "No fair... "  
  
Taeyong only shrugs, kissing him again before moving away to tend to the matcha frosting he's yet to prepare.  
  
"So what cake would you like?"  
  
Ten purses his lips to the side, all thoughts of his embarrassing childhood stories gone at the sound - and the increasingly beautiful aroma dancing in the kitchen - of cake.  
  
" _Definitely_ chocolate... " he emphasizes, then knits his brows in deep thought.  
  
He loves the combination of green tea with chocolate, but Taeyong _always_ makes that for him.  
  
There's a chocolate-vanilla cake Taeyong makes, but he's had that a number of times too... and it's his _birthday_.  
  
His first birthday _with Taeyong_.  
  
"Chocolate, but something different. Something you haven't made before. Something... _memorable_."

 

* * *

 

 

The week before his birthday week is... _hard_.

Ten would even go as far as saying it's _the worst_ week he's endured since he's met Taeyong.

He's already failed an exam and has hardly had any time to focus on his dance and vocal projects. Homework seems to be a thing that's often left unfinished and to top it off, he risks losing his title as the RA due to his unavailability and he _needs_ that extra bit of money for the most basic of expenses - food, for himself and for Hero. 

It's a late Friday night, chilly and cloudy with the bitter aftertaste of polluted rain in the air.

There's just something _ominous_ about tonight. Something that has settled in the pit of his stomach, screaming that he should be careful. That he should have let Taeyong come with him, or called in sick.

But Ten doesn't listen to the sirens going off in his gut.

That is until the atmosphere of the bar abruptly shifts when a group of men walks inside. Older men. Most of them with a strong build and all of them with a peculiar glint in their eyes that suggests they're hiding a lifetime of secrets. 

Ten watches as they exchange a quick handshake with the bar owner before occupying the far end of the space - an area reserved exclusively for... _deals_.  

"You'll be their server tonight," his boss instructs in a hushed tone, a hard look in his eyes that implies this is not a request, but an order, "those are _very_ important clients, so be on your best behavior."

Something rushes up the walls of his throat at that. He flits his eyes back to the men, then to his boss, and nods.

He doesn't have a choice.

He doesn't know what it is, either... about them. What feels so... _off_ , so wrong that there's a cold sweat running down his spine.

He's seen plenty of people with weapons, plenty of people with drugs and the worst of intentions, but there's just something about them that's horrifyingly jarring. Perhaps something about the cloud of cigarette smoke surrounding them, hiding their motives.

It doesn't help that each one of their eyes are trained on him before he even reaches the table, suddenly very silent with their whispers.

Ten tries not to breathe too much. "What can I get you all tonight?"

"Beers," says one of them, perhaps the supposed _leader_ of the group judging by his collected demeanor and high stature. "And another ashtray."

Again, Ten can only nod, his eyes no doubt steely as he tries to hold his breath but he offers a small smile before turning back.

He only releases the held breath when he's behind the counter again, clutching onto the marble as he coughs the smoke out of his lungs.

Fuck, he _hates_ this. He hates _all of it_ so fucking much.

But he has to do this...

With another deep breath, he brings their drinks back to the table, carefully placing the tray onto the surface.

It's odd, the way they quiet down and just _stare_ at him when he approaches.

"If you need anything else, just wave," he quickly pushes out in one breath, hurrying back so he can fill his lungs again with air that isn't quite so dangerous.

 

 

 

An hour passes.

An hour of smoke pluming the entire fucking bar, suffocating everything.

The bar is also noticeably empty compared to its usual crowd, but Ten tries not to think of it too much. He's only left with two hours on the clock anyways, then he'll be safe.

In the corner of his eye, he sees his boss make his way to their table, a bag clasped tightly in his fist. A sleek, black bag. They exchange some kind of greeting, perhaps some small talk.

Ten tries to observe the best he can, as inconspicuously as he can, watching for signs he isn't quite sure of himself.

He jumps in his spot when the bell rings. "Could I have a lite beer please?"

Ten turns to the voice and curses under his breath.

It's the same man from before. The _persistent_ one.

Ten nods, filling it and setting it before him, his eyes flitting to the men again.

"I'm sorry about the other day," he hears and turns his attention back to the persistent one. This time, he doesn't seem drunk. In fact, he appears to be absolutely sober. "I didn't mean to harass you like that."

Ten glances to the table again. His boss is handing them the bag. "It's alright... "

The men slide a bag of their own towards his boss. A large one. Far larger than the one his boss has just given them. Then another bag, a smaller one that is placed on the center of the table, one of the men's large hands secure over its top as they discuss something.

"My name is Kla."

Ten meets _Kla's_ eyes, his voice sharp, annoyed. "And I'm still _genuinely_ not interested."

"Oh, oh _no_ ," he chuckles, waving a dismissive hand in the air. "I'm not trying to flirt. I'm actually straight, I just - my girlfriend left me that day and I was such a wreck I wasn't in my right mind at all. I truly am sorry for that."

"Oh... " he breathes, feeling bad for his tone. "I'm sorry she left you."

Kla shrugs. "It's okay. Happens to everyone, I guess."

A moment, then:

"Are you okay? You seem very fidgety."

The leader of the men waves. His boss is still at the table, waiting. Looking straight at him.

"I'm fine," he quickly says. "I have to go, sorry."

A deep breath, and then he goes.

This time, he sees something. An outline of something shoved into the belt of one of the men. Something that has his steps slowing a little, his guard flaring up and a chill running down his spine. 

 _A gun_.

"Chittaphon, these men would like you to accompany them tonight."

Air... doesn't seem to come. "...What?"

"We run a business," starts one of them, his hair choppy and cut short enough to show a scar over his forehead. "And we would love for you to be a part of it."

Ten hardly gets the words past his lips. "I'm not interested - "

Quickly, his boss steps closer and very harshly mutters, "don't be _rude_ now."

"It's for people such as yourself, Chittaphon _._ People with strong opinions, people who are... _different_. _"_

"I don't know what you're talking about," he takes a single step back but his boss is standing too close to allow escape.

"Let's elaborate," says the leader, narrowing his pointed gaze into Ten's eyeballs, "we run a sanctuary, of sorts, for men like you, pretty men with powerful minds and the talent to entertain, and we think you would be a great... _addition_ , to our attendees."

An _asset_ is what they should have said.

A slave.

Ten isn't stupid. He's heard enough about these _offers_ , read enough about these types of groups, of gangs that traffic people for hideous profits.

Particularly _gay and trans_ men, with the allure of being cured, of being rid of their _defects,_ or simply finding acceptance.

It's a part of Thailand he hates. A part of its history that's so deeply embedded that despite the paraded ' _equality for all'_ , it still happens in the darkest of places.

He's lost _friends_ to this.

Friends who were just trying to _transition_ , friends who didn't have money for their procedure and were promised lies. Friends who were forced by their families.

Friends who didn't even see it coming.

Ten swallows so hard it hurts his throat, the overwhelming gust of smoke stinging his eyes. He looks to his boss but finds no sympathy. Finds nothing but greed.

He shakes his head, rapidly, his lips trembling as panic cuts up his throat. "No, _no_ \- "

But suddenly there's a rough hand on his wrist keeping him in place so harshly that he feels his skin bruise.

"We weren't _asking_ ," says another one, his hand sliding down to where Ten can clearly see a gun.

Fuck...

This is too much. This is _too fucking much_ -

"No - let _go_ of me," he tries to hiss but his voice comes broken and he frantically looks back to his boss, "I'm not doing this, I quit - "

"I already unemployed you the moment they said they wanted you, Chittaphon."

Fuck, _fuck_!

He's fucked up.

 _Really_ fucked up.

He can't breathe, can't think, his mind and body instantly overtaken by such immense panic that somehow, by some _miracle_ , he manages to break out of their hold. Manages to push past his boss, past the hand trying to pull him back by the shirt.

He _runs_.

As fast as his legs take him, as _far_ as his legs take him.

And he doesn't turn back.

He doesn't _dare_ turn back.

The direction, the streets and the lights and the people, everything is just a blur. A giant blur with the flight-response short-circuiting violently in his brain until something familiar has the world slowing down again, normalizing just a little as the chill in the air hits him hard on his face.

"Ten! _Hey_ \- "

It's Johnny.

He's run past Johnny.

He forces his steps to slow, his speed carrying him a little too far.

In a second he glances around him, trying to see if he'd been followed but to his relief, he doesn't see them.

Johnny walks closer.

"Hey, I was just coming to see you because Taeyong seemed really worried so I said I'd bring you back and - " in an instant Ten crosses the space between them and hides his face against Johnny's chest. Right now... he just needs _someone_.

Right now, he needs to be _close_ to someone who he feels safe with.

Johnny pulls him close, rubbing his hands up and down his back. "Hey... are you okay? What's wrong?"

Ten doesn't answer. He _can't_.

He focuses only on catching his breath, on exhaling the putrid smell of cigarettes and filling his lungs with Johnny's citrusy musk mixed with the bitter undertone of rain.

He focuses on convincing his body that he's safe. That he can stop shaking now.

That he's in a safe spot, and that he can calm down now. That he doesn't have to cry, not now.

That he's fine.

"Let's get you to Taeyong," Johnny says after a moment, guiding Ten in some direction.

He hardly notices they're just a block away from the university, his mind so anesthetized and unresponsive to his surroundings that he barely even feels the bite of cold air anymore. 

He doesn't let himself think about what had just happened.

What _could_ have happened. 

No, he forces his mind to stay as silent as it can until he's with Taeyong.

When they reach the stretch of their hallway, Ten doesn't notice until Johnny's voice reels him back, the arm that had stayed secure over his shoulder finally leaving. "I'll spend the night with Lucas and Taeil, okay?"

Ten notices he's stood just a few feet from Johnny's and Taeyong's door. He nods, barely managing a 'thank you' past his lips. Johnny smiles warmly, patting his back before he's heading toward the stairs.

He waits until Johnny is hidden behind the stairwell door, then quietly knocks.

It swings open in a second. "Tennie, you're early - "

He doesn't reply. He quietly walks inside and closes the door behind him, then finally meets Taeyong's worried eyes.

Ten lets himself fall apart.

He lets himself fall against his boyfriend, his body giving out but it's okay.

He knows Taeyong will piece him back together. That he'll hold him close until the world realigns again.

"Hey, baby - " in an instant Taeyong's arms are secure over his body and Ten finally allows himself to cry.

Ugly cry.

He cries so hard his sobs are choked and pitched horrendously but he doesn't care.

"Ten, baby, what happened?"

Taeyong's voice is horribly alarmed and Ten sinks to the floor, his knees giving out, trying to curl into Taeyong's body the best he can.

For a few long moments, he just lets everything flow.

He lets the fear replay in his mind, let's himself be overwhelmed and scared and panicked so it can sink in because he knows he's safe now. That those men and their guns and their intentions can't hurt him now.

A long, _long_ while passes, then Ten finally feels like he can breathe again.

He shifts, noticing they're both on the floor, hardly a few steps away from the door, his body nestled entirely against Taeyong's. He curls into him even more, wanting to make himself as small as possible, trying to breathe as normally as he can but the stench of smoke is so strong on his clothes that he can't even smell _Taeyong_.

"Shower," he murmurs, feeling panic again because he can't smell anything else. " _Shower_... "

"Okay, baby, I'll take you to the shower - "

Ten shakes his head, moving away from Taeyong's gentle hold, trying to stand but Taeyong is helping him in an instant, holding him up.

Ten meets his eyes.

His beautiful, worried, frightened eyes.

"I'm okay, I just... " he tries, his voice heavy from the crying. "I just need a moment. I'll be out in a minute."

He offers the best smile he can and pushes himself out of his shoes, crossing the room to the bathroom.

Taeyong very quickly moves behind him, "I'll get you clothes."

"Not yet. After I shower," he quickly says, catching Taeyong's gaze again before stepping inside the bathroom, then adds, quietly, "you should change your clothes too... "

He doesn't want the stench to even remotely settle anywhere else.

 _Especially_ not on Taeyong.

Once he's in the shower, he finds his thoughts circling almost anxiously as he rubs harshly at his skin, using too much soap. He brings the bar close to his face, inhaling a deep breath, trying to convince himself that he's alright. 

Yet... his mind just won't stop replaying it over and over again.  

The cigarettes, the hand on his wrist, the look in those eyes and intent of their words.

Fuck, he feels _sick_... the sudden rise of panic finding his chest again, his thoughts a constant white noise, an overriding voice that just won't shut up.

They're so severe, so _deafening_ that Ten forgets he's in the shower. He's grown so detached from his surroundings that he doesn't realize the water has turned an icy cold until it cuts through his skin, forcing him to scream without realizing it and rush out of the shower. He stumbles straight to his knees, curling in on himself to stop the cold from stinging his body.

The door flies open.

Taeyong is rushing beside him in a second, repeating his name and he very quickly grabs a towel, wrapping it around Ten's body and pulls him close against his own.

Into his secure warmth. Into that protective bubble. 

"Shit," Taeyong curses under his breath, the warmth of it against his skin warming him up just slightly. "You're shivering, Ten, what happened? Are you hurt? What happened - "

"W - water - " he stammers, his teeth chattering so violently he clenches his jaw to try and stop them. "Too cold - " then, "I'm okay."

He doesn't open his eyes. Doesn't move. Instead, he focuses on the fresh scent of Taeyong's detergent surrounding him, the worried little kisses being placed on his nape, the hands rubbing over his body and the little whispers of concern leaving his lips.

Ten doesn't know how long they stay like this. A minute, maybe. Maybe five. But he finally feels a little warmth find its way back to his bones. He lifts his head from where he'd nestled it in Taeyong's thigh, realizing that he's once again encased by him.

But he's dizzy.

The toll this took on him, the constant panic, it's _draining_.

There's a kiss to the side of his face, a kiss that seems so pained and worried that Ten can't help but apologize.

Over. And over.

"It's okay my love," whispers Taeyong, linking his arms under him and lifting him up, careful that he's cocooned in the towel. Ten curls into him, again. "It's okay."

Even as Taeyong settles them on his bed, Ten doesn't dare let go. 

Taeyong carefully covers Ten with his blankets, pressing the softest of kisses over his cheeks, his temple and his brow, his fingers soothing into his hair, his back.

"It's okay baby, it's okay."

Ten inhales a breath, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment before he shifts, wanting to look at Taeyong.

Wanting so desperately to replace the horrible gazes of those men with the familiarity of Taeyong's beautiful eyes.

A breath, then: "I quit."

Taeyong's breath hitches, a cocktail of relief and concern flooding his features at once. "What happened?"  

"These men came in... a group of six," he starts, trying very hard to focus on Taeyong's eyes should his mind set him back to the moment. "My boss had made a deal with them... probably to get a large sum of money, they - he," he inhales a sharp breath, tears trying to find him again but he blinks them away, speaking softly, slowly, hiding his gaze from Taeyong's because he couldn't bear to see his reaction. "He was trying to sell me to sex trafficking."

He hears the shaken breath Taeyong inhales, his body, the fingers in his hair and on his back suddenly frozen.

"So I quit. But my fucking boss had already unemployed me before I even found out about the deal," he says, his voice surprisingly calm. He maneuvers a hand up from underneath the towel and blankets, twirling a few strands of Taeyong's hair between his fingers, still not meeting his eyes. "And then I ran, found Johnny and he brought me back."

The breath Taeyong exhales is... strained. As if he's holding back a plume that would no doubt burn the whole fucking city to the ground.

"I'm sorry," he breathes, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you, I - "

"No, Yongie," Ten cuts him off, finally meeting his eyes again, his palm firm on his cheek. "If you had been there and if something happened to you, I would never have been able to live with myself."

"I could've stopped them, I could have helped you - "

"They had guns, Taeyong," he says in a firm voice, watching the sudden glint that dances across Taeyong's eyeballs. "Neither of us would have stood a chance."

Taeyong's lips, they're almost trembling. Ten sees the emotion he's holding back. "Fuck... " he presses their foreheads together for a short moment, then pulls him into an embrace so tight that Ten thinks he hears the rapid beating of Taeyong's chest pounding against his own.

Another deep breath, but against his shoulder where Taeyong's face is pressed. "You're okay," Taeyong says, maybe to convince himself. "You're safe. You're not hurt and that's all that matters, and you won't have to go back there. You'll never have to see those faces again..."

Relief.

"I'll never have to see them again."

 

* * *

 

Roses.

Ten smells roses. Beautiful, fragrant roses with a hint of something melodiously fruity.

The scent Taeyong carries with him. His boyfriend. The love of his life.

His wonderful Taeyong.

Ten smiles, humming sleepily, his mind surprisingly... quiet.

He'd let everything flow all at once, all the crying and the fear and the trauma. So when he wakes up god knows how many hours later to the prominent rumbling in his stomach, he finds himself... okay.

He's okay.

Even if he's lost his job, he's okay.

If something happened to him, he knows it would devastate his parents. His sister and Kun and Lisa. And Taeyong.

He wouldn't do that to them - his decision-making abilities aren't _that_ skewed.

Ten shifts a little, noticing as his sleep-hazed mind focuses back to reality that he's still wrapped in nothing but a towel, covered in multiple blankets and held secure against Taeyong.

Then, he notices, that Taeyong is awake, the soft glimmer of his eyes under the moonlight giving it away.

"How long have I been asleep?" God, his voice sounds terrible. He rolls onto his back, stretching his tired body the best he can.

"A few hours," Taeyong leans on an elbow, switching on the dim lamp on his desk. Ten squints. "How're you feeling?"

Taeyong seems tired. Ten can tell he hasn't slept.

"I feel... " he pauses, thinking hard about the answer because he wants to be honest. "I feel fine, really," he shrugs, also leaning on an arm, trying to pull the damp towel out from under his body but struggles. Taeyong pulls the last bit out for him. "I thought I'd still be really affected by what happened, but I honestly just feel relieved that I made it out of there, you know? That I don't have to work at a place like that, that I'm unharmed."

A smile tugs Taeyong's lips. A sweet and comforted smile, but Ten senses the worry under it.

He knows that healing will take some time, for both of them.

Because if this had happened to Taeyong, he would have reacted far less... maturely.

"That's all that matters," Taeyong whispers, leaning down until his lips are pressing a kiss to the corner of his eye. "You're safe, and that's all that matters."

They shift back until they're laying down again and Ten pushes away all the blankets save for one that he loosely throws over them.

"You're safe," Taeyong repeats, kissing over his face every now and then, his fingers rubbing little circles over his bare skin. And Ten, he just breathes him in.

There is no smoke.

No alcohol.

No people.

No one but him and Taeyong and it's safe.

He nudges closer, tucking himself right against Taeyong's body, tangling their legs. The feel of Taeyong's fully clothed body against his own naked one, it's a feeling he could get used to. There's just something so vulnerable yet safe and warm about it that he doesn't mind it at all.

Especially with Taeyong's protective touch surrounding him.

He thinks he could stay like this for the rest of the night, his eyelids closing again when his stomach rumbles, _loud_.

For the first time all night, Taeyong actually chuckles, caressing his hand down Ten's bare side. "Should I get you some food, baby?"

The sudden thought of being left alone has an urgency rushing up his chest. "I don't want to be alone," he quietly admits, trying to bury as much of his face in Taeyong's chest as he can.

Taeyong's arms tighten around him at the reply. "I know baby... " he sighs, kissing his forehead, then cards his fingers through his hair. "I won't leave you alone at all, I promise. I won't leave your side."

An impossible promise, but heartwarming and reassuring nonetheless.

"I'll... come downstairs with you, so we can eat."

Another kiss, but to his temple. "Of course sweetheart."

Ten smiles at the endearment.

Slowly, he forces himself to unravel his body from Taeyong's arms and legs, moving to sit up because he really is quite hungry.

Taeyong sits up too, hugging him sweetly from behind, kissing gently at the side of his neck.

Again, Ten smiles. Wider, this time, feeling his shattered pieces falling back in place.

"I'll get you some clothes," Taeyong says after another moment, squeezing him one last time before getting off the bed.

Ten follows him with his gaze, too tired to move off the bed but Taeyong is back in less than a minute with a pair of neatly folded clothes. Taking them from him, he finally gets up, slowly because he's dizzy.

He'd been starving too fucking long already and the emotional and physical toll from earlier only made it worse.

But still, he takes a moment. Gently tossing the clothes back on the bed because he doesn't care about his body right now. He couldn't give a fuck that he's naked. He takes one large step forward, stretching his arms towards Taeyong and presses himself flush against his body, trying to erase all the space between them because he feels it again, just slightly, in his chest.

The fear.

So he needs this, right now.

"Just a second," Ten murmurs, pressing his face into the crook of Taeyong's neck. "I just need a second."

Taeyong holds him close, clasping his arms over his back. "Of course, baby."

A second, then two. Maybe five, until he's engulfed entirely in Taeyong's rosy, fruity scent.

A second, then:

"I love you, Yongie."

"I love you too, Tennie. I'll never let anything happen to you, I _promise_ , baby."

Safe.


End file.
